Do you fear being ridiculed ?

[Aryan]

Sometimes it happens when talking in a group that i would like to say something but wouldn't say that becoz i feel that if i say that i might be ridiculed somehow

Do you have similar experiences ?

[int]

Yip.

But I a recent visit by a cousin reminded me I made a New Years resolution to say whatever it is I want to say, and to deal with the ramifications. Most of the time it's for selfish entertainment, if nothing else.

It's usually nothing else but my own humour.

[INTrPosr]

Sometimes it happens when talking in a group that i would like to say something but wouldn't say that becoz i feel that if i say that i might be ridiculed somehow Do you have similar experiences ?

ABSOLUTELY, UNEQUIVOCALLY...... HELL YES :rant: And I hate it more because I think that I was set up and everyone was just waiting for me to say something in order to jump all over my comments. What is worse, is when you don't have to say anything and you become the topic of discussion no matter what.

[Arioch]

If people are not wise or polite enough to hear what I have to say then I shall not say anything to them

[At least this is a general rule I try to adhere to]

I don't care about being ridiculed or not. It's because I don't care about what they think of me, there for it has little effect. I'd probably get even with them though.. if only to deter future attempts at wasting my time.. or for the sake of amusement.

[EternalCynic]

Man, all the time. I have to practically punch myself in the gut to get myself to raise a hand in class discussions in psychology or English. Most times my point will either a) Be mentioned later by the teacher (Causing me to think, "Guh, I was going to say that!") or b) people bring up the most ridiculous points with no backups that are generally the antithesis to what I wanted to say.

It's so frustrating! :rant:

[Nindy]

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean, it's so frustrating... Wanting to say something and then constantly formulating the words in my mind but finding that it sounds too stupid or ridiculous everytime and then ending up not having spoken at all.

[jimkopelli]

What I hate is putting my hand up to ask a question, and, just as the teacher calls on me, figuring out the answer. Do I ask the question and look like a dumbass, or do I just say nevermind and look like a dumbass? It's so hard to choose.

[Ckyzxr]

I couldn't give a shit about what someone else thinks of me. No one can ridicule you without your consent. Stop them as soon as they attempt with many of the tools INTPs possess.

I think the fear of being ridiculed has some basis in self esteem, self worth, and self image. Foster good "self" and you will lose the burden of considering other people's opinions of you. Listen to good criticism, but always remember, EVERYONE has an agenda.

[Dr. Caligari]

I wouldn't say I'm immune to ridicule, but I wouldn't say I fear it either. For one thing, I'm always ridiculing people myself, so who am I to tell someone that they have no right to ridicule me? When I do find myself being ridiculed, I either take it or retaliate by "fighting fire with fire".

[Seraph]

As INTP's our nature is to constantly second-guess ourselves, especially in social situations. It sucks, but it comes with the package.

[HeyBooU]

I do not have much of a problem with a fear of being ridiculed, but a fear of being wrong.

[shaytana]

I fear appearing stupid but not being ridiculed. I dont give other people that right, and if I truely did say something stupid then I will ridicule myself enough for the both of us.

[Boozer]

I think I fear being ridiculed for being wrong when at work. My bigger fear is being ridiculed for being socially inept.

[t]

i think it stems from a fear of failure. if i'm ridiculed, then i'm wrong in some way. if i'm wrong in some way, i've failed in some way.

[int]

RE: my post above.

I should elaborate some recent hindsight (not about my list of shtuff I need to work on):

Sometimes I get so paranoid about what people think, especially if it's something where I have to participate in an important conversation. It's one of ther reasons I recently quit the partnership I was in at work. My ideas were often shot down, so I started to become fearful of bringing them up - to the point where I cut off communication entirely and moved onto something else. Job abandonment, pretty much. I avoided the "I quit" conversation out of fear of simply having to explain myself and them not think it's a good enough explanation.

Of course, it wasn't as bad as it seemed when I we finally talked, mostly because I remained in control - but it took alot of energy and convincing myself it wasn't gonna be as bad as I made it out to be. Although it wasn't good, it wasn't like I had expected and fretted over.

I've been flipping through the Avoidant Personality link that was posted and think that fear of ridicule has something to do with it, for me at least. BUT, if I can remain in control then these types of situations have a smaller chance of coming to play and I have less of a chance of freaking out and disassociating entirely with the real world.

It's all about maintaining independence.

[SheepDog]

Most of what I feel is worth saying is usually complex or abstract enough that it's hard to put into simple sentences that will be understood in a group setting. I don't fear being ridiculed, but I don't want to bother if I don't think the point will get across.

Being an INTP means being misunderstood a lot of the time. For starters, it's a rare type, so our p.o.v will be alien to many. As iNtuitives, our ideas tend to draw on much more than the obvious 'facts' in front of us. Non-intuitives (about 75% IIRC) often don't get it. It's them, not us. I used to let people tell me that I "read too much into things". Well now I know they're just oblivious.

I don't get into arguments very often, either. As a strong N and a strong P, I tend to pick up on themes instead of having an arsenal of facts to toss around. People who pay more attention to facts will do a much better job of regurgitating their data. But that doesn't seem like a discussion to me, that's statistics. Truth lies beyond the data, in my mind anyway.

[candela]

Most of what I feel is worth saying is usually complex or abstract enough that it's hard to put into simple sentences that will be understood in a group setting. I don't fear being ridiculed, but I don't want to bother if I don't think the point will get across.
I think a lot of INTPs are like that not because what they think is really too hard to explain, but because they never get any practice explaining what they're thinking. The first fumbles they have with it just confuse people and they tend to not try so much after that.

I'm also generally the same way. I don't fear being ridiculed, but speaking a language only understood by you is pointless. Though I've read stuff I've written in the past, and even I don't get it. So I guess it could be a language not undertood by anyone.

[Seraph]

Most of what I feel is worth saying is usually complex or abstract enough that it's hard to put into simple sentences that will be understood in a group setting. I don't fear being ridiculed, but I don't want to bother if I don't think the point will get across.

I completely agree. I'm sick of dumbing down my thoughts so other types can understand them. Sometimes I think I automatically do that because I'm so used to it.

[SheepDog]

Most of what I feel is worth saying is usually complex or abstract enough that it's hard to put into simple sentences that will be understood in a group setting. I don't fear being ridiculed, but I don't want to bother if I don't think the point will get across.
I think a lot of INTPs are like that not because what they think is really too hard to explain, but because they never get any practice explaining what they're thinking. The first fumbles they have with it just confuse people and they tend to not try so much after that.

I've been thinking about this point. I suspect that it is true to some degree, and I considered whether that was true for for what I was saying. I think what I should have written is that in most group settings (of the general population), people aren't generally interested in focusing very long on one idea, so they don't really listen. It's a cliche, but it reminds me of the phrase, "people don't listen, they just wait for their turn to speak." When I am with people who actually LISTEN when others speak, I don't find it so hard to explain things. But this is very rare to find such a group.

[Nighthawk]

I don't fear ridicule so much as I fear losing my temper when people don't get what I am talking about. At meetings, I usually keep my mouth shut because it would be like talking with a bunch of sheep ... management sheep. I'd rather sit and listen ... then do what I want later.

The only time I vocalize is if something has a direct negative impact on me. I became tired of dumbing things down many years ago. Most people think you are being too technical just for asking them what their screen resolution is. It is pointless to discuss things with them. I know it all sounds arrogant, but that is how I feel.

[Vagabond]

I can't feel ridiculed. I have a strong detaching mechanism that takes over instantly at that moment.

[Tranzors]

<INTJ side> Fear being ridiculed by douche bags? Bah. They should fear being ridiculed by me! </INTJ side>

[coffeezombie]

I don't mind ridicule, but I don't like it when people criticize something that I put a lot of effort into.

[file cabinet]

I don't like appearing stupid in certain settings.... I also fear chatting with some people because I feel like they look down on me .. or something I say will come off as stupid..

[Clara]

It's not fear of ridicule that ties my tongue... and, no, I don't find the process smoother with those who prefer Thinking and Intuition ( often the opposite : when talking with people where it's very plain that we all put things together in different ways, there's more acceptance of inevitable -- as in we really are all different, even among our type-peers -- misunderstandings ).

Ridicule can be a kind of playfulness... there are worse things. Having one's words being taken seriously, and literally, when they were meant to express, e.g. ... ( as one, small, example ) the inherent ... humour in our demanding of life that it be straightforward. ( I'm stuck, trying to word a different post, right now. )

["InsertNameHere"]

I've tried to overcome that. I make it a point to say what I want when I want (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone feelings).

[problem_child]

It's not fear of ridicule that ties my tongue... and, no, I don't find the process smoother with those who prefer Thinking and Intuition ( often the opposite : when talking with people where it's very plain that we all put things together in different ways, there's more acceptance of inevitable -- as in we really are all different, even among our type-peers -- misunderstandings ).

Ridicule can be a kind of playfulness... there are worse things. Having one's words being taken seriously, and literally, when they were meant to express, e.g. ... ( as one, small, example ) the inherent ... humour in our demanding of life that it be straightforward. ( I'm stuck, trying to word a different post, right now. )

Yeah, my best friend is always teasing me and I find it hilarious. But it's the little problems that can arise in communication (or the worrying that they didn't get your full meaning/are turned off by your tone of voice--I often come off angry when I'm just joking--etc). that I find very stressful when I'm not talking to people I know closely.

I don't know if there's such a thing as Social Anxiety Disorder. I don't like putting these disease labels on myself in general, but the symptoms fit me. It's gotten worse this year, as all of the people in my section of the student residence are for some reason heavily into small talk, or they're so fake it makes me want to hurl. I go to a technical college and for some reason I got in the hall with all the police foundations and firefighting students (I'm an animation student). It makes me not want to have to leave the hall without my room mate with me so I can act busy talking to her and won't have to go through the stressful small talk.

[misutii]

in group situations i don't fear ridicule so much as having my thoughts misunderstood, so i'd say rather that i fear being misunderstood (and sometimes ridicule can come of this but it's not on my mind in the first place)

i even have this problem with people one-to-one until i get comfortable with them

[minger223]

I don't really have that fear because 95% of what I say is out of my ass anyways, and I generally expect to be wrong; I mostly say things just to spark other people to react, and then I learn something in the process.

But subconsciously I may fear it, because I also employ humor in like 80% of what I say, which I think offsets the potential ridicule, or it helps to show that I am not 100% committed to my position. I raise my hand in class a lot and I usually make the class laugh with whatever I say, which protects me I think. So I don't know if I subconsciously fear it or not..

But I am also surrounded by a ton of J's with sticks up their butts, so in that sense, I kind of play off of them and present this flighty image so as to lower others' expectations of me, it's part of my schtick.

I've noticed that people who pounce all over what you have to say are usually J's, and I find J's to be almost always wrong anyways, b/c usually they are so emotionally invested in their opinion they'd pounce on you anyways. I usually just ignore them. :)

Sean

[April]

I definitely fear people thinking I'm stupid, even though I'm anything but. In all of my freakin' classes, the teacher will ask a question and there will just be a dead silence. I know the answer and I always wonder if the other students are just like me and too afraid to speak. If I do raise my hand, my heart starts beating fast and I get dizzy. Even if I know I'm right.

[Serotonin]

I definitely fear people thinking I'm stupid, even though I'm anything but. In all of my freakin' classes, the teacher will ask a question and there will just be a dead silence. I know the answer and I always wonder if the other students are just like me and too afraid to speak. If I do raise my hand, my heart starts beating fast and I get dizzy. Even if I know I'm right.

Yeah, but the splinter in your mind asks: "But what if you're WRONG?"

I have to be abso-total-fucking-lutely sure that I'm right. And I have to be in an aggressive frame of mind. Only then do I put up my hand.