Paste the joke/comment most liked by you

[Aryan]

:mellow: :huh: :o :ph34r: :blink: ;) :hello: :D B) :) :wub: :angry: :( :rant: :zzz: :rofl: :cheers: :nerd: :devil: ;P

[booyalab]

:mellow: :huh: :o :ph34r: :blink: ;) :hello: :D B) :) :wub: :angry: :( :rant: :zzz: :rofl: :cheers: :nerd: :devil: ;P

let me guess.....a progression of the stages of falling in and out of love?

I'm not sure what the title is referring to. Joke or comment from this forum or anywhere?

[cloakable]

There were three people on an airplane. One was Thomas Jefferson. One was George Bush. And the last was Bill Clinton. They opened up the airplane door and Thomas Jefferson threw out a 100 dollar bill and said "I just saved a family!" George Bush looked at Jefferson and then threw out 2 100 dollar bills. He then said, "I just saved TWO families!" Bill Clinton looked at Thomas Jefferson then at George. He sighed and pushed George Bush off the plane and said "I just saved the world!"

[Aryan]

I'm not sure what the title is referring to. Joke or comment from this forum or anywhere?

Anything humorous without any reference to any particular topic.
Something that would be a good time pass. :cheers:
Gear up your joke generating Ne INTPs !! :D

INTP.org -- Humour is another aspect which marks out the INTP. He can readily dream up jokes about almost any situation. Taking things out of context is the chief source of humour and many an INTP is a Monty Pythonite. The Ne is the engine and source of this joke-generator. Needless to say, the humour of an INTP can be pretty zany and warped and may not be understood easily by others. The problem is that the Ne concepts for jokes are put into a structure only by the Ti. Hence, the humour can become black and tactless, having felt little Feeling input. Funnily enough, INTPs are dreadful tellers of jokes (which seems to be more the domain of those with Se), perhaps because they pay too little attention to detail when speaking spontaneously. If you see someone smirking and laughing at some private thought, without any obvious reason, he's probably an INTP.

Well let's see then what that INTP was laughing about :D



let me guess.....a progression of the stages of falling in and out of love?
Nope... those are all INTPs sitting at the forum round table ;P

[PsiKik]

Three Texan surgeons were arguing as to which had the greatest skill.

The first began: "Three years ago, I reattached seven fingers on a pianist. He went on to give a recital for the Queen of England."

The second replied: "That's nothing. I attended to a man in a car accident. All his arms and legs were severed from his body. Two years after I reattached them, he went on to won three gold medals for field events in the Olympics."

The third said: "A few years back, I attended to a cowboy. He was high on cocaine and alcohol when he rode his horse head-on into a Santa Fe freight train, traveling at 100 miles per hour. All I had to work with was the horse's ass and a ten-gallon hat. Last year he became President of the United States."

[Sackanaka]

One day, a man exploring the jungle finds an elephant with a large thorn lodged in his foot. Feeling sorry for the elephant, the man carefully removes the thorn. The elephant gazes gratefully at him, then limps off. A year later, the same man visits a circus and sits in the front row. The elephant act comes on, and one of the elephants keeps looking at the man. Eventually, the elephant walks over to him, gently picks him up with his trunk, then tosses him to the ground, trampling him to the death.
Turns out it was a different elephant.

*got this from a magazine clipping my friend gave me.

[synchronous]

INTP.org -- Humour is another aspect which marks out the INTP. He can readily dream up jokes about almost any situation. Taking things out of context is the chief source of humour and many an INTP is a Monty Pythonite. The Ne is the engine and source of this joke-generator. Needless to say, the humour of an INTP can be pretty zany and warped and may not be understood easily by others. The problem is that the Ne concepts for jokes are put into a structure only by the Ti. Hence, the humour can become black and tactless, having felt little Feeling input. Funnily enough, INTPs are dreadful tellers of jokes (which seems to be more the domain of those with Se), perhaps because they pay too little attention to detail when speaking spontaneously. If you see someone smirking and laughing at some private thought, without any obvious reason, he's probably an INTP.

Whoa! that hits the nail on the head. I've been holding back on a warped response to a comment made in the Philosophy section of this forum. It's been two days I've been giggling to myself, amused by the zany scenario I've cooked up in response, so out of context to the serious discussion. I thought it would a bit tactless and not appreciated if I posted it. It's been hard to refrain from commenting. LOL.

[snarled]

A Buddhist Zen Master goes up to a hot-dog stand and says:
"Make me one with everthing."

[Sackanaka]

A Buddhist Zen Master goes up to a hot-dog stand and says:
"Make me one with everthing."
:thumbup: :rofl:

[cloakable]

A Buddhist Zen Master goes up to a hot-dog stand and says:
"Make me one with everthing."
:thumbup: :rofl:
:rofl: :rofl:

[jimkopelli]

A penguin, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender takes one look at the bunch and says "Get out. We don't allow jokes in my bar."

[jonah78]

A Buddhist Zen Master goes up to a hot-dog stand and says:
"Make me one with everthing."

What's even better, the joke actually continues like this:

...The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.

The vendor puts the bill in the cashbox and closes it. "Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Zen master.

The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

It IS a great joke!! :D

[jimkopelli]

From within the cash drawer...

[Sackanaka]

Hmm, so it is true. You do need money to make a difference.

[CamINTPeron]

** BEAR ALERT **

Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of Bears while in the field.

We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them.

An encounter with a Black Bear is scary, but an encounter with a Grizzly definitely is a life threatening situation.

We also advise outdoors men to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to Watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.

Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and

Contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

[inignot]

http://www.comics.com/comics/pearls/archive/images/pearls2004101220316.gif

http://www.comics.com/comics/pearls/archive/images/pearls2036611041019.gif[/img]

[indie]

Two delivery trucks filled with thesauruses (thesauri?) were backing out of the publishing company when they crashed into each other and spilled thesauruses all over the pavement. Observers were shocked, stunned, aghast, amazed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted. . .

:lol:

[xNTP]

What's the smallest muscle in a sheep's ass?

Your dick.

[Spring]

"I have a genetic abnormality generally considered to be associated with high rates of certain socially abhorrent behaviors: I am male."

[booyalab]

I like anti-jokes.......



Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.


Q: What is purple and, when thrown against the wall, causes the neighbor's phone to ring?
A: Coincidence.


What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Being raped.


Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

[xNTP]

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "oh hey man! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks surprised and says "really? You have a drink named Murray?"

[booyalab]

A man is driving down a country road at night when his car gets a flat tire.
He stops by a local farmhouse and asks the owner if he can stay there for the night.
"Sure," says the farmer. "As long as you don't touch my three beautiful daughters."
The man did as he was told, because frankly, he didn't find the girls nearly so attractive as their father seemed to.

[Shimpei]

A priest is complaining with God about an ordinary bus driver who got into Heaven unlike him. "Why, oh God, why is this wretched sinner with you and I am not? Did I not serve you all my life?" God says to him: "My son, it's because when you were preaching in the church, everyone was sleeping, but when this bus driver was driving his bus, everyone was praying!"

[ajblaise]

I like anti-jokes.......



Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.


Q: What is purple and, when thrown against the wall, causes the neighbor's phone to ring?
A: Coincidence.


What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Being raped.


Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

i was seriously going to post a long drawn out anti-humor joke before i read this post, i kept thinking about it while browsing the first page, and then you ruined it...and i was happy.


but i'm still going to post (paraphrase) some anti-humor jokes that i remember telling to people in junior-high (or maybe early high school)l (i had no i idea there was something called anti-humor at the time):

Your mom is so fat, she weights 300 pounts.

Your mom is so fat, that when she went to by buy a picture frame, she had to buy a larger one than she expected.

You're soo dumb, you took the SATs and got a 934.

You're mom is suck a bitch, one time she told you you were playing music too loud.

that's all i can remember.


an anti-humor joke from one of my favorite TV shows: Knock knock?.. Whose there?! Fuuck offf.

[cjs55]

A man is driving down a country road at night when his car gets a flat tire.
He stops by a local farmhouse and asks the owner if he can stay there for the night.
"Sure," says the farmer. "As long as you don't touch my three beautiful daughters."
The man did as he was told, because frankly, he didn't find the girls nearly so attractive as their father seemed to.

That's awesome in a Jack Handy sort of way.

[trapstar]

Two mooses were out flying. The first one says to the other one
- You have cinnamon bun in your eye.
- What?
- I said, you have a cinnamon bun in your eye!
- I can't hear you, I have a cinnamon bun in my eye!

I laughed at that for a week when I heard it

[demagogic_schizoid]

A priest is complaining with God about an ordinary bus driver who got into Heaven unlike him. "Why, oh God, why is this wretched sinner with you and I am not? Did I not serve you all my life?" God says to him: "My son, it's because when you were preaching in the church, everyone was sleeping, but when this bus driver was driving his bus, everyone was praying!"

:grin:

[Nighthawk]

http://img81.imageshack.us/img81/2466/inspcaptkirkpreviewsl0.jpg

[bonsai]

That's awesome in a Jack Handy sort of way.

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.

[umin]

Q: What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile?

A: "Robin, get in the Batmobile."

[caybo]

Jokes!
#1) pi r round
#2) Politics
#3) Orange you glad I didn't say banana

[ben from below]

Tonight check politics on your fuckin' porch while your wife whittles a fuckin' dong and fucks her own pussy with it, you fuckin' redneck hillbilly piece of shit you. Fuck America, and if that's America then fuck you too.

-Bill Hicks

[Stoned_Rider]

an anti-humor joke from one of my favorite TV shows: Knock knock?.. Whose there?! Fuuck offf.
This reminded me of one of the coolest Tom Hanks moments I've seen on film (from Catch me if you can, when they kept bugging him to crack a joke for once in his life): knock knock.. who's there?.. go fuck yourself. It's the way he executed it that makes it so brilliant :lol:

[Kahlua]

a policeman asks a drunk man searching under a street lamp what he has lost.

"my key's" he replies.

"where did you lose them?" asks the policeman.

"in the alley, but the light is better over here."

[demagogic_schizoid]

fianlly a real joke. :banana: I hate anti-jokes.

[Ferrus]

Whoa! that hits the nail on the head.
Have to agree.

[demagogic_schizoid]

http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/6314/thewillsmithsey5.jpg

[booyalab]

fianlly a real joke. :banana: I hate anti-jokes.
they hate you too.


What's green and pear-shaped?

a pear

[Ferrus]

they hate you too.
That seems in contrast with their post-modern, affected insouciance.

[demagogic_schizoid]

That seems in contrast with their post-modern, affected insouciance.

a good description of what it is about them which offends me. 8/10.

[Kodama]

What's pink and hard?
A pig with a knife.

[xNTP]

There're two guys, one with a German Shepherd and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the German Shepherd suggested they go over to a nearby bar to grab a drink. The guy with the Chihuahua objected, "We can't go in there, we've got dogs with us." "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the German Shepherd put on a pair of dark glasses, and walked in. The bouncer at the door stopped him and said "sorry, man, no pets allowed." "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." Understandingly, the bouncer let him in. The guy with the Chihuahua figured "what the heck," and put on a pair of dark glasses and started walking in. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bouncer started laughing and said, "your seeing-eye dog is a Chihuahua?" "What?!" cried the man, "they gave me a Chihuahua?"

[booyalab]

that's good, Edahn

[Kathara]

One guy was climbing up the ladder of success. At some point, he meets a hot young woman. "Do you want to do me, or do you want to succeed?". The man thinks long and hard, then decides he wants to succeed. The story repeats itself a couple o times, but he resists temptation.

Finally, he reaches the top of the ladder. There is a door there with a sign letting him know he has reached the end of his road. He happily knocks on the door, and a big, black fellow opens it and says:

"Hi, I'm Sid".

(i am not good at telling jokes, did you get it? succeed - suck Sid?)

[joft]

Two mooses were out flying. The first one says to the other one
- You have cinnamon bun in your eye.
- What?
- I said, you have a cinnamon bun in your eye!
- I can't hear you, I have a cinnamon bun in my eye!

I laughed at that for a week when I heard it

this cracked me up. I also love anti-humor, but this one made me laugh loudly for a min.

edit: still laughing

[joft]

Two weasels were in a bar, one of them clearly drunk off his rocker. The inebriated one turns to the other, blinks, and says,

"I did your ma."

The second weasel has no reaction. His facial expression is unchanged, he takes another sip of his rum. The first weasel appears upset by his indifference, so he says again, louder,

"I did your ma!"

This time the second weasel turns to look at the first, but only shakes his head and goes back to his drink. Outraged, the drunken weasel knocks his drink away and yells,

"I DID YOUR MA!!"

The second weasel grabs his arm and starts pulling him away from the bar, "Ok dad, I think you've had enough to drink tonight!"

[pan_sonic_000]

This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend. "I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, I'm sending him over." The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. "A female horth," the midget replies. So the owner shows him one. "Nith looking horth, can I see thea her mouth?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth. "Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes. "Ok, what about the earsth?" Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears. "OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat," said the midget. With that, the owner picked up the midget and shoved his head up the horse's twat, then pulled him out. Shaking his head, the midget says, "perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like to see her run!"

[LowEnd]

- How do you get a nun pregnant?

fuck her

- Whats pink and fluffy?

pink fluff

Who were the first people to visit the sun?

the Irish, they went at night

[Zilal]

Several of these jokes have really made me laugh out loud.


http://img81.imageshack.us/img81/2466/inspcaptkirkpreviewsl0.jpg

Only vaguely on-topic, but did you know that William Shatner actually has horrible, incurable ringing in his ears (I think from standing too close to an FX explosion on set once).

Okay, living in Rhode Island at the moment I think I can make these jokes:

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes in Rhode Island?
A: No-eyed deer. (No idear.)

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs in Rhode Island?
A: Still no-eyed deer.

Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs and no testicles in Rhode Island?
A: Still no fucking eyed deer.

[Noses]

I still like old election jokes about my state from the 2000 election.

FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount!

My father told me this one:

A man and his wife were driving their RV across Florida and were nearing a town called Kissimmee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it -- KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME?

They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a restaurant to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress; "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand?"

The woman looked at him and said;
"Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."

[LongSilence]

Personally I think it's more funny how the deer got to Rhode Island and what that has to do with anything.

[Limey]

http://writtenpolicy.com/idk.jpg
http://writtenpolicy.com/girlscouts1.jpg
http://writtenpolicy.com/guno%20convention.jpg
http://writtenpolicy.com/hitler2.jpg
http://writtenpolicy.com/pilsbury1kl.jpg
http://writtenpolicy.com/tattoo17.jpg
http://writtenpolicy.com/vc6q.gif
http://writtenpolicy.com/attention%20whore.jpg
http://writtenpolicy.com/leghumpers.jpg
http://writtenpolicy.com/motivational.jpg
http://writtenpolicy.com/story1wo.jpg
http://writtenpolicy.com/flowers.jpg

[rhinosaur]

Why did the mystic refuse the laughing gas at the dentist's office??


He wanted to transcend dental medication.

[Latte]

Some of the anti-jokes makes me strangle my entrails x)

Seeing as I'm not good at coming up with something from thin air, I'll post a picture.

http://img244.imageshack.us/img244/4568/diamondscd9.jpg

[xNTP]

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my
husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a
few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car
shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of
the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my
lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him
about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my
clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling
increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since
I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I
can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Lusk

****************************************************************


Dear Sheila:

A car's stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a
variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding
the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches
solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing
low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.

Walter

[Seanan]

Very egotistically... one I made up myself:

A racist gal I worked with was obsessed with talking about what she perceived as negative re blacks.

One day a nearby bank was robbed by two black guys wearing cut off panty hose over their heads.

She was going on describing the event.

I asked her why they wore panty hose on their heads.

She said to disguise their faces.

I said "That's odd... why did they do that when they all look alike?"

[Rozza]

Very egotistically... one I made up myself:

A racist gal I worked with was obsessed with talking about what she perceived as negative re blacks.

One day a nearby bank was robbed by two black guys wearing cut off panty hose over their heads.

She was going on describing the event.

I asked her why they wore panty hose on their heads.

She said to disguise their faces.

I said "That's odd... why did they do that when they all look alike?"

The joke's an interesting observation about how different human groups percieve (and deal with difference). The acceptance of difference is what (I think) makes INTPs unique.

The humour relies on the assumption that different human groups see themselves as the norm and others as laughably different (aka weird/slightly less than human).

Perhaps Chinese folk see all caucasian folk as all looking the same, Japanese folk see all Korean folk as greedy, English folk view the Irish as genetically simple-minded, the Welsh as sexually more interested in their sheep than their wives and the Scottish as nasty parsimonious people, etc etc, etc. :banghead: :happpy:

All of this (potentially) produces the raw ingredients for discrimination and victimisation/bullying = not good. :mellow:

I def don't wish to cause an argument here folks, but thought I'd share my take on it :happpy:

[Rozza]

Why did the mystic refuse the laughing gas at the dentist's office??


He wanted to transcend dental medication.

This play on words is seriously amusing to me. I'll share this with the guys at work tomorrow & hope they enjoy it :)

[Seanan]

The joke's an interesting observation about how different human groups percieve (and deal with difference). The acceptance of difference is what (I think) makes INTPs unique.

The humour relies on the assumption that different human groups see themselves as the norm and others as laughably different (aka weird/slightly less than human).

Perhaps Chinese folk see all caucasian folk as all looking the same, Japanese folk see all Korean folk as greedy, English folk view the Irish as genetically simple-minded, the Welsh as sexually more interested in their sheep than their wives and the Scottish as nasty parsimonious people, etc etc, etc. :banghead: :happpy:

All of this (potentially) produces the raw ingredients for discrimination and victimisation/bullying = not good. :mellow:

I def don't wish to cause an argument here folks, but thought I'd share my take on it :happpy:

The year was 1965 when alot of whites saw themselves as superior to "minorities." The joke was about pointing out her irrationality. Her face turned red and those with coffee in their mouths spit it all over their desks.

[Hexapodia]

http://img81.imageshack.us/img81/2466/inspcaptkirkpreviewsl0.jpg

Well, not exactly a joke, but supposedly a true story:

Years ago, at a Sci-fi con, a couple of female fans walked into the bathroom to find Shatner banging another female in there.

They had t-shirts made up - and wore them proudly - that said "I've seen the Captain's Log."

[xNTP]

^ What is this, a fucking zoo? Where Oso when you need him?

[rhinosaur]

How do you get 1000 dead babies into a Volkswagen?
Wood Chipper.
How do you get them out?
Tostitos!

[Park]

MIL don't stand out there in the rain, go home.