Best Mate For Introverts/Extraverts

[INTrPosr]

Just curious as to whether INTPs have a choice in the type of personality that they would choose to become involved with.

[Jezebel]

I prefer someone who is more extroverted than me, but that alone wouldn't even be a factor in choosing who I'm in a relationship with.

[jimkopelli]

It really all depends.

[INTrPosr]

It seems that E/I itself is relative. Whether someone is more, or less, extraverted than yourself could be based on many factors. I personally, find myself more extraverted than many people, yet have a disdain for people with loose lips, especially those that I am dating.

If I believed that my personal affairs would be shared with other people, I would guard against divulging too much information to an intimate.

[ohnoaninfp]

I just go who I fall for, unfortunately though I fall for the wrong people.

[Boneca]

Eh...don't know really know how to vote in this. I prefer someone who is slightly more extraverted than me, but not extremely so. That is neither opposite or the same. :huh:

[Vagabond]

I have never been attracted to extroverts, however introversion on its own is not enough to make me decide if I am attracted to that person or not.

[SensEye]

I tend toward extraverts (but not extreme ones). They get me out and doing things that I often enjoy, but would never motivate to do on my own. But it's not a show stopper.

[SheepDog]

My wife is an E, which gets me out of the house on occasion. I think we do balance each other on this one. It's a bit of an issue when I need alone time, and she is bored (which means I'm supposed to entertain her, I guess...) but we're better about understanding the differences.

[synchronous]

Ditto. My husband is an E as well. He gets me out of the house, and without that incentive, I'd probably remain in a dark corner down in my basement with the computer monitor flickering in front of me. He has I tendencies though which is nice, and understands the importance of independence. I don't feel like I have to entertain him. But, his SJ side kicks me in the butt sometimes when he spurts out the "shoulds and musts" go here or there for company politics or whatever reason. That's when it can get very irritating and a little ugly.

I'll add that Es are partners are good for initiating and maintaining conversation during social engagements. Hubby is a great host, and I typically work behind the scenes while he socializes. I'll jump in occasionally and participate more if there is stimulating conversation; otherwise, I sit back and observe or think of other things.

[Anacaona]

Eh...don't know really know how to vote in this. I prefer someone who is slightly more extraverted than me, but not extremely so. That is neither opposite or the same. :huh:

Same for me. Extroverts may be too draining in the long run...

[synchronous]

Yes, I'd say it's a delicate balance. I've had the experience of being with an extreme extrovert in a long term relationship and it definitely drained me. I needed out so bad. I find as well, if your extroverted partner doesn't understand the dynamics of an introvert and your need for space, you'll be looked upon as having a problem.

[mgb]

Both I and E are going to have their problems. E needing too much attention and I not wanting any. I find E to be much healthier for me in a relationship because it keeps me from being too I.

[Birdsnest]

I am a pessimist when it comes to relationships working.
It would grate on me to lose the freedom I have as a single person. Who really wants to let go of their own ideals to comply with a partners? For what? For convenience and money? For the convenience of two incomes? Is it worth it?

How well could an extrovert really appreciate an introvert? They always do think less of introverts for not being social creatures in the end. I would say its always better for a long term relationship to be with someone with similar interests and outlook, than to try to get along with an opposite type. It doesn't matter that one might bring something to the other, those things will later become sore points, points you hate about each other. Its much better to let share similar thoughts, by mutual understanding of other.

ON the other hand, I just don't have much faith that any two people are similar enough to really have genuine compatibility. We are SO different, every one of us. One person might say their ideal in a relationship is true love, but exactly what that means to one person is entirely different to another. Inner ideals--what you are after, ie, one persons ideal is a mate that is a perfect host is a Martha Stewart and ultra "helpful" and supports the husbands business dinners. Another persons ideal might be a mate that is thier best "friend", another wants a mate that is a "support" mechanism, or even some thrive on high drama, games with each other that create bondage and emotional rollercoasters, and they NEED that to feel alive. Someone else needs someone to be constantly competing with them to do better, to improve this or that, like opponents or athletes on some quest to win something. Some want a mate that just gives half and takes half, works well on their own, and gives a lot of space to do what you want. There are so many ideals & roles & without knowing what role the other expects of them, is how most relationships begin. They think the other has the same ideal, and discover how totally different the other is. So ask a lot of questions, and talk a lot. There is no point in deceiving someone. It is far better to tell people what you REALLY seek, even if it hurts someone. Actively seek what you are after, be active in your pursuit of happiness. That way you are not deceiving anyone, even yourself. And it is better to be true to yourself if you are really seeking your own happy soul.

I really am not sure there is such thing as true love. We need to be our own true love first and if anyone happens to actually have a similar vision and things mesh in the relationship practically, durably, politically, financially, educationally, ideally, personally, socially, then maybe it is more than ideals and it might work.

But do you have any idea of how impossible it is that two people actually have all that in common? About null.

Still, if you could actually get birds of a feather together, then YES, birds of a feather flock together best.

Now suppose you really did find your true love, your soul mate. If you are willing to bend your own ways to compromise, and you are willing to seek a healthy relationship, where each partner does get what they came for, and each is a full human being in the others presence, then you made it into that very difficult quest for love. But its so very hard to come by. And some of us were not meant to have it. I really don't think every person is meant to find their true love, we all have different reasons for being here.

But ultimately, go ahead and make mistakes in love and relationships anyway, go ahead and get married and have kids anyway, because those types of life mistakes are necessary to us all. We are entitled to those human mistakes. And there is no way to really make life perfect anyway.

[Boneca]

I am a pessimist when it comes to relationships working.
It would grate on me to lose the freedom I have as a single person. Who really wants to let go of their own ideals to comply with a partners? For what? For convenience and money? For the convenience of two incomes? Is it worth it?

You know, I am starting to agree with you, and it scares me. I can see that people get together simply for the sake of company and/or security, but is it worth it? Not for me. I don't need a partner, and therefore I am not willing to compromise on my own life. So the only reason that I could possibly end up in a relationship is if I happen to find someone who is so much like me that it would not require any compromises on my part (and not on his either, if he's really like me), and to be honest, the chances of that happening is close to nul.
That is rather depressing. I think I will now retire into la la land, where there are men like me. :(

[SensEye]

Boy, you two are pretty gloomy. Not that I have a success story to tell you about, but quite a few people seem to make it work and appear happy. I'd like to remain guardedly optimistic, but if I never find the proverbial Miss Right, c'est la vie.

[candela]

I'd imagine the closer you get to being purely introverted or purely extraverted, the more difficult it would become to find a perfect, or maybe ideal, partner.

[INTrPosr]

I'd imagine the closer you get to being purely introverted or purely extraverted, the more difficult it would become to find a perfect, or maybe ideal, partner.

I am in agreement with Candela. Besides, I would think that introverts would have a harder time in a "Birds of a Feather" relationship, since one of the persons would have to be more extraverted, show more sensing and/or judging just to get through each day. I guess it's a moot issue if you were planning to be hermits or separatist, or at least independently wealthy.

Since any relationship poll that I have ever reviewed show INTPs to be the least likely type to be successful in relationships and oblivious to our mates, I consider that for the most part we are the problem. Thus having two of us living together would result in beocming hermits or separatist.

[synchronous]

Found this link this morning that discusses the 'Birds of a Feather' relationship:

Two NTs mating:
http://look.net/success/NT

NT and NF mating:
http://look.net/success/NFNT

The website also touches on the issues of I and E and double I matings as well as the 'Opposites Attract' type relationship. I think it does a good job summarizing the pros and cons.

[INTrPosr]

I guess it's coming down to birds of a feather, or not truly being that important.

[hemanthraz]

i guess a person slightly more extraverted would help a lot.Sometime i feel that i have to do some socializing but i never know how to begin.
But getting together with someone just for the sake of company is a deception to both sides.I wouldnt change for anyone and i dont expect anyone to do the same for me.
The problem is, the people i like never realize how much i like them, guess i have to tell them more often eventhough it seems obvious to me.

[L. Bartholomew]

Yeah, I have that same problem hemanthraz. I always wind up with extraverts though because I won't say anything and neither will any other introverts. I don put a lot towards relationships cause I value my independence far too much. The way I see it: if someone that I like wants to be involved with me, then that's cool, but I'm not goin to go all out, bowing down before them. I believe the word is indifference, and it doesn't go over too well with most extrovets.