Inability to communicate with people

[Arcael]

I was wondering if this was a trait everyone had, or if it was just me? Whenever im trying to just talk to people (small talk), I have a huge problem with actually thinking what to say next. This happens everywhere: college, work, out in public, etc etc. I have absolutely no problem communicating with people that I'm around with all the time.

It isn't just talking to other people I have troubles with, I really cant write papers worth a damn. I was in AP English in high school, and I only did mediocre getting C's on every single paper I wrote. I don't think I've ever written a decent english paper in my entire life :(. Anyone else have this problem?

[sbw]

I've been working on it of late, this is what has helped me: I just try to think of the (boring and dumb, usually) person that I'm talking to, and what their topics of interest could possibly be. for example, I have a couple of acquaintances who are your archetypal "frat-guy" morons (and they're christian, too; when I put "frat guy" and "christian" together, my resulting assumption is ESXJ)...anyway, when I'm talking to them, I have a mantra in my head of "football...cars...girls...beer...football...cars..." ad nauseum, as these are the only topics which interest them (so far as I can tell). It helps me stay in the conversation, and not receive the blank stare of incomprehension for wandering off on a topic that might actually be interesting.

Scott

[Solo]

I'm a good speaker and I can express myself well to others most of the time. If I'm talking to someone who can't follow my train of thought I can become really impatient. I really hate it when I'm asked to slow down or repeat myself because my audience doesn't understand me.

I also have a problem with going of on tangents when I speak. Whenever I try to wing it I never stay on topic. When I speak I try to say what I'm thinking and it can come out badly because I think faster than I speak and people hear slower than I talk.

I really hate small talk. It seems like a waste of breath to me. I hate it even worse when people I know try to engage me in their small talk.

[Almaviva]

I've "solved" this by just not doing small talk much anymore, and accepting that a lot of people are going to find me antisocial. And I haven't had to write an essay since high school, thankfully.

What do you hope to gain by being good at smalltalk?

[Boneca]

I find that the easiest way to survive small talk is to make a mental list of useless stuff that people talk about, such as the weather, work/school schedules, etc. - things that you know and don't have to think about. Then you just go on talking while you think about something more interesting, or simply take a mental nap. It's just like a filter between reality and mind - your "reality autopilot" prevents stupid small talk from entering the mind.
Only problem is when people start talking about reality shows or soaps - then even my autopilot falls asleep. Though perhaps discussing TV series may be more specific to women, I don't think think I ever heard men talk about that. If that is so, be happy if you're male!

[Vagabond]

I don't engage in smalltalk. I will node or give short replies if others start it with me, but I think it is a useless consumption of energy to actually try and start discussions on nail polish, weather and actors' new relationships. However, I have always been good at writing papers, although I was too lazy to start and found the process boring (my J side helped I guess?).

[file cabinet]

get someone to talk about themselves, so then they at least think the conversation is interesting

[Niflheimian]

As I recall, I've always had an affinity for English and writing. I usually either write in a formal or humourous voice (or both).

Also, I prefer the written word to the spoken word. The internet has helped me to communicate better with people, I think, because I'm more comfortable expressing myself, my opinions, ideas, etc. However, I usually end up babbling about myself or something in which I'm interested that bores the other person to tears (on the internet).
On the telephone, there's only one person to whom I ever even talk. I usually say weird things, make offbeat comments, or discuss odd issues; but I rarely talk/share anything about myself.

Otherwise, my reserve is difficult to penetrate.

[coffeezombie]

I hate smalltalk. When people try to engage in it with me (like at work), I'll usually just agree with what that person said without adding a comment of my own. That way they aren't pissed off at my lack of desire to want to talk with them.

I consider myself an excellent paper writer. My job often involves writing reports. Of course, I'd never write a paper unless there was some kind of eventual financial benefit to me. It's more fun to learn than to express one's knowledge through writing.

[mgb]

I hate small. I think I have actually learned to enjoy uncomfortable silences. :)

[Zero Angel]

aaaah, I am envious!

[inignot]

I hate small. I think I have actually learned to enjoy uncomfortable silences. :)
Yes! If you don't engage them, they will go away. Simple yes/no answers are surefire ways to end unwanted conversations.

[hemanthraz]

seems to be a common problem. If its a one on one conversation then i dont feel that uncomfortable, i guess i can just stare at the other person and they think im listening to them intently.[this leads to a host of other problems i dont even want to talk about].

But the toughest part is when im on the phone, i dont even have any feed back, so i usually end the call when im bored and blame it on the telephone operator!

Crappy, but i have become used to this kind of thing i guess.The worst kind for me are the cheerful girls with their rosy outlooks on life and chirpy voices. They consider it their duty to involve you in conversation, ususally inane chatter.Makes me feel like sqashing them like bugs.

[NGene]

when I'm talking to them, I have a mantra in my head of "football...cars...girls...beer...football...cars..." ad nauseum, as these are the only topics which interest them (so far as I can tell).
Haha! That reminds me of the Little Prince:


Whenever I met one of them [the grown-ups] who seemed to me at all clear-sighted, I tried the experiment of showing him my Drawing Number One, which I have always kept. I would try to find out, so, if this was a person of true understanding. But, whoever it was, he, or she, would always say:

"That is a hat."

Then I would never talk to that person about boa constrictors, or primeval forests, or stars. I would bring myself down to his level. I would talk to him about bridge, and golf, and politics, and neckties. And the grown-up would be greatly pleased to have met such a sensible man.

[Avengardh]

I love silence.

I love making people uncomfortable because of that silence.

Therefore I stay silent unless you show me you are interesting enough to talk to you.
But I can do small talk, I've learned how, I just avoid it most of the time.

[null-tE]

I agree, small talk = pointless. The conversations i am entered into involving small talk often end quickly when i use this technique: simply state whatever is on your mind (as long as it doesnt blatantly offend the person) . Then they tend to try and find a quick out to the conversation they initiated.