limericks--one line per post

[ApostateAbe]

If you don't know what a limerick is, here is an example:

One morning while feeding my flounder
I lost a whole arm to the bounder
That extra-strength fish food
Put my arm on his dish, dude!
And now he's considerably rounder

There are five lines, and lines 1, 2, and 5 must rhyme with each other, and lines 3 and 4 must rhyme with each other.

But there is a little more than just rhyming words at the end of each line. Limericks must also follow a musical pattern. Limericks are in 3-time. For every three syllables, there is an accent. To illustrate:

1. one MORning while FEEDing my FLOUNder
2. i LOST a whole ARM to the BOUNder
3. that EXtra-strength FISH food
4. put my ARM on his DISH, dude!
5. and NOW he's conSIDerably ROUNder

Notice that lines 1, 2, and 5 have three accents, while lines 3 and 4 have two accents. Every limerick must follow that rule.

The English language dictates that the word "considerably" must have its accent occur like so: conSIDerably, not CONsiderably, so you must construct each line carefully to fit the 3-time rhythm.

If you follow the rules, the final challenge is to make the limerick witty. That can be the biggest obstacle especially if five people contribute one line, but the above poetic gem was made by another one-line-per-post limerick thread in another forum, so it can be done.

I'll get the party started:

1. Last Sunday while walking down Main

[int]

I decided I would play the game

[Original Anonymous]

3. Only I had the balls

[Google Monster]

to play with the dolls

[KentOhio]

And since then I've not felt the same.

[paladinoflunaria]

This is a good idea. I'll start the next one.

A famous gymnist made a blunder

[ApostateAbe]

2. And the spectators scattered asunder

[int]

Who, what, where, when, why?

[Google Monster]

Lost, confused, he will try

[ApostateAbe]

5. To compete with the Crack-Smoking Wonder

[Google Monster]

1. Little Elves think humans are funny

[ApostateAbe]

2. But not real, like the Elf Easter Bunny

[KentOhio]

3. They tell their tall tales

[sme_bro]

Make small boats with sails

[KentOhio]

5. while sailing a river of honey.

[KentOhio]

1. An old man from Asia once told me

[Claverhouse]

As in to the grass he rolled me,


Claverhouse

[ Note; it's a female authorial voice, obviously ]

[Birnam]

3. You're doin' just fine

[Birdsnest]

But try not to whine

[Birdsnest]

Instead HARvest Qi-GONG EnerGY.
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/1852309547.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

[Spartan26]

Wow, you guys are good!

1). One day I spotted a giraffe

[paladinoflunaria]

Birdsnest said:

Instead HARvest Qi-GONG EnerGY.

:rofl: Holy crap, that was great.

2). With a neck so long, I had to laugh.

[ApostateAbe]

3. His head in a cloud,

[Google Monster]

So high he seems proud

[KentOhio]

5. So I asked him to be on my staff.

[int]

As I walked through the valley of shame.

[KentOhio]

2. An old man asked me my name

[Birdsnest]

Now you know its puddin'

[Birnam]

yep, that's what I stood in

[int]

Now how am I to pick up on dames?

[ApostateAbe]

1. I thought about going to school

[Johnny]

there's no reason if all there are fools

[Birdsnest]

So the smarties played hooky

[int]

And baked lots of cookies

[Johnny]

To eat and release more fresh stools

Hiiideeee Hooooo!!!!!

[KentOhio]

1. While eating a pile of pancakes,

[Johnny]

Almost choked when doing a doubletake

[KentOhio]

2. As I saw the waitress

[Johnny]

my pancakes went weightless

[KentOhio]

5. Because with her feet them she did make.

[Johnny]

Man, that :lol: was a bizarre, almost terrible, lymeric.

[ApostateAbe]

Keep it up! The more bizarre, the better.

1) The best method for getting elected

[Johnny]

be a secret ballot never pre-selected

[int]

A process unknown

[KentOhio]

As time has thus shown

[int]

It's no wonder why we're so dejected.

[Johnny]

O.K., I'll start one:

There was never a frog named Wilton

[KentOhio]

After the road he was spilt on.

[Birnam]

It's all just a fable

[KentOhio]

Brushed under the table

[Johnny]

Cause history's bunk to amphibians

[Google Monster]

I'll start one:

Google's a place to search anything

[Johnny]

I always go there desperately flailing

[ApostateAbe]

But looking for "peace,"

[Johnny]

Google offers me "piece,"

[Crazy]

and 65 porn sites for aliens

[KentOhio]

Bravo! :rofl:

[Google Monster]

hahaha thats funny shit!!

[Johnny]

I would have offered to end it with the world "ailing" rather than "alien", but that one was pretty good.:lol:

[KentOhio]

There once was a woman from China

[int]

Who had a hard time with angina.


(btw, don't think we don't know what the last word of this one will be :ph34r: ) :)

[Johnny]

But then came relief

[ApostateAbe]

That suspended belief

[Johnny]

When taking imported papaya

[KentOhio]

I didn't think anyone could pulll it of witout using ''the word''. Here's to creativity :D

[KentOhio]

1. When seeing the painting, "The Scream,"

[Johnny]

I recalled the most beautiful dream

[ApostateAbe]

My eyes open--it's gone!

[Johnny]

Replaced by a bonbon!

[Birnam]

That was filled with Irish cream.

[ApostateAbe]

1. This thief had a poignant sweet tooth

[KentOhio]

And smiled as he entered the booth

[Birdsnest]

To the boothgirl he bowed

[Birdsnest]

Then ran out to the crowd

[ApostateAbe]

5. Whisking off with the sweet love of his youth

[Google Monster]

The best things in life are free

[ApostateAbe]

2. If you go on a blackmailing spree

[Claverhouse]

3. But beware of the Law




[ Shouldn't this go in the Playground now we've got it ? ]

[HairlessBluetick]

Though it sticks in your craw

[ApostateAbe]

5. Cuz jail time's even more free.

[KentOhio]

1. There once was a one-legged guy

[ApostateAbe]

2. Who bought the best leg money could buy

[KentOhio]

3. He payed eighteen grand

[Claverhouse]

4, For a limb made of sand

[ApostateAbe]

5. But for brains, all his cash had run dry

[KentOhio]

1. The treefrog once said to the fly

[HairlessBluetick]

2. Come here, and I'll make you a pie

[jimkopelli]

3. It'll just take a second,

[ApostateAbe]

4. The hungry frog beckoned

[jimkopelli]

5. And then he had yummy fly pie.

[Google Monster]

If I had a dollar for everytime

[ApostateAbe]

2. I sucked off a priest for a dime


The past two limericks were great! I am starting to love you guys.

[int]

I'd be ten times as rich

[jimkopelli]

But I'd still have this itch,

[int]

To be naked in church all the time.

[KentOhio]

1. A photograph that I once took

[HairlessBluetick]

Of my ex-wife's breakfast nook

[ApostateAbe]

3. Is now bearing a curse

[Crazy]

4. Big business for a hearse

[ApostateAbe]

5. Well-to-do death, them who look

[Google Monster]

A golden nugget isn't worth much

[jimkopelli]

'Less you use it to pay for a crutch,

[ApostateAbe]

3. Made of premium sand

[jimkopelli]

It would be rather grand

[jimkopelli]

But I'd rather have nugget than crutch.

[ApostateAbe]

1. You kicked out my thread, you sick bastards

[Google Monster]

altough, not as sick as stepping on grassturds

[Birnam]

I'll get you back

[ApostateAbe]

I must be on crack

[EternalCynic]

5. That thread was the only that mattered

[ApostateAbe]

1. My jackhammer grants my revenge

[Google Monster]

with failure my brother grants to avenge

[EternalCynic]

I'll find him at night

[jimkopelli]

and set him alight

[ApostateAbe]

5. To give him a smell of Hell's stenchj

[EternalCynic]

Hmm, I suppose I'll start one :), pardon the odd start :blink:

1) While eating a plate of cold pasta

[jimkopelli]

I decided that I would go Rasta

[EternalCynic]

Nearly lost in my Dreads'

[ApostateAbe]

4. I stopped taking my meds

[EternalCynic]

5) All my brain could say, "Vista la Asta"?

wow.. talk about choosing a bad starting word. I could have sworn more things rhymed with pasta.. my bad :( (You know... jumbled version of asta la vista... yeah, i'm shutting up now X_X)

[jimkopelli]

I'm better at middles than beginnings... but here goes.
There once was a man from...
No, beaten to death. Something different...

I once had a face like a starfish,

[Birdsnest]

With pimples variety deep dish

[Google Monster]

3. the pimples would pop

[ApostateAbe]

5) All my brain could say, "Vista la Asta"?

wow.. talk about choosing a bad starting word. I could have sworn more things rhymed with pasta.. my bad :( (You know... jumbled version of asta la vista... yeah, i'm shutting up now X_X)

If you need more rhyming variety, then some words can be disfigured. For example, if you need a word to rhyme with pasta, you could say, "masta," which can pass for "master". You could have said, "5) It's the bidding of Rasta, my masta." See? You can imagine Darth Vader saying it.

There is only two words that rhyme with revenge: avenge and Stonehenge. So I had to skewer the word "stench" if I didn't want to use Stonehenge.

[jimkopelli]

and not ever stop

[Birdsnest]

No matter how much I might wish

[Birdsnest]

There once was a cow named Elsee

[ApostateAbe]

2. Who was often mistaken for Chelsea

http://www.thefirsttwins.com/images/chelsea3.jpg

[KentOhio]

Because they both ate

[Google Monster]

from the same plate

[jimkopelli]

And were on the same diet from Hell, see.

[Crazy]

See. we like to rhyme with these limericks

[jimkopelli]

It's better than chewing popsicle sticks,

[ApostateAbe]

3. OK, now start over

[jimkopelli]

there's a bird called the plover,

[Crazy]

Whom mean little kids hit with bricks

[ApostateAbe]

1. The only way Kerry could win

[Google Monster]

Is if he bought every wino a bottle of gin

[ApostateAbe]

3. Cuz cheap is the liquor

[Claverhouse]

4. To bribe those who are thicker

[Google Monster]

But he wouldn't bribe cuz it's a sin

[ApostateAbe]

1. Goes to show how the nice guys all finish

[Google Monster]

without the help of sins or spinach

[Claverhouse]

As last as they do

[Laeskis]

While feeling so blue;

[jimkopelli]

they go off down the road nearing Inwich.

[KentOhio]

A butcher, while butchering meat

[jimkopelli]

Felt something land, splat, on his feet,

[int]

"Oh my, a surprise"

[ApostateAbe]

"What have I done?"

EDIT: never mind, someone beat me

[jimkopelli]

and he darted his eyes,

[ApostateAbe]

5. He stopped jerking and zipped up in a beat

[Laeskis]

1. A toad hopped into the air;

[KentOhio]

2. Which normally is not so rare,

[Laeskis]

But this toad, he had wings;

[KentOhio]

So confusion he brings

[Laeskis]

As I watch him fly over there!



(I think we two hogged the whole limmerick.)

[Laeskis]

1 A goat got into a barrel;

[jimkopelli]

while wearing his old Goat™ Apparel,

[Almaviva]

3. Soon he was rolling

[unynh3d]

4. Some weed he'd been holding

[EternalCynic]

5. And then the poor goat became sterile

[Laeskis]

1. There once was this man with a paddle;

[EternalCynic]

Who used it to bitch-slap his cattle

[jimkopelli]

He did this gusto,

[Laeskis]

Across the cow's torso;

[jimkopelli]

Inciting the beast into battle.
(Attack cows! RUN!!!)

[unynh3d]

1) Tom's mom warned "Your palms will grow hairy!"

[ApostateAbe]

2. Still Tom never wanted to marry

LOL at the weed-rolling goat

[Laeskis]

3. He stayed in his room;

[jimkopelli]

and this spelled his doom,

[Google Monster]

producing goat milk and growing weary

[Almaviva]

There once was an ESFJ

[Google Monster]

who worked 7 til 9 until he could pay

[unynh3d]

3. for bread, meat and milk

[KentOhio]

Not candy or silk

[unynh3d]

5) For work keeps the devil at bay.

[ApostateAbe]

1. One thing I wish weren't so small

[Google Monster]

Is the thing that's attached to my balls

[Claverhouse]

3. For my bat is so tiny

[ApostateAbe]

4. And his jaws are so spiny

[jimkopelli]

that I can't even stick it to walls.

[KentOhio]

A woman, while tying her shoe

[jimkopelli]

said "Hey!?! Why's my finger so blue?"

[ApostateAbe]

3. It spread up her arm

[int]

And into her farm

[jimkopelli]

which, oddly enough, smelled like poo.

[int]

While trav'ling cross country by train

[jimkopelli]

a man thought, deep in his brain,

[HairlessBluetick]

"I don't mean to be prude,"

[int]

"After all, I am nude"

[ApostateAbe]

(He advised for the Kerry campaign)

[KentOhio]

1. As I rode in a ford model T

[jimkopelli]

I discovered I'd soon have to pee,

[ApostateAbe]

So I put down my gin

[Google Monster]

Aimed right for the bin

[KentOhio]

Just to show off my ac-cur-a-cy.

[Laeskis]

1. I saw a guy fall on his head;

[ApostateAbe]

2. After hearing what W said

[jimkopelli]

He said "'Pon my word,"

[Laeskis]

..."I'll prove he's absurd";

[jimkopelli]

"...But first, I'll go back to my bed."
(wish I could.)

[KentOhio]

1. A scientist, lost deep in thought

[jimkopelli]

was tokin' up some of his pot,

[ApostateAbe]

then he bellowed, "Eureka!"

[int]

Quickly moved to Topeka,

[jimkopelli]

and learned to make gold from his snot.

[ApostateAbe]

Interesting related sidenote: Carl Sagan was an avid pot-smoker. http://www.druglibrary.org/think/~jnr/sagan.htm


"I find that today a single joint is enough to get me high ... in one movie theater recently I found I could get high just by inhaling the cannabis smoke which permeated the theater,'' wrote Sagan, who authored popular science books such as "Cosmos,'' "Contact,'' and "The Dragons of Eden.''

In the essay, Sagan said marijuana inspired some of his intellectual work.

"I can remember one occasion, taking a shower with my wife while high, in which I had an idea on the origins and invalidities of racism in terms of gaussian distribution curves,'' wrote the former Cornell University professor. "I wrote the curves in soap on the shower wall, and went to write the idea down.

[KentOhio]

Think that's what gave him a brain tumor?
P.S. Great limerick!

[ApostateAbe]

2. 'twas pneumonia according to rumor

[jimkopelli]

It wasn't the smoke

[ApostateAbe]

That snuffed the dear bloke

[jimkopelli]

but instead 'twas a bit of bad humor.

[ApostateAbe]

1. The best way to help out the poor

[Ckyzxr]

2. and for all to even the score

[Google Monster]

steal from the rich

[ApostateAbe]

4. Every filthy rich bitch

[KentOhio]

5. And give it to Der Chancellor!

[adamaw11]

1. This rhyming game looks really fun!



In response to the failure of this limerick I tried to start:
WTF am I to think now? was that a deliberate destruction of my attempt to join in this game?

Was that just someone being a smartass? or was it simply that they didn't realise I was actually trying to start a limerick?

ahh, I suppose It could have been simply that someone wanted to comment on the statement in this starting line without actually writing the second line.
(oh, I've said someone, when I'm really referring to the one posting as "Int")

[int]

It is! But to play I'll need money.

[jimkopelli]

Wait, that don't rhyme

[int]

Whoops, here's a dime.

[jimkopelli]

And the last line doesn't make any sense.
(Well, that one's a loss... oh well.)

[int]

Little Joey went shopping for shoes.

[Google Monster]

(when did we have to make sense ;) )

Deleted: for the sake of making sense.

[jimkopelli]

On the way, he went looking for clues,

[KentOhio]

3. To tell him who took

[jimkopelli]

His mom's pocket-book,

[KentOhio]

5. 'Cause Joey had gender issues.

[ApostateAbe]

1. After saying my beddy-time prayer,

[jimkopelli]

I got under the blankety layer,

[KentOhio]

And reached in my pants

[Ckyzxr]

oohhh, thank god for France

[Claverhouse]

5. Dear me, could I be any gayer ?





That's one for the Big Guy Hey, Div !

[ApostateAbe]

1. The best use for a bucket of beetles

[Division56]

5. Dear me, could I be any gayer ?





That's one for the Big Guy Hey, Div !

:rofl:

[KentOhio]

2. Is to grind them up into meatballs

[jimkopelli]

And serve them with sauce,

[int]

Add some pasta and toss.

[Boozer]

Watch out for the poisonous weevils!

[Aryan]

And the mushroom said to the frog

[jimkopelli]

"Hey, look over there on that log,"

[KentOhio]

That beaver there can

[jimkopelli]

walk and talk like a man,

[Boozer]

"Now watch me turn him into a dog."

[Ckyzxr]

a) To argue these truths, she said

[Aryan]

Look I am a pretty Maid

[KentOhio]

So listen or else

[Aryan]

I'll be BLISTERING BARNACLES

[KentOhio]

And you better be sure I get paid.