Going to see the Loquito-curer

[Avengardh]

Loquito == "Little Crazy Person"

Tomorrow, on my mom's bday (yes, a Scorpio, I tend to think that is somewhat relevant for some reason), I will go see a therapist for the first time in my life.
Yes, in my life, it's been pretty short, only 20 years and some months in the womb.

I plan to tell her that I am an INTP and I wonder if she will know what that means. If she does, then maybe I will keep going to see her. I am pretty mellow about it now, as opposed to like, a month ago when I made the appt. I was freaking out, but now I think "Meh...I already know I am pretty F-ed up, I just need her to tell me how to be more neutral or how to make my family understand what I go through".
I am expecting a lot of "we need to work on how to express your emotions"-stuff, but you never know, maybe I am a serial killer in desguise.

Alright, just wanted to rant about that in here, laterz.

[Serotonin]

Hmmm. I started seeing a shrink back in March, when I was 21 (I'm 22 now) but this was because of panic attacks and depression. It took about 6 appointments until I had blurted out all I wanted to say. On the first appointment I gave him a copy of my Myers-Briggs evaluation. He rejected the fact that I came out INTP and insists I am an INFP. But... we're talking about emotions a lot anyway (he's the only person I really did talk about emotions to up until recently.... now I feel more comfortable saying to friends that I'm angry, anxious etc.) so maybe he would think that. Anyway, he's a fairly respectable psychiatrist and he thinks personality typing can play a (small) part in therapy.
Good luck. Be honest to the point of pain. You don't have to tell everything on your first appointment, but the more you tell, the therapist will be better able to build up a picture of you, gradually coming through pentimento-style. Remember, s/he is a tool to be used, not like someone you meet at a party that you have to build a rapport with. Ask the questions you're too afraid to ask.

[Lucas]

Keep an open mind.

My best friend in the world and the only real mentor I've had in my life is an old, retired psychotherapist. We're friends, so we don't have the client/therapist dynamic, but I must say that it is really nice to have somebody to bounce things off of. Talking to friends, family and others just isn't the same for some reason.

Like aven said, if the person is really different from me, I don't think I could connect and talk about intimate details of my life. Luckily, this tiny old man has read everything ever written on myers-briggs, is an introvert and knows so much about science, philosophy, and eastern religions. My point is, I couldn't just talk to anyone in that way, so try to find someone you can connect with.


I don't know if it's just me, but I think NTs tend to be more neurotic than other types. With me at least, I can get into a place of just plain incessant mental chatter. Static. I hate that.

Sorry for the rambling, but then again, this is the rant section, right?

[SensEye]

Well Aven, if it will make you feel any better, I have never seen you post anything that seemed even remotely crazy.

To my recollection you have never mentioned suffering from depression or any of the psychological problems that plague some members. You don't appear to be engaged in any self destructive behavior (no drug abuse, no abusive relationships, no serial promiscuity, etc). On the contrary, you are enrolled in college taking a sensible curriculum, preparing for the future.

The only issues I have ever seen you mention are some problems in your immediate family relationships (particularly with your mother).

If you ask me, your problem is you are an INTP female in a culture/family situation where this is even a worse fit than usual. Combined with what I think is your strongly developed 'F' side, this lack of acceptance probably gnaws at you emotionally more that you might admit. This would lead to a low, but constant, level of stress that would no doubt get to anybody over time.

If your family would just accept you for what you are (which seems pretty good, but I admit to a pro-INTP bias), instead of trying to mold you into what they think you should be, all your problems would probably disappear.

Anyways, that's my armchair analysis based on reading a few month's worth of your posts. Let's see how it compares to the professional diagnosis. :)

[cjs55]

I am very interested in what other INTP's have to say about therapy as I have considered it myself.

SensEye, your analysis seems like it could have been written about me (minus the female). I don't know aven, but if it is true about her as well then I am very interested in the results of her visit =). I know that my F makes living as an INTP either an excersize in treading water at best, or a mad scramble to try not to drown in a whirlpool at worst. When others around her say they don't mind isolation, I envy them. I certainly need time to be alone to recharge, but I'm at my peak when I can be in intimate 1 on 1 or group situations, and without that I really start to fall.

[Avengardh]

Wow, so many in-depth responses (SensEye, that is quite and interesting analysis...eh, thank you).

As for how it went, it was only the first visit, so I didn't expect much and not much was said (I did most of the talking, my life in an hour or less).
Aside from what I already expected "you need an emotional outlet, because you have gotten too good at not showing what you feel". If that helps anyone, go ahead and take her advice, directly quoted. I suspect we will talk about ways next time...the hard part is just doing it...

She was really repetitive on the "you are different, and that is something the world needs, your potential is what many of us need in this world, instead of the cookie-cutter molds this society seems to exceed in".
I like her, because she also speaks Spanish and understands the Mexican culture.

As to why you haven't heard of me talking about myself that much is because I don't. You would actually have to really talk to me either one on one and know me before I told you my life story, there is more to a person than what you can post in a forum. I'll just be blunt with it: if you really think that you can analyze a person over just a short period of time and online...you better think again (no offense).

Perhaps you will get the essence of some aspects of a personality, perhaps even just another face (eh, if anyone saw my picture, I took it down pretty fast, ^^'') will let you know more about that person, etc. But there is a limit to what you can learn about someone, just through their writing, way of responding, you get me.

And about me being crazy, I was really just being sarcastic, I'm more different than even most INTPs in here (indeed people still think I have a well-developed F-side, it might be true, it might not, the truth is, I call it my Piscean-side) and I know I just need a neutral source of sanity that won't judge me for acting the way I act, my friends aren't too good with that, in fact, they don't really even know me.

Hn, that's kinda sad, I think there are more people in here who know me better than all of my friends.

Anyway, long rant, but yes, this is the rant section.

~*Aven*~

[Arioch]

Wow, so many in-depth responses (SensEye, that is quite and interesting analysis...eh, thank you).

As for how it went, it was only the first visit, so I didn't expect much and not much was said (I did most of the talking, my life in an hour or less).
Aside from what I already expected "you need an emotional outlet, because you have gotten too good at not showing what you feel". If that helps anyone, go ahead and take her advice, directly quoted. I suspect we will talk about ways next time...the hard part is just doing it...

She was really repetitive on the "you are different, and that is something the world needs, your potential is what many of us need in this world, instead of the cookie-cutter molds this society seems to exceed in".
I like her, because she also speaks Spanish and understands the Mexican culture.

As to why you haven't heard of me talking about myself that much is because I don't. You would actually have to really talk to me either one or one and know me before I told you my life story, there is more to a person than what you can post in a forum. I'll just be blunt with it: if you really think that you can analyze a person over just a short period of time and online...you better think again (no offense).

Perhaps you will get the essence of some aspects of a personality, perhaps even just another face (eh, if anyone saw my picture, I took it down pretty fast, ^^'') will let you know more about that person, etc. But there is a limit to what you can learn about someone, just through their writing, way of responding, you get me.

And about me being crazy, I was really just being sarcastic, I'm more different than even most INTPs in here (indeed people still think I have a well-developed F-side, it might be true, it might not, the truth is, I call it my Piscean-side) and I know I just need a neutral source of sanity that won't judge me for acting the way I act, my friends aren't too good with that, in fact, they don't really even know me.

Hn, that's kinda sad, I think there are more people in here who know me better than all of my friends.

Anyway, long rant, but yes, this is the rant section.

~*Aven*~

[HUG]

Why? Just cause :)

[SheepDog]

You mentioned two things about your mother (birthday and astrological sign) so despite not knowing you, I think you probably have some tension with her. Maybe I'm just keying into that because I have had serious tension with my mother. I say had, because I haven't had a conversation with her in nearly 4 years, and have probably shared 20 or so words with her since. Mostly, I don't see her.

The reason that's significant to me is that she doesn't accept me for who I am, and I have had to let go of the guilt I felt for not trying to get along anyway. When I say that she doesn't accept me, I realized after many years that she doesn't see things the way I do, particularly on the N/S realm. She also refuses to consider my values and insists that I follow hers, although I'm well past childhood years.

The guilt is complicated. When you decide that not having a relationship with your mother is better than having one, all kinds of thoughts go through your head about how you "should" try to get along. Also, other people look at you funny when you tell them that you don't, and it seems very judging. I had to let go of that for my own growth, maybe even survival. In the last few years, I've felt like I could be who I was meant to be. I'm not so angry any more about the way she has treated me, just sad that it hasn't been better. But the separation was needed in order for me to get the perspective on myself, independent of her unaccepting views.

I have no idea if you or anyone else relates to this. I just felt like I needed to say it.

[Network Alchemy]

always there is pain and it is painful which is something of a quadratic function and a poor attempt at humour

[Avengardh]

You mentioned two things about your mother (birthday and astrological sign) so despite not knowing you, I think you probably have some tension with her. Maybe I'm just keying into that because I have had serious tension with my mother. I say had, because I haven't had a conversation with her in nearly 4 years, and have probably shared 20 or so words with her since. Mostly, I don't see her.

The reason that's significant to me is that she doesn't accept me for who I am, and I have had to let go of the guilt I felt for not trying to get along anyway. When I say that she doesn't accept me, I realized after many years that she doesn't see things the way I do, particularly on the N/S realm. She also refuses to consider my values and insists that I follow hers, although I'm well past childhood years.

The guilt is complicated. When you decide that not having a relationship with your mother is better than having one, all kinds of thoughts go through your head about how you "should" try to get along. Also, other people look at you funny when you tell them that you don't, and it seems very judging. I had to let go of that for my own growth, maybe even survival. In the last few years, I've felt like I could be who I was meant to be. I'm not so angry any more about the way she has treated me, just sad that it hasn't been better. But the separation was needed in order for me to get the perspective on myself, independent of her unaccepting views.

I have no idea if you or anyone else relates to this. I just felt like I needed to say it. That is a complicated situation.

Indeed I have pondered this and my INFJ-bf at the time (an x but a friend now) told me that I needed to live on my own and get away from my mother. I know I have to do it eventually, but it's hard when your parents are your best friends. Let's just say they are both ENTPs, which makes them very very cool parents.

I know that most of what I consider a problem now was the fact that my parents married young and were still maturing themselves. It's hard when you make an attachment with people, as not my parents, but my friends. And I have been that for them for a lot of my life, without getting confused with the daughter role. We can say that I had to act as an adult when I was still a child, and now it's like I have never stopped being an adult, when I turned 18 it didn't seem like a huge thing to me, my mindset didn't change much at all.

I guess I should also mention that I don't drink, do drugs, smoke, have meaningless sex or anything that the now average teenager and/or college student finds "fun" (which makes me an easy prey for Religious-recruitment, it's been an issue in the past...) so it's somewhat hard to impossible to find actual real life friends that won't do the latter. My parents were and are now the same, so, it's easy for me to hang out with them and have a lot of fun.
Hmmm, more ranting, if you have read all of this, good for you, I commend you. You get a cookie ----> o

In a sense, right now due to other circumstances I am not able to leave home just yet, and in truth I don't want to...I get more intellectual stimulation when I am with my parents than with anyone else in the world...no offense to anyone in here, if they actually were offended.

Ok...that was enough ranting...I will keep ranting if people keep posting :D

~*Aven*~

[Lucas]

I guess I should also mention that I don't drink, do drugs, smoke, h........ so it's somewhat hard to impossible to find actual real life friends that won't do the latter.

Being in college, I feel the same way.

I wonder how much that is due to the fact that I don't drink, smoke, do drugs or make small talk, and how much of it is due to the fact that I'm just a really quiet and reserved INTP.

[cjs55]

From someone who does drink and occasionally smokes (really only when drinking): For me, it doesn't really change much.