hello everybody

[Distec]

hey everybody, found this site by random, kinda feels good to find people similar to you. I'm a 22/M, live on my own, extremely independent, have a good job(in computers), don't have any real problems. I love math, science, and music. I get bored very easily unless I'm intellectually stimulated. I get very bored in social situations, don't really talk like to small talk. Perhaps a bit emotionally withdrawn, never get mad/angry or incredibly happy/sad. Guess it could be a good or bad thing depending on the way you look at it. I don't try to be someone I'm not. I'm very objective when it comes to most things.

Anyways, my biggest challenge is finding a girlfriend. Its hard to admit, but I've never been on a date, never had a girlfriend. Since I don't have any experience and its not exactly a logical process, i have no idea what to do. Short of using online dating sites(which I've had no success in), don't have really anything else to try. Anyone in a similiar boat? (most dating books I've read consider dating a game; you need to act a certain way in order to "score". I find it bit offensive; in a way scary)

[xavierd]

First of all welcome to the boards. I feel you on the dating thing, though I've had girlfriends. Actually I was married for a couple years but was with the same woman for like four yrs before we got married. Since the divorce I've 'fooled around' with 2 women but haven't had an actual girlfriend.

Your self description is pretty similar to mine and many others at this site. Anyways, I'm always glad to meet another INTP. Hope you enjoy your stay.

[SheepDog]

I met my wife doing one of the things I love (playing music). I was in a band, and she came up and requested a song. I ended up with her phone number.

[Arctic Skunk]

I can sympathize...I also have never been on a date or had a girlfriend.

Oddly enough, I am also into music and am in a band (well, actually I'm sort of between bands at the moment). Is this a common trait amongst INTP's?

[Distec]

[edit]
actually, now that i read more into it, i definitely think I'm ISTP

[crule81]

Anyways, my biggest challenge is finding a girlfriend. Its hard to admit, but I've never been on a date, never had a girlfriend. Since I don't have any experience and its not exactly a logical process, i have no idea what to do. Short of using online dating sites(which I've had no success in), don't have really anything else to try. Anyone in a similiar boat? (most dating books I've read consider dating a game; you need to act a certain way in order to "score". I find it bit offensive; in a way scary)

One method that has worked for me in the past is to have your FEMALE friends or relatives hook you up with their single friends. It gives you a leg up in that you already have one person whose judgment can be trusted vouching for you.

[Distec]

heh, that might not be such a bad idea, except for the fact I don't have any female friends nor relatives. Have any extra that I could borrow? =p

[Edmond Zedo]

"It's an unfortunate business. Damned unfortunate."--M&C

I don't get around either, though I've had limited experience. What you need to do is find a nice ENFP and be in her vicinity as much as possible. She'll probably try to get to know you (Silly extroverts), and might like you.

[Rogue Reverie]

I'm a female looking at the same situation. I've only had one boyfriend, and that was for about two weeks in high school. It just didn't feel right to me, not because I didn't like him or because I wasn't mature. It's just hard for me to relate to other people on that level I guess, especially in the earliest stages of dating where you're almost forced to pretend to be someone you're not just to get to know them.
I'm just now entering a new relationship, and it's actually with someone that I've known for three years, which I think vital to why I haven't yet gone running the other direction. I really couldn't see myself dating someone I'm not friends with first.
As far as meeting girls goes, I'd shoot for friends first. I also tend to seek out other introverts, and so you ask, "where can i find an introvert?" That's where I can't entirely help you. But like-minded introverted women are out there.

[Edmond Zedo]

But like-minded introverted women are out there.

Why the emphasis on introvert-introvert relations? I really think an EN-IN match is more likely, and at least more exciting. ES is exciting too, but not nearly as likely to happen.

[Distec]

what do you think a good match would be for an arrogant IS ;)

[Rogue Reverie]

most people here seem to believe that if you have an introvert for a boyfriend or girlfriend that you will somehow manage to never leave the house. I find this to be untrue, as I have had some of the best and most adventurous times of my life with my introverted friends because I was within my comfort zone and that allowed me to fly in the face of convention. Knowing that someone suffers the same anxiety in social situations has prooved to benefit me in that I'm a) not alone, and if the person is willing b) able to enjoy myself atypically in a typical society.

[Zero Angel]

Probably an ESTJ (guardian) to who shares your like for concrete communications, but also has opposing properties (expressive E, schedule-oriented J) to keep your own personality extremes in check. Guardians also strive to be reliable and value in themselves that they are beneficient, which may go good with your artisan personality.

I wouldnt recommend going for an ESFJ because this type is known for gossip and various hen-like behaviours as they get older, but that is based on my own bias. You may get along with an ESTP who shares your thinking and preference for open-endedness but thats a tough call.

Nothing is set in stone when it comes to personalities and interactions, so these 'recommendations' are really nothing more then that.

[Edmond Zedo]

most people here seem to believe that if you have an introvert for a boyfriend or girlfriend that you will somehow manage to never leave the house.

I'm not one of them. I do believe I-I and E-E relationships are going to be more fundamentally mundane than I-E relationships. It's not what you're doing, but the way you think and react to each other. Don't get me wrong, I like introverts too, for different reasons.

[Edmond Zedo]

what do you think a good match would be for an arrogant IS ;)

Maybe with an ENTJ their arrogance would be outclassed.

[jjt]

I hooked up with an ENTP male (I'm female). He is a great match for my arrogance. He's smart, verbally quick and can challenge just about anything intellectually.

[cjs55]

Heya Distec, I am in the exact same position as you except I'm 20, and music is the main passion of my life. This dating business worries me...the people that say it will happen when it will happen and all that are full of shit. They are extraverts, and extraverts just naturally run into that sort of thing. I think we have to go out of our nature on a very specific mission to accomplish even going out on a date, and I as well have no clue how to begin.

[Distec]

yeah, its hard to let it "naturally" happen when you prefer to stay at home all the time(its not like girls are just gonna walk in your house and say "hi"). As with everything, I tend to research everything as full as I can - so I acquired a bunch of dating books. Way too much information to handle - so much conflicting information, especially with my personal and philosophical values. I hate theory - which most of it is; very little practical stuff(especially since I have no experience, its hard to relate). There seems to be two schools of thought - one is to let it happens naturally, other one is to act like a jerk(although the theme of most is don't act like a wuss)

I think all I need is some experience (I learn best hands-on anyways). Problem is actually finding someone to go out with. I've been invited to a club tonight. Even though I hate clubs, I think I'll go, just to kind of "get out there". No specific goal really except to try and "have fun" (yeah right).