Arriving at another party....

[jetboots]

Hello all: new INTP arrival!

I'm glad to have found this group of like minded individuals! I've been paruusin' the posts and figured I might as well throw myself out there:

I just had a work Christmas party last night and was so fascinated as to how people chose to sit/ made to sit. Something of particular note was that all the younger people chose to show up much later, hence got the second table (I was the first of the second table, giving me a prime position of the middle of the long table - prime observer real estate) I was able to interact on a personal level with a bunch of people and also listen/be part of when I felt many groups of conversations. Many options...

Anyway, today I felt like opening a door to like minds that would enjoy such a sitting arrangement, look around to see how the overall atmosphere of the restaurant was working and thinking about what the waiters must think of our crazy little group.

So here I am after reaffirming with the books that indeed I am indeed an INTP:

I’m a very hardcore "N"(100%) - making me a generalist and hate detail unless its part of important fundamental logic. I’m pretty hardcore "I", quite hardcore "T", and a moderate "P".

My blatantly bias opinion is I love being INTP, we are the ones that truly get at the big picture. I hope to meet many people and learn some interesting insights being part of this particular internet virtual culture!

matt

[file cabinet]

for the poll, I didn't read all the options and picked the wrong one.. oh well. I meant to choose the third option, ' as close to 7 as possible' instead of the 2nd option.

and.. welcome to the board.

[Clara]

Hi jetboots,

Those are all things I notice and enjoy, too... except I prefer corners - more room to shift around; this has led to someone at the opposite end on the same side and I leaning back for a few sentences, but what fun is there if everyone is too formal?

I haven't done the poll part yet, for the same reason that I find preference-sorting questionaires so difficult: it all depends on: who's hosting the party; is it potluck and am I bringing something needed at the beginning (lol: once when I thought my lateness was passable: "Oh good! You're here - DID you bring wine? Oh, okay... well I guess three bottles will do." - the problem was that someone who was presumed to be bringing 2-3 brought 1 - since which, a friend now pretends that I want to know, on arriving at any meal, if we have plenty of wine)
Lost my train of thought (this happens to me far more often here than almost anywhere else). Yeah, so it depends. Some conversations are only possible in the half hour before something...

Welcome :)

[Miss Anthropic]

I too went to a work Christmas party last night. I went with my INTP (I think INTP) boyfriend--his work. I usually hate parties and I don't think my boyfriend particularly likes them, but he likes to introduce me to all the people that he does know. I guess that is a good thing, that he doesn't mind being seen with me :hug: . So essentially the pressure was off me and he is blissfully unaware of social strata that I perceive. (He works with the upper eschelon of the company, so his position is different than any I've ever experienced) However, once he has introduced me to these people, he is terrible at small talk. I am capable, but it takes so damned much effort. I approached the evening as a social experiment. I found that it is quite easy to keep a conversation going if I continue to ask the other person about their education, interests etc. What I have discovered is that everybody likes talking about themselves and as long as I am willing to be enchanted by what they have to say, they will continue to talk. From my perspective, on a day to day basis, that is a waste of my time because I don't really want to know that much about them because it is all "small talk". I like to talk about myself as much as the next person, but decided not to volunteer any info about myself unless asked. Needless to say, I talked about myself very little. I consider the evening a success because I experienced it totally outside of myself (which allowed me to function sans self-consciousness) I didn't fuss over my appearance, I took too many hors d'ourves off the tray at any given time even when it required difficult balancing of my drink and napkin (now that is the kind of thing I always worried would draw attention to myself) I complimented complete strangers on their outfits! As a result I spent more time smiling at people ---not an ordinary occurence because I am usually far far inside my own thoughts--and I caught them smiling back at me. Hmmm is that what being an E feels like? I am very intrigued by this personality thing because I believe it is giving me ways to manipulate my interactions to be more functional. Now that I understand my position and perspective (that there are 1 out of 100 people that are like me and 99 others that I can fairly quickly assess and place in 1 of 15 other catagories) how calculating and cold :devil:
Whatever...welcome to the party!

[Clara]

Miss Anthropic, I've gathered, through things I've read here, that you experienced "taking your Fe out for some fresh air and exercise" (the " part is my interpretation of it) - we do actually each "own" a complete set of functions. And they get rusty and stiff from neglect.

Hi again, J - glad to hear you had fun at the work party.

[Vagabond]

I would avoid the party if I could, orelse I would appear *really* late.

Welcome. :)

[mgb]

Fashionably late. Things never get going until 9 or 10 anyways and I probably have better stuff to do.

Hello. And welcome.

[heeroyuy]

If I know the person hosting I usually try to appear either 30 or so minutes early so I feel "grounded" and comfortable enough to survive the night, late enough that it's almost over and I don't have to pretend to care (within a hour of it being over), or just avoid it by being "busy".

And welcome :)

[jetboots]

thanks for the welcomes eveyone,

some good points about it depends what type of party it was.. upon further retrospect, I could have made the poll much better, but I really wanted to post something at that particular minute:P

Miss A: ya, taking a party as an experiment is pretty cool to do to, although it can take so much effort, and since a lot of the time I know I could do it, l dont bother actually doing it.

[Edmond Zedo]

Didn't you see Curb your Enthusiasm? You're supposed to be on time for dinner parties. For a regular party, show up late as hell.

[SheepDog]

You're supposed to be on time for dinner parties. For a regular party, show up late as hell.
I almost posted this, but it seemed too 'traditional'. ;)

[s]

I am always fashionably late and people should be just happy I showed at all. A good hostess would not serve the food the minute 7 came around as guests need some appetizers and drinks.

[Clara]

What is/was "Curb Your Enthusiasm" (and, was it funny?)

[Edmond Zedo]

What is/was "Curb Your Enthusiasm" (and, was it funny?)
A series on HBO starring Larry David (writer/co-creator of Seinfeld). It's funny, but usu. very dry. Its gimmick is basically that Murphy's (real) law applies to every social situation he gets into, so the embarrassment is sometimes painful to watch.

[jimkopelli]

Ten to fifteen minutes early, then wait in the car for the next set of people, and go in with them. Helps make sure you've got the right house.

[Edmond Zedo]

"When you wait for the next set of people, the next set of people also waits for you."

[s]

Curb Your Enthusiasm is the funniest thing ever. My conversations with my friends and spouse are often very similar.

Oh, and it takes balls to show up somewhere alone, but if you must... you must. Be sure to clutch your hostess gift.

[Miss Anthropic]

Miss Anthropic, I've gathered, through things I've read here, that you experienced "taking your Fe out for some fresh air and exercise" (the " part is my interpretation of it) - we do actually each "own" a complete set of functions. And they get rusty and stiff from neglect.

Hi again, J - glad to hear you had fun at the work party.

Clara,
I don't think mine have ever really been unwrapped and out of the box until recently....

[Edmond Zedo]

Be sure to clutch your hostess gift.
Every chance I get.

[jetboots]

Curb your enthusiasm is pretty funny at times, but the one thing about that show that always got me is the main character's constant smirk as if he knows he is really just being funny and can't help but know he is being funny and laughing at himself. it somehow seems to be a trait of that kind of humour; Seinfeild (the character) had the same type of smirk, but his i didnt mind at all and found to be very fitting and more genuine. I dont know why this other guy's annoys me... perhaps cause that show is just Seinfeild to the nth degree and he also exagerated the smirk along with the humor, which he should not have.

[Six]

except I prefer corners - more room to shift around;
yeah... or at least a solid wall behind my back... call it paranoia... but sitting in the middle of everything just makes me uncomfortable :ph34r:

Welcom jetboots :hello:

[Killsteel]

I'd just like to say that no-one likes having their back to a room. It's a normal human feeling... (I think)

[Clara]

Six (hello!) - sitting at a table, I like to be able to shift in my chair, without bumping into people (in the example party I was thinking about, there were as many people as could fit at our table - it often happens that way). But (or maybe, and) I also somewhat dislike sitting "in the middle of traffic," which is how it feels to me, to sit in the middle of a busy cafe.

Hi again, jetboots - fun topic!

[Crazy]

Sitting: I hate sitting in between people. Especially when the tables weren't designed for that many guests. Back against the wall is also one place that I prefer to be. Corners are ideal to me, becuase I am out of traffic, I can see everyone, my back is against the wall, and I usually have plenty of elbow room.

[Crazy]

Oh, and I like to show up on time or not at all. I hate showing up early, cause then the second person/couple to show up feels morally obligated to start up a conversation with you.

[jyakulis]

I find I almost always have honest intentions to show up on time. Whether or not I do is a different story though. I can get so sidetracked sometime lol.

[Clara]

Back against the wall is also one place that I prefer to beHa, if you have enough room back there, you sit still better than I do. :)

(... but it's a case of: if there are the right number of chairs/ places, someone didn't try very hard to rope in more people, and that's too bad)

[heeroyuy]

Corners are okay, my favorites are outcroppings in the wall, where no one wants to sit in front because they look weird. In one of those babys I have two sides of me to a wall, one toward another person, and another toward the room. I'm covered :)

[Warrior413]

Corners are okay, my favorites are outcroppings in the wall, where no one wants to sit in front because they look weird. In one of those babys I have two sides of me to a wall, one toward another person, and another toward the room. I'm covered :)
Yes, I always find myself an outcropping if at all available. Sometimes I just make use of a wall and a bookshelf or other piece of furniture. If terrorists somehow popped out of nowhere I'd have a damn good chance of survival. ;P And wherever I go I'm always late. Even if I wanted to get there early, I'm still late...
Oh yeah, welcome.

[jetboots]

hmm, thats weird, no one else likes to just sit and have all the action come to them?
I find that since I like people approaching me rather than me approaching people, then sitting in a traffic area keeps the initiating coming from the other end. Also it makes my initiating easier somehow, cause lots of random stuff and talking goes on in a traffic congested (both converstation congestion at a table and physical hallway congestin for example) I find it also easier to have one on one conversations (which I like better) in a high traffic area since big groups are physically (or abstractly in terms of conversations) never allowed to form there. --even if they do form, (one big conversation taking place at the table in the case of conversations) I am right in the middle and feel at the best observers tacticle advantage. Also this way I have more options to say one on one side notes about the conversation. if i was at the end or corner, I have less choice of random comments both coming and going.

Also with sitting in the middle of a table, I think its much better if you are the first one at that table. That way people you know/like you in someway will tend to sit towards you and other ppl that dont feel like being with you can sit at the ends. This way, if you are the first sitting at the next table to fill up, you can define the initial set up for social dynamics of the table. Its like being a conversation engineer.

[heeroyuy]

Being a conversatoin engineer does sound appealing, and I have utilized this technique if there were a few people I know. But usually, my fellow introverts and I clump in social bubbles. Violation of our bubble immediatley makes us all cease discussion and watch the unwelcome invasion of our interpersonal space.

As to sitting in middle...if I don't know the people mostly, no. I don't like attracting attention usually if I don't, I don't want people to engage me at all. Most parties I attend where I only know one or two people are because I was forced into it by parents or as an act of kindness toward someone. Most parties I go too are geek gatherings of 6 or 8 of us (none of us really close to begin with), where we may not talk for 5 or 10 minutes, then burst out about things such as how borg interpersonal relationships function, why b-trees and therefore reiserfs suck, why the year 1842 sucked, the graviational fields of black holes, and other related (only by being unrelated) topics.

[jetboots]

Being a conversatoin engineer does sound appealing, and I have utilized this technique if there were a few people I know. But usually, my fellow introverts and I clump in social bubbles. Violation of our bubble immediatley makes us all cease discussion and watch the unwelcome invasion of our interpersonal space.

As to sitting in middle...if I don't know the people mostly, no.

I HATE that, when someone's arrival completely scews the "natural" conversation, as a matter of fact that sometimes bugs me enough to make me do something about it.

Point taken, if its a party where I know no one, then I would never sit in the middle. Actually, I probably wouldn't come in ther first place:P But in the context of an office party, or some gathering of a group of people you are part of, and you are bound to like some and not others; this is when conversation engineering is quite useful.