Emoticons and Formalities

[expired]

I'd like to rant about two completely different things. I'm very sorry if I offend anyone by my first rant... (though, if I do, I think you may want to take some time away from instant messaging or your computer altogether)

I really,really hate emoticons. I don't know... maybe it's the whole concept of trying to sum of the exact expression on your face with something that looks nothing like a human face. They seem unneccesary. They're too "cutesy" as well.

Secondly, I really really dislike it when men open the door for me. It's uncomfortable and puts me on the spot. I mean, really. I'm fully capable of opening it myself. Plus, am I supposed to say something to that person when I walk through? I usually mumble a quick "thanks" and try to add a look that says "don't ever do that again", but they don't seem to be getting the message. (sigh) Happens to me at least one a week. I'm sick of it, but I'm also not an irrational person. It would probably make a person incredibly uncomfortable if I just started ranting to them about how I hate it when someone opens the door for me while they're standing there holding the door and praying that I'll just walk through it without anymore fuss.

I'm done.

[Arcael]

yeah, being courteous to other people is lame :rolleyes:

[Boneca]

Emoticons are there for a reason - it is really hard to tell when something is said tongue-in-cheek, if somebody is being sarcastic, or if they are dead serious if you only have a sentence or two to look at.
And they aren't supposed to look like your face, they are just a guide on how to interpret the text.

That said, a lot of emoticons are pretty redundant, added only because people think they are cute.

[songbird36]

I'm not usually in the habit of being contrary but since this is a rant and rave and it's late at night here -
#1 I completely agree with Boneca (but the devil and darkglasses ones and a range of others are pretty tacky)
#2 If you have men opening doors for you you are extraordinarily lucky..these men are being both courteous and thoughtful. It doesn't happen nearly often enough these days, and says nothing whatsoever about your door opening abilities or any other abilities you might have. If you could clone the next man who does this, and send him over, I would be extremely grateful.

[melancholeric]

1. But they are cute ! 8O 8O

2. I always open the door for others. It just seems perfectly approriate for me. Get used to it.

[Mariel]

Holding a door open is common courtesy, whether it be male or female. but it depends on how far away the person is from the door. If you are more than a reasonable distance away and the person stands and waits there holding it for you (assuming you are not with them), that's not necessary.
I find it incredibly rude when anyone walks through a door when someone is directly behind them and does not at least push the door open or "hand it" to the next person.

A big peeve of mine is when a person in a car stops and waits for you to walk past them if there are no other cars behind. Just go ahead!

[Claverhouse]

This thread should be in the sensitive 'Gender Studies' forum, where those that feel deeply post.



Claverhouse :ph34r:


:laser:

Feminists suck; but that's their function.

[BritainOphira]

Feminists suck; but that's their function. *beats Claverhouse with a large stick*

[booyalab]

Secondly, I really really dislike it when men open the door for me. It's uncomfortable and puts me on the spot. I mean, really. I'm fully capable of opening it myself. Plus, am I supposed to say something to that person when I walk through? I usually mumble a quick "thanks" and try to add a look that says "don't ever do that again", but they don't seem to be getting the message. (sigh) Happens to me at least one a week. I'm sick of it, but I'm also not an irrational person. It would probably make a person incredibly uncomfortable if I just started ranting to them about how I hate it when someone opens the door for me while they're standing there holding the door and praying that I'll just walk through it without anymore fuss.

I'm done.

What's wrong with people holding the door open for you? In my region, at least, it's nice to open the door for anyone-opposite sex or same, old or young, just as a polite little tradition. If someone's right behind me and I'm about to open the door, and I'm not in a hurry, I'll hold it for them.

I'm going out on a limb here (and you'll probably get offended), but since it's extremely unlikely that ALL of these men are opening the door because they want to look at your ass or they think women=crippled (the only kinds of reasons for opening doors I could think of that warrant annoyance),
then you might have some issues with relative self-worth or how you believe men perceive you that you need to address.

[EdwinJefferson]

I've always held the door open to people since I was little.. it's suprising how often I don't get thanked or acknowledged for it.

Oh and I'm not a perverted little guy who would intentionally be patronising, or have a desire to look at someones rear end.

[Arioch]

Factoid: I once heard that people who use emoticons a lot have a better grip on their emotions

[booyalab]

Factoid: I once heard that people who use emoticons a lot have a better grip on their emotions

how do you define a "better grip" on emotions? Also, If I have used the computer once in my entire life, I've probably not used emoticons very much and someone with a similar or lesser "grip" on their emotions (assuming that means anything) could conceivably have used emoticons more if they go on the internet and e-talk to other people every day.

I'm hairsplitting but that 'fact' is pretty vague.

[EdwinJefferson]

Factoid: I once heard that people who use emoticons a lot have a better grip on their emotions

Lie.

[booyalab]

I usually just use emoticons when I think someone might not get the joke of what I'm saying and I want them to, or if I'm in a very well-defined mood.

[TraditionalNonconformist]

:mad: Yeah, emoticons suck. They just dumb down the internet. Can it actually get dumber? :rant:

And societal formalities irk me as well. Think how it is for us polite guys! I always get all nervous going though public doors because if a woman is coming up behind me, or anybody, but especially women because of <i>ladies first</i> I've be taught, I don't know if I should just pass through and hold it from the other side let it close or stop and hold it open before going though and then it turns out she is still a good distance from the door and when she sees me holding it open she feels like she has to hurry and run so I'm not there all day. The when they pass though it is always problematic, like I just get caught in the door and block it up or my books get caught in her purse. It's always so awkward and just ruins my mood the rest of the day. So, there you go. I hope you appreciate what I go through to try to be a polite, respectable member of society.

[EdwinJefferson]

And societal formalities irk me as well. Think how it is for us polite guys! I always get all nervous going though public doors because if a woman is coming up behind me, or anybody, but especially women because of <i>ladies first</i> I've be taught, I don't know if I should just pass through and hold it from the other side let it close or stop and hold it open before going though and then it turns out she is still a good distance from the door and when she sees me holding it open she feels like she has to hurry and run so I'm not there all day. The when they pass though it is always problematic, like I just get caught in the door and block it up or my books get caught in her purse. It's always so awkward and just ruins my mood the rest of the day. So, there you go. I hope you appreciate what I go through to try to be a polite, respectable member of society.

Does that mean you only hold it open for females?

[booyalab]

:mad: Yeah, emoticons suck. They just dumb down the internet. Can it actually get dumber? :rant:

And societal formalities irk me as well. Think how it is for us polite guys! I always get all nervous going though public doors because if a woman is coming up behind me, or anybody, but especially women because of <i>ladies first</i> I've be taught, I don't know if I should just pass through and hold it from the other side let it close or stop and hold it open before going though and then it turns out she is still a good distance from the door and when she sees me holding it open she feels like she has to hurry and run so I'm not there all day. The when they pass though it is always problematic, like I just get caught in the door and block it up or my books get caught in her purse. It's always so awkward and just ruins my mood the rest of the day. So, there you go. I hope you appreciate what I go through to try to be a polite, respectable member of society.

Maybe you could hold her purse in your teeth, pick her up, and carry her through. At least she would remember you.

[Jezebel]

Secondly, I really really dislike it when men open the door for me. It's uncomfortable and puts me on the spot. I mean, really. I'm fully capable of opening it myself. Plus, am I supposed to say something to that person when I walk through? I usually mumble a quick "thanks" and try to add a look that says "don't ever do that again", but they don't seem to be getting the message. (sigh) Happens to me at least one a week. I'm sick of it, but I'm also not an irrational person. It would probably make a person incredibly uncomfortable if I just started ranting to them about how I hate it when someone opens the door for me while they're standing there holding the door and praying that I'll just walk through it without anymore fuss.

Are you talking about when they are going through/coming out the same door too? If so I think you need to lighten up. I'm a female and *I* hold the door open for people, male or female. It takes about 5 seconds of my time, and is just nicer than slamming the door in someone's face who is about to walk through behind me. While most people might not appreciate it, some do and it can be especially nice for people who have their hands full.

If it bothers you the most because you don't know how to respond, all you have to do is give the quick thanks, continue walking, and forget about it. I don't think anyone expects a big production from you because you walked through the open door, and I know that I certainly don't. The dirty look is pointless and just rude, because it's unlikely that these people will see you again to remember not to open the door for you next time anyway.

[Claverhouse]

I've always held the door open to people since I was little.. it's suprising how often I don't get thanked or acknowledged for it.
Not surprising at all: they think --- insofar as they are capable of thought --- one is weird for doing something they would never dream of doing. Courtesy is demeaning.


Oh and I'm not a perverted little guy who would intentionally be patronising, or have a desire to look at someones rear end.
I'll take your word for it. Especially as most of those of whomever one assists are not worth checking out or are actively repellent.



Claverhouse :ph34r:

[hemanthraz]

i used to open doors for people till too many of them went past me like i was a doorman .
it was just a way that i could be "nice" in a socially acceptable way to people without too much effort.

All that stopped one fine day, when i held a door open for someone and she got a call, and i thought it was my phone and i let go of the door, and it slammed into our faces. Im never doing that again.

[runs through the door like a jack rabbit in heat]

[expired]

Sorry... I didn't mean to sound completely ungrateful. What I tried to get across was the fact that I just hate it when it happens to me. It is nice. I just don't like it. I'm not yelling at the person or anything... I'm just having bitter thoughts as I walk through the door. I'm also not giving them a bad look. I'm not attacking the person for doing it. That's just my opinion. And, for clarification, what I mean by "opening the door for me" is that I'm a good 8 to 10 ft. away, and they stop, look behind them, see me, and stand with the open door behind them waiting for me to go through first. I wouldn't mind it so much if they went through first and held the door open for me then, but they wait for me to go through first. I usually can't even look at them when I go through... and there's a slight panic in me as I'm getting closer to the door wondering if I should acknowledge their gesture. I just end up feeling stupid at the end. This is my own personal problem, I suppose. It just makes me angry when anything makes me feel that low.

[TraditionalNonconformist]

Does that mean you only hold it open for females?

Certainly not, I just thought we were talking about chivalry here. I don't do it because I hope to get anything out of it, not even a "thank you." I probably do it because I think it is one of those things that make up a happy little civil society and is expected.
That and all the door disasters I can recall involve females. Of course that could just as well be a selective memory.

[songbird36]

The door disasters I've personally experienced have nothing to do with my supposedly inferior spatial sense, and everything to do with one (or other) of my offspring trying to beat me through the door or worse..pass through at the same time.

Various parts of the anatomy of the aforesaid (from heads and shoulders..to other parts which shall remain nameless) have been bruised by heavy doors.

The presence of a chivalrous gentleman holding the door open at an opportune time could well have averted these urban tragedies.

[jimkopelli]

There's a case in point I use sometimes about the door thing...
An old man is coming out of a building. A feminist (who, by the way, is a total looker) is walking in. The old man hold the door for her, in passing, and she lets him have it. "How dare you imply that I'm unable to do things for myself, that I need your help, etc etc" The old man just stands there. She exhausts her rant, (having run out of things to attack, and in need of more material to work with) and says "Well, don't you have anything to say for yourself?" The old guys gives her a look, and says "Ma'am, I didn't hold the door for you because you're a lady, I held the door because I am a gentleman."

I hold doors all the time, and I have yet to be bawled out for it. Often I get complimented for being polite. It's how I was raised, and it's not doing me any harm.

I try not to use emoticons, and if I ever use one of those silly acronyms, let me know and I'll fix it.

[CreativeChaos]

Arioch originally wrote:
Factoid: I once heard that people who use emoticons a lot have a better grip on their emotions

Who me? What emotions? :banghead: I *am* in total control of my emotions! :wacko: These Stupid emoticons are of no use whatsoever!!! ;P
Who needs them, BAH! :whistle:

[Avengardh]

Feminist shmeminist.

I hold the door open for people if they are within my range, sometimes it does get too out of extreme, I do agree that then that is quite bothersome.

Today's view of feminism sometimes gets to the extremes, there are just some things women take to a higher plateau of nonsense, and yes, I am female.

About emoticons...these are kinda ugly, and I am a graphics-freak, so, I don't mind them, only when people use them extensively.

[Johnny]

Emoticons tell a story all their own. I like them very much and appreciate their support on this board (thanks again FC and NGene! http://forums.intpcentral.com/images/smilies/ng_hug.gif ).



http://forums.intpcentral.com/images/smilies/sombrero.gif

[CosmicDust]

I use emoticons to portray humorous intent or playful or friendly mood. I'm not into using every goofy emoticon there is...usually basic smile, wink, a devil for mischievous humor, and the smiley with the tongue hanging out. People say I don't portray my moods and feelings very easily in writing, so I guess doing something helps.

When I'm in a crappy mood, I just say so. I can portray my moods that way. But that's the thing, I just describe and report my moods, I don't really know how to color my writing with them.

[CreativeChaos]

Ok, has no one gotton that the emoticon blurp I wrote above is prime example of the use of emoticons? You can say one thing, but be feeling or thinking another. A strict verbal interpretation of the above would be.

Who me? What emotions? (Aargh Damned emotions!) I am in total control of my emotions! (right, I'm really a complete phsyco) Those stupid emoticons are of no use whatsoever (Nyahh!! *NOT* I just showed you how important they are by refuting everything I said with them)

Who needs them, Bah! (Yeah, I'm just going to wait around and see how many heads *this* passes over)!


A picture is worth a thousand words!


It's also a way to totally confound a person. Too many words. ;)

[garak]

Geez, it's a simple courtesy. I don't see why anyone would make such a big deal out of it. Say "thanks" and be on your way, that's all anyone expects. People won't stop doing it -- so it makes a lot more sense to learn to get along with it than to get all worked up about it all the time. You're only causing problems for yourself, and you're not even causing the "problem" to go away -- people will probably keep doing it for the forseeable future.

[Clara]

Sorry... I didn't mean to sound completely ungrateful. What I tried to get across was the fact that I just hate it when it happens to me.
neutralminds, we live in society - we all do little things to get along better. None of us are telepathic (and I'm so glad of that; imagine the extra noise and consternation) and as an elderly gentleman explained, mildly, to me, when I was twenty and had just expostulated at being called "dear," "Well, I imagine you are dear to someone" (there is no smiley to express to expectant look he gave, waiting to see if I understood).

Haha - since then, I use endearments freely, and now you understand why. (And no, feeling emotions toward others isn't the exclusive domain of Fs).

By the way, 4 years ago I first met someone who is now an "in-law" - and mutual fondness was established almost right away, but I still don't have enough data to be able to say INTJ (maybe?) or not... life, and people, are complicated things :)

CreativeChaos - I would have thought most of us read your emoticons as you intended them (I did)... and smiled wordlessly :D

[songbird36]

neutralminds, we live in society - we all do little things to get along better. None of us are telepathic (and I'm so glad of that; imagine the extra noise and consternation) and as an elderly gentleman explained, mildly, to me, when I was twenty and had just expostulated at being called "dear," "Well, I imagine you are dear to someone" (there is no smiley to express to expectant look he gave, waiting to see if I understood).

Haha - since then, I use endearments freely, and now you understand why. (And no, feeling emotions toward others isn't the exclusive domain of Fs).

:D

ah you've opened a whole new can of worms here - "dear", "love", "sweetheart" etc..all depends on how they're said doesn't it? I guess tone of voice is everything. My ex father-in-law calls me "sunshine" when he wants to patronise the hell out me..

couldn't resist using a ghastly emoticon on this one

[Clara]

songbird34, oh argggh, 'I Am a Literal-Minded INTP' - and had totally, blessedly, forgot that whole side of endearments. Congratulations on the "ex" status of the old... oh, wait, do you still have to interact with him in his "grandfather" role? (oh yuck. Does using foul language, in response, ever help?)
Blowing you (sincere, blue-for-strong-wind) wishes for many kind strangers to hold doors - :smooch:

[songbird36]

last time I spoke to him on the phone, he rang up and I answered the phone "Hi [x] speaking". He responded "hello [x] speaking..[giggle giggle]". So witty and original.

Urgh..in the words of Mr Creosote "get me a bucket I want to throw up".

(x is my name in this post, by the way)

[Clara]

So, his "patronizing" is because he does perceive that you're galaxies beyond him - and he's registering his discomfort... *you see, if we were within viewing distance, we could just be making faces, and understanding...*

Who is Mr Creosote?

[songbird36]

A rather memorable character from "the Meaning of Life"..

[Clara]

Back to emoticons, and endearments - and I just remembered a comment made by Avengardh, actually about her own family, but also pointing out that some "rude" comments can be appropriate to even a (loving) family situation, depending on many things.

One of which is: the balance of those relationships, and how the rest of the emotional spectrum is expressed - e.g. is affection expressed as strongly? (Or, will it be possibly to make up for the unintentional parts of hurt feelings...) Also, are the same restrictions on language, etc. equally applied to olders and youngers?

Oh - that wasn't what I started out to say. What I meant to add was, in the set of - any - possible expressions, each person's name, said in a neutral-respectful way, has to be one of the possibles... otherwise, everything else *may* be lies.... for what it's worth...

[BritainOphira]

ah you've opened a whole new can of worms here - "dear", "love", "sweetheart" etc..all depends on how they're said doesn't it? I guess tone of voice is everything. My ex father-in-law calls me "sunshine" when he wants to patronise the hell out me..

No, "sir," by far, is the best term to patronize others (male others, specifically) with. "Dear" can work, too, but I also use it as a sign of endearment, along with any other similar word I can find. Part of it's being quirky, and part of it's being southern, I think.

[QrioCT]

how do u all manage as intps having to live with all the "emotional/formality rules" of society? i have a lot of trouble with these kind of stuff. i find that a lot of these stuff makes no sense and just do it for the sake of doing it because people say you should.

and yeah, emocons are for the sake of telling apart sarcasm and stuff like that online even if they do look kind of stupid.