Did You Have to Sit Next to Me ?

[Dr. Haight]

So I was at the court area of my local mall today, and I'm just sitting on a bench, reading the Times, and drinking a cafe moca, while minding my own business. There were two people in the entire area and about ten two-person benches. A 55 year-old lady (I'm estimating) walked into the area, purchased a coffee, passed by five seats, and sat down right fucking next to me; WTF.

I couldn't focus on what I was reading anymore. I could feel her actually staring at my paper, then at the side of my face, and then at some of the shops. She did this cycle over, and over again.

Here's my question:

What should I have said to her? Or, what would you have said to her? Would you have said anything at all? Give me a good line that I can use the next time this happens to me.

I thought about the things I would like to say. Like, "Are you fucking joking me right now lady? I know I'm unbelievably attractive, but, you need to control yourself women and give me some space." Or, "Do I look like I want to socialize right now?" I came up with about twenty others while she was sitting there, but of course, I didn't say anything other than, "yeah" and, "I think so."

[Hustler]

There are just so many options here:

"Do you like my book?"
"Is there something on the side of my face?"
"Is your breathing normally this loud?"
"I think I'm coming down with the flu. Did you get flu shots?" *wipe nose then extend hand* "Hi, I'm Haight."
Start picking your nose something fierce and/or pass gas.
"So, did you hear about me? I'm an administrator on an INTP forum."

[kuranes]

"Was it Siegfried or was it fucking Roy that got mauled by the tiger ? I can never remember !!" spoken vehemently.

[kuranes]

"So, did you hear about me? I'm an administrator on an INTP forum."
LOL

[outmywindow]

I'm a fan of the last suggestion, personally. It isn't rude and it's completely fucking random. The only problem with it, though, is that it could spark her curiosity and result in her incessantly questioning you on just what an "administrator" does on a "forum" (what's that again?) for "INTPs" (is that some kind of disorder, like the HIV?).

[Dr. Haight]

"I think I'm coming down with the flu. Did you get flu shots?" *wipe nose then extend hand* "Hi, I'm Haight.":rofl:

That would have been the best, since there isn't a lie in that statement.


The only problem with it, though, is that it could spark her curiosity and result in her incessantly questioning you on just what an "administrator" does on a "forum" (what's that again?) for "INTPs" (is that some kind of disorder, like the HIV?).Yeah, that's the key. You know that lady - and people like her - would just jump on anything they can use to start chatting it up . . . indefinitely.

[MacGuffin]

Just get up and move to an empty bench.

The message is loud and clear then.

[Conan]

I would have just conjured up the biggest fart I could.

[Dr. Haight]

I would have just conjured up the biggest fart I could.Well, I'm not sure what you eat . . . but that would have taken a lot of preparation for me to pull off - not to mention anticipation :).

[outmywindow]

I would have just conjured up the biggest fart I could.

What's the charm for that one, Harry?

*edit* It's engulfus flatulencia. I looked it up.

[abathur]

Ask her if she likes fisting. Explain if necessary. Hope to god she doesn't like it and know.

[Dr. Haight]

Ask her if she likes fisting. Explain if necessary. Hope to god she doesn't like it and know.What if she replied, "Your mom likes fisting"?

[Stoned_Rider]

"Are you fucking joking me right now lady? I know I'm unbelievably attractive, but, you need to control yourself women and give me some space."
"Oh! Sorry to disappoint you young man, but this just happens to be my favourite bench for the past 20 years :smooch:"

You know how old people tend to stick to their "favourite" anything no matter what.



What I would probably say:

"I hadn't realised all the other benches have been freshly painted today! Whew, I must be one lucky fella! Wanna get high?"

[C.J.Woolf]

I'm a fan of the last suggestion, personally. It isn't rude and it's completely fucking random. The only problem with it, though, is that it could spark her curiosity and result in her incessantly questioning you on just what an "administrator" does on a "forum" (what's that again?) for "INTPs" (is that some kind of disorder, like the HIV?).

Ask her if she likes fisting. Explain if necessary. Hope to god she doesn't like it and know.
Yeah, there's a risk in going weird. You might be up against someone weirder than that, in which case it's like bringing a knife to a gun fight.

[attila_the_hunny]

I had the exact same thing on the bus, except the guy sitting next to me kept inching over, ramming his elbow into my side and rubbing his leg against mine. I moved at the next stop, and he got off (assuming I was, too), and moved to another seat. I take a nap, look up a couple stops before mine, and that fucker got right back on the train a couple seats in front of me. Then he got off at the same stop I did.
Yeah, I'll be looking out for him.

[Rajah]

A 55 year-old lady (I'm estimating) walked into the area, purchased a coffee, passed by five seats, and sat down right fucking next to me; WTF.I'm only 31, sonny. And I couldn't restrain myself.



:cry:

[abathur]

What if she replied, "Your mom likes fisting"?

:wub:

[Madrigal]

Lol, I can't believe this thread. It was a two-person bench and she sat next to you, why is that such a big deal? Were her thighs touching yours or something?!

I can understand that it's annoying when people look at what you're reading. In those cases I fold my book up so they can't see, and they usually get the picture.


Just get up and move to an empty bench.

The message is loud and clear then.

Yeah, I have done this when there was nothing else I could do to make a person stop annoying me. Usually it's because of some horny old man, someone who smells, a drunk, a teenager talking to another teenager, or a mother with a kid or baby.


Yeah, there's a risk in going weird. You might be up against someone weirder than that, in which case it's like bringing a knife to a gun fight.

LOL :)

[Jennywocky]

Just get up and move to an empty bench.
The message is loud and clear then.

Some of the other answers were pretty funny; but realistically, since I'm too lazy to converse and too introverted to want to, this would probably be what I would have done.

If I was in a cranky mood, I'd do it blatantly -- so that she'd know she had encroached (unless she was COMPLETELY thoughtless). If I was in a kind mood, I might just get up and leave the whole area, so it would like I had finished and was now just moving on.

I suppose that's a pretty passive weak response. But normally I just don't even feel like it's worth the energy to deal with.\

(Of course, it doesn't mean I wouldn't be irked by what she did. What you describe is one of my pet peeves, and I take care not to do it to others.)

[tatsutahime6]

Pretend to do the yawn/stretch thing, and then 'accidentally' hit her in the head with your outstretched hand.

[PonderBee]

Mall luvin' ... You know that you wanted her as much as she wanted you :)



http://torp.priv.no/woody/images/annie-17.jpg

[JAVO]

Here's my question:

What should I have said to her? Or, what would you have said to her? Would you have said anything at all? Give me a good line that I can use the next time this happens to me.
...
I came up with about twenty others while she was sitting there, but of course, I didn't say anything other than, "yeah" and, "I think so."

What did she say?

[Edmond Zedo]

Someday only dead people will sit next to you, because you'll be in the cemetary, also dead.

Fuckin people round here...

[paulwhy]

What should I have said to her?
"I think it is very brave of you to sit next to me seeing as I am HIV positive"
or
"Will you marry me as otherwise I will be deported?"
Or maybe best:
"Will you marry me as otherwise I will be deported? On the upside I have all my own teeth. On the downside I am HIV positive"