How do you deal with Emotional Conflict?

[tragula]

Just seeing if people have any strategies for coping with huge unavoidable personal confrontations or blowouts.

I already know about "stop caring about other people" so save your breath if that's all you have to say!

[file cabinet]

if it as an emotion associated with a memory which I would prefer to forget.. I pretend that the memory is popcorn and that it is popping out of a machine.. then in my mind I eat the popcorn.. then when I try to remember whatever it was, the first thing that will come to mind is popcorn, at this point I will try to stop thinking about it and only think of the popcorn...
for things in the present I try to shrug it off..

[garak]

In a relationship, I try to talk it out. With anyone else I generally ignore them.

[L. Bartholomew]

In a relationship, I try to talk it out. With anyone else I generally ignore them.

yup. most emotions are irrational and most people will get over it.

[Shai Gar]

i just talk rationally untill the time i start yelling, then i storm out and go for a walk for a fewhours then i return and forget about it

[tragula]

if it as an emotion associated with a memory which I would prefer to forget.. I pretend that the memory is popcorn and that it is popping out of a machine.. then in my mind I eat the popcorn.. then when I try to remember whatever it was, the first thing that will come to mind is popcorn, at this point I will try to stop thinking about it and only think of the popcorn...
for things in the present I try to shrug it off..

That's exactly the sort of stuff I was looking for! Cool.

[Miss Anthropic]

Emotions follow thoughts, so I try to change my perspective or thinking on the particular conflict in order to let it go. If I don't do that, I expend tons of energy with the conflict spinning around in my brain. I'm getting better at it and it helps to not be working at a job that was a daily mind F***.

[Vagabond]

Um... it depends..? :huh:

[mgb]

Not very well. My initial reactions in a situation are usually wrong so I have learned to step away for a while (whatever that means) and figure out what I am "thinking".

I guess I would see my initial knee-jerk reaction is an F function and I've learned to let my T take over, but it needs some time to.

If enough time goes by, my mind just wonders and I forget what the problem was and get on with life.

[cjs55]

Most of the time the problem lies with them, and not me, so I just shrug it off.

When the problem does lie with me, which is very rare, then it takes me a while to deal with it.

[MasterMerk]

Ignore it until it goes away.

If it doesn't go away. Hulk smash!

[Clara]

(Referring to conflict in the context of family/close relationships - where both/all care about resolving it : )
The short answer is : letting the emotions fly while they do; making sure that the tone is emotional, and that truly hurtful remarks get addressed immediately (apologies, on the spot - like a time-out, until); finding some humour, or relief, or saving grace of some kind, however slight; and working out a conclusion that's acceptable to both/ all parties.

Well, it's condensed - I don't know that it's helpful to this topic... I have found that there's never any one "problem" behind any that I've been involved in - and, it's very different when the emotional exchange is with a close family member (spouse, or other). Not fun - but, apparently, I do it well (o yipee).

[Shai Gar]

APOLOGISE?

fuck that i would rather be right

[Clara]

APOLOGISE?
fuck that i would rather be rightThanks for pointing out something I "left out" of what I was saying, Shai Gar (except, you know, I wasn't trying to cover all possible variables :blink: )... I was speaking of the conflicts that arise between people with whom one has an ongoing important realationship - elaborated over years, built to last (or for some length of time).

And I agree with something you seem to be implying - that someone being very upset, doesn't necessarily mean the one with whom they're upset is wrong. (IS that part of what you meant?)

[jyakulis]

I take a lotta long walks through the park alone and think about things.

[Shai Gar]

i just meant even if the argument is based on a concept i am not going to concede very easily, i prefer to be "right", and if the discussion is not based on a concept and something tangable then odds are in a RL conversation i am only going to throw in if i know myself to be right, and if i do then i am not backing down from that point even if it reduces someone to tears, later on i might apologise that i didnt explain myself in a decent way so they wouldnt cry, but i am not going to apologise for backing an argument that made them cry

[Zero Angel]

Usually think too much ('maybe that insult is true'), and get really depressed. Not caring about what others think is still easier said then done. But I have started becoming confrontational. This morning a co-worker said that I smelled nice, then as I was leaving laughed and remarked to someone else on how it smelled like a womens perfume (though it is a male cologne). So I let it sink in for awhile before walking up to where she was sitting (in the boardroom, with 2 other people), put my hand on her shoulder and said to her.

"You must live a meaningless life if you have to laugh at others just to feel better about yourself"

before walking away and saying

"I feel sorry for you"

God I was so nervous. She laughed. But she couldnt hide her tone of voice, which seemed very depressive at various intervals throughout the day. If I do face disciplinary action, at least I will face it with a smile.

[QrioCT]

think it out. what's all the possible solutions? if there are some, do it. if not, stop worrying about things that you cant control and get used to it.

if u knew me, now you'd say "gee qrio look who's talking." cuz i usually dont even care. :D

[DevNull]

Wow, Zero. I can remember those moments from my days before I embraced my INTP strengths. Good relating. Spooky even.

As I have read and experienced, I will flip out irrationally when under extreme social stress. It takes a lot to get me there but a quick shortcut is to challenge a tenet of mine. Someone could probably ridicule me and try to push my buttons all day long with no effect. Step on my sense of logic though, and even worse, turn it around on me, and I will spaz.

A co-worker, who happens to be brother of the owner, insists on chiefly using the same passwords (and printing them out on paper for all employees AND storing them on computers) to financial sites and every time a laptop is stolen or a disgruntled employee quits, we have an all out screaming match over security procedures. I can almost handle the sloppy procedures but I cannot handle how he starts blubbering and screaming "We are fucked! We are so fucked!" every time it happens. (I am in charge of security BTW).

As I get older, social emotional scenarios are all old to me and since I can see twenty moves ahead, I can instantly play out the whole thing. I always win in my head. No worries. That logic thing though..... grrrrrr :mad:

[Edmond Zedo]

Haha, do they call you "Uh, Mr. 'The Plague'" at work?

[DevNull]

Haha, do they call you "Uh, Mr. 'The Plague'" at work?

Joke's on you Jack. I did NOT have a mouthful of diet Dr. Pepper while I read your post thus saving my keyboard. I *did*, however, have a mouthful of beer which I would never allow back into nature without letting it shake hands with my liver. I had to pinch my nose and defy whatever laws govern reverse peristalsis, but it was worth it.

(Now popping in my trusty Hackers DVD)

[DevNull]

(Now popping in my trusty Hackers DVD)

(ejecting the TRON 20th Anniversary supplemental DVD)

[Little Miss Krahka]

Easy. I don't. I deny that there is even a problem. Then I start weeping uncontrolably. Then hate myself for days afterwards for crying over what I still think isn't a problem.
I usually wait for everyone to just forget that it ever happened.

[Hawkon]

I tend to take off in an argue/fight. It's weird. I don't mind, I just go somewhere else - not thinking about it.

Somehow I belive a small portion of time will solve the problem. No talk!

[tragula]

if it as an emotion associated with a memory which I would prefer to forget.. I pretend that the memory is popcorn and that it is popping out of a machine.. then in my mind I eat the popcorn.. then when I try to remember whatever it was, the first thing that will come to mind is popcorn, at this point I will try to stop thinking about it and only think of the popcorn...
for things in the present I try to shrug it off..


I'm working on adapting this one! What I've come up with is something that suits me better and is less, well, gastronomic.

I picture my problem as a soccer ball (football) and give it a good solid mental kick downfield. If it comes back my way gain, well then--KICK!
Cheering audiences optional depending on whether someone is a narcissistic personality or not. And picturing a face on the ball is ok too.