Separate Circles of Friends

[Stoned_Rider]

I read somewhere that INTPs like to keep separate circles of friends, with each circle getting to see only one (or few) facet(s) of their personality. And I mean "friends" in the loosest sense i.e. people you hang out with and talk to on a regular basis, even if you wouldn't personally consider them friends. This is very true for me. I very rarely bring up my other circles of friends in conversation. If I do, I try to be as general as I can, not giving anything away. Questions:


Is this also true for you?
Would you say that this is mostly an INTP thing, or not necessarily?
Do you take measures to ensure that your friends don't happen to bump into each other?
Would you say that a particular circle knows more about the "real" you than the others do? Or does everyone equally know you, just differently?
If all your friends worked together to assemble the different pieces of your personality, would they still be able to come up with the complete picture of you?

[Varelse]

1. Yes.
2. Maybe not just an INTP thing...NT, perhaps?
3. Not really. What friends?;)
4. Yes.
5. No.

[geniusndisguise]

I read somewhere that INTPs like to keep separate circles of friends, with each circle getting to see only one (or few) facet(s) of their personality. And I mean "friends" in the loosest sense i.e. people you hang out with and talk to on a regular basis, even if you wouldn't personally consider them friends. This is very true for me. I very rarely bring up my other circles of friends in conversation. If I do, I try to be as general as I can, not giving anything anyway. Questions:


Is this also true for you?
Would you say that this is mostly an INTP thing, or not necessarily?
Do you take measures to ensure that your friends don't happen to bump into each other?
Would you say that a particular circle knows more about the "real" you than the others do? Or does everyone equally know you, just differently?
If all your friends worked together to assemble the different pieces of your personality, would they still be able to come up with the complete picture of you?


I don't know if it's an INTP thing, but I just read an Enneagram book and what you describe is exactly a Five thing. "Compartmentalizing" life in many ways including friendships, hobbies, time :huh:, etc.

[Jennywocky]

I don't know if it's an INTP thing, but I just read an Enneagram book and what you describe is exactly a Five thing. "Compartmentalizing" life in many ways including friendships, hobbies, time :huh:, etc.

One thing compartmentalization does is allow a lot more control over the face that one shows to others. If one is worried about how one is coming across, to mix groups means to have to play two roles at once. Only those who are pretty much WYSIWYG in demeanor deal well without the compartmentalization -- they are the same everywhere.

Another thing is the preservation of autonomy: The less knowledge someone has over the bulk of my life (i.e., I control what they know and do not know), the less I have to worry about them learning something I don't know they know, and leveraging me in some way to behave differently. The more you are fully integrated into other peoples' lives, the easier it is for them to grasp "who you are" and potentially see things they might want to change, or just keep tabs on you.

I do not think it's just an INTP thing, although INTPs can naturally compartmentalize. Even extroverts compartmentalize. I think it comes mostly down to low-self-monitoring people (those who present the same face, no matter what) versus high-self-monitoring people (those who for whatever reason have to show different faces to different people...)

[Rhu]

Is this also true for you?
No. The few friends I have get the whole deal. If there are facets of my personality that they aren't aware of, it is only because that particular facet is either irrelevant or that there has been no active show of interest in it.
Would you say that this is mostly an INTP thing, or not necessarily?
Unknown. This is outside my realm of experience.
Do you take measures to ensure that your friends don't happen to bump into each other?
Not at all. While there is a divide in circles between my online and offline circles, I'd have little problem if the two were to interact. Except for my ENFP friend's patently untrue stories about how I won't fail to fall into an open body of water.
Would you say that a particular circle knows more about the "real" you than the others do? Or does everyone equally know you, just differently?
I have particular friends in my separate circles who I have more in common with and have discussed a broader and more in depth range of personal and impersonal topics with, but that's more due to common interests and desires to communicate than anything else.
If all your friends worked together to assemble the different pieces of your personality, would they still be able to come up with the complete picture of you?
Maybe. I've always been told that I'm a rather difficult person to get to know.

[earwax]

What Rhu said works for me.

[Methofelis]

I read somewhere that INTPs like to keep separate circles of friends, with each circle getting to see only one (or few) facet(s) of their personality. And I mean "friends" in the loosest sense i.e. people you hang out with and talk to on a regular basis, even if you wouldn't personally consider them friends. This is very true for me. I very rarely bring up my other circles of friends in conversation. If I do, I try to be as general as I can, not giving anything away. Questions:


Is this also true for you?
Yes.
Would you say that this is mostly an INTP thing, or not necessarily?
Apparently it is because I'm a type five as well.
Do you take measures to ensure that your friends don't happen to bump into each other?
Not anymore. Had an accidental meet between them.
Would you say that a particular circle knows more about the "real" you than the others do? Or does everyone equally know you, just differently?
Only a couple know the real me... to a degree.
If all your friends worked together to assemble the different pieces of your personality, would they still be able to come up with the complete picture of you?
Absolutely not.


I had kept them separate before, but the bastards wandered into the coffee shop I hang out in on a whim, and there you have it... end of that.

[Tayshaun]

Is this also true for you?
Yes
Would you say that this is mostly an INTP thing, or not necessarily?
Perhaps mostly an Introvert attribute?
Do you take measures to ensure that your friends don't happen to bump into each other?
I deliberately avoid mixing them. I don't like being the common denominator.
Would you say that a particular circle knows more about the "real" you than the others do? Or does everyone equally know you, just differently?
Yes, I think most people have a closer circle of friends. The others are peripheral circles or with a slightly shifted center (different persona, the chameleon camouflage)
If all your friends worked together to assemble the different pieces of your personality, would they still be able to come up with the complete picture of you?
The skeleton might be assembled but many other elements remain undiscovered. I think everybody has a secret side, you can call it the anima or something else.

[Prothero]

* Is this also true for you?
It used to be an obsession, before I learned that the results aren't as bad as anticipated.
* Would you say that this is mostly an INTP thing, or not necessarily?
No way of knowing. I know more INTJs and they seem to be the same way. I've never heard or seen another type do so, but will assume I am not the only INTP who does/has/did.
* Do you take measures to ensure that your friends don't happen to bump into each other?
Again, I used to, until I figured out how small my circle of friends was and that the rest were merely acquaintances. I no longer care what they former might tell the latter, possibly because I know they hold a trust and are known to avoid sharing personal information. Among those who don't know me well, the rumors and speculation are going to be much more than the truth, so I figure it's great advertising, which doesn't require facts.
* Would you say that a particular circle knows more about the "real" you than the others do? Or does everyone equally know you, just differently?
If everyone I ever knew got together, and I wasn't present, only the name would provide common ground. Everyone one of them would have some part of it right, and much of it, wrong.
* If all your friends worked together to assemble the different pieces of your personality, would they still be able to come up with the complete picture of you?
Yes, but the composite would seem alien to their previously held beliefs, yet it would likely be a more accurate image than any single individual had before they added their pieces.

[cryokinetic]

I read somewhere that INTPs like to keep separate circles of friends, with each circle getting to see only one (or few) facet(s) of their personality. And I mean "friends" in the loosest sense i.e. people you hang out with and talk to on a regular basis, even if you wouldn't personally consider them friends. This is very true for me. I very rarely bring up my other circles of friends in conversation. If I do, I try to be as general as I can, not giving anything away. Questions:


Is this also true for you?
Would you say that this is mostly an INTP thing, or not necessarily?
Do you take measures to ensure that your friends don't happen to bump into each other?
Would you say that a particular circle knows more about the "real" you than the others do? Or does everyone equally know you, just differently?
If all your friends worked together to assemble the different pieces of your personality, would they still be able to come up with the complete picture of you?

1) While I do have somewhat distinct circles of friends, they all tend to overlap... and all get along quite well together.
2) Fucked if i know.
3) No... in fact, I often try to mesh the groups together.
4) No... most of my friends know me about as well as each other... there are a few individuals that know more than otehrs though.
5) No way in hell... there are some things that I just keep to myself.

[booyalab]

I have always had separate circles of friends and it's not like the friends came as clones in a set that I later decided to compartmentalize. They're each from different circumstances or different stages of my life and they all have distinct personalities/interests/backgrounds/etc so it's natural that my interaction with each would be unique.

[Jezebel]

Is this also true for you?

Sort of. I just don't believe it is about having a system to organize my friends. It has more to do with having friends that satisfy different areas of my personality or that I met through different situations. Most of my friendships are interest/hobby based. I have a lot of interests, and usually even if I meet people that share one interest or hobby, they don't share many others so I look elsewhere.

I would also say that I'm not equally sociable with everyone within each circle. Typically, I know one person from the group really well. The rest are friends of that person that I come into contact with more casually but don't spend time with alone.

Would you say that this is mostly an INTP thing, or not necessarily?

I don't think so, I think most people I know have more than one circle of friends.

Do you take measures to ensure that your friends don't happen to bump into each other?

No, nothing is secret, I just don't think they'd all be interested in each other.

Would you say that a particular circle knows more about the "real" you than the others do? Or does everyone equally know you, just differently?

Of course some people know me more than others.

If all your friends worked together to assemble the different pieces of your personality, would they still be able to come up with the complete picture of you?

No, I still have pieces of my personality/interests that I don't share with anyone.

[puzzled-observer]

1. Yes
2. Maybe
3. yes
4. yes
5. possibly

[HackerX]

I read somewhere that INTPs like to keep separate circles of friends, with each circle getting to see only one (or few) facet(s) of their personality. And I mean "friends" in the loosest sense i.e. people you hang out with and talk to on a regular basis, even if you wouldn't personally consider them friends. This is very true for me. I very rarely bring up my other circles of friends in conversation. If I do, I try to be as general as I can, not giving anything away. Questions:


Is this also true for you?
Would you say that this is mostly an INTP thing, or not necessarily?
Do you take measures to ensure that your friends don't happen to bump into each other?
Would you say that a particular circle knows more about the "real" you than the others do? Or does everyone equally know you, just differently?
If all your friends worked together to assemble the different pieces of your personality, would they still be able to come up with the complete picture of you?



Yes
Maybe an NT thing
They tend to do that without my help
Some have known me longer than others, and thus possibly know me better than others
No

[ajblaise]

elementary school: Middle class white kids from my neighborhood, these nerdy asians kids that went to the Center For Inquiry with me (surprisingly, I had the most fun with them), and my school had about 70% black and latino kids and I was friends with some of them but never went down to their neighborhood.

high school: My whole class only had 125 people in it, so my group of close friends would all mingle with the jocks (although not that much), druggies, artsy types, and musicians.

college: Same thing as high school although I'm slightly more introverted now. Probably because 70% of my college is from long island.

[Stoned_Rider]

For me it is not so much about worrying what one friend might tell another. It's just that I know some of my friends will be shocked at the mere sight of some of my other friends (remember, "friends" in the loosest sense). For them to get along is completely out the question. Hell, they might even end up kniving each other or something like that :ph34r:



Okay, there's some other stuff I'd like to mention as well regarding this topic, but I'm logging off for the day right now (plus I need to dwell on my thoughts for a bit longer).

[cut the grass]

Is this also true for you? It used to be. Not at all anymore.
Would you say that this is mostly an INTP thing, or not necessarily? Definitely a INTP thing.. you can overcome it though.
Do you take measures to ensure that your friends don't happen to bump into each other? I might have in the past... but not anymore. I bring people from different groups together to please myself.
Would you say that a particular circle knows more about the "real" you than the others do? Or does everyone equally know you, just differently? Nope. They all know the real me. But when I was younger, I was less open. I didn't even know myself. So I definitely had a group that I felt knew me best.
If all your friends worked together to assemble the different pieces of your personality, would they still be able to come up with the complete picture of you? My friends have a complete picture of me.

[Randomnity]

I read somewhere that INTPs like to keep separate circles of friends, with each circle getting to see only one (or few) facet(s) of their personality. And I mean "friends" in the loosest sense i.e. people you hang out with and talk to on a regular basis, even if you wouldn't personally consider them friends. This is very true for me. I very rarely bring up my other circles of friends in conversation. If I do, I try to be as general as I can, not giving anything away. Questions:


Is this also true for you?
Would you say that this is mostly an INTP thing, or not necessarily?
Do you take measures to ensure that your friends don't happen to bump into each other?
Would you say that a particular circle knows more about the "real" you than the others do? Or does everyone equally know you, just differently?
If all your friends worked together to assemble the different pieces of your personality, would they still be able to come up with the complete picture of you?


1- mostly
2- maybe an introverted thing
3- no, i've actually been trying to merge my circles to a degree, if only because I get stressed out when multiple people want me to do something on a given night. However I always feel uncomfortable when the circles are together because I feel I have the social responsibility to see that everything goes well
4- no circle knows me more, though there are individuals who do
5- a decent picture yes, not a complete one