INTPs as Social Navigators

[Hustler]

For those of you who are confident in your social skills, what would you count as your greatest asset in this area? This can, of course, be any area of social engagement, from genuine, earnest connection to manipulation and influence to attaining popularity and a good reputation to successful social networking to anything else that falls in the realm of human interaction. Where have you been most successful and what traits do you think are your strongest?

[mancroft]

I have always been good at networking by standing in a pub and drinking beer with other blokes (mainly).

This has the advantage that there is always someone who uses the pub who is a real plumber/electrician etc and knows what they are doing.

So you can always find a plumber/electrician etc when you want one which is not a particularly easy thing to do in most of England.

[bluebell]

The only social skill I'm any good at is networking at work (because it's all about getting more data and knowledge :) ).

I don't think I'm particularly good at other social skills, although I can usually fake it well enough to get by.

[Hustler]

The only social skill I'm any good at is networking at work (because it's all about getting more data and knowledge :) ).
How are you good at it? How does it manifest, and what have the results been? What methods do you use?

[s0978]

For those of you who are confident in your social skills, what would you count as your greatest asset in this area? This can, of course, be any area of social engagement, from genuine, earnest connection to manipulation and influence to attaining popularity and a good reputation to successful social networking to anything else that falls in the realm of human interaction. Where have you been most successful and what traits do you think are your strongest?

Well, I'm a very good listener. And when genuinely interested, I show that by asking discerning and incisive questions. And when not, I can fake it. Well, not always, but sometimes. Cuz I know what being really interested in others looks like, see.

[bluebell]

How are you good at it? How does it manifest, and what have the results been? What methods do you use?

It came about by accident, I guess you could call it turning a weakness into a strength. I'm very shy and have a lot of social anxiety. Part of my efforts to overcome the shyness has been to make myself talk to other people at work, which I'm most comfortable doing one on one eg getting a glass of water or waiting in the coffee queue. I'm still not very good at making small talk so I ask questions, such as 'which area are you working in?', 'who's the manager there?', 'where did you use to work?' etc. And people are usually happy to talk to me about stuff, including any problems they have - I'm not bad at listening.

My mind also compulsively maintains a model of the organisation where I work and what people tell me gets slotted into my model. I find it very easy to remember who does what and whether they were trying to get a promotion or if they moved jobs or the problems they have with their team etc.

The results are that I have contacts across the whole organisation (and I remember all my external contacts too). I keep track automatically of probably one or two hundred people. If I or one of my colleagues need to find out something from somewhere else, I nearly always know who to contact directly.

[Hustler]

The results are that I have contacts across the whole organisation (and I remember all my external contacts too). I keep track automatically of probably one or two hundred people. If I or one of my colleagues need to find out something from somewhere else, I nearly always know who to contact directly.
And it all started with striking up conversations one on one at the water cooler or while getting coffee and asking the other people questions about themselves?

[Hustler]

Well, I'm a very good listener. And when genuinely interested, I show that by asking discerning and incisive questions. And when not, I can fake it. Well, not always, but sometimes. Cuz I know what being really interested in others looks like, see.
Would you say you're an active listener (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening)? Is your skill at listening something that came naturally to you, or do you think you learned it and honed it over time? What do you think separates poor listeners and good listeners in terms of how they participate in a conversation (is it just about asking discerning and incisive questions, or is there more to it)? What advantages have these listening skills of yours given you in terms of overall social success and personal enrichment? How can n00bs get better at listening?

[tinribz]

I'd say a INTPs have a number of strengths. One is they never judge a book by its cover, they are open minded and will talk to anyone and relate to them. Treat them as an equal while most will carry prejudices around with them.

Another is INTPs tend to have or have had a wide and balanced range of interests practical and intellectual so there is nearly always some interest in common on which to share knowledge and discuss.

I think the majority have a good sense of humour too, but maybe a little dry for some.

Also the ability to be impartial, if someone is hostile the ability to step back and understand the behaviour from a rational perspective rather than take it personally, one of the reason's we don't hold grudges, or at least not for long.

[bluebell]

And it all started with striking up conversations one on one at the water cooler or while getting coffee and asking the other people questions about themselves?

Well, this current network, yes. And chatting with colleagues in my area as well. It's slotted into my model of my organisation, so obviously there's been a bit of reading of org charts as needed.

I did it a little bit at college too for a research project. But I was a lot more socially inept back then so I wasn't very good at it, but I do remember having a collection of 'experts' in various fields in my head that I could call on if needed.

Edit: The network is in my head, my mind automatically sorts and memorizes it all. I don't need to make notes or keep any records, just occasionally need to look at the org chart.

[bluebell]

For those of you who are confident in your social skills, what would you count as your greatest asset in this area? This can, of course, be any area of social engagement, from genuine, earnest connection to manipulation and influence to attaining popularity and a good reputation to successful social networking to anything else that falls in the realm of human interaction. Where have you been most successful and what traits do you think are your strongest?

I'm curious - what inspired you to ask this? (I think they're good questions, I'm just wondering why).

And I'd be interested to hear your experiences...

[Anonymous]

Well, I wouldn't say that I'm a particularly overall good social person, but I do have a few strengths I think. This mostly lies in my Fe, which has, for whatever reason, developed a bit early. While I may be thinking that the person is a complete idiot on the inside, unlike many of my peers I won't treat them as such, and can make temporary friends with just quite a few different types through utilizing my Fe + chameleon.

Of course, temporary is important here. Often, these "friendships" fall through after the person gets to know me, as they see me as boring. I think one of my main difficulties lies in bringing in diplomatic conflict to the conversation, as I tend to instinctively avoid contradicting the person whom I am talking to.

[s0978]

Would you say you're an active listener (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening)? No. um, maybe. I dunno. I don't like how it's described there, anyway. Sure, I ask for clarification when necessary, but that term and description- makes it sound all contrived or something.


Is your skill at listening something that came naturally to you, or do you think you learned it and honed it over time? What do you think separates poor listeners and good listeners in terms of how they participate in a conversation (is it just about asking discerning and incisive questions, or is there more to it)? What advantages have these listening skills of yours given you in terms of overall social success and personal enrichment? How can n00bs get better at listening?
I think people make shitty listeners typically when they aren't really and genuinely open to others and the world. Say, they are self-involved and angsty. I know I am a better listener when I am not all stressy about some stupid shiz in my life.

Worse and better over time. I guess because I draw a distinction between motivations behind dialogue exchanges. When younger, more interested in being liked, making friends- so, more accomodating and skilled, in a sense. Now I make less time, but when I do, think I can listen more carefully and less judmentally, more open and accepting-like.

erm- not like me to give advice, but yah, sometimes when stressy and self-involved, the best way out is to open up by listening to someone else and not babble oneself. Think often the INTP angst thing is alienation- however valuable autonomy, we still need to connect and not trap ourselves in our heads.

[helium]

I look people in the eyes when I talk to them. That choice alone implies that I'm listening, which I affirm by addressing interesting topics with my own thoughts and ideas. It puts me on a level playing field with confident conversationalists, but it actually gives me the advantage of controlling the conversation with anyone less confident. And quite a few people, I've discovered, let themselves appear less confident, and it comes through in how they relate to me. That advantage, when I get it, builds my confidence even more.

I think of it like acting. I guess, overall, my strength lies in my ability to analyze the scene and quickly write the dialogue in my head before I recite it. In conversations with relative strangers, I rarely say anything I haven't planned. As a bonus, I have an uncanny ability, as noted by my close friends, to avoid saying anything inappropriate to the situation (like swearing around in-laws, or something). On the phone (which I still hate), I'm an even more confident conversationalist.

[joft]

I don't know if i'm an active listener. i'm very attentive, and if i'm not sure whether I understand the meaning of something in a real conversation I will stop to check- but only in a real conversation. I have an unnatural ability to pay direct attention for long periods of time. I don't know if this is my greatest advantage, but I also like helping people. i'm pretty patient; as a math tutor, I barely notice when 2 hours have gone by, even when helping someone stupid with really easy and repetitive stuff.

my best guess is that my greatest asset socially is my intelligence. at least part of my intelligence is "social intelligence," unlike some geniuses i've known who were lost causes in this area. i seem to be relatively insightful about human affairs, for whatever reason (reading good fiction? familiarity with evolutionary theory, or sociology, or something? innate?)

I'm disadvantaged socially by my over-ernestness. I appear detached and so forth, until someone starts talking to me, then I nod too much and look silly. it goes downhill from there, but only a little bit.

edit: I liked one thing about that "active listening" link: it said that most people aren't really listening when they appear to be. this has always been very apparent to me, and is part of the reason why I'm usually very quiet. i refuse to be a voice buzzing in the background of someone's head.

[bergenski]

I think my genuine friendliness is attractive to others and I think my P helps in being naturally inquisitive and able keep a conversation going ie. can discuss a variety of topics no matter the person...Of course this could be assessed as superficial charm, but I think it helps in overall interaction with people.