Eh....

[Avengardh]

So I talk to my first ex, the only person I have actually ever come close to loving, who is in a relationship, and who was talking to me through YIM.

What does he do?
He flirts with me.

What do I do?
I act like I don't know what he is talking about.

What's his reaction?
Completely changes from "subtle-mode" into "you-better-get-I-am-flirting-with-you-mode".

I still act completely innocent, and he says "if anything...you are a great person to talk to"

Someone tell me why I have to flirt back?? Why can't he just accept that we are over, feelings are gone, and that I only want to be his friend?
Why can't I seem to just be left alone when I want to...>.<'

~*Aven*~

[file cabinet]

talking with anyone you've had a relationship with is bound to stir up feelings(sexual, or anything else, etc.) in either individual..

[Avengardh]

talking with anyone you've had a relationship with is bound to stir up feelings(sexual, or anything else, etc.) in either individual..

We never met, that's the thing, it was a pure mental/spiritual connection/relationship, which is probably why I came close to loving him.
And I hadn't talked to him, in like, a year, he has someone else (which is also why we broke up, he needed the physical part too much as well as emotional), he should be able to leave it alone...

~*Aven*~

[file cabinet]

from personal experience.. on the internet, I have done/said anything according to mood or how I'm feeling.. in real life I don't really act according to anything in particular although I'm more distant if I'm sad. it's the internet.. there are no rules.

[int]

Someone tell me why I have to flirt back?? Why can't he just accept that we are over, feelings are gone, and that I only want to be his friend?


~*Aven*~

Have you asked him why?

[Avengardh]

Someone tell me why I have to flirt back?? Why can't he just accept that we are over, feelings are gone, and that I only want to be his friend?


~*Aven*~

Have you asked him why?

No, that doesn't work on him, because then he will deny anything with the sole line of "that's not what I meant". He tends to beat around the bush, testing his waters before he actually attacks, and like I said, even then, he never says things plainly until cornered.
And I don't have the energy or desire to have a disagreement over something that he shouldn't be doing, and he knows he shouldn't be doing.

I was just pissed that he was doing it, also because another possibility is that he is testing me to see if I still have feelings for him (which he is known for doing...testing)...which I am not about to reveal for him until he is courageous enough to ask me directly.

~*Aven*~

[Avengardh]

from personal experience.. on the internet, I have done/said anything according to mood or how I'm feeling.. in real life I don't really act according to anything in particular although I'm more distant if I'm sad. it's the internet.. there are no rules.

Still, I find it selfish that he does this while he has a gf and all the emotional and physical support he needs. I guess I should have added that we talked regularly on the phone...one time he started crying because "he felt so close to me yet we were so far away"...

But thanks for the insight.

~*Aven*~

[int]

and like I said, even then, he never says things plainly until cornered.


That's what I was trying to get at. Might as well corner him (he seems harmless enough. But I could be wrong) to get it over with.




And I don't have the energy or desire to have a disagreement over something that he shouldn't be doing, and he knows he shouldn't be doing.

You'd rather deal with the alternative?



I was just pissed that he was doing it, also because another possibility is that he is testing me to see if I still have feelings for him (which he is known for doing...testing)...which I am not about to reveal for him until he is courageous enough to ask me directly.

I hate mind games and refuse to deal with them, hence my responses. If you want to start dealing on a direct level, start dealing on a direct level and make it clear what you are doing. Otherwise you end up in games like this, imo.

Again: imo.

But wtf do I know?

[file cabinet]

also.. why haven't you talked with him in a year? why did you cut off contact?

[nobarcode]

^ what he (int) said. And it's easy enough to block someone from YIM, so why haven't you done that?

[Avengardh]

I hate mind games and refuse to deal with them, hence my responses. If you want to start dealing on a direct level, start dealing on a direct level and make it clear what you are doing. Otherwise you end up in games like this, imo.

Again: imo.

But wtf do I know.

Oh, but I know what you mean, dude (if I can call you that), the thing is, perhaps it's a matter of pride or perhaps it's the fact that I know how his mind works, but ultimately, I know he will tire of it.
That, and the fact that he has a gf, I know him way too well to not know that he feels guilty about little things like that.

Now that I had a chance to reflect on things, I don't want to deal with things like such, and it just frustrates him more when I don't reply the way he wants me to, in itself, it is a game, but it's sad to say I am already in it, my whole relationship with him as a friend was one of them.

He only "won me over" because I was tired of him trying to "break the wall" in front of me for over 2 yrs, and because I wanted some experience regarding the relationship thing, in reality, he's not as strong mentally as he thinks he is to get me to reply.

But thanks for the comments, I appreciate it. The good thing is, I am only online so much, and most of the time I don't talk to him for weeks on end...

~*Aven*~[/quote]

[Avengardh]

^ what he (int) said. And it's easy enough to block someone from YIM, so why haven't you done that?

Because him and I ended up in bad terms thanks to third-parties, and he was always an awsome friend to have around.
That, an awsome friend, but not a bf.

That, and I heard that he had found himself someone, so the extreme emotional support he needed should have been fulfilled...perhaps I was wrong...

He was one of the very few people who understood me the way I was, we were friends above all, he just pulls this crap suddenly, and so, I had to rant about it.

~*Aven*~

[int]

Oh, but I know what you mean, dude (if I can call you that)

:)


I am only online so much, and most of the time I don't talk to him for weeks on end...

And so the cycle will continue?

[Avengardh]

also.. why haven't you talked with him in a year? why did you cut off contact?

Third-party doings, we both felt it wasn't something that happened because we wanted it to.
In reality I am just trying to save a friendship, because I really do appreciate him as a friend, and I have so few of them.

But...let's see what happens...

[Avengardh]

Oh, but I know what you mean, dude (if I can call you that)

:)


I am only online so much, and most of the time I don't talk to him for weeks on end...

And so the cycle will continue?

It's really up to him now...I am counting on the fact that he has a gf and should feel guilty about what he is doing, I have no problem standing my ground now that I blew off some steam (thanks INTP central!), I'm tenacious like that. I just hope our friendship doesn't crumble...I have so many long-term friends I have actually been able to keep...

[ohnoaninfp]

Someone tell me why I have to flirt back?? Why can't he just accept that we are over, feelings are gone, and that I only want to be his friend?
Why can't I seem to just be left alone when I want to...>.<'

~*Aven*~

I guess you would have to be a little harsh and tell him that you only like him as a friend. I told this one guy who liked me that I didn't feel for him that way and that I already liked someone else, that I just wanted to be friends. That was how I felt and there is really nothing I can do about it. If I were to have gone out with him, I would have been leading him on, and thats not good. I was honest in letting him know. Unfortunatley, it seems that he just doesan't get it. Men! I swear they can be so complicated. Just tell the guy how you feel. Tell him that you have moved on and just want to be friends, nothing more. Good Luck. I know it is sometimes hard to get something through somepeople's thick heads. :) B)