One recent poem

[cjs55]

An Ocean's Promise

he stands far away on the rocky coast far away
from complacency
choosing desolation
he’s an abomination
(of) madness and authenticity and decimation
1/10 dead and 9/10 mad

the moon in the ocean has an end soars tempting the fall promising the end
of desolation
and sincerity
No
choosing instead to follow madness into the threatening dark
and becomes the monster
who knows his own soul

and lives his insanity
who ravishes insincere delight
and makes it real
who pursues instead of receives
who accents the glitter of eyelit stars
and finds a promise in starlit eyes

[cjs55]

Well, this should have been in the Atelier, but we can discuss the philosophy and spirituality behind it I suppose.

[cjs55]

And why the hell do I always post threads in the wrong section?

[Clara]

Tip : if you want it moved :rolleyes: then ask an admin to move it for you. 8O

cjs55, ummm, I don't think you made a mistake, though :blink: ... I agree with you that this is more "philo & spirituality" than poetry ( you didn't ask, and this is just my opinion - hahahah - it seems more a declaration of viewpoint, regarding spiritual attitude, than poetry, to me... keep in mind, I have a rather narrow range of what appeals to me, as poetry... but, as non-poetry written in a poetry format : I love it, wholeheartedly. More, I concur. And applaud loudly, with footstomping, etc. )

[cjs55]

Thanks, but all poetry and art declares an idealogy ; )

Mine may just be more blunt than others, due to my unexceptional poetic skills. Hehe...

[songbird36]

An Ocean's Promise

he stands far away on the rocky coast far away
from complacency
choosing desolation
he’s an abomination
(of) madness and authenticity and decimation
1/10 dead and 9/10 mad

the moon in the ocean has an end soars tempting the fall promising the end
of desolation
and sincerity
No
choosing instead to follow madness into the threatening dark
and becomes the monster
who knows his own soul

and lives his insanity
who ravishes insincere delight
and makes it real
who pursues instead of receives
who accents the glitter of eyelit stars
and finds a promise in starlit eyes

Hey that would sound excellent as a rap/hip hop number.

I'm not being facetious here - it has the right rhythm/intonation.

[Edmond Zedo]

Hey that would sound excellent as a rap/hip hop number.

I'm not being facetious here - it has the right rhythm/intonation.
What an excellent idea! Am I being facetious?

[cjs55]

I like to write poems based on the energy of rhythm, so sounds like I've done something right...I guess...

0_o

[songbird36]

I like to write poems based on the energy of rhythm, so sounds like I've done something right...I guess...

0_o

I write a *lot* of poetry myself (not of the rhyming variety though). I know there is lots of room for improvement in my own.

I think something poets don't discipline themselves to do often enough is actually to read the poem aloud to see how it flows in a rhythmic sense. I think a good poem is a whole bunch of attributes (not just good ideas or images or precise use of language, it's also rhythm and flow and forward momentum).

In my mind strong poems are always ones where the poet has achieved a forward rhythmic momentum through reciting it aloud before finalising it.

[songbird36]

INDUSTRIAL

Stale cigarette smoke hangs
funks

steel roses bloom
unearthly pallour

a spider’s web
of barbed wire

lurid walls
scream pop culture
a garden of needles

broken bottles
blood

milk fats
congeal

fog
chills bones

dogs
and rough trade
do business

a place of unquiet
a boom box
machinery whir

a decaying train carriage
spews upholstery

lines of an old song
sing to an empty mind