INTP/INTP relationships

[Hope]

Anyone been in a relationship with another INTP? Did it work out?
I've recently met another INTP that borders to the E side.
I'm wondering what the chances of it working out would be?

[HairlessBluetick]

My boyfriend is an INTP. He's also on this forum. ("Hunter") Its working out pretty well so far.

[Claverhouse]

You're not going to let this go, are you ? Boasting is not appreciated. :D B) :rofl:



Claverhouse :ph34r: :)

[HairlessBluetick]

ner?

[Hope]

Okay, how about ENTPs? Anyone?

[Avengardh]

My parents are both ENTPs, still together after 22 years of marriage....so, with that example, I can say, it seems to work ^^

~*Aven*~

[spaced]

I don't have any experience with INTP/INTP relationships, either personally or observing them, but I think I would be pretty bored with one after a while.

I think after the initial "wow, this person thinks just like me" factor wears off, it would be hard to avoid stagnation and/or competition in the relationship. I can't speak for everyone, but I like people who I can relate to on a fundamental level, but who also challenge me and balance me out in some respects.

[MasterMerk]

I don't know any other INTPs. It's hard to tell sometimes.

[Utopmk]

It could get cold and awkward. I like to be able to manipulate my prey, so I think the only long term relationship that would work out (for me) would be with an NF.

[Claverhouse]

I like to be able to manipulate my prey

Exactly !

This is the only way for a long-term relationship. ( Long-term = over 6 weeks to 7 weeks or more ).


Claverhouse :ph34r:

[Hope]

( Long-term = over 6 weeks to 7 weeks or more ).


Claverhouse :ph34r:

Oi Vai. Maybe I'm asking this on the wrong forum. LOL !

I've never had a "relationship" that was that short ! In fact I am not even sure if I'd call that a relationship. Sounds more like a fling. :huh:


BTW, when I said what about ENTP relationships, I meant INTP/ENTP, but I guess that INTP/XNTP would be more accurate in this case.
I've casually dated an ENTP before but his constant aloofness was difficult for me to wrap my head around. I never gave them the test but I think most of my other relationships have been NFs. They're wonderful but they get a little too emotional and dependent at times. The worst relationships I've had appear to have been with a traditionalist.

Right now I have a choice (I think) between an ENFJ and a XNTP. The ENFJ seems to be head over heels over me already. The XNTP has expressed definite interest, but is currently out of town for work for several weeks. I'm more attracted to the latter physically, but they are both extremely attractive and brilliant but the ready availability (read:physical locality) of the ENFJ seems to be giving him an advantage. Or maybe I'm just overly horny and can't keep my pants on.

*sigh*
decisions, decisions...

[Utopmk]

but the ready availability (read:physical locality) of the ENFJ seems to be giving him an advantage

The availabilty of the ENFJ will eventually work as a disadvantage, mark my words.

[paladinoflunaria]

I've never been in a relationship. When and if I find myself in a relationship, I hope the it is detached.

[NGene]

Okay, how about ENTPs? Anyone?

I'm married to one. It seems to work, as long as I let him be around people and he gives me enough alone time. :D

The similarities between us are sometimes getting on my nerves, though. But then again, if we were more different, the differences would eventually get on my nerves.

[giftedmadness@hotmail.com]

I dated an INTP chick recently. Half the time I loved hanging out with her, the other half I hated it. She was really into obscure music and movies and seemed to love to boast about it. Also, I could see things in her that were more pronounced than they were in me, things I didn't like. Intellectual snobbiness. But I ran into her again several times after we stopped dating. It was great to see her again. Although some moments came up in our conversations where I wanted to strangle her. (Not really, but you know what I mean. Little, cold, intellectual points she would make, correcting me, etc.) But the innocence of her ability to show that she was glad to see me is something I will never forget. That is a trait of an INTP in their love life, if they like someone, they show it with the sense of a child. The way she would hug me hello was so cute, like a little kid hugging her dad who had been away for a month on business. Eager and totally loving.

[Claverhouse]

Little, cold, intellectual points she would make, correcting me, etc.


I really hate that. :D


Claverhouse :ph34r:

[paladinoflunaria]

giftedmadness@hotmail.com wrote:
Little, cold, intellectual points she would make, correcting me, etc.



I really hate that.

Really? I do that myself, when I think that the person doesn't know what he/she's talking about.

[Claverhouse]

giftedmadness@hotmail.com wrote:
Little, cold, intellectual points she would make, correcting me, etc.



I really hate that.

Really? I do that myself, when I think that the person doesn't know what he/she's talking about.

Oh no, I just couldn't. I would hate to be rude, even if someone hadn't grasped the point of my remark.


Claverhouse :ph34r:

[Melody]

As long as you are aware that at some point you can be rude to yourself that way.

[Hope]

I've yet to meet an NT that doesn't do that.

[Claverhouse]

I've yet to meet an NT that doesn't do that.

Well, not me. I'd hate to be sarcastic.



Claverhouse :ph34r:



:rofl:

[Melody]

But the innocence of her ability to show that she was glad to see me is something I will never forget. That is a trait of an INTP in their love life, if they like someone, they show it with the sense of a child. The way she would hug me hello was so cute, like a little kid hugging her dad who had been away for a month on business. Eager and totally loving.
After I read my MBTI test results, I thought about it and noticed that I really am very childlike in many different ways. My curiousity, my emotions, etc. It's almost as if I will be endlessly a child.

[Vagabond]

I like sarcastic remarks. I find them amusing, even when they are directed at me. Once someone readily threw a good one at me; he regreted it the next moment and was all over me saying he was sorry and didn't mean it etc, while I had a hard time explaining to him that I didn't mind, because I couldn't stop laughing (it was a really good one :D )

I guess I am all for similarity - I always have been. I think I only met an INTP in real life once and it was beyond description. We were just friends though - in a way we still are, just both too lost in our heads to keep regular contact. I have this female friend who is an ENTP and I guess it is the second best connection I ever had with someone in real life. I have a family packed with opposite types than mine and it makes me feel like immigrating on a different planet. Preferably an isolated one, considering the fact that they are mostly extroverts, so I have a lot of "time alone" to catch up on.

[Melody]

I saw the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." Is that how your family is? http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/traurig/sad-smiley-047.gif

[Vagabond]

:D:D:D
I haven't seen the movie (shame on me), but from what I hear, it is exaggerating, but based on actual situations. I'll watch it and I'll get back on this ;)

[candela]

Well from my experience, I, an INTP, don't have good intimate relationships with anyone.

I've only had one and it was extremely weird.

I seem to like INTJs though.

[giftedmadness@hotmail.com]

Okay, so a few mornings ago I have a nice dream about the INTP girl I dated a few months back. She's on my mind all morning so I decide to email her. Today I get a response back from her which leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I want the opinion of others, namely female INTPs. Was she just being informative or hurtful? Here are the exact emails. At this point, all is lost and I don't care about invading her privacy.

On Tue, 17 Aug 2004 09:05:06 -0500, "Scott M"
<giftedmadness@hotmail.com> said:
>
> Sally, I just got some anti-Republican email from you the other
> day and then last night I had a dream that you weren't going to
> Europe after all. It was probably just wishful thinking. I'm
> writing this to see if you can check this email account in
> Europe. Write me back if you get this



no definitely not staying. I'm in Chicago til next Tuesday. I'm dating
the boy I met at the fire match. He's great. We're doing all sorts of
soccer stuff...we went on a fire cruise, to a couple of matches, and
tonight we're having a watch party for the match.

sally k

[MacGuffin]

She's being informative and letting you know she is no longer available.

[giftedmadness@hotmail.com]

But no "how are you doing" , "what are you up to?" or anything.

[MacGuffin]

But no "how are you doing" , "what are you up to?" or anything.
If she's a strong T, she probably skipped right over that to get to the info delivering step.

Date an INFP. They'll always remember that stuff.

[Jezebel]

But no "how are you doing" , "what are you up to?" or anything.

I agree. It makes it seem like she was making it clear that she wasn't interested in anything further. That's kinda how I am toward guys I'm not really interested in. I don't do anything to prolong my friendship with the person. I keep my answers short and don't ask questions about the other person's life. If I'm asked about it, I will be honest about the situation, but it usually just fades away without a dramatic confrontation over me telling someone I just don't like them that much.

In this case, if these were the only two e-mails exchanged, it looks like she is especially trying to make it clear that she has moved on. You didn't even ask about the guy she was seeing and that's the only thing she talked about.

Of course it could be other things, everyone is different. But I am a T female and if I'm interested in someone (even as just friends) I would definetely at least be responsive to them, ask about their life, or encourage them to keep in touch. However, I can be horrible at writing back to people even if I like them, which can wrongly be taken as lack of interest.

[shaytana]

I agree completely with Jezebel

[libertarianjim]

"Hot INTP on INTP action! HEAR them discuss their favorite obscure theories! LISTEN TO THE HOTNESS as they quote Monty Python flicks! FEEL THE RUSH as they entirely ignore their surroundings! ONLY $5.95 A MINUTE!! CALL 1-900-BOREDOM!!!"

Yeah, I'd probably call that number too.

[Crazy]

"Hot INTP on INTP action! HEAR them discuss their favorite obscure theories! LISTEN TO THE HOTNESS as they quote Monty Python flicks! FEEL THE RUSH as they entirely ignore their surroundings! ONLY $5.95 A MINUTE!! CALL 1-900-BOREDOM!!!"

Yeah, I'd probably call that number too.

What, ridden on a horse? Your using coconuts!

[Miss Padfoot]

I agree with Jezebel. It sounds like this girl is being intentionally distant. She's not trying to play with your feelings by mentioning this other guy, but she is trying to drop a hint that she's not that interested in a relationship with you right now.

At least that's what I think.

[allendobkin]

I've only dated one INT and she was SO SHY that it made things difficult. Prior to dating her, I thought I was shy. Pshaw! I liked her though...hope that helps.

[NGene]

Half the time I loved hanging out with her, the other half I hated it. She was really into obscure music and movies and seemed to love to boast about it. Also, I could see things in her that were more pronounced than they were in me, things I didn't like. Intellectual snobbiness. (...) Little, cold, intellectual points she would make, correcting me, etc.
These parts of your post describe quite well my best friend who's an INTP. We understand each other very well, and I usually have really good time when hanging with her, but sometimes I could just go and strangle her. We have a lot in common, including our bad habits, and I absolutely HATE seeing my own faults in another person.

And that intellectual snobbiness. And error correcting. I hate it when someone beats me at those. ARGH! :rant:

[spirilis]

Hmm, that's why I like E*F*'s better... this thread hit it right on the nose...

[giftedmadness@hotmail.com]

I recently nearly met an INFP woman from the internet. We both play the same games and she seemed way too emotional about things, like thinking we were dating when we hadn't even met yet.

[Avengardh]

Am I the only one weirdly attracted to INFJs?? They are so mysterious....

~*Aven*~

[CthulhuLuvsU]

My friend is an INFJ. You got the mysterious. They always seem to put themselves out to be the opposite of what they really are inside.

[HairlessBluetick]

My sister is an INFJ. Mysterious, sure, but also .... *shudder*....well, there's lots of drama, that's all I'll say.

[Salad]

I went to a club the a while ago. I looked around and thought to myself "damn this S world!!!! Aren't there any intelligent women left!!!!" A girl aproached me (bouncing I might add) and I immediately could tell she was an esfp so I literally ran away from her, into the bathroom, and then into a stall so that I could cry and recover from my traumatic experience. I decided to leave the club, so I darted for the front, out the door, and down the street, only to trip over a girl's legs. She had been sitting outside about 100 ft from the door, reading a book, and lost in her own little world.

I was lost for words and immediately fell for this obviously intp girl. Stumbling for words, I apologized to her, asked her what she was reading and went on to have an intellectual conversation about the travesties of censorship in third world dictatorships. Oh man, I was in love. We went on to have a wonderful relationship filled with meaningful brainy conversations about politics, geeky computer stuff, emotional rigidness, and secluded quietness.

That is until I realized that I wasn't one dimentional, and that this imaginary girl didn't exist.

Dating an intp isn't very appealing to me actually. Or, I guess I should say that dating any four letter abbreviation isn't very appealing to me. I wouldn't want someone that was so one dimmentional and predictable. Tests mark me as an intp, and the description fits me very well, usually. Other times I Feel more, or I Judge more. I have thrown very successful parties before and socialized with every one there, so I can't be all "I". I enjoy making things with my hands, puting a bit of S into them. I don't fit all the intp stereotypes such as automatically being a computer nerd.

Essentially, I think that using personality types to match two people on a very intimate level is SEVERLY limiting. Typing is a great tool for categorizing people into very general groups based on a few shared traits. Even though these traits are very prevalent and driving forces, they do not tell the entire story. In fact, they only tell half of their own story (I don't feel like explaining that right now).

Don't date someone based solely on personality type. It may work out it may not, but the real point is not to base a relationship on something abstract and imaginary (such as my imaginary girlfriend from the imaginary club), base it off something physical and real (physical not intended to mean appearances).



-Salad's on-topic essay of the evening (or rather morning by now)-

[file cabinet]

following what salad said.. all that matters to me is 2 things, for the moment..
- physical attraction
- mental attraction

[Google Monster]

Salad's imaginary girlfriend seems like a great girl. Ask her to sign up to the forum. happppy

[SensEye]

Don't date someone based solely on personality type.

The irony of this statement is that even if you were to date based on personality type, there appears to be no consensus on what type one should prefer.

Opposites tend to attract but then can't get along due to a lack of common ground. Like seem not to attract or get on each other's nerves as being too familiar. Of course, there are exceptions to all the rules. So pretty much any type is fair game.

PS> But I still avoid anyone who I consider to have strong SJ preferences (mild are OK) . I'm certain there would be too much conflict in the long run.

[flan2dave]

I've never been in a relationship, and when I seek one (I decided to this fall for the first time) I just leave myself vulnerable to emotions (those primitive, shadow emotions well described by personality theory) that end up swamping me and leaving me empty handed. I don't make any progress, except figuring out how low the chances are: no proper situation for meeting anybody, personalities might not mesh, person I'm interested already seeing somebody, distant living locations, my own timidness keeping me from expressing interest, and of course, flat out rejection. Then I usually get a little ashamed of myself for the thoughts and behaivor, making me more quiet and easily over stimulated. Today is one of those days, I'll refrain from complaining too much because I know I usually come around from bad moods and end up wondering how I could have been so despondent in the first place, admonishing myself never to succumb to the negative lines of thinking again (which always jinxes it). And actually, getting this out has made me feel somewhat better already. I'll probably ask for some practical advice in another thread soon, depending on how I feel later this week.

[Laeskis]

Relationships are out of my depth.

[Postblank]

I go for who I have good chemistry with, I try REALLY hard not type people right off the bat. There are INTP females who I couldn't possibly get along with, while I've been pretty good friends with other female types (They were never tested, but some were extroverted).

[Avengardh]

The INTPs I have met tend to get on my nerves sometimes because they are so pessimistic, keep in mind here that there is a difference between being realistic and pessimistic, they just always think something bad is going to happen and that such is the only outcome, good things can happen too.

The latter is of course based on the people I have known to be INTPs, I am not generalizing.

~*Aven*~

[CosmicDust]

I've never been in a relationship, and when I seek one (I decided to this fall for the first time) I just leave myself vulnerable to emotions (those primitive, shadow emotions well described by personality theory) that end up swamping me and leaving me empty handed. I don't make any progress, except figuring out how low the chances are: no proper situation for meeting anybody, personalities might not mesh, person I'm interested already seeing somebody, distant living locations, my own timidness keeping me from expressing interest, and of course, flat out rejection.
Since the 9 I was set up with in high school and I decided to go our separate ways, that's been my history as well. Even when I do have a crush, I never pursue because I always see how unlikely it is to work. I tend to like guys very different from myself in some way. Too similar probably wouldn't work either, though. It takes a lot of luck to find a case where you and the other person both like each other and are both willing to put up with each other's shortcomings and differences as they come.

[sowega]

I am your classic INTP, so perhaps I just may be some help and solace to you in regards to the reply of the "cold Sally" INTP gal.

As an INTP female, I would guess that Sally has already set her heart on this on fellow she met in Chicago, and that perhaps is very quick to mention this to you in order to prevent you from having your hopes up too high. There are exceptions to every rule, but I would strongly opine that if your Sally is truly an INTP, she is truly sincere and that she did not send you the e-mail to upset you, or as a f--- off note, but simply to gard both, you and herself from any forseeable problem. Now there is a very strong probability that he is not an INTP considering that we are a very rare species.

I was never fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to have dated an INTP, although I had always a deep desire to. I was asked out for a coffee date by this Austrian INTP, whom decided to swap me for this cutsie little Taiwanese I/ESFP girl at the very last minute. I was incipiantly very upset about it since I had though that at last I would have found a stimulating and intellectually challenging partner. A year later, he came to me all shaken up and totally run down whilst I was chatting with my buddy at the grad university bar and confessed that he made a big mistake. The little Tai gal decided to taste a few other men. I could here an "I told you so" echoeing from the back of my head, but as an INTP I had held my reserve.

Apparently he confessed that he chose the Tai chic over me, simply because although he always desired an intelligent girl --he thought me to be too intelligent and thus too intellecually draining for him, whilst the other gal simply mothered him and kept him calm. I thought that to be a bit bizarre since it is unINTP-like to desire to be mothered.

Unfortunately for him it was too late, and I was already nabbed by an INTJ fellow whom I am STILL married to! :laser:

[garak]

since it is unINTP-like to desire to be mothered.
I don't think that is necessarily true. I don't like being nagged, but some mothering can be great.

[s0978]

I am your classic INTP, so perhaps I just may be some help and solace to you in regards to the reply of the "cold Sally" INTP gal.

As an INTP female, I would guess that Sally has already set her heart on this on fellow she met in Chicago, and that perhaps is very quick to mention this to you in order to prevent you from having your hopes up too high. There are exceptions to every rule, but I would strongly opine that if your Sally is truly an INTP, she is truly sincere and that she did not send you the e-mail to upset you, or as a f--- off note, but simply to gard both, you and herself from any forseeable problem. Now there is a very strong probability that he is not an INTP considering that we are a very rare species.

I was never fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to have dated an INTP, although I had always a deep desire to. I was asked out for a coffee date by this Austrian INTP, whom decided to swap me for this cutsie little Taiwanese I/ESFP girl at the very last minute. I was incipiantly very upset about it since I had though that at last I would have found a stimulating and intellectually challenging partner. A year later, he came to me all shaken up and totally run down whilst I was chatting with my buddy at the grad university bar and confessed that he made a big mistake. The little Tai gal decided to taste a few other men. I could here an "I told you so" echoeing from the back of my head, but as an INTP I had held my reserve.

Apparently he confessed that he chose the Tai chic over me, simply because although he always desired an intelligent girl --he thought me to be too intelligent and thus too intellecually draining for him, whilst the other gal simply mothered him and kept him calm. I thought that to be a bit bizarre since it is unINTP-like to desire to be mothered.

Unfortunately for him it was too late, and I was already nabbed by an INTJ fellow whom I am STILL married to! :laser:
Only as it pertains to other topics we've been treating here on INTP Central these days, I would like to point out how integral it is to ths story that the "other woman" in this intriguing tale is Taiwanese. It bears mentioning 3 times. The story just wouldn't have resonated as much had the poster not called out her competitor's nationality. How else to establish the relevancy and predictability of this other woman eventually choosing to "taste a few other men"?

It's also interesting that this particular forum member chooses to refer to this Taiwanese woman as "Tai." I was under the impression that people from Thailand were referred to as "Thai," and wasn't familiar with the practice of shortening "Taiwanese" to "Tai" -- this would seem to be a silly practice because it could so easily lead to confusion about ethnicity/ nationality/ culture... but eh, whatever, who cares, I guess they're all oriental anyway.

[garak]

but eh, whatever, who cares, I guess they're all oriental anyway.
Oriental is so PC. You know you want to say chinese.