Live for yourself or for others?

[Avengardh]

I have wanted to ask this question for a while, there was a time when I did not want to keep living; however, I only did because I would hurt my family too much if I vanished from the face of the earth and because I could not muster up the courage to kill myself.

So, how about you? Do you feel and/or think that you have lived for yourself? In the past? Now? Any other thoughts or comments?

Yeah, I know I haven't been posting much, I blame whoever replies to this first ^___^

~*Aven*~

[jittus rye]

I feel I have always lived for myself, but I have used others to keep me living.

[CosmicDust]

Sometimes I have others in mind (want to contribute something, usually wisdom and perspective to make the passage easier or knowledge to interest them). But then, that can also be for the self, in the sense that I want to gain that wisdom that I can then contribute, thus having some sort of positive impact on humanity, something that will survive besides just my mass-energy. Sometimes it's "Why not?" since I know that as an individual, I'm doomed and that's that, and I figure that humanity will someday go extinct as well and thus nothing but my mass-energy (which existed before I did) will persist in the distant future. If I include time as part of who I am, in the all-encompassing greater reality, then I'm just part of the picture.

[int]

50/50. I need some for me. I can be useful to others.

It's a tradeoff I try to extend into every aspect of my life I can.

[paladinoflunaria]

I could care less about others. I live for me. Probably will stay that way.

[Odyssey]

I'd say I live totally for myself also. But, I have a trick. By living for my own sense of fulfillment an inevitable side-effect is that I benefit the lives of those around me. (A working part of my philosophy is "random acts of appropriateness". See the livejournal public post I'm writing next for more info)

The reason my "selfishness" doesn't get too out of hand, I think, is because I see benefiting others as a necessary result of trying to use my talents and my willpower to their fullest (with limits of application defined by my stringent sense of morality). Being the Best I Can Be eventually benefits people - and almost never harms -, whether I'm worrying about other people or not!

~Odyssey

[antireconciler]

I'd say I live totally for myself also. But, I have a trick. By living for my own sense of fulfillment an inevitable side-effect is that I benefit the lives of those around me. (A working part of my philosophy is "random acts of appropriateness". See the livejournal public post I'm writing next for more info)

The reason my "selfishness" doesn't get too out of hand, I think, is because I see benefiting others as a necessary result of trying to use my talents and my willpower to their fullest (with limits of application defined by my stringent sense of morality). Being the Best I Can Be eventually benefits people - and almost never harms -, whether I'm worrying about other people or not!

~Odyssey

-score!- :cheers:
I feel very much the same.

Edit: Or at least that's how it works out. I just live and things (like whether or not my actions benefit me and other people) take care of themselves. The appropriate decisions are usually just there. I have been at a point where I thought suicide was where I was going to end up and it wasn't going to be long, but I talked some doctor who put me on antidepressants. I probably have that shithead to thank for me coming out of it because appearantly I wasn't going to live my life that way. I stopped taking them after a couple weeks, and I have not come nearly that close since. It was just me being a teenager. I guess I sought help because I thought that was right. I honestly don't know what motivated it.

[paladinoflunaria]

Makes sense to me.

[Vagabond]

I have stayed alive for those that love me, but I live for myself. Or at least most of the time.

[Avengardh]

I have such weird mood-swings sometimes that I wonder if it's possible to even live with myself...

But anyway, I think I have lived a quite large percentage of my life for others, and I have felt it that way, since I am a first-born child I am supposed to be more "responsible" than my younger brother, but in a way, I never really understood why, I just took it as my duty. Now that I am older, I feel that my parents let my brother do more than I, simply because he is a man.

So, when did the tables turn? Before I used to be the one who could more and I also had to make sure my brother was safe.

I take it perhaps this made me see life differently, and now I am striving to live for myself, but it's not as easy as it seems...

Anyway, this turned into a personal ramble, but I guess it happens ^_^

~*Aven*~

[Johnny]

I live for others, but I would agree that this is my perspective. There are times when it may appear that I am living for myself, such as when I must pursue something for the sake of knowing more, but it is really only to maximize my contributions to others.

Easy example: one practices to play his part for a public concert. If this was me, I would say that it is because I want to please others, to give something special back.

[Jkrs]

I live for myself; other individuals won't always be there to live for, and I might come to dislike some in time. I've never felt attached enough to a community for living for it to seem like a relevant option. I try not to impinge on anyone as I go my way, but I'm certainly not going to object if my actions have a positive effect on someone else.

[Crazy]

I live for both, and neither. I live because I haven't died yet. I absolutely refuse suicide. I won't go down like that. I'm a fighter, a survivor, and I'll be damned if anyone is gonna end my life, especially me. I plan on living forever, so far so good.

[MasterMerk]

Myself, and only myself. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything big, people still play a large role in my life. It's just that I don't base my actions around them.

[Miss Padfoot]

I live for myself and my six-year-old sister. When I was really depressed and considering suicide, I didn't do it for a couple of reasons. One was that I wasn't quite ready to find out what comes after death. I'm an atheist and I was then, but I have always had an inner Pascal's-wager-voice telling me that if I'm wrong, I'm REALLY screwed. But the other reason was that I didn't want my sister to live with that scar for the rest of her life.

That said, I mostly live for myself. I am the only constant in my own life. Why live for people who can't be relied on? And the few people that I do trust are self-sufficient enough not to need me living for them.

[Google Monster]

Live for yourself. But technically you are lving for yourself because you choose to value the feelings of your family over your own life. Love is strong to have such effects and there is nothing wrong with that. But I'd say try your damnest to live your best.

[shaytana]

I say that I am still alive because there are people in this world who love me and any pain they would feel due to my death is more than anything I am going through personally, but if I didnt have these people, I can not possitively say that I wouldnt be here, perhaps I would have found another reason to stay a live.

[antireconciler]

I vote neither. I just live. If you live for yourself or for other people you assume some sort of life mission, some sort of debt and obligation to yourself or other people, respectively. I live because it's there and it's fun. I can't remember life not being at least a little fun.

[nobarcode]

I have wanted to ask this question for a while, there was a time when I did not want to keep living; however, I only did because I would hurt my family too much if I vanished from the face of the earth and because I could not muster up the courage to kill myself.

So, how about you? Do you feel and/or think that you have lived for yourself? In the past? Now? Any other thoughts or comments?

Yeah, I know I haven't been posting much, I blame whoever replies to this first ^___^

~*Aven*~
I have never considered anyone else's feelings in terms of "ending it". I'm selfish that way, and that is why suicide is mostly judged as a selfish act in practice. I've had the courage to do it and maybe I flirt with it in some of my actions (lengthy explanation required), but it is my curiosity only that keeps "me" around (in this reality).

[Birdsnest]

:cheers:

[Avengardh]

I just wanted to thank everyone who replied to this thread with suggestions and/or ideas about the subject (of course, everyone else too) I've gained some insight into thinks. Gracias ^_^

~*Aven*~

[Spartan26]

I can defintely relate to some of the posts of spending a lot of time to improve myself which in turn would help me be a benefit to others.

I've logged in some hours of community service over the years (not court ordered), mainly because I can. I've met people who wanted to volunteer but emotionally it would get to them. Generally survivors of something who want to give back but the memories are so strong they become paralyzed. Or, people who are suffering have a lot of wounds that can't be healed with a stitch or a pill, and when someone comes along thinking "I can smile, share some cookies and everything will be gosh-golly, fine-n- dandy," get such a pimp slap of reality of ugliness :rant: that they're not ready for it . :(


While I suppose it's a gift to be able to wallow in the mire of tragic aftermath in helping someone get back on the path without carrying scars myself, I ain't going to lie to you, I don't often feel a sense of satisfation or accomplishment or pride or enrichment afterward. :unsure: I mean there have been times when I'm driving over to some place when I'll think, 'Man, I do not want to do this right now,' but then when I'm done I'm glad I went. :) But for that arguement that no one can act altruistically because even when helping others it makes you feel good...or something like that. A complete and total crok! :o :o Generally the best I can hope for is that feeling you get when you get home from the post office. Feel a little tired, a little drained, but at least you know you got your packages out and that's out of the way. :mellow:


There's this poem by Margaret E. Sangster called "The Sin of Omission" that opens with "It isn't the thing you do, it's the thing you left undone" that is so pwerful to me. 1) Every once in a while, I get a real case of shoulda, coulda, wouldas when I neglect to do something for someone but really it serves as a reminder that our actions have consequences and no matter how little I personally feel being done for me or wonder why I even bother, it can greatly impact other peoples' lives. :cheers:

It's impossible to live completely for others. I think we can live a lot for ourselves and not be selfish. It's amazing how many people in LA will live for themselves or do for themselves with the sole purpose of being accepted by others, which I don't dismiss lightly as a person's livelihood can be based on such. But then they will go out of their way not to do for others out of fear that it would hurt themselves. :wacko: Which isn't to say there aren't a lot of users out here ;P either but I don't see how this could bring much satisfaction and have never met someone like this who wasn't bitter. :mad:

So, I, uh, don't, umm, I guess I don't really have a point to all this. I guess I should say that I have gotten some huge rewards. Never when I expected them. Never how I would've guessed they would've come. I generally pray first, but I would say if you look, you will find a place that truly needs you. :D

[Odyssey]

Spartan: Thanks for your post, that's a well thought-out perspective based on experience =)

Your point is that volunteering to help others lets you have a long-term sense of satisfaction, but it's not always going to feel good. Another point is that you function best living mostly for yourself, and then you help others because you're able to and because you believe you should.

~Odyssey

[Avengardh]

Thanks Spartan ^_^

I sometimes think that there's no point in me helping others and just listening to others always seems to help them.

Sometimes I hate myself for doing that...I often end up thinking and hoping that person is ok later on.

But as much as I try to not care I always end up back where I started, and today I resolved to do what my heart tells me, alongside my intuition, there's just no other way I can live.

~*Aven*~

[antireconciler]

Thanks Spartan ^_^

I sometimes think that there's no point in me helping others and just listening to others always seems to help them.

Sometimes I hate myself for doing that...I often end up thinking and hoping that person is ok later on.

But as much as I try to not care I always end up back where I started, and today I resolved to do what my heart tells me, alongside my intuition, there's just no other way I can live.

~*Aven*~

I tend to think any time I just listen to what someone is saying when they want to get something off their minds and I try to understand, both of us end up better off. It works almost like an anchor for them, and they broaden my perspective. Maybe it works better than any form of "help" you could give someone.

[Avengardh]

Thanks Spartan ^_^

I sometimes think that there's no point in me helping others and just listening to others always seems to help them.

Sometimes I hate myself for doing that...I often end up thinking and hoping that person is ok later on.

But as much as I try to not care I always end up back where I started, and today I resolved to do what my heart tells me, alongside my intuition, there's just no other way I can live.

~*Aven*~

I tend to think any time I just listen to what someone is saying when they want to get something off their minds and I try to understand, both of us end up better off. It works almost like an anchor for them, and they broaden my perspective. Maybe it works better than any form of "help" you could give someone.

I can't really give out any other type of help than well, just listening and when asked, give out advice.

The problem with this is that 98% of the time, people get too attached to me, and then they tend to want something else out of it, and we are not talking money or fame or even sex, they actually want a relationship.

Which just leaves me with trying to master the art of disparition, one moment there, and gone the next.

~*Aven*~

[Laeskis]

I've no real connections to think of, I don't feel much for any of my family; in fact I don't know where my brothers and sisters are and I haven't spoken to them in years...I've no connection with my parents either, as my last encounter with them was when I had them removed from the hospital some years back (I had taken Ill) Presently I'd say I don't live for anyone. I do connect somewhat with the Idea however, as I was "in love" once and would probably have considered myself to exist for the insignificant other. Nowadays I would say that I do not live for anyone else, nor do I explicitly live for myself. I exist because I exist, and I've found no real reason to desist. Life can sometimes seem very gloomy, lonesome and bad, but in a strange way the condition is entertaining as it provides fertile ground for self-experimentation and reflection. Also, feeling depression is still experiencing a feeling....any identifiable human emotion is a treat as it reaffirms that I do exist as a person and not simply as an entity.

[Hypnos]

I live for myself, because true passion, while often outwardly directed, is wholly one's own.

[Google Monster]

I live for my self, But if I have time which I usually do, I'll help others if asked.

[EternalCynic]

I try to live for myself, but I find that my worrying about others tends to get in the way. I do my best to be rational, though.