Anyone have an INTJ father?

[DevNull]

I do.

It is funny how one letter can cause so much trouble.

I have often laughed while watching the show "American Chopper" because I see a lot of that family in mine. My father and I both share the love of logic, but I am a dreamer in his eyes with all my questioning and he is a dinosaur of stubborn proportions in my eyes.

I am off to think of what it would be like if he was an INTP and I was an INTJ.

[songbird36]

I think INTJs are stubborn (I am one).

[DevNull]

You! I *knew* something pushed my buttons about your style.

Nothing personal then. Whew.

[Architectonic]

Thank god no. (no offense to any INTJs here. ;) )

[MasterMerk]

Better than having an ESFJ father, I'd imagine.

[Architectonic]

You mean ESTJ?

[MasterMerk]

Well at least the ESTJ father doesn't assume you're depressed all the time, and make up stupid and nonsensical explanations for everything you do. All my Dad every does, and ever will do is complain about other people. It's annoying as shit.

He's like a soccor mom on steroids.

[songbird36]

INTJs are much maligned on this site. We combine strategic thinking ability with super efficiency.

In essence, we are superhuman!

[Architectonic]

Maybe you had one of the better ESTJ fathers....

[MasterMerk]

Maybe you had one of the better ESTJ fathers....

The best way to make ESJs go away is to laugh and patronise them. It's hilarious.

[Ascending]

ESTJ Father.

I wish everyone used their T more universally...

[mgb]

INTJs are much maligned on this site. We combine strategic thinking ability with super efficiency.

In essence, we are superhuman!

I think they deserve all the maligning they get.

I don't know what's worse, having had an ESTJ or that he could have been INTJ.

[DevNull]

We combine strategic thinking ability with super efficiency.

But my 59th out of the 60 attempts at outsmarting you that works really hurts you in an irrecoverable way.

Then it is time for a victory dance.

While I am dancing, you are getting all INTP on the logisitics of the outsmarting and have that rare glimpse into what every day it is like to be me. Take that DAD! (quirky, but relevant INTP humor).

[songbird36]

I think they deserve all the maligning they get.

I don't know what's worse, having had an ESTJ or that he could have been INTJ.

Well those sort of sweeping generalisations about other NTs (of whatever variety) are just plain silly.

We all have problems with "S" types but unless there's something odd about our individual personalities we ought to be able to rub along with any other sort of NT.

I think you are unduly influenced in your thinking on this issue by *certain other members*, and it's tiresome.

[jjt]

I have an INTJ father. (Plus an INTJ brother). I've always had a somewhat awkward relationship with him. I find he is not a comfortable person with other people. As a child I thought he was remote and only focused on us achieving academically.

I see him through different eyes now. I am still uneasy around him, but occasionally we have had great discussions, usually on a topic like health or nutrition which we are both interested in. He's very strong minded in his beliefs, very focused in his directions in life and to me very uptight and rigid in his approach to life (in my view).

He's really respected in his job (psychiatrist). He is a very supportive person in a way I appreciate as an adult but didn't as a child, very disciplined and utterly reliable.

I always wished I'd had a different sort of father, outgoing, relaxed, creative, talkative - I guess more entp or enfp type.

I think I was probably not an easy child to bring up as I was incredibly shy and introverted and never really let anyone know what was going on inside my head.

So all in all a pretty bad combination as child and father, in terms of communication.

Now as an adult I just accept we are each the way we are, have patched up resentments from the past and appreciate a lot the values he instilled in me as a child.

[songbird36]

Let me explain what I think irks INTPs about INTJs.

INTJs are (without a doubt) more dogmatic in their views and less likely to be persuaded to an alternative view.

Mgbradsh you have seen this in my posting style. My style is that I will not put forward a view or an argument unless I am almost 100% convinced of that view myself.

INTPs will (I think) put forward a view rather tentatively and "put it out there" for discussion and are often happy to be persuaded to a different view.

If I post a view on something on here, it will take a pretty damn cogent and convincing contrary argument to get me to change my view. It has happened on some threads (and strangely enough CC posted a view on the "Objectification of Women" thread that got me to change my view completely because her argument was so convincing).

But the opposing argument will have to be clearly and convincingly expressed, not just "what you say is crap". That won't cut it for me.

[garak]

Ahaha, the psychology of American Chopper. I watch it too, and Paul Sr. is like a big caricature of my dad (both ISTJs, strong guys, grey, t-shirt & jeans & boots, etc). I still don't think I ever decided what type Jr. is.

[DevNull]

As a child I thought he was remote and only focused on us achieving academically.

My father gave me a pass on academic achievement but hammered my brother. His father was an INTP as far as I can tell (He owned a successful fixit shop in the olden days in Boston which my father was not exactly proud of) and I assume he had a mental block in the area of life shaping given that scenario.

Thanks for the post J. Great stuff. All of it.

And Songbird too. Information is so much clearer when the bearer exposes their underside.

[songbird36]

My father is an ENTP and we have never gotten along. He was always an angry, critical and aggressive person but thankfully has mellowed in his old age (now 79).

On the other hand I've always got along fine with my mother (INFJ) and brother (ENFP). I therefore think that the same types, or similar, don't always see eye to eye and can often clash (especially on an intellectual level).

[DevNull]

Paul Sr. is like a big caricature of my dad (both ISTJs,

I totally agree on the ISTJ. (Which BTW I think my mother is, but have not confirmed by actual testing as I did snooker my father into).

If you happen to watch Monster House, Mack, would you care to type Steve?

I would guess an I/E border and NFJ. Total J.

[songbird36]

ISTJs are the one type that is almost universally reviled on this board.

With good reason!

[garak]

If you happen to watch Monster House, Mack, would you care to type Steve?
I burned out on the home renovation shows without ever seeing that one. I have watched Monster Garage quite a few times though, and I pegged Jesse James as an ISTP. That was actually a cool one to figure out because I hadn't "typed" any ISTPs before.

[Architectonic]

My brother in law "claims" to be an INTJ and is married to my ENTP sister. They get along very well... (despite being married :P )

[garak]

ISTJs are the one type that is almost universally reviled on this board.

With good reason!
Yeah, adolescence was VERY rocky with him. I cut things off altogether ~4.5 years ago, although I think now that the pressure of parenting is gone, things would be a lot better. ISTJs do have likeable qualities (goofy sense of humor, mechanical aptitude), but I'd probably agree that those qualities aren't worth hunting for unless the person is your parent or something. :)

[Architectonic]

I actually got along reasonably well with my ISTJ grandfather. (the guy even wrote a book on grammar for the millitary LOL )

[songbird36]

My last ex-boyfriend was an ISTJ and he was fussy, pedantic, neurotic, anal retentive who stored his spices in alphabetical order in his pantry.

I will *never* go there again...

[garak]

My last ex-boyfriend was an ISTJ and he was fussy, pedantic, neurotic, anal retentive who stored his spices in alphabetical order in his pantry.

I will *never* go there again...
:rofl:

My dad's house was always SPOTLESS. All paperwork of any kind was neatly filed and organized, and a messy pile of stuff on the desk.. hah, not in a million years. In a way you can't help but admire it.

[Phenylethylene]

I am almost certain that my father is an INTJ (I had once considered ISTJ, but I now think he that he is an N with occasional S tendancies). jjt's description is all too familiar:

"...he was remote and only focused on us achieving academically."
"He's very strong minded in his beliefs, very focused in his directions in life and to me very uptight and rigid in his approach to life..."
"He's really respected in his job..."
"...very disciplined and utterly reliable."
"So all in all a pretty bad combination as child and father, in terms of communication."

My father is the most determined person I have ever met, often at the cost of his own happiness. We got along well when I was young (5-10) -- he was more than happy to go into a forty minute lecture in response to a question and I appreciated his "knowledge". (As I studied further, I realized how much of his knowledge was overstated opinion.) Beginning in my early teens, my aversion to authority extended to him, and that's when things became intolerable.

We get along okay today, and do pretty well over all as long as we don't spend excessive amounts of time together. Every once in a while, I forget about our P/J difference and get the same old lengthy lectures I used to get, causing me to spend the next hour kicking myself for asking whatever question brought this upon me.

[DevNull]

I burned out on the home renovation shows without ever seeing that one.

I am going to steal that quote and warp the spirit of it into many uses.


I pegged Jesse James as an ISTP.

The guy bugs me in a confrontational clusterf**k way. I would not last ten minutes in his realm without wanting to beat the crap out of him. I wish I knew another ISTP to gauge my overall perception.

[Architectonic]

We have a poster in our house (been up there for over 15 years) that says "A creative mess is better than tidy idleness".

[songbird36]

We have a poster in our house (been up there for over 15 years) that says "A creative mess is better than tidy idleness".

One of the things that *really* irked me about my ISTJ ex-boyfriend was that he kept his house obsessively tidy, could not tolerate any degree of mess or disorder, but on the hand was totally uncreative and uninspiring when it came to decorating his house.

It was a brand new house that he'd lived in for around 10 years, but he had left it in all the boring bland colour schemes that the builder had put in when the house was first built, and there were no pictures on the wall or any other knick knacks or collectables to put any sort of personal stamp on the place at all. It could have been a showhome.

Boring, boring, boring...

[mgb]

INTJs are (without a doubt) more dogmatic in their views...


You forgot repetitive. Dogmatic and repetitive in their views.

[songbird36]

You forgot repetitive. Dogmatic and repetitive in their views.

Let's not make this another fight. I think we're over all that aren't we?

[DevNull]

My father is the most determined person I have ever met, often at the cost of his own happiness.

I will make it a point to carry on that quality proudly to my offspring whether or not it is destined/mandatory in my makeup. If there is one thing I am so grateful for here on INTPCentral, it is the utter lack of creature comfort stuff. I spit on those who do not realize the greatness of doing things for themselves. (Only because I do not understand the concept, of course).

[garak]

One of the things that *really* irked me about my ISTJ ex-boyfriend was that he kept his house obsessively tidy, could not tolerate any degree of mess or disorder, but on the hand was totally uncreative and uninspiring when it came to decorating his house.

It was a brand new house that he'd lived in for around 10 years, but he had left it in all the boring bland colour schemes that the builder had put in when the house was first built, and there were no pictures on the wall or any other knick knacks or collectables to put any sort of personal stamp on the place at all. It could have been a showhome.

Boring, boring, boring...
Haha, once again, mirror image of my dad. When he was a single dad, the house was hilariously spartan. Personally, if I lived alone, it'd be the same way -- except sloppy instead of immaculate. I have no use for random crap on the wall.


The guy bugs me in a confrontational clusterf**k way. I would not last ten minutes in his realm without wanting to beat the crap out of him. I wish I knew another ISTP to gauge my overall perception.
Hm, that aspect of him doesn't bother me. In fact, I sort of admire his ability to cut through the crap and tell someone when something sucks. He can go a little overboard, but he also has a sense of humor and I think I'd have no problem just telling him to stfu in a good-spirited way.

[mgb]

Let's not make this another fight. I think we're over all that aren't we?

I was hoping so until you started mentioning (read:whining) about your type (read: you) being maligned.

[garak]

I hope to god you guys don't piss on this thread with another songbird INTJ nightmare bitchfest. Keep it in PMs or make another thread please.

[Phenylethylene]

I will make it a point to carry on that quality proudly to my offspring whether or not it is destined/mandatory in my makeup. If there is one thing I am so grateful for here on INTPCentral, it is the utter lack of creature comfort stuff. I spit on those who do not realize the greatness of doing things for themselves. (Only because I do not understand the concept, of course).

Hopefully you can do a better job than my father did; he was miserable for much of the twenty years I knew him before he retired, which was only an illustration to me of what not to do.

[Architectonic]

My father and I both share the love of logic, but I am a dreamer in his eyes with all my questioning and he is a dinosaur of stubborn proportions in my eyes.

INTJs can still be dreamers and questioners. At least some of the INTJs I have known.
"Love of logic" and "dinosaur of stubborn proportions" kind of sounds more like ISTJ in a way..

[DevNull]

Hm, that aspect of him doesn't bother me. In fact, I sort of admire his ability to cut through the crap and tell someone when something sucks.

It is the creepy way he seems to enjoy it. I know what you (and Jesse) are saying and I admire the logic of his ways anyway, but my INFJ wife has got me under her reign on this one on his morbid manner ;)

On a related note, I have cousinage family in IA and they have all always reminded me of Jesse but much more reserved if that is possible. The father was a motocross junkie and all of his sons carry that same Je ne sais quoi as Jesse does.

[DevNull]

Hopefully you can do a better job than my father did

You have my promise that I will try my best... what with all the knowledge that is evident here and undeniably cool.

(the little biscuit is 2 months away BTW)

[songbird36]

I hope to god you guys don't piss on this thread with another songbird INTJ nightmare bitchfest. Keep it in PMs or make another thread please.

No it won't turn into that. Actually though it was a good chance to post some things about my type (INTJ) that may potentially irk an INTP. It was more an analytical exercise than anything else.

[DevNull]

INTJs can still be dreamers and questioners.

Damned if they ever let me in on it. I mentioned that my father did give me a pass on education for some odd reason, so your hypothesis stands as quite the valid possibility. It just is not what he, or IMHO they, are known for.

My myopic choice of words leaves me exposed also. I am not a dreamer myself, but when it comes to specific scenarios, I can dream up stuff that would baffle a professional dreamer or anyone who may own an electrified dreaming machine. I do question everything though. I mean *everything*.

I will look into the INTJ dreamer/questioner possiblilty

[DevNull]

Actually though it was a good chance to post some things about my type (INTJ) that may potentially irk an INTP.

Shyah, *not*.

I like you now.

[songbird36]

yeah ditto.

I felt really sorry for you on that smoking rant thread. It was a lose-lose for you, and people (myself included) were vicious. Hope you can forgive us.

**SB34 goes INFP**

[CapnEnnui]

Was anyone else unfortunate enough to have an ENTJ father? My father is a classic ENTJ CEO. He's also a critical, unsympathetic, ruthless crazy sadist with extremely high expectations and severe mood swings. We haven't spoken for years (his idea), and my only thought on it is "good riddance." I haven't liked him since I was three. I don't think I've met an ENTJ who isn't insane.

[songbird36]

Was anyone else unfortunate enough to have an ENTJ father? My father is a classic ENTJ CEO. He's also a critical, unsympathetic, ruthless crazy sadist with extremely high expectations and severe mood swings. We haven't spoken for years (his idea), and my only thought on it is "good riddance." I haven't liked him since I was three. I don't think I've met an ENTJ who isn't insane.

I have an on-line Bridge partner who's ENTJ and he's a total spinner.

Keeps bothering me for unwanted sex too...

[DevNull]

I felt really sorry for you on that smoking rant thread. It was a lose-lose for you, and people (myself included) were vicious. Hope you can forgive us.

Pfft. I came in like a bull and deserved it all. I know when my presented logic is flawed no matter what the truth is. No matter who ultimately is wrong or right, you all had the structure and still do. It is up to me to smash that structure and take the lumps while trying.

I ain't finished yet on that thread BTW. I am just a bit lazy and/or patient while collecting my end of the facts. As long as truth reigns then I will not pay attention to any apologies. You know what I am saying.

[Lee]

Better than having an ESFJ father, I'd imagine.

INTJ Father
ESFJ Mother

Beat that!

[sbw]

ISTJs are the one type that is almost universally reviled on this board.

With good reason!

I dislike ESJ's more than ISJ's...the I's (obviously) are less overbearing, and I've found that while SJ's generally regard me as a crazy, hedonistic anarchist, they are entertained rather than offended. i.e., traits of having fun and being lazy and ignoring/sneering at the rules are merely curious to ISJ's while they are violently offensive to ESJ's, to the extent that they yell at me; the ESJ's seem to have a more strident sense of propriety.

Scott

[Lee]

I have noticed that SJ's do not always love the rules, however they feel compelled to follow them regardless and they sometimes appreciate the presence of an anarchist to do and say what they cannot.

[Geoff]

Well those sort of sweeping generalisations about other NTs (of whatever variety) are just plain silly.

We all have problems with "S" types but unless there's something odd about our individual personalities we ought to be able to rub along with any other sort of NT.

I think you are unduly influenced in your thinking on this issue by *certain other members*, and it's tiresome.

Heh that's so hypocritical. You criticise typism, and then exclude the just over half the population that is S on the basis of typism!

-Geoff

[Geoff]

I am almost certain that my father is an INTJ (I had once considered ISTJ, but I now think he that he is an N with occasional S tendancies). jjt's description is all too familiar:

"...he was remote and only focused on us achieving academically."
"He's very strong minded in his beliefs, very focused in his directions in life and to me very uptight and rigid in his approach to life..."
"He's really respected in his job..."
"...very disciplined and utterly reliable."
"So all in all a pretty bad combination as child and father, in terms of communication."

My father is the most determined person I have ever met, often at the cost of his own happiness. We got along well when I was young (5-10) -- he was more than happy to go into a forty minute lecture in response to a question and I appreciated his "knowledge". (As I studied further, I realized how much of his knowledge was overstated opinion.) Beginning in my early teens, my aversion to authority extended to him, and that's when things became intolerable.

We get along okay today, and do pretty well over all as long as we don't spend excessive amounts of time together. Every once in a while, I forget about our P/J difference and get the same old lengthy lectures I used to get, causing me to spend the next hour kicking myself for asking whatever question brought this upon me.

Sounds more ISTJ to me.

-Geoff

[mgb]

Origninal post:
INTJs are much maligned on this site. We combine strategic thinking ability with super efficiency.

In essence, we are superhuman!



I hope to god you guys don't piss on this thread with another songbird INTJ nightmare bitchfest. Keep it in PMs or make another thread please.

Sorry garak. I tried a PM, it doesn't work. Tried ignoring, doesn't work. Now I am vigilant about the trolling. I understand what you mean about a different thread, but that would have required her to start a new thread to troll. I am going to deal with it from now on, when it happens where it happens.


No it won't turn into that. Actually though it was a good chance to post some things about my type (INTJ) that may potentially irk an INTP. It was more an analytical exercise than anything else.

Was your "analytical exercise" to prove that INTJs are trolls? Or just that you are a troll.

[melancholeric]

INTJ Father
ESFJ Mother

Beat that!
Easy. Dysfunctional codependant enabling passive aggressive guiltmanipulating ESFJ mother and INTx father whose mental health problems transcend the MBTI.

[Lee]

Easy. Dysfunctional codependant enabling passive aggressive guiltmanipulating ESFJ mother and INTx father whose mental health problems transcend the MBTI.

Are you some brother I have somehow not noticed?

[melancholeric]

Are you some brother I have somehow not noticed?
If you are my brother, I'll leave the board. He's as much of a complete waste of a sperm and an egg as my parents.

[Boneca]

For some reason my family is exactly the opposite of what's expected.
My INTJ mother is very diplomatic and actually listens. But she never reveals what she really thinks. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who realises that she thinks just about everyone is a complete loser, even if she says something nice.
My INTP father on the other hand, has this idea that he always has to win every argument. Not that he's not open to new views...he'll often use MY arguments when talking to somebody else, but when he's talking to me, those very same arguments are nothing but wrong.

My dad can annoy the hell out of me, but I barely ever argue with my mum, though there's no doubt she's INTJ.

(Just thought I'd add a different view...I like INTJ's. :))

[Nighthawk]

ESTP father here. It was like living with "The Great Santini" ... except I was nowhere near as good a basketball player as the kid in the movie. He passed away 10 years ago and I was torn between relief and regret.

[Eileen]

My INTP father on the other hand, has this idea that he always has to win every argument. Not that he's not open to new views...he'll often use MY arguments when talking to somebody else, but when he's talking to me, those very same arguments are nothing but wrong.


Very similar to my first, oh, twenty-two years with my INTP father...
I think that he's starting to develop his Fe in his old age, so I can relate to him a little better (and perhaps me developing the ability to let people make their own choices and not say "I told you so" when things go poorly is helping our relationship too...).

[SensEye]

I would think after perhaps an NF parent an NTJ parent would be the next best thing for an INTP. Would you prefer and SJ or an SP instead?

[Nighthawk]

I would think after perhaps an NF parent an NTJ parent would be the next best thing for an INTP. Would you prefer and SJ or an SP instead?I would love to have had an NF or NT parent instead of an SJ and SP. The SJ was not too bad, as long as I did well in school and followed the rules (or pretended to follow them). The SP super-jock was a chaotic, drinking, womanizing disruptor. We never knew if we'd have enough money to eat the next week, but he had no problem spending like crazy to impress his friends. I wouldn't wish an ESxP parent on anybody.

[jjt]

Just thought I'd post some positivity here. I strongly believe that we should appreciate our parents and everything they have done for us. Sometimes we don't get this until we have kids of our own, and realise how utterly ungrateful a kid can be for everything we as parents do for them, as flawed as we are. We spend hundreds in feeding, clothing, educating them and keeping them well and safe, at the same time trying to bring them up to be caring unselfish, self-fulfilled human beings who hopefully contribute something to society. To be fair having kids is also fun, rewarding and they are just the most amazing little creatures (your own that is not other peoples)

So with that I look back to my own childhood and see many things that I can be greatful for in my INTJ Dad.

He was really smart and knowledgable - any question I had about anything he would take time to explain it in a way I could understand. He was great at helping with difficult maths and science projects.

One of his passions was tramping and every school holidays he would take us on a camping trip somewhere new around New Zealand, or Australia or UK when we lived there.

He was passionate about academic achievement and wouldn't let me leave school when I got fed up at 15. As a result I stuck it out and achieved where I would have given up. That value stayed with me in other areas.

He was utterly reliable - if he made a promise it would be kept no matter what.

When I was living overseas in my 20's he wrote a letter every single week for 3 years keeping me posted.

He and my mum are great Grandparents. He's chilled out a bit now he's older, he's a bit more affectionate and relaxed. He still tramps and is incredibly fit at 75. My parents take my 6 and 8 year old out exploring volcanic hills, forests and parks around the city. They've been incredibly supportive of my husband and myself with our Russian adoption journey.

He's still a little awkward, and shy and values his solitude (as am I), but I have always valued that he is NT ness and when we both get past our own introvertedness we have some great discussions and communication.

[Boneca]

Yay for INTJ grandparents! My old grandpa knew everything. :)

[Eileen]

Whee! INTP positivity. It's GREAT!

[int]

Was anyone else unfortunate enough to have an ENTJ father? My father is a classic ENTJ CEO. He's also a critical, unsympathetic, ruthless crazy sadist with extremely high expectations and severe mood swings. We haven't spoken for years (his idea), and my only thought on it is "good riddance." I haven't liked him since I was three. I don't think I've met an ENTJ who isn't insane.Hah. They're insane alright. My father is an ENTJ.

We get along better since I've been studying personality types and live a thousand miles away. Much better.

We're both into photography and flying though, so we've got something to talk about. He tried helping me with music when I was in high school, but didn't understand the "artistic" approach, so anything he helped with collapsed on itself. A few years later he just gave me a few books for x-mas and let me figure out what he was trying to do myself.

Same thing with photography. We got to talking about it and he gave me the book he used to teach himself. It's a more structured approach than I'm used to, so I end up just flipping through it when I'm lost/confused/un-inspired to get ideas.

[Dunearhp]

My father is INTJ. We have very little friction.

[s0978]

...jjt's description is all too familiar:

"...he was remote and only focused on us achieving academically."
"He's very strong minded in his beliefs, very focused in his directions in life and to me very uptight and rigid in his approach to life..."
"He's really respected in his job..."
"...very disciplined and utterly reliable."
"So all in all a pretty bad combination as child and father, in terms of communication."

My father is the most determined person I have ever met, often at the cost of his own happiness. We got along well when I was young (5-10) -- he was more than happy to go into a forty minute lecture in response to a question and I appreciated his "knowledge". (As I studied further, I realized how much of his knowledge was overstated opinion.) Beginning in my early teens, my aversion to authority extended to him, and that's when things became intolerable...

Same here. I think I stopped listening to the guy (just started completely tuning him out) around the age of 12.

Oh and to Lee and Melancholeric, with you also on the ESFJ mom. How and why did these people find each other?

[Architectonic]

Whee! INTP positivity. It's GREAT!

Maybe its due to a subconscious desire to become INTJs. :D




Or as Freud would say, be with INTJs. :shock:

[April]

I have an INTJ father, but he has many psychological problems. He used to get hallucinations a lot when I was growing up. I was deathly afraid of him.

[Sir Isaac Lime]

He used to get hallucinations a lot when I was growing up..

Schizoaffective?

[ApeTheDog]

INTJ mother. There are many things that bug me about her. And they're not big problems, but it's the stubbornness with which she continually repeats the same mistakes that bugs me. It bugs me a lot how she never questions herself, especially since this is something I do often, and with succes - as I truly learn new, important things out of this.

She can get very intrusive, as in when she wants to talk about something trivial, she'll ask me and bother me with it without consciously registering that she's disturbing me as I'm tuned into my tv program. Not that she can't do that, but when you're watching a movie, you're enjoying it, it's normal that you don't want somebody to shout at you from the other side of the room: "HEY, DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST NAME OF THAT DOCTOR IN DR. ZHIVAGO?". She does not understand that this is a problem for me, and I don't want to tell her because then I'd consider myself to be nitpicking. I don't want to be the person who gets bothered by this. Yet I also don't consider that her question at that time was important enough to disturb my enjoyment of the movie, and I think she should have known this.

I also think she has a vindictive side. When an argument of hers has been defeated without a shadow of a doubt, she will invent another one. When that one is defeated, she'll invent yet another one. And she'll go on and one with this until in the end, she'll have turned it into a discussion about something else entirely - just as long as she wins in the end. And if one time, I say something that rings true with her and she can't roll out of it by making it into something else, she'll often get back at me a couple of hours later by blowing some minor fault of mine up into a steamroller of a problem. It is not uncommon that she will say things like "and that's why you'll end up as a bum and you'll never, ever be happy" in an argument about, for example, a empty can of yoghurt I didn't put in the garbage can immediately after eating it. Now I ask you... how mentally stable is this? It's quite stressful and I feel like I have to compensate for her weirdness all time time, whilst she doesn't do this for me. (but probably wrongly so, I admit - as this is just a feeling fueled by frustration, not a logical assesment)

I could post a lot more about her here, but that just happens to be something that bothered me last night.

[Bronto]

I am an INTJ and I could care less about school and college. I was originally going to go into the military and get into special forces (Scored high enough on the pre-ASVAB ) and I knew I have the determination to make it, but I was medically disqualified. So now I'm in college and I get around a 2.XGPA because I don't care about a system of "determining" your sucsess in life based on a grading system developed by SJ's. Alot of those people with the 3.5+ college GPA's don't know anything so it's a waste of my time working hard for that. (Also, spelling is a waste of my time, so I don't bother correcting that.)

As an INTJ I imagine I would put a large amount of time thinking about how to tailor my parenting style to each of my kids. I'm sure it would come off as weird if I ask my kid if X makes them uncomfortable and if they wish for me to do a different approach. I will do my hardest to view my kids as their own self-determining choice-making selves and do my best to "coach" them along the way without overdoing the coaching part. But having an SJ kid would be tough... I guess then I would try to make them able to see the N part of the world. If possible...

(-Edited because the ASVAB came off as a smilie)