MBTI and my relationship

[Crazy]

I have expressed previously the...... failing state of my marriage. Before a few days ago when I found out that I am an INTP, I didn't know why I am the way I am, and now I know why my wife is the way she is. Today we found out what type she is...... ESFJ.

Preliminary indicators suggest that this is a very bad match. Not very compatible at all. What do you think?

[int]

Someone else here said his spouse was an ENFJ and they learn a lot from each other.

[shaytana]

Someone else here said his spouse was an ENFJ and they learn a lot from each other.

I find the N/S difference in people to be key on how well we will get along as close friends.

[sme_bro]

i dont like the whole idea of planning and checking our lives around what the studies show, the way the socionics site makes the types out to be it seems as if it would be easy to just interchange your friends with people of the same type and you wouldnt notice the difference... There is truth in it but where is the fun in life if you know how you will interact with everyone?
What was it that brought you together in the first place? how long have you been together?
And when you found out the type was esfj did you imediatly start searching that type online so you could learn everything and then compare that to what she did in real life in your head?

[Crazy]

What was it that brought you together in the first place? how long have you been together?
And when you found out the type was esfj did you imediatly start searching that type online so you could learn everything and then compare that to what she did in real life in your head?

Initial interest and intrigue

4 1/2 years

Yes, Deffinately her.

[Crazy]

I looked more into it, she is deffinately an ESFJ. We are also incompatible as far as the personality matches go. Our relationship is heaven or hell. When it's good, it's great, when it's bad, it's really bad. There is rarely an inbetween.

The problem with this is, after the initial intrigue of your complete opposite wears off, things get really boring, there is no deeper connection. We cannot talk about anything without argument. All talk of politics, religion, relationship, or science is lost on her, she is not interested in any of that. Gossip she can talk about, but I hate gossip. Even budgeting our money is a big issue, because she will not try anything different, and I am always trying to think of a better way. She is a "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" kind of person, and I am a "work in progress" kinda guy. She hates leaving things unfinished. She is also a very "we need to spend time together" person. She has a hard time understanding that I need alot of time alone.


Getting married was stupid of me. We had been forced to have a long distance relationship right up to the wedding day, and she didn't really show her "dark side" because anytime we would see eachother it would only be for a few days, and usually a month in between. She was always in a state of emotional high from seeing me, and didn't want to take out her greivances because we had so little time, why waste it arguing.

well, I lost my train of thought, so that's it for now.

[Melody]

:-/ Are you talking to her about these personality thingies?

[jittus rye]

I wouldn't advise you to make decisions based off of test results. I think something is seriously wrong in that because humans are so much more complicated.

[Crazy]

OK, OK, I think we all are a little confused here. I am not asking for marriage advice, and I am not making decisions from test results, I am just interested on what we can see from the test results vs. real life. I thought it was interesting that I married a person who, according to MBTI, is the exact opposite of me.

Have any of you seen/been in a romantic relationship between and INTP and an ESFJ?

[Hypnos]

Have any of you seen/been in a romantic relationship between and INTP and an ESFJ?
Yes -- it worked because they had very clearly defined spheres of control and authority (INTP technical/financial, ESFJ family/household). Didn't seem particularly passionate ...

[CeSoirNoir]

My mother is an ESFJ, we don't get along at all. I have a really good friend who is also an ESFJ, we get along I think because we have a FEW common interests, but sometimes its hard to be around her because we think so differently about things..

[libertarianjim]

I'm an INTP, and I'm fairly certain that my ex-wife is an SJ of some sort. That said, it's also exceptionally likely that she has borderline personality disorder, which was probably the driving factor in our divorce, rather than personality-type differences.

[Crazy]

I'm an INTP, and I'm fairly certain that my ex-wife is an SJ of some sort. That said, it's also exceptionally likely that she has borderline personality disorder, which was probably the driving factor in our divorce, rather than personality-type differences.

I can understand that. My wife has severe clinical depression, and some power and control issues.