The Quartz Table Sits

[Sackanaka]

Since I'm trying to work on use of allusion, I revised an old poem. Advice/constructive criticism welcome, especially from the other poets or enthusiasts ;).


The Quartz Table Sits

The Quartz Table Sits
Upon a Wooden Floor-
if ever it should Brazen-Kissed
I'll love it all the more-

Pellucid Diamond Flesh-
patina-felt-Divine-
Upon the Scarlet Sash of Silk
which Soaks into the Wine-

Rosen Relics- Dozen-
sat fragrant with some bread-
allocated cherished Palm
from graying Ancient Head-

Through Propriety it pelts
residual decay-
the Hand that wipes across its face
has purged the dust away.

The Quartz Table Sits
upon a Wooden floor-
for every moment Brazen-Kissed
I've loved it all the more-

[indie]

2 questions/suggestions:

(1) Why the capital letters? Is that how you are alluding? I'm guessing the quartz table represents something solid, sturdy, unflappable. . . this is a metaphor for something, but the reader is not quite sure what. Any subtle hints to make it more dimensional might help. You typed "Wooden Floor" in the first stanza and "Wooden floor" in the last. Is there a reason for that?

(2) The flow is great, but the part where you speak of the


"Rosen Relics- Dozen-
sat fragrant with some bread-"

it threw me off. Got an image of the table with the flowers on it, and some bread. . . maybe it's just me, but the image of flowers and bread don't quite jive. (scent-wise, that is).

In all, it's a very beautiful piece of work. It has an almost-nostalgia for something lost, but not really lost (if that even makes sense). The contrast between the first and last stanza "I'll love it all the more" vs. "I've loved it all the more" is very poignant.

[Sackanaka]

:) Thank you for your response.
I was intending to target the Christian reader, so sorry if it doesn't make too much sense. (that was my hint)
I know some parts don't flow too well, but keeping in mind that
1) It was influenced by Emily Dickinson's style
2) I am not Christian, but have learned much about it
3) I'm trying to web together many (perhaps too much so) literary techniques, the running metaphor being the obvious one.

As for the capitals, it was sorta whimsical, sorta for oomph, mostly cuz it just felt right.
The floor wasn't as important by the end ;P.
Also wondering if I ought to delete the "Through" before Propriety. :|