[Mafia 3.0] OFFICAL NARRATIVE THREAD

[syzygy]

Here's where you can follow the game in a nutshell. I will cross off players who are dead, and state who they were killed by etc. I'll also post all the deaths here, since "one thread for all deaths" won the thread poll. I will create discussion and voting deaths for each turn immediately after I post the mafia kill in this thread.

GAMEPLAY SUMMARY:

2/25 - 2/26: Turn One:
- MacGuffin and Ptah were found brutally murdered (http://forums.intpcentral.com/showpost.php?p=1059125&postcount=2) in MacGuffin's tastefully decorated apartment.
- The town, bloodthirsty and grasping at straws, lynched 2ds (http://forums.intpcentral.com/showpost.php?p=1060266&postcount=23) - an innocent townsperson.

2/26 - 2/27 Turn Two
- The Mafia try to get aelan plowed over by a snowtruck, but due to "The Doctor"'s intervention ...interesting things happen. (http://forums.intpcentral.com/showpost.php?p=1060294&postcount=27)
- aelan (townsfolk) and ApeTheDog (mafia) kill each other (http://forums.intpcentral.com/showpost.php?p=1060327&postcount=36) for reasons shrouded in mystery.
- Etherealsage resigns from the game (http://forums.intpcentral.com/showpost.php?p=1060559&postcount=37).

PLAYERS WITH EXCUSES (keep in mind before deeming suspicious):
- CJ is out of town Wed-Sun and may not be on all that much.
- carbon cold is away Friday and Saturday, same goes.
- Rajah broke her computer.
- Eye-In-TiPi has very limited access to internet, balancing school, full time work and three young kids.

PLAYERS CURRENTLY ALIVE:

2ds, resizer
aelan, exotic dancer
Anonymous, mortician
ApeTheDog, DJ
Autumn, pot dealer
Awn, nymphomaniac librarian
C.J. Woolf, cat herder
carbon cold, butcher
cripple, wildlife trapper
djm, vegetable seller
Etherealsage, don
Eye-In-TiPi, bus boy
HappyNoodleBoy, kung fu instructor
Ivy, interpretive florist
Jynweythek, carpenter
Kirai, helicopter pilot
LongSilence, sheriff
md5fungi, aquaculturist
mgb, massage therapist
MoneyJungle, door to door Bible salesman
Oso Mocoso, stockbroker
Rajah, escort
Slartibartfast, planetary physicist
Trinity, town drunk
Works, teacher

RULES:


The general rules of Mafia (courtesy Wikipedia):
Players are secretly assigned roles: either "mafia", who know each other; or "townspeople", who know only the number of mafia amongst them. During the night phase of the game, the Mafia choose an innocent to kill. During the day phase, all players debate the identities of the Mafia and vote to kill someone whom the majority suspect. Players are eliminated until either all mafia are killed or the mafia outnumber the innocents

Forum specific rules:
1. Communication among the Townsfolk must be done in only on the Mafia Contest subforum. No exceptions. You can PM the Narrator to ask rule-related questions if you need to. Anyone who receives a game-related private message from another member has the option of forwarding it to me, which will kill the member who originally sent it. In game, that player was stealthily murdered by the recipient of the message.

2. It will be announced whether or not an eliminated player was guilty or innocent if they were lynched by the Townsfolk.

3. Spreadsheets will be banned from play because they're a performance enhancing drug.

4. There should be two turns per day of play. The Mafia are expected to figure out who they're going to kill concurrent with Townsfolk voting.

5. Townsfolk voting will be public and end at 4.30 PM Eastern Time (11.30 AM GMT) everyday.

6. Townies will all have in-game roles, but only special roles have powers. Special roles in play will be Detective, Doctor, Vigilante and Don.

Detective:
Allied with the Townsfolk the "Detective" can detect whether a player is a Mafia. They can check with the narrator about the alignment of a specific player once every turn. Their identity is known only to them, although they may choose to disclose it strategically.

Doctor:
Allied with the Townsfolk, the "Doctor"-type role defends others. They pick one person to protect; that person will survive any Mafia or Vigilante attack for that turn. Their identity is known only to them, although they may choose to disclose it strategically.

Vigilante:
Allied with the Townsfolk, the Vigilante can kill a certain number of suspected Mafia. Their identity is known only to them, although they may choose to disclose it strategically.

Don:
Allied with the Mafia, the Don is their public spokesperson. He cannot vote or be lynched, and he does not count as an extra Mafia member for purposes of winning the game. However, he is publicly Mafia, and is helping the Mafia plan their strategy. This game's Don is Etherealsage

7. Mafia status and special roles will be assigned via random generator.

8. The game will start with the killing of a NPC so that everyone gets to play at least a little.

9. I can't make your lynching decisions, but it's not really appropriate to lynch people for out-of-game reasons ("they've been online all day!" or "they were reading a PM!")

[syzygy]

It was getting into the early evening on INTPc. It was a cool night, and the forum goers were relaxing after dinner. Many of them were nesting in their homes, keeping warm and spending time with their loved ones. Some of the forum goers were just getting started on their work that evening. The exotic dancer Aelan was on on her way to work at BOOBIES!!!! the official INTP strip club just outside of Purgatory. She was off to put in a shift and hopefully return home with a big bag of one dollar bills. Along her walk, she was greeted by Autumn, the town pot dealer. He asked if she'd like to make a purchase. She declined and said "Ask me on my way home, Autumn!"

Aelan was half way to work when she heard three gunshots ring out! They were followed by a girlish scream, and then two more shots. INTPc is generally such a peaceful community. What happened? Was it an accident? She responded with morbid curiosity until she thought about how much effort it would be to actually find out what happened. If it was important, it would be on the news tomorrow.

"Well, I don't want to be late again. Surely someone will phone the police." thought Aelan and continued walking to work.

Half an hour later, Trinity the town drunk went to investigate. When she wasn't busy drinking, she was also the superintendent of the building. She opened the door to MacGuffin's apartment and noted it was decorated with tasteful art, colorful window treatments and thoroughly modern Swedish furniture. The kitchen gleamed with stylish utensils.

"Wow. I love what he's done with the place." said Trinity. She walked in and looked around.

MacGuffin was on the ground wearing a now bloodied up monogrammed bath robe. He was lying still in a pool of congealed blood. Near him was another man, garbed in a leopard print banana hammock. He'd been shot twice in the chest and his blood was everywhere.

Trinity surveyed the scene. Works and Awn followed her into the apartment and gasped when they saw the carnage. Works looked around the room.

He said "Looks like they were in the middle of watching 'Gladiator' when they were killed." Works either overlooked or ignored the fact that their clothing was spread haphazardly all around the room and there was a bottle of personal lubricant left on the coffee table.

"Russell Crowe was wonderful in that. And didn't you love hating Joaquin Phoenix as the Emperor? He's a very talented actor." replied Awn.

Trinity participated in the investigation too. "They can't have been dead for very long. These wine coolers are still chilly." she said, and took a second sip.

2ds ducked into the apartment. "Did you guys call the cops?"

Trinity said "No, but we'll get around to it. We should probably call Anonymous to haul the bodies away. That's his job, right? If we let these decompose here, it'll ruin the hardwood floor. That should be our top priority."

Awn said "What are you talking about? Two men are dead here!"

"Yeah, and nothing we do will change that. Think of the expense of putting in a new hardwood floor! That would be coming out of the maintenance budget for the building you live in."

"Good point. Let's call Anonymous."

[three hours passed]

Anonymous arrived with 2ds and works in tow to help him out. Anonymous came in and surveyed the scene.

Works asked "Hey can you identify banana hammock over there?"

"That's Ptah. He's was a hairdresser from across town. He cut my mom's hair. I hear he was a huge fan of 'The Boy from Oz'."

"What?"

"You know, the new Hugh Jackman musical."

"Oh. Well. Ta-ta, Ptah."

"Let's get to work, guys. Let's start with MacGuffin."

As they lifted him up to move him into the bodybag, a letter fell out of MacGuffin's bathrobe. Anonymous zipped up the bag while 2ds read the note aloud.

"Townsfolk, MacGuffin didn't pay his bar tab, or the money he owed his bookie. Let this be a lesson to you all. This is what happens when you owe us money for too long! PS: We don't know who this other guy was."

"I'd say that sounds like a threat." opined Anonymous.

Works spoke up. "I wouldn't worry. With investigative skills like ours, I think we will find their murderers. And we'll make those murderers pay!"

This story was outsourced.

[syzygy]

I changed my mind. You guys can post here now. :grin:

[Anonymous]

Awesome writeup. :grin: And yay, I am not a bus boy. Although I am apparently the person who knows everyone? Which is always good.

[Oso Mocoso]

Although I am apparently the person who knows everyone? Which is always good.

If you're a mortician, everyone is a potential customer.

[Eye-In-TiPi]

Awesome writeup. :grin: And yay, I am not a bus boy. Although I am apparently the person who knows everyone? Which is always good.

:sadbanana: What's wrong with bussing tables?
Isn't it a conflict of interest being the mortician? I mean, you're obviously in the mafia, so killing people sends a lot of business your way. Am I right?

[djm]

That was very funny.

[Anonymous]

If you're a mortician, everyone is a potential customer.

Yeah, I suppose customer service skills are important in every line of work.


:sadbanana: What's wrong with bussing tables?
Isn't it a conflict of interest being the mortician? I mean, you're obviously in the mafia, so killing people sends a lot of business your way. Am I right?

I am not mafia, however, I'm beginning to think that you are with your careless voting. Let your mafia friends know that they will be given short coffins, and their corpses may be reduced in size in order to fit them in.

[Eye-In-TiPi]

Yeah, I suppose customer service skills are important in every line of work.



I am not mafia, however, I'm beginning to think that you are with your careless voting. Let your mafia friends know that they will be given short coffins, and their corpses may be reduced in size in order to fit them in.

Careless voting is the best strategy.

Forget about small coffins. I wanna be cremated. Roll my ashes into skinny cigarettes and smoke me with your morning coffee. I won't disappoint.

[2ds]

Haha banana hammock ptah

[Jynweythek]

I think you're all missing the point. The question we should be asking is this: which one of them screamed like a little girl?

[Works]

Works spoke up. "I wouldn't worry. With investigative skills like ours, I think we will find their murderers. And we'll make those murderers pay!"

This story was outsourced.

Ouch.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I say we lynch Works for cheesy optimism.

[Works]

Yeah, I say we lynch Works for cheesy optimism.

Whoever wrote the story was taking a jab at my historically bad play.

[Oso Mocoso]

Whoever wrote the story was taking a jab at my historically bad play.

I think whoever wrote the story was taking a bit of a jab at the townies in general from Mafia 2.0 and just picked you arbitrarily to voice the cheesy Townie optimism.


I think you're all missing the point. The question we should be asking is this: which one of them screamed like a little girl?

Between a guy in a bath robe and a guy in a banana hammock, which do you think would scream like a little girl?

I don't have an answer. I just think it makes a powerful question to be pondered by the ages.

[Jynweythek]

Between a guy in a bath robe and a guy in a banana hammock, which do you think would scream like a little girl?

I don't have an answer. I just think it makes a powerful question to be pondered by the ages.

I imagine banana hammocks can get pretty tight... but is a banana hammock really a banana hammock if there is no banana in it?

[Oso Mocoso]

I imagine banana hammocks can get pretty tight... but is a banana hammock really a banana hammock if there is no banana in it?

Yes, because there is the potential for there to be a banana.

[2ds]

Yes, because there is the potential for there to be a banana.

What if you put two bananas in there?

[Works]

What if you put two bananas in there?

I think that's what was going on when the two of them got killed.

[Jynweythek]

http://yepyep.gibbs12.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/banana_hammock.jpg

[syzygy]

http://yepyep.gibbs12.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/banana_hammock.jpg

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=banana+hammock

[HappyNoodleBoy]

Ouch.

Oso used my name and rollicking in the same sentence, I think you got off pretty easy.

Edit: I specialize in the kung-fu of the A+B down down right variety.

[syzygy]

2ds was asleep in his bed again when they came for him, but this time he was ready. When he heard the mob's battering ram going to work on his door, he started out of bed, grabbed his keys, put on his slippers and slid down a specially installed fireman's pole he'd had put into his bedroom for just this purpose. He wound up in his garage where he hopped into his Mustang and clicked his electrical garage door opener. He started the engine with a roar and gunned the accelerator.

His tires squealed as he tore away from the startled Townsfolk lynch mob. 2ds got a healthy lead on them as they decided how to best carpool in order to give pursuit.

Anonymous got an early lead in the chase on his motorcycle. 2ds tried to lose him by zigzagging through side streets, but Anonymous' bike both handled better and was able to match the Mustang's acceleration over short distances. Finally, 2ds was able to find a long straight stretch of road and he started pulling ahead.

Until he got to the railroad crossing. In the distance, he saw the red lights start blinking, and the safety gates descended with grim finality.

"Shit, shit, shit." he said and floored his car. He realized he wasn't going to make it. Rather than slam into the side of a moving train, he braked hard and tried a bootlegger turn. He braked just in time for Anonymous to brake as well and still have time to level a shotgun at 2ds' head.

"Umm ... couldn't we talk about this? I'm innocent, man." said 2ds.

"I'm listening."

"I could bribe you to let me go!"

"How much?"

"I have $500 on me."

"Dude, I'd have let you go for a lot less than that. Cough up the money."

"Hang on."

As 2ds was rummaging for the money in his glove box, djm and Kirai pulled up in djm's Bentley and joined Anonymous.

"Cheers, Anonymous! You've nabbed him! Let's lynch this blooming Mafia!" said djm.

"Umm ... yeah! To the gallows!"

"Wait! I thought we had a deal!"

"What's he talking about?" asked Kirai.

"Filthy Mafia lies! He tried to bribe me but I wouldn't listen."

"Hey -"

Anonymous quickly punched 2ds and gagged him with a tie.

"To the gallows!"

They placed a bag over 2ds' head and marched him to the town square. He muttered additional protestations of innocence, but he found it challenging to muster a persuasive argument around a mouthful of silk European sartorial accessory. Autumn pulled the lever that brought his protest to a close.

2ds was innocent.

This story was outsourced.

[Works]

...well this is not what I was hoping for.

Can we just forget that I was the one to first suspect 2ds and focus on the people who jumped on and off the 2ds bandwagon?

I'll be watching via iphone. Please leave your death threats with my secretary.

[md5fungi]

...well this is not what I was hoping for.


Either that or you've got a huge smile on your face. Time will tell.

[mgb]

I didn't vote for 2ds. I just want to make that abundantly clear.

*take that New Posts!*

[syzygy]

"Dead, you hear me? I want her dead by dawn!" cried the local crime boss. The shadowy figure was actively chewing on a cigar and looking terribly agitated. One could only assume that this was a natural effect of exposure to whoever she was, "But I want her to die slowly, understand?"

"Sure, boss, sure," muttered an underling, wiping the grease of a deep-fried chicken wing off of their glistening chin. "I got just the thing--I know this guy, he's got this heavy plow, see? We just bury her in tha snow, and next morning, people'll be wondering why there's a half-mile streak girly-bacon slathered along the road."

"Whatever," replied the mob boss, "Just get it done!"

The peon belched and took a swig of beer. Such is but one example of the glorious decadence of being in the mob. Another is the pink and gold glittery princess phones that all mob members get by default. Presently, one was being used to call a contact. Well, first the receiver was replaced in its cradle, and then used to dial.

"Da, hallo?" answered a voice on the other end.

"Hey, buddy, I got a job for you." The mob soldier said while shoving an handful of bacon into their shadowed mouth, "See, I got a sensitive matter, and I need you to--"

The seemingly slavic man interrupted with a, "Nyet. You must not geev me detail." Cheerily, he noted, "Man, woman, eet does not matter. Just geev me name, I weel know what to do next."

The mafia representative forced a laugh, "Is the truck all fueled up, then? It's gonna be a long night."

"Da. The Truck is always ready."

"I want her to be buried by a snowball, see?"

"Please, no deta--"

"And then I want you to plow her good."

"Plowing. Ha, ha, ha!" His laugh was deep and rumbling, "Eet ees what I do."

"Good. Now, the name and address we got is..."



And so out The Truck rolled in the grey overcast dawn. C.J. Woolf was already out of course, first dashing after a cat and attempting to drive it with a loud, "Bwah!" and a pun; alas that it wandered off in spite of his attempts.

MoneyJungle took one long look as The Truck passed down the street and decided to ply his trade elsewhere. Autumn gave a nod, though who doesn't the town dealer give the nod to? Awn bit her lower lip and began to take off her glasses as The Truck passed her by.

The Truck passed by all these people, paying them no heed, and simply drove on through the snowy morning.

mgb and Rajah were out having breakfast together, and they grinned broadly and waved at The Truck as he passed. It was always good to see a colleague going out and getting some work first thing in the morning.

The Truck waved back. The Truck was not a snow plow. The Truck was a male prostitute. The Truck was expecting to do some plowing of an entirely different sort. As it turns out, this mix up was no accident.



It just so happens that there's some lad or lass called "The Doctor," hanging about town, who boldly interjects their catch phrase, "Beware the one with a Ph.D in Phreaking" into random phone conversations. This figure was listening in on the mafia's conversation, and decided, what the hell, why not be a hero?

As long as heroics are done to sound like a dirty joke, it's doubtful that you'd get anyone to disapprove. Unless, of course, that someone is in the mafia.



Anyway, at 9:15 am on 27 February, 2009, aelan got a knock on the door. She opened it to see a tall, handsome, muscular man grinning down at her. He said only this, "I am The Truck. I am hired to plow you."

aelan raised a brow, considering her options. None of them involved becoming dead.

This story was outsourced.

[Ivy]

I foreseen it.

[Etherealsage]

I spent a great deal of time giggling at "plow." :grin:

[2ds]

What the hell does that mean? Are you saying the mafia tried to kill aelan and the doctor saved her? or is this just a porno detour?

[djm]

Is she dead or alive? The ending was ambiguous.

[syzygy]

What the hell does that mean? Are you saying the mafia tried to kill aelan and the doctor saved her?

that one. the doctor hacked into the phone line and redirected the mafia to another kind of plowing :P

[syzygy]

Is she dead or alive? The ending was ambiguous.

The ending says none of her options involved being dead.

[2ds]

Is she dead or alive? The ending was ambiguous.

It's unclear really. I have reports from the neighbours that "god" was somehow involved, at least that is what they heard anyway...

[djm]

that one. the doctor hacked into the phone line and redirected the mafia to another kind of plowing :P

Good, a saved townie I don't feel so bad about 2ds now. Plus its one less person to suspect as mafia.

[syzygy]

As the creeping blue of twilight extended its fingers into the boudoir, Ape sat up in bed and leaned against a pillow. Lighting a cigarette, he looked over at the sleeping form of aelan and smiled.

Silly little chit, to trust an apeman, he thought. Too much access into the minds of men. You were a threat in our way of winning.

Beside him, aelan stirred. Opening her eyes, she whispered, "You're still here." She started to cough, and blood stained the sheets. He looked over with a bit of regret. "I'm sorry. I did enjoy our time together. But business is business and the mafia needs to win."

aelan nodded weakly. " C'est la vie. It is never personal. Since the time of matahari, no one trusts a dancer at all. I don't hate you. At least your poison was sweet. Summer wines are so deceptive."

He puffed on the last of his cigarette, leaned over and gave her a kiss. "At least this is better than dying by townie lynching."

Suddenly, he gasped and clutched at his throat. A slow realisation hit him. He looked at the remnants of his cigarette and looked at aelan. She nodded. "I'm sorry, Ape. As you told me before, trust no one. Even if I die, I'll bring one of you down with me."

By the time the moon lent her silver rays into the room, Ape and aelan were still, and cold, and very dead.

Above their lifeless forms, the wrath of the Narrator spake, "Let this be a warning to those who disobey The Rules. Whether you are MAFIA! or townie, PMs and sleeping with the enemy are strictly not allowed."

aelan was innocent and ApeTheDog was guilty.

This story was outsourced.

[syzygy]

Etherealsage was tragically hit by lightning and died, while in the middle of a malevolent "MWAHAHAHA ---"

That is to say, he resigned.

[LongSilence]

I guess he didn't have a card saying "Waste management supervisor" on him? Or are we to assume that he was a townie annoyed that people were talking about using some stupid algorithm for block-voting?

[syzygy]

I guess he didn't have a card saying "Waste management supervisor" on him? Or are we to assume that he was a townie annoyed that people were talking about using some stupid algorithm for block-voting?

He was The Don?