Funny Poems

[xenose]

This is one from Ogden Nash, an old poet who I find very amusing. This poem is of course tongue-in-cheek.

TO A SMALL BOY STANDING ON MY SHOES WHILE I AM WEARING THEM

Let's straighten this out, my little man
And reach an agreement if we can
I entered your door as an honored guest.
My shoes are shined and my trousers are pressed,
And I won't stretch out and read you the funnies
And I won't pretend we're Easter bunnies.
If you must get someone down on the floor,
What do you think your parents are for?
I do not like the things that you say
And I hate the games you want to play.
No matter how frightfully hard you try
We've little in common, you and I.
The interest I take in my neighbour's nursey
Would have to grow, to be even cursory.
And I would that performing sons and nephews
Were carted away with the daily refuse,
And I hope that frolicsome daughters and nieces
Are ample excuse for breaking leases.
You may take a sock at your daddy's tummy,
Or climb all over your doting mummy,
But keep your attentions to me in check,
Or, sonny boy I will wring your neck.
A happier man today I'd be
Had someone wrung it ahead of me.

[Sackanaka]

A poem to satisfy your modernist-existential-someotherprofoundphilosophyinsertedinhere-funnybone.



My Poop (10/03)

There is not a poem beautiful,
sensitive,
and honest enough
to tell the world
how good it feels
when my poop is solid
and plentiful
and quickly released.