Obama Tall Tales

[CheeZ]

This thread is a tangent for Roger Mexico's idea (http://forums.intpcentral.com/showthread.php?p=1103062#post1101786) in the M.L.Fay's Meme Experiment thread. (http://forums.intpcentral.com/showthread.php?t=34943)

Examples:


Did you know that, at the age of six, Barack Obama defeataed a category-5 hurricane in hand-to-hand combat?


Back in Chicago, Barack Obama sheltered 112 orphans by constructing a small house out of popsicle sticks and hope.

What have you got?

[Roger Mexico]

Aw, word.

I like yours. I think it captures the whole soft-focus Obama aesthetic way better than mine.

Um,


Unbeknownst to most scholars of modern history, the Cuban missile crisis was actually resolved after Nikita Khruschev agreed he would remove his missiles if a time-traveling Barack Obama could singlehandedly defeat the Russian Olympic basketball team.

Kind of a jumble, but let's get this rolling...

Who's next?

[CheeZ]

When they found out where Obama was going to be born, the US annexed Hawaii.

or


In 1979, after moving to Los Angeles, Barack Obama invented ice cream.

[Roger Mexico]

When they found out where Obama was going to be born, the US annexed Hawaii.

or


Quote:
In 1979, after moving to Los Angeles, Barack Obama invented ice cream.

LOL nice.

[CheeZ]

In 1989, rather than cut into Michael Jordan's playing time, Barack Obama turns down $3.8 million to play point guard for the Chicago Bulls.



In 2002, the prayers of millions are answered when Barack Obama convinces 'N Sync to stop making music.

[CheeZ]

March 12, 2371, Barack Obama leads negotiations resulting in a 12-year peace treaty between the Klingons and Romulans.

[Roger Mexico]

Barack Obama once rescued an entire Kindergarten classroom from a pack of starving alligators by soothing the creatures with his heartfelt a cappella rendition of "Don't Stop Believin'".

[Robotron]

Barrack Obama was elected to be the 44th President of the United States.

[CheeZ]

Barack Obama once negotiated a high-wire obstacle aided only by his balanced perspective.

[Robotron]

Barrack Obama was the third Democratic presidential candidate, and the second to be chosen by the primaries, to turn down public financing since its inception 1976. Thus all money was raised privately and there was no imposed spending limit.

[MacGuffin]

Obama beat up Chuck Norris.

[Nunki]

Obama donated his left buttock to a dying boy.

[bass_n_treble]

I'll admit, I hated this idea at first, but now that I've seen a few of them...

I've concluded it's funnier if kept in biography form (adding the dates- 1989, etc. etc.). Otherwise it's too much like the Chuck Norris meme (or its lamer counterpart, Jack Bauer).

[Robotron]

Barrack Obama has won two Grammy awards for his his audiobooks Dreams from My Father in 2006 and The Audacity of Hope in 2008.

[Technical]

The movie Sharky's Machine was based on Barack Obama's exploits in second grade.

[bass_n_treble]

September 9, 1997- pinch hitting for Atlanta Braves pitcher Greg Maddux, Barack Obama became the only player in baseball history to hit a 5-run homerun.

[Robotron]

In 2004 Barrack Obama was elected to the U.S. Senate by the largest margin in Illinois history. He was the third African American to have been popularly elected to the position.

[bass_n_treble]

Robotron is out irony-ing us.

[rhinosaur]

April 1952 - Obama discovers Polio vaccine

[bass_n_treble]

Barack Obama shot J.R.

[Robotron]

Since his inauguration on January 20th, 2009, Barrack Obama has reversed President Bush's ban on federal funding to foreign establishments that allow abortions.

[CheeZ]

Robotron is out irony-ing us.

Robotron's are all true.

[Robotron]

Robotron's are all true.

Thus the irony.

[C.J.Woolf]

Barack Obama once negotiated a high-wire obstacle aided only by his balanced perspective.
This one is winning the thread so far.

Here's another ironically true fact: Barack Obama has a superpower. He can make his enemies batshit insane.

[Chaselation]

Funny stuff you guys!^^


1989 Barack Obama having completed his law degree the previous year spends his free time creating the internet. He graciously credits Al Gore in an effort to aid his flagging political career.

[bass_n_treble]

When there's something strange...
in your neighborhood...
whoyougonnacall?

Ghostbusters Barack Obama.

[bass_n_treble]

Come on, is this thread dead already?

[Technical]

Barack Obama ejaculated onto a toy robot when he was 13, creating Al Gore.

[bass_n_treble]

Obama ejaculated onto a toy robot when he was 13, creating Al Gore.

Mmm robot ovaries.

[Limey]

Closet conversions have been made on Air force-1 and in the white house, saving the taxpayer thousands, because Obama and his family don't poop.

[ciphersort]

Barrack Obama loves mayonnaise... and thus white chicks.

[Technical]

Barack Obama won the War on Drugs. He did them all.

[ciphersort]

Closet conversions have been made on Air force-1 and in the white house, saving the taxpayer thousands, because Obama and his family don't poop.

Are you saying they never poop or that they are sloth-like (pooping once a week and carefully burying it in the ground?)

I am not sure I can buy that they never poop...

[Technical]

Are you saying they never poop or that they are sloth-like (pooping once a week and carefully burying it in the ground?)

I am not sure I can buy that they never poop...
Barack Obama hired a little Englishman to climb up his rectum and clean his colon daily. But when the little Englishman found out he would be working for Barack Obama, he refused to accept payment.

[Limey]

Are you saying they never poop or that they are sloth-like (pooping once a week and carefully burying it in the ground?)

I am not sure I can buy that they never poop...

Their waste products are filtered out through Rupert Murdoch's gill-like mouthpiece.

[ciphersort]

Their waste products are filtered out through Rupert Murdoch's gill-like mouthpiece.

Oh.. well... that makes perfect sense.

[bass_n_treble]

Rupert Murdoch's gill-like mouthpiece.

Bill O'Reilly? :p

[Limey]

Bill O'Reilly? :p

O'Reilly, Glenn Beck, Hannity & Colmes, even Lou Dobbs for his mad mouth foaming Mexican hating skillz.

Lots of retarded news in the United States. I'd risk believing state controlled Russian news sources over some of the crappy "anchorman" 1950's style role-model approach, protectionist diatribes about the international community I've seen over the years, alone.

Also, Barak Obama is a man who is half black and half white, who not only took the best attributes of each diverse gene donor, but as a boy, touched a meteor from out of space, which was believed to have just burned his hand and has since been forgotten, but it actually gave him alien powers.

[C.J.Woolf]

Few know that besides being half black and half white, Barack Obama is also half Asian and half Latino. Simple arithmetic tells you that makes him twice the man you or I am.

[Works]

Barack Obama won the War on Drugs. He did them all.

Ha! I'll have to remember this one.

[Technical]

Barack Obama killed off the dinosaurs to clear the way for humanity.

[Roger Mexico]

2012- Up for reelection, Barack Obama is forced to take a hiatus from his touring gig as Bruce Springsteen's bassist.

[C.J.Woolf]

The character of Buckaroo Banzai is based on Barack Obama.

[Limey]

At school in Indonesia, Obama was bullied in gym class, because of his large penis.

//projecting

[Madrigal]

Obama made a reference to Hugo Chavez's literary gift last month at the Summit of the Americas [Open Veins of Latin America] by showing a picture of himself meeting with Captain Hook and assuring the audience that, "Just because he handed me a copy of Peter Pan, does not mean that I am going to read it."

Grrr. Out of order!




(I dunno where to post it)

[Anonymous]

Grrr. Out of order!

Wow, he actually said that? Yeah, definitely out of order. Way to spit on a kind gesture.

That reminds me though, I want to read that book.

[Madrigal]

Wow, he actually said that? Yeah, definitely out of order. Way to spit on a kind gesture.

That reminds me though, I want to read that book.

Yeah, but I'm glad it happened. I shook my head when Chavez gave him that book, because it confuses people into thinking there is some kind of hope you can have in Obama. Got what he deserved.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, but I'm glad it happened. I shook my head when Chavez gave him that book, because it confuses people into thinking there is some kind of hope you can have in Obama. Got what he deserved.

I was mostly hoping that he would at least reverse our image of being arrogant assholes when it comes to foreign policy. But that was just more of the same.

Then again, that entire speech was retarded. Did he hire Dane Cook as the writer or something?

Edit: Oh hey, speaking of which: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/8045106.stm

Maybe we actually asked this time. Guess I'll find out tomorrow morning.

[Limey]

Maybe Chavez should have given his guest a book written in English, instead of expecting him to learn Spanish as well as read his recommendation.

I'm with Obama, I add things to long term to do lists, he probably has a lot more pressing things to read and brush up on.

I have to learn IBM DB2 in just a few days!

[Anonymous]

Maybe Chavez should have given his guest a book written in English, instead of expecting him to learn Spanish as well as read his recommendation.

I'm with Obama, I add things to long term to do lists, he probably has a lot more pressing things to read and brush up on.

I have to learn IBM DB2 in just a few days!

I'm not saying whether or not Obama should have read the book, but actually announcing that he wasn't going to and then portraying Chavez as Captain Hook wasn't very smooth.

[Limey]

I'm not saying whether or not Obama should have read the book, but actually announcing that he wasn't going to and then portraying Chavez as Captain Hook wasn't very smooth.

according to current advertising, it sounds like a good definition of Jose Cuervo smooth to me.

[Huston]

I find it amusing that Obama has reached the level of Chuck Norris. :p

[Limey]

Obama's gonna fix the ecomony, stop the dust storms and renew supplies of burrito coverins, and he's going to do it all in one week.
South Carolina in the motherfuckin' house!

[msg_v2]

One time, Barack Obama and I went out drinking, and he took me to a vacant lot. I asked him where the bar was, and he said "it's under construction." So we stood there, waiting a whole year for the bar to be built. The day it opened, we drank a shot and then burnt the whole place to the ground. Obama yelled over the flames "Always leave things the way you found them!"

They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek from Obama talking in his sleep.

Obama's poop is considered currency in Argentina.

[Limey]

Obama once put his finger in a Dyke, he didn't save New Orleans, but he helped to spread the wealth a little that night.

[C.J.Woolf]

Obama's poop is considered currency in Argentina.
That one is worthy of The Stig (http://motortorque.askaprice.com/articles/auto-0806/some-say-stigisms-the-complete-stig-introductions.asp).

"Some say he appears on high value stamps in Sweden."

[Limey]

That one is worthy of The Stig (http://motortorque.askaprice.com/articles/auto-0806/some-say-stigisms-the-complete-stig-introductions.asp).

"Some say he appears on high value stamps in Sweden."


My mother gave me a Jeremy Clarkson book the last time I saw her, I couldn't get past the second, or third chapter.
The man is an egomaniac (probably ENTP) that seems to have been told he's hilariously funny one too many times.
Either that, or I suppose it just wasn't my type of humor.
Everyone in England seems to love him, there's even a joke (I hope) facebook movement "Clarkson for Prime Minister". Is he really the populist, de-facto mouthpiece of upper-working-class Britain?

/derail

[Roger Mexico]

Obama made a reference to Hugo Chavez's literary gift last month at the Summit of the Americas [Open Veins of Latin America] by showing a picture of himself meeting with Captain Hook and assuring the audience that, "Just because he handed me a copy of Peter Pan, does not mean that I am going to read it."

Wow, that is stupid.

Watched the video, however, and am pleased to inform you all that the "Obama tall tale" meme has been picked up by none other than Barack Obama himself. I don't know if we can compete with some of these.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXvE6m57dt0


Within my next 100 days, I intend to build a library in honor of my first 100 days.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

[Roger Mexico]

according to current advertising, it sounds like a good definition of Jose Cuervo smooth to me.

Oh, yes. Obama is also clearly high in the aforementioned video.

[Madrigal]

Obama's poop is considered currency in Argentina.

Um. You wanna get personal? :soap:

You shouldn't be surprised by the fact that people here are not delluded into thinking Obama is going to be any good for our regional/national interests. He is a US president, period. So keep your own presidential poop because to us it's the same shit different pile. :-p

[C.J.Woolf]

Watched the video, however, and am pleased to inform you all that the "Obama tall tale" meme has been picked up by none other than Barack Obama himself. I don't know if we can compete with some of these.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXvE6m57dt0
"In my next hundred days I will seriously consider losing my cool."

Heh.

[bass_n_treble]

"In my next hundred days I will seriously consider losing my cool."

Heh.

Why did you show the Fox News version of it? :sick:

Their kind are the real terrorists.

[ciphersort]

I have to learn IBM DB2 in just a few days!

I have to learn a bunch of EMC bullshit in a few days this week. Awesome. Hey did you hear, Obama is certified in both DB2 and EMC's product line.

He's the shit man.