An Introduction to Insanity

[giftedmadness@hotmail.com]

Hey all, a paper I wrote in 2002 for an English class is now on my website. I may post this in the Psychology/People section as well.
The link is in my signature below. The essay is titled, "An Introduction to Insanity". It's actually a collection of journal entries, actual emails, and recreated events that happened to me.

Thanks
GM

[jittus rye]

I thought it was interesting. The angel / god thing was a bit odd.

[giftedmadness@hotmail.com]

Yeah, you can say that. I thought there was something in it that was more odd than that part, though.

[jittus rye]

Do you mean to say the thing with your girlfriend wasn't real

[giftedmadness@hotmail.com]

No, that's real. I was saying the part with me in the emergency room of the hospital and what I was thinking at that moment. That was odd.

[jittus rye]

Ohhh okay. I was going to say, that would be something very severe if the thing with your girlfriend wasn't real. Females are a blessing.

[Vagabond]

GM, the sponge thing at the end... that is what depression has been for me. It is weird that I never thought before that it would go the same way for mania as well, although I have been wondering about it recently...

I don't find anything weird. You have a talent of spilling your thoughts into words (I've told you before I got stuck in your site :blush: ). What I mean is, I have never been manic; I have been wondering what it was like (the thought of being at the opposite side of depression was reasonable, but it sounded too alien for me to comprehend it) - I think I have the picture now. I relate to the wish not to hope and not to get happier, because the next falling will be harsher. I was just like that when I was diving into depression - a tiny piece of joy cost a huge amount of grief. I just wanted to remain to the pain level I was at, because the only other option was to go deeper. Blah, I'm rambling, I am just happy you posted this, I kind of have to get over it before I can give a reply that will not sound greek...

Don't tell me your family and friends read this and didn't understand...?

[jittus rye]

Do you feel physically high (as in chemically) when in 'mania.' Do you control your body well?

[giftedmadness@hotmail.com]

Don't tell me your family and friends read this and didn't understand...?

Um, my mom read it and was a little upset about the part where I talk badly about parents wanting things for their kids. (Non-Vagabonds, you'll have to read it to know what I'm talking about.)

I'm not sure if my dad read it, I think he did because it was laying around the house for a while. He didn't say anything about it. The part I printed out for my parents didn't have the part where I talk about my dad pestering my mom with all the questions and how he never would confront me with them.

My sister in law read it but didn't say a word to me about it.

My brothers just confirmed that they read it, but didn't say a word to me.

My uncle read it, didn't say a word to me about it.

My ex gf Diana read it on my online journal, and said "Wow, Scott". I can't recall what else she said.

My ex gf Kristin didn't read it. I told her about it and warned her it would be emotional for her to read and that it was about my illness. She declined. She is very personal and wouldn't approve of me putting our emails in a piece of writing, but at this point she won't ever find out and I could care less. (However, if she asked me to take it out I would.)

My friends have never read it. Only one that I know of visits my site, so he may read it if he ever comes back to it.

So I'm not sure.

[giftedmadness@hotmail.com]

Do you feel physically high (as in chemically) when in 'mania.' Do you control your body well?

I would say it's better than being high. It ranges from just having an extra boost of confidence to sensing things to the extreme, where everything is fresh and exciting, and you never come down really. Not for awhile at least. I wish there were other people here that have experienced similiar things. It would help me out in explaining things, especially since I haven't been manic in quite a while.

Do I control my body well when I'm manic? I wouldn't say that it was increased or decreased. I can't remember anything about that. Why do you ask?

[Vagabond]

People sometimes don't understand what they don't like to understand. Maybe it is that all this projection of their own dreams to their kids/friends/etc is so strong, that they don't want to accept things won't go as they planned/wished. I think it makes them feel like they failed because their dreams didn't work out. Or maybe I am the one projecting - this is stuff I have noticed in my environment... the thing is, at the end of the day, I am the one that will have to sleep in my skin, not my mother, not my friends... anyways. I don't mean to go guessing on your folks, I have just been getting some similar reactions; so I am just rambling a bit more.