It is you i dream of - a poem of apology

[Shai Gar]

It Is You I Dream Of

A flower grows from beneath a blanket
Of fine and purest white
It reaches toward the sun for warmth,
For heat and for the light

You plague my thoughts and desires
I dream of you every night
A tender lover in my my arms,
I want to hold you tight

I long for you, for your soft touch
I miss the way you smile
The longer that we stay apart
The time itself a trial



well, i fucked up tonight while i was chatting to a good female friend of mine so i decided to write her a poem... i got lazy and googled for love poems and i found one, i tore it to shreds and kept the title and one verse, i edited the last one a lot and wrote the middle one myself, i wont tell her any of it just that i wrote it for her.

so what do you guys think of the poem itself?

[Sackanaka]

Given your previously posted poem, I think you could spend a little more time improving this one. The first and final stanzas can stand on their own. However, the middle stanza in particular loses all metaphoric focus that the first had developed. At least, it is how I feel about it.
Only commenting because I care and think you could do better.

[Serotonin]

That is the most beautiful plagiarism I have ever seen.

[SheepDog]

This is probably not what you're asking, but my response is that apology requires acknowledgement and empathy, not just adoration.

[Shai Gar]

yeah well what i said was that i flirted with everyone not just her, i figured that this one says that i only have eyes for her.

and :( i didnt realise that the last paragraph had any metaphorical stuff

[philonightmare]

Nice effort in revamping it.... I must warn you (gosh, I warn you constantly) that she could always takes pieces of the poem and google it...and find the original. If she did, and doesn't care that you didn't write it from you heart then you have nothing to worry about, however if she's the type to care....

Well, you know the situation won't improve, right? Plagiarism isn't exactly appealing to a girl as a form of apology.

Why don't you just write your own?

[Shai Gar]

because that would take inspiration, and she isnt the type to google, otherwise she would have already found this site. more than likely she will just be happy with it.

but even so i went to a LOT of trouble to find a poem that i liked and changing it and writing a new stanza, if you googled for it you would find that the original has a slightly different intent and is much longer and deals with a man loving his wife that has stood by his side for many many years

[Sackanaka]

and :( i didnt realise that the last paragraph had any metaphorical stuff
It didn't really, but the last line saved its grace. Whatever that means.
But considering what you posted prior to this, I would suspect that it doesn't really matter. In that case, all that's left is to present it "beautifully."

[Shai Gar]

the last line basically means that the time we spend fighting or in hurt misunderstoodedness is a trial

[philonightmare]

because that would take inspiration, and she isnt the type to google, otherwise she would have already found this site. more than likely she will just be happy with it.

but even so i went to a LOT of trouble to find a poem that i liked and changing it and writing a new stanza, if you googled for it you would find that the original has a slightly different intent and is much longer and deals with a man loving his wife that has stood by his side for many many years

Perhaps there is hope after all. :) Guess you can use it then, esp since she isn't a google-monger.

[melancholeric]

because that would take inspiration, and she isnt the type to google, otherwise she would have already found this site.

I don't know, Jemma from Tannum Sands (http://intpcentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3294) hasn't yet showed up on google no matter how hard we've tried.

[Shai Gar]

she doesnt search for herself, and if she did it wouldnt be using Tannum Sands.

[Shai Gar]

why do i fucking bother?
apologies are for morons, especially when you are in the right

[SheepDog]

why do i fucking bother?
apologies are for morons, especially when you are in the right
There goes the empathy out the window...