How demanding are you for getting what you want?

[composer]

I'm very demanding for getting what I want in life. My wife and I hypothesize that this characteristic is one that I learned from growing up in a large family. But we have an INTP son who has the same exact characteristic and he gets everything, because he is an only child. I wonder, is it endemic to the type? Is there a genetic component? Or did he just learn it from me.

[Feller]

I wouldn't say I'm demanding at all really. I used to be stubborn about certain things, but I'm pretty laid back. I don't know, I'm having trouble defining "demanding."

[djm]

I am exceptionally demanding, in that my default position has always been that I would rather have nothing than accept less than the standard I have decided on.

This has been the case ever since childhood, where I would save for a year or more to get something and go without until I could afford it.

As regards material and career ambitions this has always worked well for me, as if I want something then I will pull all the stops out to get it, and I rarely if ever lose out. I have ability enough to justify this position in my career, or at least the ability I have is enough in combination with an ambitious and aggressive nature and a natural propensity for hard work, high toleration of stress / adversity, and patience.

As regards my personal life this attitude comes at great cost, as my sights are always set too high. Hard work, patience and toleration of adversity hold no sway there. Despite knowing this full well, I am apt to keep banging my head against a brick wall in the most pathetic and futile manner imaginable rather than accept less.

On balance this aspect of my nature has provided well for me materially but has left me slim pickings elsewhere in life. Still one can't change ones nature, and double edged swords are sometimes the only weapon available.

[starjots]

Not so much. First you have to know what you want, which for me rarely extends beyond 'peace and quiet.' I'm willing to buy peace and quiet for periods of time with money, attention, work or what have you. As long as appeasement works I'll use it. At this point in life with a family and teenage/college aged kids who depend upon me, I think this is a reasonable approach. From a Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs perspective, this is in the middle of the pyramid lumped in with Social Needs.

(Note: From bottom to top hierarchy is: Physiological -> Safety -> Social -> Self Esteem -> Self Actualization)

I don't verbalize or demand much of anything in the self-esteem or self-actualization department, those are internal projects that I don't think anyone else could do much about anyway.

[composer]

I wouldn't say I'm demanding at all really. I used to be stubborn about certain things, but I'm pretty laid back. I don't know, I'm having trouble defining "demanding."

Good question, one thing to ask yourself is do the people around you get their needs met before yours? Do you make sure your family is taken care of, before you are taking care of? How many of your life goals and desires have you accomplished?

[Feller]

Good question, one thing to ask yourself is do the people around you get their needs met before yours? Do you make sure your family is taken care of, before you are taking care of? How many of your life goals and desires have you accomplished?

Well, I'm too young to have accomplished much, but I would definitely say that my personal gain is rarely a priority for me. That being said, I don't go out of my way to help others much either.

[gr8ness97]

Very demanding. I have high standards for myself, and thus cant be around those who dont have the same for themselves. I also cannot be around people who dont go after what they want. Irks my last nerve.

[attila_the_hunny]

I'm not very demanding of other people, but I am highly demanding of myself. I make my life more stressful than it really needs to be.

[Mercurial]

Needs are needs, thus I'm demanding of them. I avoid imposing on people... Flexing to the wants of others is subjective, but I tend to give a lot of weight to how they treat other people. This is a branching mess, the more I think about it--I've been very resistant to being manipulated after being burned in the past and am more likely to brickwall someone than just ghost away as in the past once I feel like I'm in the orbit of someone who is not accountable for what they want.

I suddenly feel old and jaded.

[Resonance]

I'm not demanding of anything of anyone :)

[jyng1]

I don't think I'm demanding at all. I do however get a little snippy when I think people aren't being considerate.

[mxmxmx]

I'm quite uncomfortable demanding anything from anyone, which is why I put a great deal of energy in being as self-reliant and self-sufficient as possible. I detached myself from needing others emotionally at a very young age, and financially or materially as soon as I could. Obviously I need people in the society in which I live: those who ensure I continue to have electricity when a tree falls on a power line, those who pick up my waste, those who slaughter the animals I eat, etc. In those cases, I am humbled by their service to society and would never "demand" anything from them. From friends, family, and loved ones, I can't think of anything I would demand. If they have been detrimental to me in any way, I've simply walked away.

[pangolin]

Define demanding? I would say I have very high qualifications and exacting specifications for many things, but low expectations of actual results.

[lpethe]

Demanding isn't quite the word for what I want/do. Perhaps some combination of uncompromising and obsessive? I'm an all or nothing girl in this regard. With most things I go with the flow and make the best of what works, always seeming to land on my feet. But with things I've committed to or decided on... THIS IS HAPPENING

[Ptah]

I don't issue demands (or get demanding otherwise) -- as others have said, I go with the flow -- unless I sense my own freedom/autonomy is being threatened.

Say, if I want/need something that I can obtain for myself without involving other people, and yet other people involve themselves -- you can bet the sword gets drawn, and I'm going for the throat. Not necessarily right then and there, mind you. But it's game on.

Example: I say I want something that I can afford (from my own earned funds, without imposing debt or difficulty on our shared finances/resources), but my wife objects to the point of saying "you can't have that" (for whatever misbegotten and ultimately arbitrary reason, typically derived from an emotion of disapproval). I start to see red, and the game to not only get what I want but to "teach her a lesson" has started. From that point foward (for as long as it takes) as she goes about various acts of discretionary spending, I mock-harp on her as she harped at me about "frivolous spending" (or "I disapprove" or whatever), and then quickly remind her that insofar as we're not plunging one another into debt or difficulty, we ought not preclude one another from spending each our own earned money on whatever we choose. So, in this case I mock-stab with their thrust (the "how does it feel, hm?" move), then eviscerate with a principle (with the upshot of: "better stop arbitrarily blocking my freedom, or there will be trouble"). And only because its my wife (who I love) does this get delicately protracted out over time, if/as necessary. In general, people trying to tell me what I can and can't have, when I have the full resources and rightful freedom to have it? I'll advise them, right on the spot: they can fuck right off out of my way, or be prepared to get cut down where they stand.

If I want something that I can't easily or at all afford (of my own, earned resources), but I think someone would, could or (unlikely: ) should help me with it, I won't demand it of them. I'll start with trying to earn my way to getting it myself. That not practical/possible, I'll ask; I'll seek to trade, if appropriate (involving terms of debt, if necessary).

So am I demanding? Not at all, I say.

Patient with people impeding my rightful freedom to obtain/sustain what I need/want? Also: not at all.

[Zephyrus055]

I become demanding only when others are clueless about their debts to reciprocate to me.