herself - bad poetry

[Shai Gar]

The darkest golden syrup with the brightest rays of dawn,
her hair these colours and as soft as a fawn.
With a manner as sweet as mead, i see the second coming of freya in thee. As sure as the sky is blue your eyes are a window into all that is you,
and in them i see hel herself, beautiful and ugly, she has the sweetest smell.

[waxwing]

In them you see "hell herself?" Interesting personification.

"As sure as the sky is blue" seems a bit cliched.

I have no idea what "freya" is.

I like your use of the word "mead" because it has connotations of drunkenness and syrupy sweetness, and it also caused me to wonder at first if you meant to say "mean."

Maybe, if you're thinking of revising, you could work on the line structure and rhythm some more. The content is okay, but the structure distracts me.

Just my opinion, of course.

[Shai Gar]

Hel = lokis daughter, ruler of the underworld, half ugly mean and spiteful, half beautiful kind and merciful, spelt with only one L
Freya = one of the vanir, the goddess of fertility, beauty

and i never said it was good poetry, i didnt attempt that, but i will not revise or i will lose the spirit of it