rough draft

[Salad]

i became inspired and wrote a poem the other day. i'm not really sure why. i don't write poetry. i don't normally have any interst in writing. but for some reason this is different.

feel free to point out structural problems, awkward phrases (some of it is supposed to be awkward, so if you point those out i'll be happy), cliches (i already know of one i have to get rid of), confusing passages or anything else you like or don't like about it. it's here for criticism. feel free to speculate on what i meant it to mean, i'd appreciate hearing what others see in it. of course, i won't tell you if you're right or wrong.


i feel as though i'm holding back
desire deeply burning
a phosphorous light guiding and inspiring

i feel as though the world is calling
anxiously awaiting
anticipation brimming and expecting

for now i'll hide in mediocrity
patiently observing
hypocricy hiding and disguising

for now i'll bide my time
i'll prepare for what i feel coming
and come i will i'll show myself
no longer hidden contradiction

and with a moment of violent passion i'll change myself
and in that passion the world will follow

do i dare disturb? of course i will
i'll break all rules of precident
i'll bend and shape as i see fit
my vision uncorrupted

be still, i wait
i gather knowledge i require

for now i'll sit in discontent
unsatisfied and craving more
a flame akindle fed by bellows
i gather and i grow

one day i'll see beyond
one day i'll break my bonds

for once decided it's set in stone
i'll fly away the world in tow
my wings of gossamer

gossamer framed in steel

[giftedmadness@hotmail.com]

Whats Gossamer again?

Keep writing. If that's your first poem, it's pretty impressive.

[shaytana]

I know next to nothing about poetry and have very little appreciation for it.
But I really connected with that, thank you for sharing it.

I can make some guesses as to the meaning, but I prefer to place my own meaning upon it, hope you dont mind :)

[Salad]

i'm glad you connected with it so well and of course you're allowed to place your own meaning on it. like i said, i wouldn't even tell you if you were right or wrong if you were to guess.


gm: gossamer is a sheer and delicate material, it's usually associated with beauty and transparency. this is my first poem (or even written work) outside very minimal required writing for school. i do consider myself an artist of sorts however, and once you pick up on a very few underlying principals in art it translates very easily from medium to medium, whether written, graphic or sculpture. technique follows. i do appreciate the compliment though.


anyone else? i'd appreciate some criticism if you have it