[The Book] Quotes

[Shai Gar]

these are all quotes from the book i started writing in 2002



<Mushroom> if you wouldn't post it in front of opers, you shouldn't post it in public channels.
<Mushroom> not that you give a toss anyway since you have no respect for any sorts of rules whatsoever
*
<Shai|nice> would i lie to you?
<Steve_G|away> yes
<Steve_G|away> ud lie to anyone
*
<meaple> shai
<Shai|nice> yes?
<meaple> you fail at "nice"
*
<Shai|evil> i mean, jesus fucking christ
<Shai|evil> am i the only normal son of a bitch on these forums these days?
<JonnyBGood> what?
<JonnyBGood> your not normal
<Shai|evil> my point exactly weirdo
*
<Seventh|college> shai
<Seventh|college> why the fuck do you always start fights?
<Liselotte> WHY CANT YOU JUST BE NICE?
*
<Iniluki> I wouldnt leave you alone in my house shai
<Iniluki> god knows what would go missing
*
<Deffeh> shais always "falsely accused". he claims to be banned from the forums because the mods didnt like his "posting style"
*
<Shai|nice> more people would come in here if i had ops
<Kurashima> This place would have a /b *!*@*.* if you had ops
<Leshy> To quote another channel: ahhahahahahhahahahahhahaha
<Aryn> more people would be banned if you had ops
*
<Liselotte> shai is easy...
<Shai> deserves to be shot
<Liselotte> 99% is prob lies
*
[22:40:08] <Flayer> try to be a quality poster
[22:40:21] <Shai-Gar> it was quality
[22:40:33] <Shai-Gar> i managed to insult 10 -15 groups

[14:59:30] <Nashmeister> you are about to witness a spectacle
[14:59:38] <Nashmeister> Shai with 6 accounts...
[15:00:08] <Nofutcha> oh baby
[15:01:04] <Nashmeister> It will be a catastrophe equivelent to that of September 11th

[15:06:30] <Nashmeister> Dirty bastard jboy...
[15:06:33] <Nashmeister> banned my account
[15:06:35] <Nashmeister> I think I know why
[15:06:43] <Shai-Gar> oh?
[15:06:45] <Shai-Gar> why?
[15:07:02] <Nashmeister> My siggy
[15:07:04] <Nashmeister> Originally posted by JBOY
[15:07:05] <Nashmeister> [I]I cannot win, seeing as I like anal sex, have a small penis and am fat and overweight.
[15:07:20] <Nashmeister> I actually got it from one of his posts...

[16:30:25] <Nofutcha> whens ya spam spree
[16:30:46] <Shai-Gar> there wont be one
[16:30:51] <Shai-Gar> i matured from spamming
[16:31:03] <Shai-Gar> i m working out the most offensive thing to say

<Dace> women ask for it
<Dace> they act all old and mature
<Dace> and then you stick your cock up their ass
<Dace> and they get all bitchy
<Dace> "I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"

<EM> heh i wonder if there will be any black people in my classes
<EM> like i couldnt imagine black ppl being in cisco routing!! because black people just jack cars!!!
<Ohtani> one day I will kill ever person on earth who says 'u' instead of 'u'
<Ohtani> err
<kaientai> Ohtani: Planning a suicide run?

<wecell> new apples look fairly interesting, but i'd hate to buy into something that is going to CRASH all the time.
<DigDug> wecell : What are you using right now?
<wecell> i've always used windows machines.

<ILLogik> i was having cybersex with this chick but she wouldn't go all the way so i had to rape her

<Acero> i'm going to try natural penis enlargement ok?
<Acero> if it works i'll let you guys know and we can be the channel with the biggest penises on efnet
<WwMrTwW> penis pump!? weights? implants!?
<Acero> it's some excercise you do with your hand

<iMike> the bible should be rewritten to more common language
<DigDug> yeah, like c++ or perl
<D1> in comic book form

<FyNXeR> Pardon my spelling... but I'm from Sweden
<sumbody> pardon my accent, i am from southeast asia
<DrMonkey> pardon my shotgun, i'm from west virginia

<Low`DOHC> I got a tin can with some string, and a nigger from ethiopia that can make all those l33t african carrier tones. That's my bandwidth.
<Low`DOHC> he goes "oot click weet barada chicken please"
<Low`DOHC> I feed him dog food and tell him it's chicken
<Low`DOHC> When I go out, I put him in my trunk with a drum
<Low`DOHC> SERIOUS bass
<Low`DOHC> nigga goes "booooom booooooooom clicka gimme chicken please BOOOM boom"

<wild-> so a guy goes to the drugstore, he says 'i need some condoms for my 11 year old daughter' druggist says 'your daughters sexually active at age 11?' he says 'nah she just lies there like her mother'

[11:02:25] <Shai-Gar> i just did a really weird fart
[11:02:33] <Shai-Gar> and it felt like i shit meself
[11:02:38] <Shai-Gar> so i checked and nope
[11:02:44] <Shai-Gar> its just real warm

[01:05:42] <Shai-Gar> i need professional help
[01:06:08] <CmdrCyrax> no
[01:06:11] <Alec|TTDWI> You need alcohol

[01:09:15] <CmdrCyrax> smirnoff ice
[01:09:51] <CmdrCyrax> as clear as my concience
[01:11:07] <Shai-Gar> Guinness as clear as my rap sheet

<Goatslayer> OK NO ONE PAY ATTENTION TO MY STATEMENTS
* Goatslayer cries

[01:16:10] <Shai-Gar> i also am an RPr
[01:16:18] <Alec|TTDWI> Hmm?
[01:16:19] <Alec|TTDWI> Really?
[01:16:21] <Shai-Gar> ever since my last ban i have had to become one

[01:28:11] <CmdrCyrax> jboy was ok when he roleplayed
[01:28:38] <Starbucks> JBOY roleplayed?
[01:28:43] <Starbucks> hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[01:47:08] <CmdrCyrax> you may beat us at cricket a thousand times, but the ashes always stay at lords
[01:47:13] <CmdrCyrax> hahahahahahaha
[01:47:20] <Shai-Gar> lol
[01:47:24] <CmdrCyrax> ./annoying
[01:47:28] <Shai-Gar> correction
[01:48:01] <Shai-Gar> we will always beat you at cricket, but you too whiney to give up trouphy

[01:28:11] <Shai-Gar> actually i m kind of serious about the cult thing, just not about the usurption bit (we could be an alcoholic drugs cult)
[01:28:17] <Shai-Gar> lol
[01:28:43] <skiddy> ill do the drinking, you do the drugs
[01:28:46] <skiddy> i cant do drugs
[01:29:57] <Shai-Gar> okay
[01:30:19] <Shai-Gar> i was thinking we sell the drugs to pay for the ultracoolflyingmaching3000
[01:30:24] <Shai-Gar> and the beer

[01:35:39] <Shai-Gar> and then we can finally build the ultracoolflyingmaching3000
[01:36:36] <skiddy> yes
[01:36:51] <skiddy> not that i know what it is, but im sure it flies and is ultra cool
[01:38:06] <Shai-Gar> it has wikedsweetlaser cannons on it

[04:00:20] <Cheek> shai u been banned on ss forums too?
[04:00:53] <Shai-Gar> umm
[04:00:55] <Shai-Gar> oh yeah
[04:01:02] <ko[a]ff> damn
[04:01:04] <Shai-Gar> i tried to incite racial hatred
[04:01:49] <Cheek> rofl

[00:57:03] <Shai-Gar> are you up for little kidnap the admin?
[00:58:12] <CmdrCyrax> only if we can tie him up and cut his ears off

[19:33] <Ghosteh> i thought the gulf war just finished two years ago in canada
[19:34] <Steve_G|away> gulf war?
[19:34] <Steve_G|away> in canada?
[19:34] <Steve_G|away> uhhhh
[19:34] <Ghosteh> well
[19:34] <Angmar`> someones on some good drugs

[03:11] <ulan-bat0r> THE FATHER GAVE BIRTH TO YOU BY PISSING IN YOUR MOTHER
[03:11] <ulan-bat0r> AND YOU KNOW IT!!
[03:12] <ulan-bat0r> \:

[10:56] <Mushroom> i've slapped 5 four week bans on you
[10:56] <Shai|nice> hmmmm
[10:57] <Shai|nice> whats the bet i can get around them before next saturday
[10:58] <Mushroom> i'm not betting anything
[10:58] <Shai|nice> so your not confident with what you did then
[10:58] <Mushroom> i'm confident
[10:58] <Mushroom> i just don't want to risk it
[10:58] <Mushroom> you may be more ingenious than i think

[11:35:18] <Shai-Gar> all day i dream about a republic where we can kill niggers and poofs, wipe out debt by saying Fuck You to USA and threatening france for money
[11:35:25] <Shai-Gar> but blair wont return my calls
[11:35:30] <Sophie> O_o
[11:35:37] <Sophie> thats some evil shit
[11:35:43] ** Sophie Quit irc.netgamers.org #forums #chix #DYB
*
[10:56] <Mushroom> i've slapped 5 four week bans on you
[10:56] <Shai|nice> hmmmm
[10:57] <Shai|nice> whats the bet i can get around them before next saturday
[10:58] <Mushroom> i'm not betting anything
[10:58] <Shai|nice> so your not confident with what you did then
[10:58] <Mushroom> i'm confident
[10:58] <Mushroom> i just don't want to risk it
[10:58] <Mushroom> you may be more ingenious than i think
*
<Shai|nice> !seen pussy
<Starbucks> I haven't seen pussy anywhere
<Nashmeister> lol
<Shai|nice> <Starbucks> I haven't seen pussy anywhere
<Nashmeister> LOL
<Starbucks> ok
<Starbucks> if i buy PA
<Starbucks> you stay banned
<Shai|nice> lol
<Nashmeister> heh
<Nashmeister> and if Shai buys pa, everyone is banned
*
[23:31] * Shai|nice is now known as Hans
[23:33] * meaple is now known as Laurien
[23:33] <xtra|home> *coughs*
[23:33] <Hans> oh laurien
[23:33] <Hans> i love you
[23:33] <Laurien> Oh look at me
[23:33] <Laurien> all innocent
[23:33] <Laurien> and naked
[23:33] <Hans> i want you oh my sister
[23:33] <Laurien> and sexy
[23:34] <Laurien> take me brother
[23:34] <Hans> very sexy
[23:34] * Hans jumps on laurien
[23:34] <Laurien> make sure the cameras running
[23:34] <Hans> oh i forgoit
[23:34] * Laurien squeaks in delight
[23:34] * Hans sets the camera up in the corner
[23:34] * Hans grabs Laurien's breast
[23:34] <Laurien> cant forget to make our porn money
[23:34] * Laurien giggles
[23:34] * Hans kisses Laurien
[23:35] * Laurien kisses back
[23:35] * Laurien wraps her legs around Hans
[23:35] * Hans pushes against laurien
[23:35] <Hans> yes
[23:35] <Hans> oh sis
[23:36] <Laurien> take me my brother!
[23:36] <Laurien> lets have babies!
[23:36] <xtra|home> liek, ffs etc.
[23:36] <Hans> i will i will my sister
[23:36] * Hans rams Laurien
[23:36] * Laurien moans in pain/pleasure
[23:36] <Hans> lau, lets change position
[23:37] <Laurien> which one this time?
[23:37] <Theamion> the correct shortening would be 'lien', not lau, since that sounds silly, do continue since i know who's doing it :)
[23:37] <Hans> well we have done nearly everything before
[23:37] <Hans> we are dutch siblings after all
[23:37] <Hans> your choice
[23:37] <Laurien> ok
[23:37] <Laurien> we are turning the real hans on now
[23:37] * Laurien is now known as meaple
[23:38] <Hans> heh
[23:38] <Hans> thats just sick
[23:38] * Hans is now known as Shai|nice
[23:38] <meaple> not that I dont enjoy doing that of course
[23:38] <Shai|nice> ofc not meaple
[23:38] <Shai|nice> you would just rather do that yourself
[23:38] <meaple> indeed
*
[10:04] <Iniluki> I wouldnt leave you alone in my house shai
[10:04] <Iniluki> god knows what would go missing

[Shai Gar]

the next few posts are stories from the book



I Was born under a market stall in the east end of London and named Concience-Inconsoleable by my retarded mother who though it made me sound posh. I later changed it to The Dark One, partially inspired by my strong disliking of water and soap.

I realised at an early age that I wanted to shag spastics. So, As soon as I was old enough and able I found myself a spastic girlfriend and the first time we made love was fantastic!! She just moaned and moaned and dribbled in excitement. After I had finished she just lay on the floor shaking a quivering ecstatically, or so I thought. Turns out it was an actual seizure :/

Well, I'll tell you, you've never seen anything like it! She was thrashing about like a thing possessed and I got really concerned that something bad might happen. At one stage it feared for the safety of my Ikea bamboo lamp which was teetering on the edge of the sideboard. Luckily though she managed to jolt herself away from the cabinet and everything was OK.

I must have spent a good half-hour watching that silly bint playing silly buggers on the floor. It was a tough call between her and Eastenders, but you don't get too see that sort of thing 4 times a week do you?

Anyway, needless to say I dumped her after that. She was a bit of a drama queen, it was a mild epileptic fit, ffs, nothing serious like she made out. If that lamp had fallen it would have been worse but it didn't, so no problems.

I have had many spastic girlfriends since and I'm totally happy about that. Some of them will bend over backwards and do anything for you. Actually, some of the were born bent over backwards and have just learned to adapt. Its class really, because it makes playing 'who did the tap on the shoulder' gag much easier to play!

Its important to remember though that you should laugh at your spastic girlfriend, well not so that she knows anyway. Instead try laughing 'with them' while actually you are laughing at them. It normally works just fine but be careful if her relatives are watching because they will detect your ridicule.

In my early teens my lust for spastic women grew stronger so I applied for a job in a hospital that specialised in helping them adjust to be let loose in the real world. That place was amazing. You know they even had a secret advanced research lab out the back where they did some amazing work with the spactics. One time I was in there and I actually witnessed with my own eyes how these scientist guys managed to fit 12 spastics into a mini! Yes, 12 adult spastics! Do you know who they did it? They simply folded them up and stacked them neatly into the space.

It was a fantastic sight.

I saw other stuff too that was just mind blowing but I'm not really allowed to tell people about it. All I can say is some of the things I have seen them do with a pair of leg braces and a car battery is awsome! It will make you wish you had gammy legs too.

It was at the hospital that I met Denise, my spastic wife. We got married 2 months after we met because her family is wealthy and she was gullable. She has curled right hand, nasty shake and a cleft pallet too which means to most would seem a bit of a turn off but its actually a god send. She gives the most fantastic head you'll ever experience!

And you can experience it for only 29.99. Well, I have to pay for the tyres on her wheelchair somehow don't I? Its not like I kiss her or anything either, she has a chin hairier than a muff diving glue sniffer!

But I love her like I love the million quid I'm gonna get when her parents cop it. What would we do without romance eh?

So that's my life until now. I'm happy with my wonderfully rich spastic wife and the trail of spastic girlfriends I had to disappoint along the way. Not that I think for one minute that they were disappointed. Most of them were lucky to have even seen a normal cock, let alone have it piss all over 'em!

[Shai Gar]

something short i wrote


Age of Man

When we were in the agarian age (age of kings) we needed monarchs to rule us.

We were children.

When we were in the industrial age we needed governments to show us the way and define limits for us.

We were adolescents.

Now we are in the information age we no longer need to be shown the way, we know it. It is time for industrial governance to be cast down and for us to learn Co-survival.

Now, we are men.

Written by Shai Gar, Sunday 5th of January 03 2:50am

The meaning:
This was written to define where we were and where we are now, also to cast some light on where we need to go in the furtherance of human society. The agarian age as defined by Robert Kiyosaki is the period of man (man meaning humanity not the gender) that came after the Hunter Gatherer Age, it was the time when land was the important asset and we had kings, shah's, emperor's, prince's and so on. These people ruled the serfs and it was rare that anyone could grow in power, just as when we are children we cannot grow and it is in this time when we learn how to live. The industrial age began at the signing of the Magna Carta by King John of England (cour de lion's brother) in 1215. And we started on our way to adolescence but it was not until the French revolution that we really put our all into it, casting off the shackles of the aristocracy and learning to function on our own. This period resembles the 13 year olds beginnings and goes onto the ability to function mostly without their control but with the support of a government (western governance began at the signing of the Magna Carta when john acceded to having minimal control handed over to a parliament (the cleric peoples already had this as they elected their own kings, well the council of chiefs did anyway)). In the late industrial age power never really left the hands of an agarian age-like power, in America it is the USA Government that takes more tax than the English king that they split away from in the American revolution, in Australia we have the Australian commonwealth parliament that is based on the English one, and in the United kingdom they have their parliament that has lasted for almost 800 years. Now we come to the Information age where we are now and where we have to decide for ourselves where we are going to, now we have another community that the various governments cannot tax, where we are free to meet one another freely and transact business, and now the power rests in the hands of those with the money and we can cripple governments by taking the money out of the hands of the country if we like not what they are doing (which is what I feel needs to happen in America at least until that warmongering shit George W Bush no longer has power). And thus we have become men each of us powerful but with the need for other adults around us so we can survive. Governance no longer has a place as it did in the industrial world, it is time for it to either stop mollycoddling us and change, or to die out

[Shai Gar]

The Celebrity Deathmatch story that i wrote


CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH

JBOY, in the left corner weighing in at 100 pounds wearing the pink tight leather pants is an Egomaniac, Powermad, Quick to anger, Quicker to ban, Selfish, Homophonic, Homosexual, English, Racist, Sexist, Pansy, Intolerant Cunt. And those were his good points, Jonny is a Scottish lass from the shithole of dunblane in Scotland, and young lady with a chip on her shoulder the size Siberia to boot. JoyBoy to some, Cunt to the rest this is a person who has spent most of his modhood banning anyone he feels unsure about, requiring no proof to exact retaliation against anyone suspected or accused of spamming, trolling, flaming, or constructively posting. This jock is completely certifiable, he relies on his fellow glasweigens reputation for being a hardarse to be left alone and thinks that this will put down any death threats he receives, well right up until they see him at Macdonald's in her little uniform. note: for those who know about his other profession this is not the little sailor suit uniform that he wears Monday nights at that club, he was found out for that by Paul Adam's when he "inadvertently stumbled into back in 2001, it doesn't however explain why he waited three hours before leaving in disgust, or why he spent 136 there. JoyBoy is well loved by the females of the general discussion community as the only male there (Gordon Ross is no Bloke) who can listen intently to their whiny little complaints about their loves, lives, and love lives without asking for cyber or trying to get them drunk for a quickie out back. Considered a Nemesis to any and all who would oppose the forum admin or those people he is continuously bitching about in #lounge that are stealing his socks and playing music just beyond the range of his hearing. His paranoid mind has led him to think that Shai is trying to take over the forums. Hears voices.


NODROG, in the right corner weighing in at 120 pounds and wearing the purple and fluro pink kilt is
Gordon Ross, THE SCOTTISH MONKEY. He is like JBOY in that he defends the position of many females, but unlike JBOY there is the possibility that he isn't a fag. err well maybe having sex with jenny shouldn't entirely remove the probability that he is a poof as we have no evidence that jenny really is a female, after all Kurashima also has tits.
Nodrog isn't well liked but he is nonetheless a large part of the community and is a tremendous spammer. Nodrog is famous for his posts that rarely exceed 10 words, he also has a relationship with forum slapper Jenny. He seems to have a "Good British Eddyokashun", however he seems to have overcome this natural downfall and is quite intelligent but he lacks foresight and the ability to leave his room. Gets drunk off half a beer, a light beer, the smell of it.

THE MATCH

Kurashima - well ladies and cowboys here we are ringside at one of the most important matches of the trollstars event with only one minute before the match there is little we can be sure of other than tonight we are going to see one hell of a fight.

DING DING DING. "And the match is on with JBOY taking to his heels and running at full speed as far away from Gordon as possible *BANG* ow ladies and cowboys that has gotta hurt, he ran straight into the turnbuckles. And nod is ultra cool, playing it safe just standing there smirking. Well the ref is over there counting him out, ONE, TWO, and UN-BLOODY-BELIEVABLE Jonny rolls over and crawls out of the ring, oh no, his camp pink leather trousers are caught on a nail, IS THIS THE END?"
"Still nod is standing there, with a confused smirk on his face, does he even know where he is or has the dumb Scottish fuck finally lost it, no he hasn't he takes on step and jumps out of the ring and smashes JBOY in the face with it" but Jonny the Gay wonder isn't giving up that easy, he pulls off his trousers and falls to the floor again showing his remarkable dexterity by moving quickly out of the way of nod foot as it comes smashing down. The referee "dubya" jumps into the fray separating the two of them with the kind of slackwristed slapping that makes people wonder why the cowboys really were named Kings of the Wild frontier nod punches the American in the face with all the due respect to a person of his station, none whatsoever, and screaming like a little pansy arse faggot he is punching JBOY again and again" "folks I have seen a lot of things in my time but a poofter like nod really laying into someone? That takes the cake". DING DING DING

Kurashima - well damn its in-between rounds now and wasn't that an awesome start by Nodrog, hell JBOY better have something better than that pathetic show up his sleave or Nod is going to finish him all off right now in the second round
DING DING DING "JBOY is still battered after that last round and now he is slowing down a fair bit, his continuous efforts to run away are marred by the fact that less than a millisecond into the round Ross had kicked him down and stamped his foot into his face, it looks like it is all over for the Pansy in leather but Nodrog isn't showing the slightest inkling of finishing it now. He must really want to throw that maccas manager into a dimension of pain" "and since no one else is looking like being able to finish it I'm going to have to take over the unconscious referees job" **thirty seconds later** "erb, ib books bike Nob hab a vizchus left hook. Neberdeless I managed to knock him off Jonny to give him a sporting chance" "and Jonny has thrown a pint of Guinness over nod and now the daft bucker is drunk off of the fumes. Hah, just watching the doozey Shiite stagger around qualifies as one of the most amusing events in my life." "Nod has managed to lay a punch on him, and HE IS DOWN, BOTH OF THEM ARE DOWN. UNCONSIOUS. I could have sworn that punch wouldn't have been able to hurt an insect but it did its job and now the camp fuckers in leather trousers and the kilted fag are down"

Kurashima - "well who could have imagined it, a knockout draw with both contestants in a coma and racing down to dodge city hospital, I have taken the TITLE."

The Dark One - "Shut up ya bloody git. It seems neither have won and now they are due for a rematch in two weeks time"

[cue the Village People]

Young man, there's no need to feel down
I said young man, pick yourself off the ground
I said young man, 'cause you're in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy

Young man, there's a place you can go
I said young man, when you're short on your dough
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time

Fade out..

I WIN NOW GIMME MY PRIZE

[Shai Gar]

yes, sometimes i desired notoriety over fame.


JammyJim
Forum Administrator
Registered: May 2000
Location: England, UK.

RE: why wont you unban Shai Gar, he has been good
" he constantly creates problems
" he plots to create problems
" he uses others to create problems
" he attacks us for no reason
" he associates with people who create problems
" i never ever told him id ever remove him from the blacklist and my review was for a "laugh" to see what he would say anyway.
" hes one of the people we want to keep away from the boards not let in. he creates so much hassle its stupid. if he wanted to add anything to the community he would sign up an account and use it properly. then after a few months past he would point to it as an example of where hes been good and obeyed the rules
" he hasnt....
hes promised before to 'be good' and weve allowed him back and everytime he has broken the rules again.

[Shai Gar]

this was written by a welshman of my acquaintance, and he gave me permission to add it into my book


JANUARY

Slim Tech officially announce that they will officially announce the start date of round 9 as soon as possible.

The unusually talented Pavil is found dead in an apparent case of suicide. Pavil is found in Birmingham bound by his hands and feet and tied to the back of a Ford Fiesta. Locals residents report seeing the car being driven around the outskirts of the city at high speeds but they fail to call the police when they realise it is Pavil being dragged along behind. Close friend and owner of the Ford Fiesta, Sunday8pm, who discovers Pavils body, reads an apparent suicide note to local reporters - "I am Pavil and I have decided to kill myself because my mate Sunday8pm is better than me".

Yahwe admits to being gay.

Microsoft launch "Windows January" offering a host of exciting new features.


FEBRUARY

The United Nations vetos US plans to Invade Iraq.

Spinner recieves his fist pay check in over three years. A delighted Mrs Spinner admits that the family haven't eaten anything for over two years.

Kurashima announces his intention to retire from comic writing in order to concentrate on growing his beard. A stunned Planetarion community sign a petition calling for him to admit that he actually quit writing comics six months ago.

Microsoft launch "Windows February" offering a host of exciting new features.


MARCH

The US inadvertantly drops fourty two nuclear warheads on the United Nations HQ in New York in what is described as a training mix up. UN secretary General Khoffi Annan survies the blast.

Actress Wyona Ryder is arrested and charged with a spate of car jackings that have shocked and terrified the citizens of California for months.

Oreo launches an online game called "Oreo" to be largely based on the format of an irc channel. Oreo releases a statement that the game "Oreo" will always be free.

Microsoft launch "Windows March" offering a host of exciting new features.


APRIL

UN Secretary General Khoffi Anan is killed by a sniper whilst driving through lower Manhattan in his convertible Mustang.

Police in California announce that the suspects arrested in the case of the Washington sniper are to be released immediately. Miss Wyona Ryder is being charged with all twelve murders in addition to the recent car jackings.

A distraught Mrs Spinner learns that Spinner has invested his first pay check in Oreo's new game, "Oreo".

Microsoft launch "Windows April" offering exciting new features.


MAY

Actor Russel Crowe is arrested by the FBI and charged with the muder of UN Secretary General Khoffi Anan, despite evidence that suggests he was in a London restaraunt at the time of the assasination beating up a waiter.

The popularity of Oreo's game, "Oreo", rockets, with some 180,000 active players.

The ip ban on Shaigar is lifted.

Slim Tech officially announce the launch of Planetarion Round 9 in September 2003.

Microsoft launch "Windows May" offering exciting new features.


JUNE

Well known model Jordan announces plans to give birth to a genetically cloned baby live in Trafalgar Square in July next month.

The Planetarion forums crash under a huge and sustained attack of gimmick spamming accounts. The ip ban on Shaigar is re-introduced.

Everton Teen footbaling sensation Peter Mooney becomes the youngest player ever to score a wonder goal, dribbling from the players changing room, passed the match day security, up the players tunnel, over the advertisment hoardings and along the touch line, running the legth of the pitch, before slotting the ball into an unguarded net from two yards out, half an hour before kick off.

Microsoft launch "Windows June" offering exciting new features.


JULY

Jordan gives birth to a healthy Giraffe with two heads, live in Trafalgar Square.

Actor Russel Crowe is found dead in his prison cell, just hours before taking the stand in the court case for his alledged murder of Khoffi Anan.

Shares in MCI Worldcom rocket after the company announce record profits, despite a slump in sales.

Microsoft launch "Windows July" offering exciting new features.


AUGUST

Marilyn Manson is elected Mayor of Newcastle on a pledge to stop embarrasing the City by dressing as a Goth, sixty years after it went out of fashion.

The US invades Iraq only to discover that in fact the county does not exist afterall.

West Bromwich Albion are crowned as Premiership Champions under new FA rules which invert the league tables at the end of the season.

Microsoft launch "Windows August" offering exciting new features.


SEPTEMBER

Slim Tech officially announce that the start of Planetatrion Round 9 will take place in December 2003, in order to allow for beta testing to be carried out.

The FBI announce that they have captured Osama Bin Laden. Bin Laden is revealed to be Miss Wyona Ryder.

A local resident group of Bangor, North Wales, call for Bangor to be made a separate country in Europe.

Microsoft launch "Windows September" offering exciting new features.


OCTOBER

Nodrog calls for Scottish women to be banned from wearing beards, having woken up one morning after a late night binge to discover that he has inadvertantly shagged Kurashima.

Vampy is arrested in London, having been caught shagging Nelsons Column.

The Planetarion community is stunned when resident troll Ilinuki does not flame a new forum member.

Microsoft launch "Windows October" offering exciting new features.


NOVEMBER

Home Secretary Jack Straw announces a pilot project in the Moss Side, Macnhester, under which muggings will be legalised in order to free up police time.

Andy Gilchrest, leader of the Fire Brigade Union, calls for a two thousand percent pay rise and a two day working week - for Executive members of the FBU.

Microsoft launch "Windows November" offering exciting new features.


DECEMBER

Slim Tech officially announce the the start of Planetarion Round 9 will be delayed until January. No year is specified.

Oreo announces that his game, "Oreo", will migrate to a pay to play model. Jurgen quits "Oreo" in disgust. Two thirds of the playerbase mysteriously disappears.

Microsoft launch "Windows December" offering exciting new features.



UPDATES

GD Almanac - 2003

JANUARY

Belgarath The Sorceror is rushed in to hospital suffering from an itchy groin. He is diagnosed as being a woman and sent home with a tube of Canestan cream to cure his thrush. This does at last explain why he has breasts.

FEBRUARY

Taratang stuns the Planetarion community by creating a thread on GD. However, feelings soon turn to dismay when people read the post.

MARCH

JBOY is sacked by Jammy Jim when it is discovered he has a pulse.

APRIL

Jammy Jim finally admits to being gay and marries Yahwe in a bizarre ceremony held in a local Body Shop outlet. They elope to Cardiff and set up a local Scout movement.

MAY

Zeus, in a desperate attempt to raise 10 dollars to buy Planetarion back from Slim Tech, attempts to rob a bank. He hands the cashier a note saying "hande over the honey, I got a bun in my poket".

JUNE

Kurashima admits that he is growing a beard because his face is so ugly.

JULY

Despite being dead, Pavil manages to create a new forum account, tricking the moderators by calling it "Pavil three".

AUGUST

Sarina Joy is voted Miss Glasgow, being the only contestant this year sporting a beard. A stunned Kurashima is voted a close second place, despite his strong protestations that a) he didn't enter and b) he is a male.

SEPTEMBER

Gayle28UK admits that she would do or say anything to be made a moderator. She states that she would even be prepared to drink a bottle of Nodrogs piss. JammyJim offers to travel to Yorkshire and take her out for lunch in order to discuss the issue. She refuses point blank.

OCTOBER

Snurx becomes the fastest poster in the history of the Internet to reach 10,000 posts. His joy soon turns to dismay however, when Dead_Meat zero's his post count.

NOVEMBER

Dace creates a witty and humorous thread on the PA General Discussion forum.

DECEMBER

Desperate to combat the growing tide of forum spamm0rs, Jammy Jim acquires the latest in moderation technology - a program that detects forum users who are "thinking bad thoughts". Upon implementation, every forum user is deleted, apart from Gayle28UK. Investigations reveal that, lacking the ability to actually think at all, she was able to evade the program.
Gayle28UK and the moderators live happily ever after.

[Shai Gar]

this is the dedication i was going to use


Dedication

For all the people who have made us laugh, when Planetarion went pay to play, when JBOY was busy deleting our accounts and acting like an arsehole.
For all the people who said I shouldn't be banned for Spamming, inciting racial/gender/homosexual/American hatred and sticking with me till the very end.

And last of all, for the forum moderators who gave me an excuse to fill the forums with oral and literary bullshit. Thanks to JBOY and JammyJim, Messiah and Mer. You sons of bitches

Acknowledgments

Firstly I would like to thank:
Nick Brenner for his continuous encouragement (egging me on if you will) along my Spamming career and without whom I would not have had a truckload of accounts and would have been completely in the dark of forum events during my first few ISP Bans, Ghosteh is also my partner in crime and almost an equal when I am feeling like spamming.
Christopher Perrit for his encouragement and support who has contributed much to this book and is its Co-author, who has been voted the funniest man alive.
Starbucks is a man who has gotten this book off of the ground many times and is one of the many co-conspiritors of the upcoming forum rebellion
Roger Van Der Heide, what can be said about a guy who has both warned me from my current road and also given me reason to go on most of the time in the same breath, thanks mate I owe you a Guinness.
I would also like to extend my appreciation out to Phil Wray who made me a Co-administrator in his forum and has taught me many of the things I needed to know to run the forums.
Amongst my non-human mates, the leader of the Snurxii is the bloke called Snurx he is one of the contributors who has provided the forums with many, many laughs.

Jason-Paul Van Essen. Jason is a name hated by more than a few for introducing me to the game of Planetarion, and was once and will be again my galaxy mate, oh and he is also a pretty decent younger cousin from the Central Queensland city of Mackay

Veroen Vopegel (Seth), well mate as you were once my mate and neither of us will deny it I have only 2 things to say to you. I hope you burn in hell you son of a bitch and, WAAAASSSSSSSZZZZZZZUUUUUUUPPPPPPP?
And most defiantly
The Dark One (whose dogtags say Paul Clements) he is a constant reminder of what will happen to you if you have to spend the night in a chemist with only Prozac, marijuana and lets face it the entire store for dinner. After having escaped from the London mental health asylum a few too many times they gave him the Internet and we have all, all of us suffered since. Dear god he is across the street as I speak, please someone call the cops, argh help.

But amongst these truly spectacular people there are also the Moderators who have guided me, as much for the laughs as for the bribes

JonnyBGood the irishmon drunk too much beer and swallowed a gun (well it could happen)
That's it, cause all the other mods are cunts

[Shai Gar]

this is my declaration of war



To the administration and moderators,


Long have I been a citizen of the planetarion forums and for all but my first three days you and your establishment and the established powers that preceded you have hounded me. Is it not ironic that it you and your ilk that transformed me into the very person that you were hunting down to cast from your ranks. It was not long until I was to decide to stand my ground as the stubborn Australian I am, and as consequence I was IP banned. My evasion of the ban through the most despicable form of cowardice there is, I apologised to Mer and for the apology alone was I and will I ever be sorry.

Now take this to heart you foul and black-hearted fiends. Readily would I confess that I had an ulterior motive for writing this book. My motive was to strengthen the resolve of myself and that of my compatriots as I utter the following words for the benefit of the administrators and moderators. In the name of every spammer who has ever stood his ground and been suspended, for each troll who had just had enough and decided to take the fight to the moderators, in the name of each and every flamer who had defended themselves and for that has been banned. "I Formally Declare War Upon Your Persons And I Set Out To Destroy You Both In Real (Offline) Life As In On The Internet." The question no longer remains what are we can possibly do, but what are we willing to put on the line in order to achieve our ends.

Yours in hate,


Shai Gar and Partners
DYB minister of Suspension, IP bans and Formal Declarations

[Shai Gar]

previously i had written a thread called world war six, and it was very very popular, i then orchestrated a thread called world war five. this is world war seven.. i really ought to think about writing these as simple novels


Homo Sapiens Galaxus Redux

The world has seen seven world wars. The infamous professor of Bio-Engineering of trinity college, Dr Padraic O'Peritite, the aptly named "Balance", has had an unfortunate side effect to returning the countless species that had been wiped out by mankind during our period of domination of earth. The side effect was the genocidal destruction of twenty three and a half billion of the twenty three point nine billion humans, and wiped clean the memories of the survivors for good

Now as I sit in the station built by the Cathaar above the lush Antarctic Continent 20 years after the brutal seventh world war, the war that shall be forever known as "The Green Piece", I ponder the tranquillity of the earth remade and its truly remarkable ability to bounce back after nearly four millennia of western and middle eastern civilisation, a near Armageddon and the returning of Allah and his son jebus. I ask myself, "were the green warriors right in returning the earth to one of its four natural states even at the catastrophic expense of the majority of their own species on earth. The twin marvel of which my hosts on this gigantean space station seem intrigued is the ability of humanities ability to thrive once more, even without knowledge of the civilisation which has only just been removed from earth. Earth it seems is a hardy creator and mother.

Thankfully, as the wardens of the Terran race, the Cathaars have removed all uranium, plutonium from the earth and replaced it with iron and loam. Earths guardians have also taken it upon themselves to remove all abilities for atomic and particle weapons to work on earth, and we remain watchful of our cousins below that they do not start another war on nature and the system races. Down on the surface the last remnants of my once all powerful species are picking up the pieces and are restarting a civilisation, the year is now 4291 Common Era the universes mysterious recorders, the Xithandril, say that it was in 6269 B.C.E. that we were last in this position.


Allah only knows what my people, the Terrans, will do now to carry on, but whatever it is we shall remain unseen and not interfere.

**** ** **** ** **** ** **** ** **** ** **** ** **** ** **** ** **** ** ****

the USA landmass was bombed under the sea during world war 3, as was Nippon islands and china

Africa is now three islands
(Western Africa - Morocco, Algeria, Mali, Nigeria and the western nations.)
(Southern Africa - Republic of South Africa -> north to the democratic republic of Congo, Congo and tanzania)
(UAA's Africa - chad sudan, libya, egypt, ethiopia, saudia arabia and the rest of UAA)

spain and scandanavia were incinerated from space by Pacific Empires allies the Cathaar race during world war 6. The people in habiting them were moved a few instants before the massive land wasting, by Canadian Empire. The people were moved to the southern UAA a few years before the quakes that split the neutral nation.


Now as this is a general discussion, imagine that you are a leader of one of the many small groups of man that are trying to create a civilisation. What would YOU do?

Now, interact with one another in trying to reason out a new world order. War is a probability.

[Shai Gar]

a short story about the history of australia, as written by Ghosteh


The abodiginez sprung from holes in the ground. Some bunyips came along and took a dump, then 9 months later PRESTO!
Those dole-bludgers just appeared with spears and some kind of stick which breaks the laws of physics (it returns ffs!!).
Anyway, for about 60k years all they did was bash koalas with clubs, paint shoddy pictures composed entirely of dots
(which people marvel at, it's only some freakin' dots!), chuck some spears around, do funny dances around a campfire
(called a corobboree) and play Australian rules football. Wasn't a bad life if you ask me.

In 1770 some wanker called Cook comes along and claims the east coast of Australia for some Shithole called 'England'.
What he didn't know is that a century earlier some Dutch faggots did the same on the west coast. So in 1788 boatloads of
british convicts end up in this place called "Sid-nee", renowned for the roos which hop down it's main street.
Seeing their land had just been usurped and taken over, the abodiginez took it quite well. They were smart and realised
that a white government would give them money for doing nothing which they can spend on alcohol. So that's why each year
on Jan. 26th the abos rejoice in the 'invasion day' celebrations.

[Shai Gar]

a treatise on getting over relationships, once again by Ghosteh


How Nazism Can Help You Get Over Relationships
By psyghost

Okay, your worthless girlfriend has just broken up with you for some ugly troll in whom she sees something that eludes the sight of any normal person. Trouble is, you really like this girl, so the news hurts you deeply. How can you feel better without taking drugs, becoming an alcoholic, or committing suicide?

Simple. Become a Nazi.

For what you want to accomplish, you won't need your conscience. Although you might be phased by the way you hate Jews, Russians or anyone who doesn't have the same colour skin as you, the pain you'll overcome with your relationships is worth it. I'll concentrate of that aspect of life.

So you now possess the power, the anger and the backup of several skinheads at your disposal. You're a feared force out on the street, nobody wants a piece of you. What next? Find that bitch and that troll who took your place. Tell the whore to get out of your way, and if the troll tries to start anything, maul him with a wrench. You were going to do that anyway.

The bitch is probably angry at you for that now, but it doesn't matter. She isn't human. Her words mean nothing, and you are immune to pain. You are a Nazi.
Nazism can also help you in less extreme circumstances. In your pre-Nazi days, you started going out with someone who doesn't meet your current standards (you have VERY high standards these days). Before you turned skinhead, you would have been satisfied, but now you aren't and you want to lose her.

Any normal person would have second thoughts about it, and may even feel bad about breaking up. But you? Normal? Get outta here!

Remember, you don't have a conscience. To break up, you leave a message on her phone saying "I don't want to see you anymore. Consider yourself dumped."
Either she'll take it abnormally well, or she'll take it like a woman and break down. Most probably the latter. So prepare for the aftermath call.

She'll call, don't worry. If she asks why, just say you don't care anymore. If she asks whether there was anything wrong with her, you say there was. If she doesn't, just say she's ugly and hang up.

You'll never have to deal with the pain a breakup can cause anymore. And if you think acting like this will drive chicks away from you, think again. Nice guys do finish last, no matter what the movies tell us. I have seen Nazism in relationships in action, and I have seen first hand the benefits of it.
So what are you waiting for? SIEG HEIL already!

[Shai Gar]

me and ghosteh entered a rap parody contest back in late 02, these are songs from there.
yes they are shit, fuck off


Posted by Shai Gar on 19-07-02 02:49 AM:
Business Parody
Shai Gar sounds like an sos
holy **** unedited spam psyghost, your ****** right
to the spam mobile, lets go
*****es and gentlemen
tis showtime
introducing the star of our rhyme Shai Gar
YOU WOULDNT WANNA BE ANYWHERE ON THE NET RIGHT NOW, here he is

you bout to witness spamming in its most purest most hardest most flawless form flow from most hardest most hatedknown artist/chip off the old block but old Psy is back/looks like dumb brought his own dumber/looks like keger brought his own messenger wid his own forums and his own groupies, set to blow a whole knew low for Tpe/Taratang DeadMeat Mer JBOY and JammyJim/here, here i come my bitcheses, do ya hear?/fear none/spamming is inna state of one one one

lets get down to business/i got time to **** about what is this? must be a mod in town lets shut this **** down of these clowns, can i get a witness?
lets get down to business/i got time to **** about what is this? must be a mod in town lets shut this **** down of these clowns, can i get a witness?

quick gotta move fast/gotta proform miracles, gee willikers Psy holy spam sylable/lookit all tha good shit that goes on in GD when im gone/time to get rid of these thread criminals/quick do ya shit while i flip what i flip best/yaint even impressed no more ya used to it/flows like shit no one comes close to it/nobody pays out tha mods ya run like dogs/the most hated on outta all those who say they get hated on in 80 bans n exagerate it all so much they make it up theres no such thing/like a female with good looks who cybers n swings/it just means so much more to so much more people when u spaming and you know what for, so id like to welcome you to shai and psyghost's parody fest

lets get down to business/i got time to **** about what is this? must be a mod in town lets shut this **** down of these clowns, can i get a witness?
lets get down to business/i got time to **** about what is this? must be a mod in town lets shut this **** down of these clowns, can i get a witness?

its just like old times, the dynamic duo, two old friends, time to panic you already know whose fully capable, the bucked toothed heroes/Report this thread to a mod we already moved on/the most annoying duet since me and seth played tennis spamming/you neve even saw me pause to wipe off the sweat, people stepping over people just to copy our shit of 2 spammers who posts so freely with ease over VB without breathin/jesus how can shit be so easy how can breaking rules be so easy/create new acc's no mods do see me, believe me rammyrim and JBOY gunna grieve when weed becomes legal and we O-D/ aint nuttin but mods round here but wait aint fuckin round round here yo ghost [wat up] can i go to hell [yeah] now

lets get down to business/i got time to **** about what is this? must be a mod in town lets shut this **** down of these clowns, can i get a witness?
lets get down to business/i got time to **** about what is this? must be a mod in town lets shut this **** down of these clowns, can i get a witness?

Repeat till fade














Psyghost, real name no gimmicks...

Two trailer park mods go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside
Two trailer park mods go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside

Guess who's back, back again, Shai is back, get some friends, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back

I've created a spmer,cuz nobody wants ta/ see Ghosteh no more they want Shai I'm chopped spammer/ well if you want Shai this is what I'll give ya/ a little bit of stuff mixed with some hard spam/ some psam that'll jumpstart my posts quicker then a/ ban when I get banned at the GD by the Admin when I stop co-operating/ while I'm spamming the boards when he's investigating/ you wanted this now stop debating cuz I'm back on the boards and spamming/ I know that you got a job Ms JJ but MMs delete problem's complicating/ So the Admin team won't let me be or let me be me so let me see/ they tried to shut me down on GD but it feels so empty without me/ so come and post, spam on your lips screw that, spam on your boards and some in PMs/ and get ready, cuz this spam's about to get ready/ I just settled all my IP Bans FUCK YOU JJ!!

Now this looks like a board for me so everbody, just spam like me/ cuz we need a little controversy/ cuz GD's so empty without me
Now this looks like a board for me so everbody, just spam like me/ cuz we need a little controversy/ cuz GD's so empty without me

Little spammers, kids feeling rebellious/ embarassed, the mods still listen to Zeus/ they start feeling like the prisoners helpless, 'til spammers come along on a mission and yell 'bitch'/ a spammer/ spam is scary, could start a chain reaction polluting the GD a spammer/ so revel and bask in the fact that I got everyone posting my spam/ and it's a disaster, such a catastrophe for you to see so much of my spam you ask GD?/ well I'm back na na na na na na na na na fix your bent GD post it then I'm gonna/ enter up and under your board like I'm a splinter/ the centre of attention back for the spamming/ I'm interesting, the best thing since Roleplay/ infesting in your board's posts and nesting/ Testing, 'Attention Please' feel the tension soon as someone mentions me/ heres my 10 cents, my spam is free/ a nuisance who sent you sent for me?

Now this looks like a board for me so everbody, just spam like me/ cuz we need a little controversy/ cuz GD's so empty without me
Now this looks like a board for me so everbody, just spam like me/ cuz we need a little controversy/ cuz GD's so empty without me

A tisk-it a task-it I'll go tit-for-tat wit anybody who's posting this spam that spam Kurashima you can get your ass whipped/ worse then them little TPE bastids and Sarina/ you can get stomped by psyghost/ you 88 year old saggy tit bitch flame me/ you can't name me your too old/ let go it's over, nobody listens to whining / Now let's go, give me the signal I'll be there with a flame full of new insults/ I've been wack, suspenseful with a post ever since Sunday turned himself into a faggot/ But sometimes the spam it just seems llike verybody only wants to flame on me/ so this must mean I like spamming/ but it's just me I'm just obscene/ Though I'm not the first king of spam adversely I am the worst thing since Nodrog personally, to do spamming so selfishly/ and use it to get my self happy/ there's a concept that work/ 20 million other Shai Gar's emerge/ but no matter how much spam on GD it'll be so empty without me!

Now this looks like a board for me so everbody, just spam like me/ cuz we need a little controversy/ cuz GD's so empty without me
Now this looks like a board for me so everbody, just spam like me/ cuz we need a little controversy/ cuz GD's so empty without me

Nicks Debut - Psyghost
[Seth] Yo, this is spammer jeroen vogelpoel for Gee-Dey sounds of idling Give a big SpamRawr to Lisylotte and them forum spmrs YouknowwhatImean And we're gonna go to IRC #forums right now Modder [Shai as JBOY] Chattin my ass You know who this is Look I'm mad as hell First you got ShaiGar This spmr said he's gonna get me in his gig No shit I didn't get in it Then he signed this spammer aussie Little bitch ass PIAC And all of a sudden I heard he signed this new motherfucker named... [Psyghost] Pay Ghosteh First I took suggestions over The well known asshole' brought y'all "HEH" Then the GD saw interest in me Now I'm Spamming threads like Worl War 6 Yo, Psyghost the name has occurred in your conversation But the style is blur And if you never spammed my style spammer you heard Got word from that naggin bitch JBOY dat say bumpspammin tisbadfuckr since Aryn neva had her Mod Stickers Or underground since Pavil was fuckin with them stupid modders Different kinda poster Shittin on your mod mothafuckas with a aussiestyle typa postin
Spam What U Spam
Intro:
(psyghost) So I'm out the board, heh
(Shai): Yo Ghost, we ridin'?
(psy) Whatever
(Shai) Well I'm wit ya homie
(psy) Okay, well let's handle the small spam

(Shai) I was born to spam up storms, kick up posts, spam still I slur up bans/ count went up too quick, knew too much shit, and I'ma post it on like spam, bitch/thick'n rich ~~sick and twisted, Mr. Messiah, Psy told me to post this spam for what it's worth/ till the Nod just posts and spams and bans to earth, and if I fumble a post, keep spamming, first take/ I make mistakes just keep it, no posts reply no posts that's weak spam, fake spam, if I ever post spam I am spam, wasn't for me wouldn't be spam
(psyghost) Spam with me, as we take a little trip down G-D lane, been here longer than anyone in the forum/ and I ain't got to post about my age "But what about Nodrog" Fuck Nodrog, he don't belong speaking mine or Kurashima's name/ and don't think I don't read your little posts and see what you're falmin' I'm a giant, and I ain't gotta move til I'm provoked, when I see you, I'ma flame you you and not even know it/ you midget, mini-me with a bunch of little mini-yous spamming around your backdoor forum/ over eighty million posts read, and I ain't have to do it wit people screwed in da head

Cus you spam what you spam, spam what you spam how you spam it whenever your spammin' it/ just remember how you spammed it when you was flamin it, so you you playin wit huh?
Cus you spam what you spam, spam what you spam how you spam it whenever your spammin' it/ just remember how you spammed it when you was flamin it, so you you playin wit huh?

(Shai) Second verse, it gets worse, it get's no better then this/ amateur drink veteran piss/ from a dixie cup, if you ever mix me up or flame me with a Cannabis or Psy with a Dupri/ we'll rub it in, every board you're in, we'll have you black-balled and make sure you never post-a-fuckin'-gain/ Psy ain't havin' it as long as I'm here to play devil's advocate
(psyghost) If there was some magic shit I could wave over the GD, that could save it when I'm gone and buried/ to make sure the tradition carries on, I would/
(Shai) If I could only use this power for good, I wouldn't, not even if I could/
(psy) From the board, and I'm a hornet, and I only flame when I'm cornered
(Shai) And I'ma only sucka flame and spam without warning/ and flame to knock somebody's fuckin' post off, cuz if the get up, I won't get a chance to let off/ another flame, I'm punk rock, no one's bint, don't give a fuck, Dead_Meat, so much spunk,when I was little I knew I would blow up and send a mill, or grow up to be Atilla, go nuts and spam a killer
(psy) And I'm somethin of a phenom, one puff of the chron, I'm unstoppable, I'm alive and on top again/ there's no obstacle that I can't flame some along wit us C'mon

Cus you spam what you spam, spam what you spam how you spam it whenever your spammin' it/ just remember how you spammed it when you was flamin it, so you you playin wit huh?
Cus you spam what you spam, spam what you spam how you spam it whenever your spammin' it/ just remember how you spammed it when you was flamin it, so you you playin wit huh?

(psy) Now anybody who knows psy knows I'm about fast spam and flamin-hey, postin all day/ but I handled my business cus it's spam before play, don't look for flamin but I'll serve you gourmet/ however you want it you can have it your way, you fuck my night up I'ma fuck up your day/ reply with your name, sendin it your way, that goes for anyone who talks through that doorway/ cus this is my space, you spam it, live to regret it and you'll die tryin' to violate it/ fuck around, get annihilated, eyes dialated
(Shai)Like my old lady?/ Cus what you spam is what you spam, sometimes what you mean is two different things, depending on your mood if it swings/ think too many things, little bit of psy's fame I can do anything, catch a contact and I'm gone/ and I'm back, I speed flame and this keyboard's my launch pad
(psy) And I can pull any string, don't have to post anything/ catch a contract on your head, you headed west, talk shit about psy and you better get a vest/ and invest invest in something to protect your head and neck
(Shai) And it's back and forth all day like Nod and Seth, I joke when I spam I'm the best but a lot of truth is spammed in jest/ and if I ever do live to be a legend I'ma die a sudden death/ five posts on the board, ain't holdin my fuckin' breath, but I'll suffocate for the respect 'fore I post/ to collect a fuckin ban

Cus you spam what you spam, spam what you spam how you spam it whenever your spammin' it/ just remember how you spammed it when you was flamin it, so you you playin wit huh?
Cus you spam what you spam, spam what you spam how you spam it whenever your spammin' it/ just remember how you spammed it when you was flamin it, so you you playin wit huh?

Outro
(psy) Watch your fuckin mouth
(Seth) Yo this Seth ~~ tell em I said suck my spam

Post what you Post (featuring GheyBOY and RammyRim)
[R.Rim] Huh, so I'm outta me mind huh?
[GheyBOY] Yo Rammy, we modin?
[R. Rim] Whatever
[GheyBOY] Well I'm witchu lover
[R. Rim] Ok, Let's handle these muhf*ckers
[GheyBOY] I was born to mod'rate GD 'n stir up shit suck off dick, cuss til I cough up jizz e'jack too quickly been through too much shit Corrupt and now they pour it on like syrup, bitch Thick in gritz, sick and twisted sunday 8pm rim tole me to fuck this shit for what it's worth Till the sheep just tilts and tips 'n stumbles to earth And if I fumble the cock, keep going First suck, I make mistakes, just keep it no spittin, no dribbling, that's weak shit Fake jizz if I ever take shit, I swallow shit Was it for him? Wouldn't be shit
[R. Rim] sleep wit me, as we take a little trip down Memory Lane Been almost longer than anyone in the game But I gotta lie about my age
[GheyBOY] But what about Dead_Meat?

[R. Rim] fuck Dead_meat, he don't belong anywhere outsidda my bedroom And don't think I don't read your little threads and see what your sayin I'ma faggot, and I ain't gotta move till I'm erect When I see you, I'ma fuck you and u not even know it, dicks'a midget, Mini-Me, with a buncha little Mini-You's Runnin around your favourite PA forums Over 80 million threads raped e'en if I had to do it with 10 or 11 year olds

Chorus: Cuz what you post is what you say post what you post how you post-it whenever you postin it Just remember how you did it when you was spammin it So would you play with me? huh huh huh huh?
Cuz what you post is what you say post what you post how you post-it whenever you postin it Just remember how you did it when you was spammin it So would you play with me? huh huh huh huh?

[GheyBOY] Second verse, it gets worst It gets no better than this Hetro drink battyboy piss From a Dixie cup, if you ever mix me up Or confuse me with a straightman or Rim with nodrog We'll rub it in, every thread your in, we'll have you IP banned and make sure you never spam a fucken again Rim ain't havin it as long as Im here to play with his balls
[R. Rim] If there was some magic shit I could wave Over the Forums that could save it when I'm gone And buried to make sure the tradition carries on I would
[GheyBOY] If I could only use this power in Moderation I wouldn't, not even if I could
[R. Rim] From the UK and I'm a Faggot And I'ma only Suck when I'm horny
[GheyBOY] And I'ma only suck ya log or swing with ya lova And swing to pop somebody's fuckin head off Cuz I know, my dick is only for animals, I won't get a chance to let off Another fart, I'm tight-arsed, no one's bitch Don't give a fuck, white ale, so much spunk When I was little I knew I would fuck up And sell ma testes or grow up to be a battyboy Go nuts and be a modder
[R. Rim] And I'm somethin of a phenom One puff of Gheys Fart I'm unstoppable, I'm alive, I'm on top again There's no shit that I can't pack So come along with us (Come On)

Chorus: Cuz what you post is what you say post what you post how you post-it whenever you postin it Just remember how you did it when you was spammin it So would you play with me? huh huh huh huh?
Cuz what you post is what you say post what you post how you post-it whenever you postin it Just remember how you did it when you was spammin it So would you play with me? huh huh huh huh?

[R. Rim] Now anybody who knows Rim Knows I'm about tight boys and modding like a boozehound But I handle my forum cuz it's work before play Don't look for trouble but I'll eat your arsehole However you want it, you could have it your way You fuck my buns up, I'ma fuck all your day seamen with your name, sendin it your way That goes for anyone who walks thru that linkway Cuz this is my space, you invade it Live to regret it and you die tryin to violate it fuck around and you'll get anahilated Eyes diliated
[GheyBOY] Ha, like my old lady Cuz what you post is what you post Sometimes what you mean is 2 different things Depending on your mood, if it swings, think too many things Little hit of Rim's fart, I can do anything become a supermod, then I'm gone and I'm back I speed write and my keyboards my lanch pad
[R. Rim] And I can pull any dick Don't have to prove anything Catch a ban on your head You headed north, talk shit about Rim? You better get a ban evader, then invest in something To protect your straight reputation
[GheyBOY] And it's back and forth all day like two old poofs I joke when I say I'm the best in bed But a lot of truth is said inbed And if I ever do live to be a legend I'ma die aids sudden death, 5 dicts in The mouth Ain't holdin' my fuckin breath But I suffocate for the respect Fore I breath the collect the fuckin check
Chorus: Cuz what you post is what you say post what you post how you post-it whenever you postin it Just remember how you did it when you was spammin it So would you play with me? huh huh huh huh?
Cuz what you post is what you say post what you post how you post-it whenever you postin it Just remember how you did it when you was spammin it So would you play with me? huh huh huh huh?

[R. Rim] Watch your fuckin' arse

[Shai Gar]

Miscellaneous stuff from the first few pages, DYB was an online group i was involved with, quite similar to FYAD at somethingawful forums.

means, Die You Bitch



Planetarion Forums, The Latter Days

By the same Author:
World War Six
World War five
Authority, and where it can go shove its head
Moderators, the garden variety


Planetarion Forums, The Latter Days of
A DYB Collection

[Shai Gar]

a definition from teh front of the book



Humour:

As defined by the Collier's Dictionary;
1. That quality of something that makes it amusing, comicality.
2. Ability to perceive, appreciate, or express what is amusing or funny.
3. Speech, writing, or action that is amusing or funny

As defined by Shai Gar;
Whatever makes you piss yourself with laughter




"words are a mutherfucker they can be great, or they can degrade or even worse they can teach hate" - eminem

i intend to do all of this here with the words of DYB, except possibly the first one. - from the author

[Shai Gar]

yep, here comes the book


Introduction

Thoughts were rattling off at lightning speed, "shall I get a beer" "maybe its time for bed" "shit that chick had nice tits" "that retard sitting walking along the creek made a tempting target", you know, the usual thoughts you get at 3 am as you review the previous days events and chat online. When all of a sudden a not so usual thought popped into my head "fuck I have enjoyed Planetarion's Forums a bloody lot over the last two years, maybe I should write a tribute to it and let others outside the game get a laugh at it as much as I have".

That was 2 months ago and little has been done on it since, so I decided to start work and now heaps of thought has been put into it into deciding the shape and how best to present it to a large community. Still nada has been done :

Planetarion was or rather is, as the game is apparently going to be run for free by http://www.jolt.co.uk, (that was about 8 - 10months ago, it now costs 10 USD) an online text based browser game where you are in a galaxy full of people that is generally about 15 others and you build up ur planet and ur 3 fleets and go steal other peoples asteroids that you in turn mine for resources and have stolen from you. The idea of this game to me was remarkable as I come from a family of cattle and sheep thieves with ancestors amongst the convict fleets. The game runs in real time and by that I mean REAL time, it runs on "ticks" fr' instance a battle cruiser might take 16 ticks to make. And each tick is an hour long. So as u might imagine this seriously cuts up a person's social life and people have been known to have jobs, relationships and sleep cancelled because of a few waves of incoming ships AND THAT IS ONLY THE GAME. Since people are then almost totally reliant on friends ingame (generally in another country) to defend them and help in retaliation, a whole new society was formed in IRC (Internet Relay Chat) and the game forums.

GENERAL DISCUSION, or as its more so commonly known G.D.
GD is the topic and reason for this tribute as it has amused and abused countless thousands. Within its archives hold many great conversations over, both of the world wars have been discussed, great philosophers have been produced and beautiful art has been created and shown off in paint shop pro. It is one of the more humorous places on the Internet, not because of the many jokes, but mostly because it is full of idiots that defend Americas actions to the death, and more that criticise the U.S.A. with one of the greatest ironies in life most of the people flaming the USA, are Poms.

It is truly these, the great posters of the Internet that make this set of forums one of the best places on earth. And if they give ya any cheek, just call them a mini Hitler.


Prefix on
The Language

The Internet has many languages all for itself and these forums are not an exception, to make the understanding of this book easier a list shall be printed below

{List of all Internet words abbreviations and their offline definitions}

to make the place more suitable for the younger people and easily offended (fuck knows why they would come onto the Internet if they are easily offended, or why parents let children onto the Internet in the first place) the Early Administrators, with a sense of misplaced benevolence, deemed it necessary to replace all words of suitable offensiveness with asterixes for example: the word Fuck has been turned into **** and bastard into *******, although **** knows why any piece of **** would turn Dick into **** as it makes Dick Livingston the well respected author a name that is hard to pay respect to. Seriously folks, some of the people who try to censor the Internet are complete and utter bastards who should be strung up by the neck until they are dead, find that harsh? Fine I don't give a flying fuck as words like that appear in movies that are rated (G) for general viewing and suggestive violence appears in all movies and most especially in documentaries where history is rife with suffering and blood and gore.

Anyway, I digress and Internet censorship is not a topic I m going to be discussing here (in this fashion). So as the moderators turned their hand towards censorship to protect the posting public the posting public reacted and rebelled, and began to evade their at first clumsy cover-up of the more notorious side of the English language, and therein all languages excepting of course the pure language of the cuntfucks whose language curiously contains no curses or more colourful adjectives whose meanings are generally biological in original usage.

[Shai Gar]

chapter one


Chapter one
The Authority

Every concentration camp needs its guards, each country its sadistic and brutal murderers. And thus it is with Planetarion forums, for it to has its own brand who are marked the moderators. Although the name moderators is a fallacy as moderate they are not.

Diverse and plentiful, the moderators or SCUM as they shall now be known as have as many different personalities as there are scum, in point of fact in the case of queerbarn he has more personalities than there are dead passengers on the ship of the titanic, and Dead_Meat it seems has none. In this chapter we shall explain the ins and outs of the psychology of these our villains in the story and their various adventures in IRC and at the mercy of our friends in GD. Due to the many power hungry personalities that have been granted power over the masses of ignorant folk (myself included) the changes in mods have been extensive and fairly frequent, while I apologise about not being able to cover all the mods I will try to cover them, starting with the true power behind it all, ZEUS.

ZUES
Zeus the Irishman. Actually that might go a fair way towards explaining why he never makes any sense, his typing always seems to be that of a drunkard and more than usually retarded to the point of perversion. I apologise to any Irish reading this, it may help your insecure minds to know that one of the greatest mods of GD is from Dublin, or a town just outside opposite swords. Zues however is from Northern Ireland and had a taste of power, like any of his ilk upon taste he went berserk and threw one of his well known tantrums immediately declaring England an illegal state and no Poms were allowed on the forums, this immediately caused problems as most of the playerbase and one of the creators of the game hailed from the island of the Anglos. Zeus is most well known for his inability to make a single post without any spelling mistakes, infact he cant even properly spell "spelling" he treats the English language as a game of darts and rarely even hits the board. As a group of kind and public spirited individuals General Discussions citizens we love to help him overcome his problems and have created many threads (or discussion pages) to this end, its as funny as fuck, and a great way to point out where his spelling is wrong and his responses are endless sources of amusement.

MESSIAH
Messiah was the very first forum administrator, and let me hasten to assure you, he is NO Messiah unless you count one of satans Messiahs and even then he makes a poor substitute for some of his proteges but then as they say, a wise man surrounds himself with people who are better than himself and there are a great many people better than him, including some algae that destroys water in the Australian rivers. Messiah was in himself a nice bloke however and did many good things for the forum community and was not a power-mongering arsehole like many of his kind and was a great man to talk to, even if he is a Scot from Aberdeen, a gentle easy man who kept the rules and sometimes unfortunately had to step over the line in order to enforce them. 3 such cases were the IP Banning of the innocent and unfortunate Sunday8pm (Paul Adams) from Glasgow, The Dark One (Paul Clement) who was a great comedian and kept many a person thinking with his infamous biography and writings on the charitable works of Mother Thereasa's sweatshops. And the innocent poster Shai Gar who was IP Banned without cause, just on the basest accusations of Spamming that were never proven. But his lack of ambition and characteristic amiability was to prove his undoing. Truly he was only a footnote in the history of the forums even though he held great power for most of its existence

MER
While Messiah was nice and amiable, Meredith was harsh and unforgiving. The bitch of the decade, and infamous slut. She used to have running competitions on how many people who could cyber at once and when she turned up to planetarion meets there were cues for blowjobs. But enough about that her being a ho of tremendous proportions is more than common knowledge so I'll cuntinue, I meant continue. This woman was 30 years old and still a crybaby and emotional sop, one wonders if she was continuously raped as a child and belted around the head a bit to often, if she was then I apologise. I apologise to whoever raped meredith im sure you didnt deserve it and my thoughts go out to you wherever you are, whoever you are. Mer was the sort of person you didn't want to think about insulting, not even jokingly as she would try and ban you first chance before you could apologise, not that anyone would mind you. IP bans being shit easy to get around in any case. But she is an American and what more can one say? She left the forums never to be seen again when her doggy got cancer and Sunday8pm said he hoped the dog died a painful death. And we can but hope that is the last we ever see of her.

JAMMYJIM
"Wait, hes convulsing, hes convulsing, we're gunna hafta shock him we're gunna hafta shock him. These are the results of a thousand electric vaults"
And indeed James "JammyJim" Paedophile is best summed up by eminem in his song brain damage as "brain damage" way before he was made into an administrator by Messiah when he quit James was a screwball, complete nutter, a young George dubya Bush, he was and indeed is a paranoid schizophrenic who would rather ban a person from the forums than have a rational conversation about anything other than how ms. James paltrio should have won the UK gay Olympics or whatever. JJ is the sort of bloke who would smash you with a 9 iron if you so much as looked at him funny and funny is pretty much the only way you can look at a freak like that. JammyJim was almost single-handedly responsibly for the degradation and ultimately the destruction of the amount of people who posted in GD, the one thing that was keeping PA alive. James is a self-hating homosexual pom with a penchant for toking away his problems if he cant IP ban them away. A constant drunkard he is always on the lookout for ways to sink Planetarion deep deep under his moral stance on bill gates in the consumer market.
Since he rose to the position of Admin of the PA forums from Moderator of General Discussion his once spectacular ability to hold a "rational" debate with some of the foremost posters in Junr00l (D) has rather quickly degenerated to the new low of "heh" "pld" "edit: I'm so gay" and IP banning them so they cant continue, ever. Some people feel that his tenuous grasp on reality is enough to make certain people think very carefully about whether or not he should be booted and get him replaced, and want a game of Minigolf at www.jippi.com Karm?
And here are some of the various people he has banned since he became admin

[Begin list here]
[End list here]

ASHKNIGHT
I don't know who this person is, he is the new Vice Admin of PA forums. I have reason to suspect he don't exist.

KARMULIAN
Unremovable. Unchallenged. All Powerful. Karmulian is all the excuse ever needed by pro-abortionists, this intelligent son of a bitch from England has managed to get himself unmoveable by hacking the code and sewing himself into the woodwork. Karmulian is the sort of bloke who deals harshly with a person, evilly plotting to remove everyone from the forums who could possibly do it any harm to his little baby but other than that he is a decent fellow who flames the Internet n00bs and sits back to watch their pathetic attempts at an insult. A damned good online minigolf player and a more than average pool player. While he may pretend to be trying to get you unbanned from the forums, or actually caring about your problems with the controls in the forum, he doesn't however he is quite normal in that aspect.
A friend to those in need and an awesome enemy to any who would seek him out to challenge in a battle of wits or power. And now my nemesis.

JBOY
Egomaniac, Powermad, Quick to anger, Quicker to ban, Selfish, Homophonic, Homosexual, English, Racist, Sexist, Pansy, Intolerant. And those were his good points, Jonny is a Scottish lass from the shithole of dunblane in Scotland, and young lady with a chip on her shoulder the size of Western Australia to boot. JoyBoy to some, Cunt to the rest this is a person who has spent most of his modhood banning anyone he feels unsure about, requiring no proof to exact retaliation against anyone suspected or accused of spamming, trolling, flaming, or constructively posting. This jock is completely certifiable, he relies on his fellow glasweigens reputation for being a hardarse to be left alone and thinks that this will put down any death threats he receives, well right up until they see him at Macdonald's in her little uniform. note: for those who know about his other profession this is not the little sailor suit uniform that he wears Monday nights at that club, he was found out for that by Paul Adam's when he "inadvertently stumbled into back in 2001, it doesn't however explain why he waited three hours before leaving in disgust, or why he spent 136 there. JoyBoy is well loved by the females of the general discussion community as the only male there (Gordon Ross is no Bloke) who can listen intently to their whiny little complaints about their loves, lives, and love lives without asking for cyber or trying to get them drunk for a quickie out back. Considered a Nemesis to any and all who would oppose the forum admin or those people he is continuously bitching about in #lounge that are stealing his socks and playing music just beyond the range of his hearing. His paranoid mind has led him to think that I am trying to take over the forums. Hears voices.

DEAD_MEAT
Dead meat is 40 year old and hangs out with impressionable young children in GD, he also reads to young'uns at the library, and is a traffic warden in england. I wont call him a paedophile because there is no proof beyond that needed by a lynch mob. Drinks with the best of us. Secretly considers himself to be the most controversial person since Jesus Christ went head to head with Pontius Pilate. Is a scag.

TARATANG
Rarely posts, mostly moderates, not all there, English.
Possibly a bot

[Shai Gar]

Chapter two, in most of these i had help from the person themselves, except for vermillion, he was always far too busy with his studies, i have heard that he is now in cambridge with a teaching position. history buff.



Chapter two
The Users
The cowboys of the Internet. The Ronin of the information age. Geeks sitting in their rooms with a huge sex drive, Acne invading like the golden hordes of Ghengis Khan, limited wit and access to the internet (well I had to include Nodrog somewhere). We are the good guys of this chronicle and tribute to the PA forums, Scathing wit, Gordon excepted, more intelligence than an international MENSA convention and usually stoned off its arse. Planetarion has attracted many to its playerbase and the forums in itself has at some times had over 380,000 accounts, and it has not been proven that an eighth of that was mine so we will be acting on the assumption that there really were that many.
And they needed an outlet somewhere to discuss the game and generally have a get-together and out of that spawned the many internet mavericks, haxors, flamors, tossers and "americans".

VERMILLION
Undisputed lord of knowledge pertaining to anything of historical note, a specialist in World War 2 and the forming of the political world as it is today. Vermillion is a historian in training, lives in Canada and has an extensive library including a signed first edition of "mein kampf". Vermillion has a nasty habit of not involving himself in any of the feuds or squabbles in the forums and holds himself in a higher standard of behaviour. Is considered by many to have that mythical element of maturity that is so lacking in GD.

DAVINBRAHM
A "person" such as this should no generally follow a person of such august presence as Vermillion, however this dumb ignorant dickhead is a more known personage around the forums and irc. Many people have wished that he would commit suicide or have his hands broken so he could never again use a computer. Loves his country of origin without any ability to question it, is ignorant to the quaint folkways of other people around the world such as that rather remote historical tradition existing everywhere but the U.S.A. as eddyokashun. Takes any slight real or imagined about the USA and his idol George Dubya Bush to heart and will defend against it with all his soul. If you are in the frame of mind where laughing at spastics seems funny (and when doesn't it?) then a fun pastime is stirring him up till he froths at the mouth and starts rambling on with shit. He has fortunately gone on to greener pastures. Which means, I hope he was in the world trade centre when it was hit, and if he was than I owe Bin Ladin my wholehearted thanks.

SNURX
This 16 year old Norwegian only a half hour out from Oslo is the greates spammer ever to grace the forums. He claims I was his inspiration to spam the fuck out of GD, but I know the bastard had it in him the whole time. Ole is amusing and sometimes funny, he is a little graffiti artist from the gifted area in Oslo. And recently got laid with a hot norway punk chick called katrina in a trailer home, she is 19. This guy has more spamming potential than anyone else in the forums. If you do the sums (which im to lazy to do) the time he registered this account and the amount of posts he has is staggering, he has already out-spammed Nodrog, JBOY, me Cheesehead and JonnyBGood. He is one of the more prominent members of DYB the alliance

SHAI GAR
Well, now its my turn, I cant really do any account of myself because anything I wrote would be just egotistical and involving an over-inflated sense of my own self worth and not in tune with the rest of this honest appraisal of the forums. So I will let 3 other people from the forums do this for me

[a mod]
[a bystander]
[Psyghost]

Here is a little something to help describe me;




*********************************************************
JammyJim
Forum Administrator
Registered: May 2000
Location: England, UK.

RE: why wont you unban Shai Gar, he has been good
" he constantly creates problems
" he plots to create problems
" he uses others to create problems
" he attacks us for no reason
" he associates with people who create problems
" i never ever told him id ever remove him from the blacklist and my review was for a "laugh" to see what he would say anyway.
" hes one of the people we want to keep away from the boards not let in. he creates so much hassle its stupid. if he wanted to add anything to the community he would sign up an account and use it properly. then after a few months past he would point to it as an example of where hes been good and obeyed the rules
" he hasnt....
hes promised before to 'be good' and we've allowed him back and everytime he has broken the rules again.

[01:31:12] <Mushroom> if you wouldn't post it in front of opers, you shouldn't post it in public channels.
[01:31:30] <Mushroom> not that you give a toss anyway since you have no respect for any sorts of rules whatsoever

[01:33:51] <Shai|nice> would i lie to you?
[01:33:54] <Steve_G|away> yes
[01:33:57] <Steve_G|away> ud lie to anyone

[22:16:39] <meaple> shai
[22:16:41] <Shai|nice> yes?
[22:16:47] <meaple> you fail at "nice"

*********************************************************

GHOSTEH
Nick Brenner is Psyghost or Ghosteh. He is also a southern fairy, he hails from New South Wales in Australia, or more specifically, Sydney. Like a pitbull terrier he goes for people throats when he flames and he doesn't stop until he gets bored. Ghosteh is the sidekick to Shai Gar, and makes the perfect Communist Russia reference. He makes next to no other allegiances in the forum flame wars other than Shai Gar and Tejieatte the Norwegian. He hates anything that attempts to come between his scorn of Australian politicians and wull defend thaim ta tha deth a'ganst th'm yanki dickhids. Dislikes New Zealand.

NODROG
Gordon Ross is a Scottish monkey. He is like JBOY in that he defends the position of many females, but unlike JBOY there is the possibility that he isn't a fag. err well maybe having sex with jenny shouldn't entirely remove the probability that he is a poof as we have no evidence that jenny really is a female, after all Kurashima also has tits.
Nodrog isn't well liked by me but I'm including him in here as he is nonetheless a large part of the community and is a tremendous spammer. Nodrog is famous for his posts that rarely exceed 10 words, he also has a relationship with forum slapper Jenny. He seems to have a "Good British Eddyokashun", however he seems to have overcome this natural downfall and is quite intelligent but he lacks foresight and the ability to leave his room. Gets drunk off half a beer, a light beer. Seventh doesn't like him much either.

EVIS
Eviscerator is a one of a kind masturbator. He was the first person ever to start a wanking competition online, and to win one. Apparently his keyboard was an off white colour, but it wasn't that colour when he bought it. Evis was one of the original Cnuts but has now disappeared from the forums.

ALIASX
AliasX is the nice guy from GD and rarely has a harsh word for anyone. Apart from being a high commander of the alliance FANG, his greatest claim to fame is the fact that he is stoned and hasn't been off marijuana since the shortage in 1991 when huge stockpiles were taken out of America for the troops in Iraq during operation desert storm. But he was soon back on the drugs and no one had to talk to the evil son of a bitch that emerged in the meantime. Since he first appeared in General Discussion he has started smoking 2 ounces a day in order to remain a nice person, after all it isn't easy so be kind when everyone around you is a fuckwit. AliasX is one of Shai Gars mates and has been ever since Shai met him during one of his spamming incursions into G.D.

ELLE
If there ever was as sick or twisted an individual as tom green, it is Elle. Elle hails from Belfast in Northern Ireland, and very little can be said for her other then "No. No. FUCK OFF. I DON'T WANT THESE PICTURES YOU SICK FUCKING BITCH. Go Away!". Elle is a sort of IRC telemarketer, and the only difference is that at least telemarketers sometimes have things people want. The sorts of things she sends out however are not the sorts of things people want to see, ever. And I mean fucking EVER. It must be said for her however that she is attractive, and I don't mean physically, her taste in pictures are so crude and disgusting that it would make Hanibal Lecter look away and people just cannot believe the sorts of things she sends out are so unbelievably freaky that they simply must have another look. She is the 'throat' dibbler of our world, and I thank Mr Pratchett profusely as without the characters in his discworld there simply would be no way to equate these people with anything in our world. if Elle ever offers you a picture, don't, and I cannot express enough how important this is, DON'T accept it.

BLOOMERS
Bloomers parents never really gave him a chance, christened richard bloomington there was no way he could escape dick so he learnt to love it. Brought up with an uncaring father and an emotional and caring mother was hard on young dick, he was soon to find he was a fully fledged member of homosexuals anonymous. He spends his weekends alone listening to QOTSA or RHCP with the occasional trip once a month to buy some new clothes to ease his fashion concious mind. one day he will set foot in a pub and finally end his social seclusion, however this day is a long way off so dont worry
**catch phrase "semen is an anti depressent"**

[Shai Gar]

i forgot about this one, i have always been interested in setting up government


FROM THE SPAMMERS ARMY OF GENERAL DISCUSSION
TO THE PEOPLE OF GENERAL DISCUSSION
ON THIS THE MONTH OF CHANGE




It is time to through off the shackles of the moderators and their established dictatorial power, we the people deserve little less than that which started in 1215 with King John and the British Barons when he signed the Magna Carta which promised a fair rule by the monarch and a duly elected authority which in turn became the British Government, house of lords and the house of commons. Well, we have the House of Lords in the form of the moderators but we deserve nay we are owed free rule and that is something JammyJim cannot deny us.

Stand with your fellow posters as we face the moderators in a feat of arms, though we may loose our accounts as has ever happened throughout the history of these forums when ever anyone has stood up to the mods we have the power of justice on our side and we will NOT be stopped. It is time to claim that which we are owed, it is time to step up and claim our destiny. Do not listen to the slander of those who would put a stop to free rule and the rights of the user. In the making of this form of government I have created an alliance with several moderators and many of my enemies. If I can patch things up with them you can put aside your mutual differences to fight together against our common enemy and put bonds on their power.

Common Election
All persons are allowed a vote, bar gimmick accounts
5 people per continent (British Isles is not a part of Europe)
A vote of no confidence, majority rule, is all needed to remove a person from power
Votes each month.

Channel Commons
The local politicos vote in a president
President resides over the channel
President tells the mods what to do.
Can be voted in or out of power by the continental politicians


LURKERS OF GENERAL DISCUSSION UNITE, FIGHT THOSE WHO WOULD SAY WE WOULD DESERVE NO RIGHTS



yes.. run my pretties run

[Shai Gar]

and that is it :(, i got lazy and didn't bother finishing the book about the forums.

the forums still exist at http://pirate.planetarion.com and i am still blacklisted :(

[Lee]

facsinating, thank you.

[philonightmare]

...I met Denise, my spastic wife. :lol:

Don't worry about not finishing it yet. I've still got three unfinished works myself over the course of the past five years... absolutely normal. Yep.

[Shai Gar]

8O

[Claverhouse]

Cameron Mackintosh will want to make it into a musical. Don't let him screw you over the performing rights, and retain the film rights entirely for yourself.



Claverhouse :ph34r:

[Shai Gar]

and action figure rights

[Claverhouse]

Well, at least we have discovered more of the mystery that is Ghosteh, The Southern Fairy.



Claverhouse :ph34r: