Left-brained Poetry: An Attempt

[harris]

You Didnt Know

You didnt know how much you make me happy. You didnt know that I see you as more than an anti-depression friend. You didnt know that you put misplaced smiles in my face, the kind that compete with the sadness, and try to uplift the sagging spirit.

You didnt know how much I aspire to be more like you. The admiration I have for you exceeds the admiration I have to most people. If only I can change 11 years of wasted experience, Id pattern my actions to be more in adherance with yours. So in a mixed and altered probability, I can be in the same frequency as you are.

You didnt know that it occured to me that you exist, while the other is just stuck in my imagination. You didnt know how you resemble the other, but at the same time established that you have more to offer. You didnt know that I have weighed things over, and your merits weighed more. You didnt know that you hold a fix space in in my eyes, that your name now echoes in my brain, and that you start and end my trail of thoughts each day.

You didn't know the discomfort. You didn't know that I act. You didnt how I always have to take deep breaths when I am with you, not because of the smell, which is quite good, but because of the exhilaration I feel while sitting beside you. You didnt hear the debates, of whether to make a move or not. My self-control is at its peak when I am with you. The selfish thought of having more comes up, but the mantra that I should be satisfied with what I have wins over. I'd rather retain the status quo than risk it for something more. Ours is something that I now highly value and greed is something that I should keep from getting into the picture.

You further didnt know that I have now realized that this is not love. You transcend the emotion. You serve a higher purpose and it is not romantic in anyway. In a line of soul buddies, you are the first in my list. I only asked for a companion, fate gave me a complete package. I shall not ask for more.



Should I just resume answering the problems in my Accounting book?

[kuranes]

Nice overall theme. Not exactly a poem, in the traditional sense, with "legalistic" phrases like "You further didn't know that . . . . ". Could use some editing. Kind of like the intellectual version of a country song. "You'll never know how much I loved you" - kind of thing, but taken to be more than just "love." Made me wonder if someone ever silently admired ME? Stranger things have been known to happen. Oh well, I dunno . . . . .

[purple13]

I think this is very poetic. Perhaps not traditionally, but it serves it's purpose, and is moving. Sounds very honest and I can really relate to this, having suffered less self control in a similar situation... perhaps?

"not because of the smell" ---> cute!

[Star Cannon]

Still beautiful in it's expression.

[abathur]

Feels wordy to me, wordy enough to be a letter to someone, rather than a poem. I don't necessarily have a hardon for absolutely minimalistic poetry, this just wasn't really my bag.

[INTerloPer]

harris
way impressive. i agree you could use an editor, but reading through your poem i got chills, which shook me into paranoia, wondering if perhaps you managed to take a walk through my head. Get out of there, that tickles!

[harris]

harris
way impressive. i agree you could use an editor, but reading through your poem i got chills, which shook me into paranoia, wondering if perhaps you managed to take a walk through my head. Get out of there, that tickles!

Hehe.. just someone who possesses the same personality as you have. And the same sexual preference, I think. :cheers:

[harris]

I think abathur is right. The poem might as well be a letter. Thanks to those who appreciated it though. I know nothing about the mechanics of writing poetry, but I do know how to love. How's that for your daily dose of cheese? :blush:

[xavierd]

I thought it fit perfectly with the title of the post "Left-brained Poetry." Isn't the left hem of the brain more logical and less poetic? Seems to me that if this feeling he was trying to express were to come out of the left side this is how it would come out. IDK just my 2 cents.

[xavierd]

INTerloPer I know how you feel as these thoughts are familiar to me also...funny.

Harris do you mind if I copy your poem? Not to pass on as my own or anything I just like it and have a collection of poems that are not mine.

[harris]

sure, no problem :)

[Promethean]

Sounded pretty left brained to me.