Compliments

[Jezebel]

How are you about giving and receiving compliments? Given that the complimenter is being sincere, how important do you think it is to compliment others and how often do you do it?

I've noticed I have a hard time with both giving and receiving, but have more problems with some types than others. For example, I finder it much harder to compliment someone's looks than something they said or did (which isn't terribly hard if I happen to think about it). And unless I'm talking to someone in a one on one conversation, I usually don't dish out compliments. I have trouble with friends, family, and significant others (which is what caused me to think about this), but of course even moreso with people I don't know.

I have trouble receiving too. I'll at least say "thanks"... but I never get very enthusiastic or emotional in my response and I'm not about to give the other person a hug. I sometimes wonder if this comes across as coldness.

[jittus rye]

I compliment others, but hate to be complimented.

[libertarianjim]

I'm more loose with compliments after teaching for a few years. Pointing out what was done right is a good way to sugar coat what was done wrong when grading exams, which, in turn, keeps your teaching evaluations higher which helps keep you employed.

I'm not so good at recieving compliments. I either blow it off or get emotional and have to retreat.

[int]

I tend to forget to compliment people, especially when they deserve it. I come off as a cold bastard because of it. I like compliments as long as I'm not dwelled on and attention is focused for too long - but I'm paranoid, so I like to receive them. Especially in moments of self doubt.

I'm good at saying thanks though.

[sme_bro]

I compliment good work or something good someone has said or done, but when it comes to complimenting looks im much the same as jezabel, i can barely comment on looks, new clothes or new hairstyles...which puts me in an awkward position if someone compliments me for one of those reasons because i cant think of a return and tend to shrug it off or ignore it.
Same problem expressing my feelings to people, like significant other and friends.

[Jezebel]

I think my problems with giving compliments are a combination of what int and sme_bro have said. I can compliment something someone has said or done, but I tend to forget. I also don't have a problem with remembering to thank people. The reason I don't compliment on looks is because of the awkwardness.

My boyfriend has frequently commented on something about my looks, and I have never done the same in return. He's never made an issue of it, but it still makes me wonder just how much my unresponsiveness matters.

[file cabinet]

I don't like complimenting and I don't like being complimented
I think it's partially related that I don't want to be 'focused on' and I don't know how to respond except with "uh.. thanks, I guess"

[EternalCynic]

I hate being complimented on trivial things too often. Things like "oh your hair is nice" and "I like the pins on your bag!" tend to get on my nerves. If I get a compliment once in a while on things I'm really trying hard on, I don't -mind- it so much.. but I still don't like it.

I'm with fc, my response is -always- "Um.. er, yeah.. i guess.. thanks.."

I only compliment when it's really deserved, or if someone is really down and need a compliment of some sort (since some people thrive on that kind of thing)

[Google Monster]

I don't like either. I don't like to compliment others but still do it sometimes but subtle to a point it doesn't come off as a compliment. And I don't like compliments much and when someone gives me one I just feel like I am getting way too much attention towards me and just say thanks then move on. I know what I did and I don't need others to let me know. :P

[cloakable]

I don't really care about either, I won't get upset over them, I just ignore them. And as for giving compliments, well, blood from a stone, mate, blood from a stone.

[Utopmk]

I compliment people only if I mean it, or see that they are fishing for one. (why not?)
I take compliments politely, but save them for quiet reflection when I am alone.

[Poison Okra]

Yeah, I don't feel too comfortable when I'm being complimented, usually I don't know what to say. I rarely give compliments either.

*also glad to see no one used the word "complement," which "completes" a predicate nominative, predicate adjective, or direct object*

I think a grammar thread should be started...

[Salad]

"Oh...um...thank you..."

I'm usually astonished when I receive compliments because it never occured to me that I should be complimented.

As far as giving... if I'm not lost in my own world then I have no problem telling someone praise they deserve, but I don't think other people's praise (including mine, even though getting my praise is the most awesome and wonderful thing that could ever happen to you) should be what motivates someone.

[CthulhuLuvsU]

I always end up pissing people off when they compliment me b/c i say something really dumb like "okay..."

I also never give compliments b/c i feel they are fake and trashy. Well, sometimes I compliment people when i want something from them, but anyway thats my opinion.

ROCK ON COMPLIMENT HATERS!

[Jkrs]

I have more trouble accepting compliments than giving them, usually because the person complimenting me doesn't seem to know what they're talking about. (Compare the compliments of an artist/photographer/musician/coder/etc. that you respect & admire against those from someone who doesn't even pay particular attention to the field. It's that kind of a difference.)


Also,
http://www.cthulhu.org/cimages/loathes.gif

[Mnemosyne]

I don't dislike receiving compliments, but sometimes if it's someone I don't normally talk to, I'll be so shocked that my response will be almost inaudible. Which doesn't usually score a lot of points in the friendliness department.

What I really don't like is when you compliment someone and they respond negatively. Observe the following scenario:

ME: I like your hair.
OTHER PERSON: (giggles) Um, thanks. I hate it. I can't wait till it grows out.

Now, if you internalize everything like I do, you will take their response as an insult to your taste in haircuts, and you will feel like an idiot. Which obviously sucks.

[file cabinet]

what is a "cthulhu" ? is it an animal?
and mnemo, it's okay if you don't know what a good haircut looks like.

* goes to whisper behind Mnemosyne's back *

[Jezebel]

What I really don't like is when you compliment someone and they respond negatively. Observe the following scenario:

ME: I like your hair.
OTHER PERSON: (giggles) Um, thanks. I hate it. I can't wait till it grows out.

I don't like that either, even when I see people doing it when complimented by others. It just seems rude to the complimenter, who was probably trying to be nice. It seems to mostly come from people with low self-esteem.

What I really hate is when someone who is very attractive (just an example, it also goes for talented/whatever) gets complimented and they announce (loudly) "No I'm not! I'm so ugly and fat and blah blah blah", drawing even more attention to themselves than if they had just quietly said "thanks" and dropped it.

[nobarcode]

I think it's somewhat funny that most people responding (myself included) considered how we take compliments. Likewise, I don't take to compliments from strangers very well. Most of the time, I'm in my own little bubble (invisible) and if someone disrupts it, I get flustered. I don't care if you are calling me an asshole, or the sexiest man you've ever seen. You are talking to me, unsolicited, and that's problematic. I'm speaking from a "daily routine" point of view.

I'm horrible at giving compliments. One time while I was in a relationship, I literally had to set a goal and remind myself to give a verbal compliment. The goal was at least once a week. The person was so complimentary to the relationship (the ultimate compliment?), yet unless expressed verbally/externally, the compliment, being that I chose this person to have a relationship with, would go unnoticed (and still does).

I have noticed that I recognize and give compliments to children frequently. To an extent, I figure "adults" do not need compliments, but children do.

All I can say to the middle paragraph is that I'm not coming from a place of arrogance, though it appears so.

[Birdsnest]

I hate the little game of compliments among women at work, first, one says 'oh, how nice your outfit looks' and then the other is required to say something equally nice, and accomodating. Its so often that someone is "fishing for a compliment" when that happens.

I don't mind giving a compliment IF its genuine. I can say someone looks nice IF they genuinely do. But I do not think very highly of being complimented on my looks, whereas I do think more highly of compliments on my accomplishments. I generally always say thank you to any compliment, because when you acknowledge someones genuine compliment with a thank you, you are recognizing that their opinion does matter to you, and not rejecting it. And if its not a "fishing" compliment, then it might just be genuine.

[Jkrs]

what is a "cthulhu" ? is it an animal?
It's an alien that may as well be a god, who makes relatively frequent appearances in the fiction of H.P. Lovecraft. (His short stories tend to be on the line between SF and supernatural horror. Don't recall if there's any full-length novels to his name.)

[nobarcode]

http://www.hplovecraft.com/creation/

gotta love 'em

[indczn]

Bleh... compliments. I hate them. Recieving compliments is equivalent to unwanted attention in my mind. It also means that I did something that attracted someones attention and revealed that I am present. It also means that i did more than was required. However, there are some exceptions when its the one current thing that I am focusing on, then its nice to hear im doing well, etc. Giving compliments, I seldom do. It violates my rule of talking to others.

[Almaviva]

I used to hate compliments but I love them now, as long as they aren't from a family member (heh.) If they're sincere, anyway, rather than pedantic or something.

I try to give the occasional compliment when something impresses me, although I have a strict rule against talking to others too. (I'm not introverted, just arrogant:) )

[GraviTass]

[quote="file cabinet"]what is a "cthulhu" ? is it an animal?


Didn't H.P Lovecraft write a gothic novel called The Call of Cthulhu ? I think its like an ancient toad-like creature with evil intent ; aka , a monster !

[Mnemosyne]

and mnemo, it's okay if you don't know what a good haircut looks like.

* goes to whisper behind Mnemosyne's back *

I feel so much better now. [nonexistent sarcastic smiley]