Towards a Conclusive Self Analysis

[nihilist]

I am getting tired of recycling my thoughts in an endless loop to determine what really is my personality type. I might as well leave parts of my life open, so others could suggest different possibilities. This is yet another 'help me determine my personality type' thread.

Alienated and pessimistic, I have little or no self esteem. I am reticent and stoic. I don't easily emphatize with anyone else. I live with my parents at an age which may be normatively unacceptable. Apart from that, I have never worked in an actual job. The irony is that with the right circumstances, I would have been completely independent. My last contact with what you call a friend would be a couple of years ago. The thought has occured to me to purposely alter my state of consciousness and end up doing drugs, but I am too much of a coward to pursue that.

I have a lot of free time(all day) on my hands, but I don't use it properly. I could read books, but instead, I browse the internet for quick,limited, superficial amounts of knowledge, most of which don't constitute any substance. Subsequently, I spend a quarter of the day watching Seinfeld episodes as a way to evade time. I enjoy programming but get frustrated with the system details such as configuring a wireless LAN on Linux. I hate learning how to configure technical settings for a particular task. I would be complacent if I just wrote the code without having to worry about all that. Because of my inherent unproductive, jaded nature, it takes me forever to learn a new programming language.

I was an honors math student but hated science. I found theoretical science (physics, at least) fascinating, but the labs were onerous. During my heyday, I was an arrogant jackass hiding behind the shield of greatly exxagerated academic scores/credentials/status when in reality, I had not accomplished anything extraordinary.

I wish I could write well and articulate, but I lack that ability. Synonymously, I wish I was profound and insightful, but I am not. I wish I was part of the gifted intelligence variety, but I am not. I have a lot of admiration for abstract writers and mathematicians though.

It's evident that I am a loser on many different angles, but what perplexes me is coming up with a personality type that fits me. Anyone care to speculate?

[Hexchild]

At first glance I think you come across as an INTP or ISTP. As usual it's really hard to tell from just the above post, though.

The P is not all that obvious, so you could also be a J with a lot of patience.

[eyebyte_atWork]

I was definitely thinking INTP/INTJ when I was reading that

INTP - all the things that interest you and the way you relate them in writing lean towrds NT and your friend comment leans towards I, the job situation leans towards P, but an untrained J could also be present.

I dunno for sure - but it sounds like a duck, looks like a duck - I am going to call it a duck.

[polyethylene]

You sound almost exactly like me. Seriously, my life is a lot like that.
I'm an INTP...so you could be too.

[panda]

I think you definitely come across as an INTP.

Not to criticize, but don't you think it would be wise to seek some form of employment? Do you have any plans/goals?

[kwis]

Im gonna say you are intp because there are alot of lazy non-achievers like us here.

[nihilist]

I think you definitely come across as an INTP.

Not to criticize, but don't you think it would be wise to seek some form of employment? Do you have any plans/goals?

No (to 2nd question)! As psychologically debilitating as it is, I still opt for the easier route of mooching off my parents. This way, I can chronicle and scrutinize my gradual disintegration.

[Solar]

No (to 2nd question)! As psychologically debilitating as it is, I still opt for the easier route of mooching off my parents. This way, I can chronicle and scrutinize my gradual disintegration.

At least you've got it all planned out.

[floid]

Definitely INTP

Indolent
Not committed
Timid
Painfully anal

Only a matter of time until you are completely suffocated under the weight of your very own, self-created boredom.

Sort of like being asphyxiated by one's own farts, isn't it?

You go through all this when all you have to do to keep from being a victim of your own ass is to get up off it.

[sbw]

It's evident that I am a loser on many different angles, but what perplexes me is coming up with a personality type that fits me. Anyone care to speculate?

whiner.

Scott

[nihilist]

I was deeply inspired by Leaving Las Vegas, the movie and novel. Unfortunately, as with all other things, I lack the tenacity to become an alcoholic or drug addict.

[meshou]

You're almost definately a type 9 on the enneagram, although you may also be a five.

I would refrain from typing you until you are healthy. You may be living your shadow, in which case, I would tenatively type you as either an INTJ, INTP, or possibly an INFJ.

[waxwing]

I am getting tired of recycling my thoughts in an endless loop to determine what really is my personality type. I might as well leave parts of my life open, so others could suggest different possibilities. This is yet another 'help me determine my personality type' thread.

Alienated and pessimistic, I have little or no self esteem. I am reticent and stoic. I don't easily emphatize with anyone else. I live with my parents at an age which may be normatively unacceptable. Apart from that, I have never worked in an actual job. The irony is that with the right circumstances, I would have been completely independent. My last contact with what you call a friend would be a couple of years ago. The thought has occured to me to purposely alter my state of consciousness and end up doing drugs, but I am too much of a coward to pursue that.

I have a lot of free time(all day) on my hands, but I don't use it properly. I could read books, but instead, I browse the internet for quick,limited, superficial amounts of knowledge, most of which don't constitute any substance. Subsequently, I spend a quarter of the day watching Seinfeld episodes as a way to evade time. I enjoy programming but get frustrated with the system details such as configuring a wireless LAN on Linux. I hate learning how to configure technical settings for a particular task. I would be complacent if I just wrote the code without having to worry about all that. Because of my inherent unproductive, jaded nature, it takes me forever to learn a new programming language.

I was an honors math student but hated science. I found theoretical science (physics, at least) fascinating, but the labs were onerous. During my heyday, I was an arrogant jackass hiding behind the shield of greatly exxagerated academic scores/credentials/status when in reality, I had not accomplished anything extraordinary.

I wish I could write well and articulate, but I lack that ability. Synonymously, I wish I was profound and insightful, but I am not. I wish I was part of the gifted intelligence variety, but I am not. I have a lot of admiration for abstract writers and mathematicians though.

It's evident that I am a loser on many different angles, but what perplexes me is coming up with a personality type that fits me. Anyone care to speculate?INTP 5w6

You seem to have the self-doubt that many INTPs have. You like programming, but hate the technical configurations. You find physics fascinating (so do I), but find the labs painstaking.

There are all these things you wish you could do, when in reality you might already be doing them. For example, you wish you could write well. In my perception, you write well.

You seem extremely hard on yourself. I've probably said most of the things you've written. People around me would say, "You're good at a,b, and c," but it never actually made me believe I was good at those things.

Do you think you will eventually enter a slightly less jaded existence?

Is your lack of self-esteem due to depression, or is it ever-present?

Regardless, I wish you peace in your pursuit of wellness and self-knowledge.

[nihilist]

Do you think you will eventually enter a slightly less jaded existence?

Is your lack of self-esteem due to depression, or is it ever-present?

Regardless, I wish you peace in your pursuit of wellness and self-knowledge.

Waxwing, thank you for expressing your perspective. It was so directly reassuring that it made me regret initiating this thread. Perhaps, I should have abstained from delineating such a washed out, depressed existence. To answer your question, I have always been jaded and unmotivated, but I am also extremely self critical and conscientious. I'll climb out of the hole someday.

[waxwing]

Waxwing, thank you for expressing your perspective. It was so directly reassuring that it made me regret initiating this thread. Perhaps, I should have abstained from delineating such a washed out, depressed existence. To answer your question, I have always been jaded and unmotivated, but I am also extremely self critical and conscientious. I'll climb out of the hole someday.
Ah, no problem, nihilist.

I am glad you started this thread, for what it's worth. I find your honesty refreshing.

[Helios]

You write well ,which calls into question the accuracy of your self-perception in general. I suspect you are as gifted as you think not. What you lack is drive and focus. Therefore I dub thee "INTP" !


P.S., write more I enjoyed it!

[booyalab]

I'll climb out of the hole someday.

I'll tell you what you need. Fuck MBTI, it seems you only want to know your type for reassurance that your pathetic existance (ok I said it) is really not that bad after all...and since you'll probably turn out to be a P you can feel good about procrastinating. If you need to define yourself, define yourself by what you WANT to be. When we learn our types we get complacent and self-indulgent in how special we are and if any self-improvement occurs it's along the ambiguous lines of 'developing functions'.
So define yourself as someone who gets things done and grabs the world by the balls, maybe better things will happen than if you define yourself as someone who just watches the world go by and thinks about it. I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong with an INTP, I'm saying your version of it is failing you miserably so do something drastic.
edit: it's also possible that this problem is chemical, so you might want to get it checked out.

[nihilist]

I'll tell you what you need. Fuck MBTI, it seems you only want to know your type for reassurance that your pathetic existance (ok I said it) is really not that bad after all...and since you'll probably turn out to be a P you can feel good about procrastinating. If you need to define yourself, define yourself by what you WANT to be. When we learn our types we get complacent and self-indulgent in how special we are and if any self-improvement occurs it's along the ambiguous lines of 'developing functions'.
So define yourself as someone who gets things done and grabs the world by the balls, maybe better things will happen than if you define yourself as someone who just watches the world go by and thinks about it. I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong with an INTP, I'm saying your version of it is failing you miserably so do something drastic.
edit: it's also possible that this problem is chemical, so you might want to get it checked out.

LOL, that's a good point, but I think everyone on some level finds their MBTI types to be reassuring. People apply their own motivations and self-perception when answering personality type questions. Secondly, my ostensible pathetic existence is just indifference towards any goals, professional, personal, or otherwise, so I don't see the point of doing anything drastic.

[panda]

nihilist: Are you happy?

[distraction tactics]

Nihilist: You can live your life as you see fit... but man, you're your own worst enemy. I think you should pick up a hammer and do some construction. Get you out of the house doing something physical in the sun. You need to realize there's a bit more to the world than what's inside your head - I say this not condescendingly, but for the reason I think it would do you a lot of good.

[panda]

Nihilist: You can live your life as you see fit... but man, you're your own worst enemy. I think you should pick up a hammer and do some construction. Get you out of the house doing something physical in the sun. You need to realize there's a bit more to the world than what's inside your head - I say this not condescendingly, but for the reason I think it would do you a lot of good.
I completely agree. I think that's very good advice, and I say that from experience.

[nihilist]

nihilist: Are you happy?

No, but then again, happiness in my perception is an illusion. Even objectively, happiness is only a transient state. People strive to find meaning to their existence or something they can cling to, when they are really being jerked around by an incessant cycle of desires.

*Groan* That sounds so awfully cliched.

[panda]

No, but then again, happiness in my perception is an illusion. Even objectively, happiness is only a transient state. People strive to find meaning to their existence or something they can cling to, when they are really being jerked around by an incessant cycle of desires.
That may be, but happiness feels real enough when you're experiencing it.

Here is my advice to you: find something you love, something that brings joy to your life, and then pursue it with all of your energy. Stop thinking about the big picture and just enjoy yourself.

Remember: you're not pure intellect. You have a body. You have physical senses. You have emotions. You don't need to analyze everything. Let yourself experience what the world has to offer.

[In...TP]

MBTI-->IT...BM. Dr.Booyalab, you have cold hands...OUCH! Turns head *cough, cough*

[kendoiwan]

Waaay back when I was having a crisis of this nature, I asked myself a simple question, "why not just end it all?",the answer obviously was no, and since I wouldn't follow through with offing myself, I should quit my whining, get up off my ass, and live... Booya! :smooch:

[aether]

So what about me, am I also another INTP/INTJ dude or what. Tell me you psycholanalysts wanna be!

[CENTIPEDE HEAD]

I don't know about your actual type, but what struck me about your post is that you may have a problem with depression. The Bob Dylan song in your quote is one of my favorites. I always thought that song perfectly captures what true deep Depression really is like.
"Well my sense of humanity has gone down the drain
Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain"

The character in the song is unmotivated and lethargic, burned out, disconnected, and just waiting to die.

"Shadows are falling and I been here all day
It's too hot to sleep and time is running away
Feel like my soul has turned into steel
I've still got the scars that the sun didn't heal"

I'm familiar with this type of mood, but fortunately for me it never lasts that long.
You could do some things to help combat the mood instead of indulging it. Don't drink too much, improve your diet, develop some friendships, etc. If the mood is still dominating you, you could seek some psychiatric help. It may all boil down to a lack of some neurotransmitter. I think that prescription psychotropic drugs should be a last resort but if it helps you then there's no shame in it.

[Fierys]

Smart way of getting around the daily work routine, bad way to live your life. Do you really want to look back at your life one day and see yourself this way? This is just speculation, but i think you are over reliant on your parents. Alot of parents would not put up with what you call life. If i could live at my parents house and watch seinfeld and surf the net all day, i probably would too(atleast for a while :) ).

[Loco_Mullus_Surmuletus]

I don't know about your actual type, but what struck me about your post is that you may have a problem with depression.



....and you're right.

@NIHILIST, I have been diagnosed clinicall depression few months ago, and I am well aware of your current state. I have some other issues, different than yours, but bottom line is the same- magic circle. Maybe you're not aware of it, but if you think trough it, you'll eventually realise some things... An the worse thing is that depression is sort of mentall disorder which own nature prevents you from fighting it. I know it's hard, but 1st step is to nail down this problem, running around it won't make you feel better. Get to the bottom of it, it's complicated, but worth it.
Wish you all the best....

[ChristiRB]

I N T P

[nonsequitur]

Nihilist, I struggle with that regularly, I have cycles of depression where I feel almost exactly like what you describe. Above all is this overwhelming ennui that makes me think life is pointless.

But then I find things that I love to do, and worked out goals for myself that are in line with what I love. This stops me from sliding downwards most of the time. When I find myself feeling like that, I generally get out of the house, and re-focus myself. Watch a good film, walk in the park with a cup of coffee, read at bookshops, stuff like that. It's important to distract yourself once in a while, I think.

[INTrPosr]

Nihlist I have read your post over the years, mainly at INTP Open. Have you considered your self-analysis to be a positive action? Not liking what you are, or have become may provide you with the strength to do something. I think you may be scraping the bottom of the barrel, so to speak, and maybe ready to make some positive changes in your life.

You do raise some points that validate my personally dismissing INTP as my true type. The thought of having to live at home with my parents after graduating from high school, was not an option for myself. However, times have changed and sometimes it is more pragmatic to remain home. I am also a firm believer, no matter how unhealthy I become, that doing something is better than doing nothing at all. For that reason, INTJ and ISTP fits me better than INTP.

This is not a slap against INTPs but over the years, I have witnessed post on the message boards by those claiming to be INTP, that reminds me of highly intelligent derelicts living in shelters. When I worked at a shelter, I witnessed so many who were comfortable in going to the library daily, as long as they had their three meals and a place to live. This seems to be a plausible direction that many INTPs could take. I wish you luck in regaining your health.

[indie]

I have a lot of free time(all day) on my hands, but I don't use it properly. I could read books, but instead, I browse the internet for quick,limited, superficial amounts of knowledge, most of which don't constitute any substance. Subsequently, I spend a quarter of the day watching Seinfeld episodes as a way to evade time. I enjoy programming but get frustrated with the system details such as configuring a wireless LAN on Linux. I hate learning how to configure technical settings for a particular task. I would be complacent if I just wrote the code without having to worry about all that. Because of my inherent unproductive, jaded nature, it takes me forever to learn a new programming language.

A quarter of the day watching Seinfeld? Is that a quarter of a 24-hour day, or a quarter of the time you're awake? Hmm, either way it would be between four and six hours a day of Seinfeld. That's quite a bit.

(I'm mostly just kidding).

It sounds as though you are stuck in a serious rut of some sort. When was the last time you did something completely non-routine, something out of the ordinary?

A lot of people can be happy being accustomed to the familiar, but stagnation (mental stagnation, especially for INTPs) is not good! The brain needs stimulation and challenge to prevent it from becoming weak and "numb" . . . it's not always easy to be brave and actually _do_ something about a seeming crash-course for dead-endedness, but it's always worth it. It seems as though you realize this, and that's as good of a start as any.

Best of luck to you.