ENTJ parent/INTP child

[Zephyrus055]

I used to be absolutely convinced that my mother was a ESTJ. But now I'm not so sure anymore. I think she might be an ENTJ because, while she is an annoying tyrant, she is very abstract in speech when she communicates with me. She's also very rational.

Then I asked her some questions today. She said that when she was younger, she had a lot of trouble with guys (probably SJs), and that she intimidated most of them. She also said that she was usually very arguementative and intellectual (although now she has learned to be more cooperative). And her boyfriends were always those who were interested in fields like engineering and who didn't much care for having a stereotypical wife. She also explained to me how she wanted her mate to be an intellectual equal - someone who could talk with her on an intellectual and abstract basis. Doesnt this sound NT?

She also said that she has always liked to day-dream and think a lot - and still does. I then asked her if her brain worked visually and holistically, which she conceded was true.

Then I asked her if she was a by the book person. Nope she isn't! She said that she used to think a lot and design radical theories that would make things more efficient. Of course, nobody listened to her though.

And when she was in college, which was in the Vietnam war, she was very vocal about opposing patriarchy and traditional female roles.

She also told me that she immediately took advantage of adverse situations and pounded her enemies by effectively mobilizing resources and people - and was very good at it.

Anyway, she seemed to me to have a very NT like and rebellious childhood.

And I think my dad might be an INTJ, but he normally leaves me alone. My mom is always on top of both of us, and it's annoooyyyinnnnnggggg!

On the other hand, she acts like an SJ in some ways too. For example, she always asks stupid questions or makes stupid comments. For example, she might say something like, "did you like your food?" "Did you like the trip?" "Did you like the party." It's like she wants appreciation as an SJ would. These questions really annoy me. She also makes assumptions about me. For example, if I come upstairs to the kitchen, she automatically thinks I'm hungry, grrrr! I can't stop thinking to myself, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

But the funny thing is that I usually beat her in a debate, haha. Although, I tend to do that relatively easy with an ENTJ friend of mine who I know online too.

So... is it normal that an ENTJ parent would come in conflict with an INTP child? Are the conflicts I have described normal for an ENTJ parent and INTP child?

[Ka.avik]

ENTJs want to be appreciated too...and that Te means they may well use a lot of 'labels' to determine their effectiveness...IE, asking about "the trip" or somesuch.

From what little I've seen, ENTJs come into conflict with everyone they encounter. I know an ENTJ who has an ENTJ son. They're combatative, sometimes. Most of the time, actually. :)

[jread]

ENTJs want to be appreciated too...and that Te means they may well use a lot of 'labels' to determine their effectiveness...IE, asking about "the trip" or somesuch.

From what little I've seen, ENTJs come into conflict with everyone they encounter. I know an ENTJ who has an ENTJ son. They're comatative, sometimes. Most of the time, actually. :)

My fiancee is an ENTJ and she's exactly as you described, lol.

They do like to be appreciated and they are very conflictive/confrontational. It's good when you need to sick them on somebody but bad if the confrotation is with you.

She also does the "predicting what you're going to do" thing with me. I'll walk toward the computer and she'll say, "getting on the computer again, huh". I'm like, "well, no... I was going to get my shoes". Things like this are common.

They also get really pissed off when you beat them in any debate or prove them wrong. They also don't like, "I told you so". She gets furious!

They tend to give long-winded answers to questions as well. If you get frustrated and want them to get to the point, then start interrupting, they will go apeshit on you.

That's really it for negatives, though. I think ENTJ's are a wonderful match for INTP's. They are good at all the things we suck at and they tend to be really intelligent, making for good conversations. We always have great talks about various world issues. They also have their act together and they know how to get shit done. My bank account is managed and all my bills are paid ontime for the first time in my life, thanks to her. Also, I don't have to deal with talking to dumbass people on the phone anymore... she's happy to do it for me. They're also extremely protective of their loved ones and don't trust anybody they don't know really well.

[Hypnos]

I get along with ENTJs by challenging them so as to arrive at correctness, then reassuring them so they don't seethe with rage. That works with INTJs too, but they're less passive-aggressive and more calm; they are, however more stubborn.

This isn't really necessary if you have their respect in the first place, by demonstrating your own significant competence.

[Zephyrus055]

Interesting information everyone! Thanks for the input!

And... is it typical for ENTJs to, like SJs, give constant reminders about something?

[jyakulis]

I don't know my aunt is an ENTJ and me and her have always traditionally gotten along great. It sense of calm in speech for me when conversing with another NT. She also always seems to find my Ne style of humor hilarious. Any other type I find myself searching for conversation. Anyway, if there is any NT I would date it'd prolly be an ENTJ. I like their take charge personality. But that's just me.

[C.J.Woolf]

On the other hand, she acts like an SJ in some ways too. For example, she always asks stupid questions or makes stupid comments. For example, she might say something like, "did you like your food?" "Did you like the trip?" "Did you like the party." It's like she wants appreciation as an SJ would. These questions really annoy me. She also makes assumptions about me. For example, if I come upstairs to the kitchen, she automatically thinks I'm hungry, grrrr! I can't stop thinking to myself, "LEAVE ME ALONE!
Perhaps it's a mom thing. Or motherhood pushes one toward SJ-ness.

[Nighthawk]

I've dated ENTJs on three occasions ... and none worked out. They were just in my business too much for me to tolerate it for long. Great as friends ... usually very intelligent and great for long talks. As for long-term intimacy, it didn't work out well for me. I needed more space than they were willing to give. They also tried to be rather domineering, which repelled me ... always wanting to know what I was thinking and why I did this or that. Of course, I am rather extreme on the introvert scale.

[cryokinetic]

I've dated ENTJs on three occasions ... and none worked out. They were just in my business too much for me to tolerate it for long. Great as friends ... usually very intelligent and great for long talks. As for long-term intimacy, it didn't work out well for me. I needed more space than they were willing to give. They also tried to be rather domineering, which repelled me ... always wanting to know what I was thinking and why I did this or that. Of course, I am rather extreme on the introvert scale.

Jesus christ... that sounds just like my GF (ENXX)... who I am on the verge of dumping for not giving m my space and being overly argumentative.

[jread]

is it typical for ENTJs to, like SJs, give constant reminders about something?

Yes, every 2 seconds :blink:



I've dated ENTJs on three occasions ... and none worked out. They were just in my business too much for me to tolerate it for long. Great as friends ... usually very intelligent and great for long talks. As for long-term intimacy, it didn't work out well for me. I needed more space than they were willing to give. They also tried to be rather domineering, which repelled me ... always wanting to know what I was thinking and why I did this or that. Of course, I am rather extreme on the introvert scale.

Luckily the "space" thing is better understood in my situation. She tries hard to respect my need for alone time.

They are definitely not "once said" people. You have to tell them every time you have a certain feeling or thought, or they will start making their own assumptions about what is going on in your head. I'm trying to do better at this as well.

Definitely takes a lot of work but I think an INTP/ENTJ combination makes for a nearly invincible team.

[Elizabeth B]

My MIL is an ENTJ, she's great! She's fun to talk to, interesting. She also likes the MBTI, so is aware that I need some time alone and is always willing to give me some.

We're far away from our families (military), so when the visit, they're here 24/7. So, I'm glad she's a fan of the MBTI or that could cause issues. As it is, I look forward to her visits (Especially for the help with my 3 year old and 7 month old.)

[raptor_red]

My dad's ENTJ. If you aren't sure if you've got an ENTJ on your hands, I think the big tip-off is their near constant impatience. My dad hates to wait-for ANYTHING. He'll take long alternate routes on highways just to keep moving and avoid traffic jams, when sometimes I think taking the "long way round" and sitting in traffic would take the same amount of time.

The other word would be demanding. He was very demanding of me growing up-get good grades, study hard, be responsible. He expected a lot out of me and out of everyone else.

But, on the positive side, he's generally supportive, and willing to let me to be pretty independent. He and my INTJ mom get along pretty well, although he seems more rational than her most of the time, which makes sense, since his main function is Te.