IGANOKAMI'S GUIDE TO THE INTP HUSBAND

[Hypnos]

Original link:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/intpopen/message/30556

--------------
IGANOKAMI'S GUIDE TO THE INTP HUSBAND.
(or for the INTP men - you might want to keep these in mind BEFORE
you marry your lady)

Here is what THIS INTP wants (in a perfect, uncompromising
relationship, if they exist):

(in NO particular order)

(except for #1)

1. Lots of sex (I dont think it is just me as an INTP who finds this
a very important part of a relationship and the most important
physical expression of love in a relationship - it is NOT a selfish
act for selfish physical satisfaction. but hell, it is damn
pleasing, too)

2. Moral support (it is a tough world out there for INTP guys)

3. An equal (INTPs have no wish to dominate, and are crushed by
domination)

4. Someone who is next to unoffendable. (INTPs tend to lack tact,
but also want and need to be brutally honest with thier intimate
partners - they want someone who they can playfully insult, who will
then either laugh in thier face or give it right back.)

5. Someone who can accept them for who they are and not try to
change them (INTP guys appear erratic to the casual observer in a
relationship, for example - they appear to demand solitude one
moment, sex the next. Women find this VERY hard to reconcile with
thier typical conception of "love")

6. someone who accepts the peculiar WAYS they show thier love. be
it really, really sappy hopless-romantic type drivel or passionate
physical expression, or just a touch or a simple look. The INTP way
is very hard to catch, if you blink, you miss it. Women tend to
want flowers and words, not a slow dance in a room with no radio,
not a quiet cuddle in front of the TV at the end of the day, or the
other strange and random expressions that INTP men tend to give.
This ties in with #5.

7. SPACE!!! In case it was missed, I'll mention it again: SPACE!!
INTP men need thier free time to pursue intellectual pursuits, and
CAN NOT be 1. disturbed 2. told they dont love thier partner because
they spend too much time "alone". etc. INTP men disappear for a
while, then come out swinging. this FORCES most women to think that
the INTP man only wants them for sex. This is wrong, but if the
woman is not capable of #5 and #6, they are forced to believe it.

8. comforting. this goes along with #2. The world sucks,
particularly for INTP guys. They are capable of an utterly
staggering amount of patience and responsibility, but in the long
run, without #2 and #8, the relationship will ultimately die, or the
INTP male will DIE a very real death. With #2 and #8, an INTP man
can take a spectacular amount of abuse, responsibility, and patience
in life, as long as his partner supplies #2 and #8 in sufficient
quantities.

9. an intellect. a woman who can hold her own in a debate. The
words "you always think you are right!!" are the LAST words an INTP
male wants to hear from his mate. He wants debate! He wants
intellectual stimulation! If he doesnt get it at home, #7 becomes
very very very important. if his mate can not handle #7, there will
be PROBLEMS. If she can supply #9, the INTP man will be very
happily occupied with his mate for a long, long time.

10. Someone to learn with. This goes with #9 - someone who is
interested in learning and intellectual stimulation. The INTP male
needs someone who he can learn with and enjoy the mysteries and
adventures of life with. Someone who can understand his interest in
the esoteric, show him apreciation for his interests, and even join
him in his interests, or introduce him to new ones.

11. Someone capable of self reflection and self analysis. often
the INTP male finds that he is the only one "growing" in a
relationship, the only one who can see the problems in the
relationship. This usually forces the INTP to be the one to change,
to be the one to compromise himself for his partner, because many
women (only using women here because i am talking about men) have no
true ability to self reflect. she is ALWAYS right. The INTP man
spends his life examining himself and his relationship to see what
HE needs to do to make it work. so he spends all his time critically
analyzing it, and the woman does nothing but demand that he
changes. This will eventually lead to the spiritual DEATH of the
INTP male, if not the PHYSICAL death of the INTP male. to avoid
this, the INTP male NEEDS a woman who can examine the relationship
WITH him, so they can grow TOGETHER.
--------------------

Notes:

* This is related to other threads on the topic of INTP men in relationships, but I figured it was interesting enough to deserve its own thread.

* Obviously applies to INTP women as well.

[Johnny]

Uncompromising relationship? Dream on... :sombrero:

[SensEye]

That's pretty good for the most part.

I think his "#1 - Sex" issue is personal though and not related to INTPness.

I don't really agree with his "#2 and #8 - support/comfort". Of course, everybody expects support from their partner. This is the primary reason people form relationships. But I would say that NT rationals require the least of this support of all the types. So while I would still want and expect this from a partner, I would not make a point of giving it special emphasis.

Points #4,#5,#6,#7 are very appropos.

[Hypnos]

I think his "#1 - Sex" issue is personal though and not related to INTPness.
One of the author's themes is that INTPs are less likely to show affection through gestures and words, so sex is an important channel (not just to satisfy a physical appetite).


I don't really agree with his "#2 and #8 - support/comfort". Of course, everybody expects support from their partner. This is the primary reason people form relationships. But I would say that NT rationals require the least of this support of all the types. So while I would still want and expect this from a partner, I would not make a point of giving it special emphasis.
Since INTPs tend to be eccentric or solitary w.r.t. the world at large, there will be a greater burden on the partner once the INTP lets him or her "in."

My $0.02.

[jimkopelli]

Yep, that pretty much fits. I'll have to remember this stuff... tell possibles to read it...

[ohnoaninfp]

6. someone who accepts the peculiar WAYS they show thier love. be
it really, really sappy hopless-romantic type drivel or passionate
physical expression, or just a touch or a simple look. The INTP way
is very hard to catch, if you blink, you miss it. Women tend to
want flowers and words, not a slow dance in a room with no radio,
not a quiet cuddle in front of the TV at the end of the day, or the
other strange and random expressions that INTP men tend to give.
This ties in with #5.

Who says that women want flowers and words?!?! I would love to slow dance with my guy, and sit in front of the tv with him at the end of the day. If I wanted flowers I would just buy them or steal them from someones garden. Muhahahah!!!!!!!!!!

[EternalCynic]

Hmm, sounds a lot like myself. Though I agree with SenseEye, the sex thing doesnt necessarily apply, while physical intimacy in a relationship is important.. it's not -as- big of a deal as he makes it out to be. Also, I could do without support/comfort, it's nice on the rare occasion that I actually need it, but again, it is rare. I like doing things on my own, I don't need someone to pinch my cheek and tell me what a good job i'm doing and heres a cookie.

Other than that, sounds good to me :D

[nobarcode]

I must admit, I'm a bit dumbfounded by it. My sometimes ex-girlfriend (an ENFP) and I have been emailing about it. Maybe I can post some of it, with her permission of course.

[Mariel]

I must admit, I'm a bit dumbfounded by it. My sometimes ex-girlfriend (an ENFP) and I have been emailing about it. Maybe I can post some of it, with her permission of course.
you have my permission.

[nobarcode]

I must admit, I'm a bit dumbfounded by it. My sometimes ex-girlfriend (an ENFP) and I have been emailing about it. Maybe I can post some of it, with her permission of course.
you have my permission.
Well babe, did you get the one I sent this morning? It seems I might be having the 4hr. delay thing going on again.

[Melody]

One of the author's themes is that INTPs are less likely to show affection through gestures and words, so sex is an important channel (not just to satisfy a physical appetite).
I second this. You may not want 'lots of sex' for whatever reasons, but for the relationship's sake, you should. I don't think the person meant 'a ton of sex.' They probably just meant 'a happy amount of sex."

[purple13]

Women tend to want flowers and words, not a slow dance in a room with no radio, not a quiet cuddle in front of the TV at the end of the day, or the other strange and random expressions that INTP men tend to give.

I agree with ohnoaninfp on this.

And what's so strange and random about this expression coming from a man? Strange/Random good/romantic.

[nobarcode]

What are the chances that IGANOKAMI has sx as his variant? :ph34r:

[Hypnos]

ohnoaninfp + purple13:

The idea here is that INTP is rare in both genders and so has special needs vis-a-vis social norms (i.e., SJ tendencies), so apply the article to _yourself_ when trolling for a relationship worthy guy.

There is nothing gender specific in the article, AFAICT.

[int]

Here is what THIS INTP wants ...


(in NO particular order)


Just adding emphasis.

And I'm not debating the points listed.

[Hypnos]

Here is what THIS INTP wants ...


(in NO particular order)


Just adding emphasis.

And I'm not debating the points listed.


(except for #1)

[flan2dave]

I do agree on the #2 and #8 points. Maybe I'm thinking differently on how it's carried out, I'm satisfied in this regard when I'm comfortable with the person and we share in our desires to reach our potentials and explore the world. I'll use a guy I know for example, I get a sense of comfort around him, I don't know why, and find it very much easier to open up and think clearly (whereas with other people I generally experience the introvert brain buzz, "zone out"). If there is something personal I want to tell somebody about, he would be the first to know. I essentially want a relationship with a female to be the same way. I guess Senseye is right that everyone wants this type of thing out of a relationship, its not necessarily intp unique.

I also agree on the touching element being very important for myself. Normally I'm not touchy with people, sometimes people want to greet me with a high five and I'll look at them like "are you really going to make me do that?" At get togethers I'm the one who hand shakes the women instead of hugs. The cumulative result of all these interactions has packed subjective meaning to touch. Some people might be use to this sort of thing dating and flirting all the time or whatnot, but I'm very sensitive about it. My idea of a good date includes lots of cuddling! :blush:

And yes, I'll probably be analyzing critically the relationship in no time. Hopefully in the effort of making the relationship better and not figuring out reasons to get out of it, lol.

[int]

(except for #1)

Overlooked. :)

But still important, nonetheless.

[file cabinet]

I am too inexperienced to comment * shakes fist *

[Laeskis]

2. Moral support (it is a tough world out there for INTP guys)


Support means non-interference. I don't need anyone justifying my actions; I do that myself.
If I'm going to do something or make a decision, then that's what I'm going to do...support is shown by non-impedance



8. comforting. this goes along with #2. The world sucks,
particularly for INTP guys. They are capable of an utterly
staggering amount of patience and responsibility, but in the long
run, without #2 and #8, the relationship will ultimately die, or the
INTP male will DIE a very real death. With #2 and #8, an INTP man
can take a spectacular amount of abuse, responsibility, and patience
in life, as long as his partner supplies #2 and #8 in sufficient
quantities.


To comfort me, simply step back when I start ranting and raving.

[Strephonade]

11. Someone capable of self reflection and self analysis. often
the INTP male finds that he is the only one "growing" in a
relationship, the only one who can see the problems in the
relationship. This usually forces the INTP to be the one to change,
to be the one to compromise himself for his partner, because many
women (only using women here because i am talking about men) have no
true ability to self reflect. she is ALWAYS right. The INTP man
spends his life examining himself and his relationship to see what
HE needs to do to make it work. so he spends all his time critically
analyzing it, and the woman does nothing but demand that he
changes. This will eventually lead to the spiritual DEATH of the
INTP male, if not the PHYSICAL death of the INTP male. to avoid
this, the INTP male NEEDS a woman who can examine the relationship
WITH him, so they can grow TOGETHER.
--------------------


To address the main concern of item #11, I agree, both people in the relationship need to be able to do a little giving and a little taking. It is absolutely essential for a healthy relationship.

That said, as an INTP, I would like to ask a question, as the apparent inconsistency in stating that a particular group of people have no true ability to self-reflect is making me wonder. How would it be possible for these people to participate in any sort of discussion of the relationship they are in, if it is a foregone conclusion that they have no ability to reflect on the nature of their own identity, rights, emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual needs, etc. in the first place?

Most else that you've listed seems entirely reasonable and sensible, in terms of _any_ good relationship, if occasionally a bit melodramatic, and for the most part, you sound like a rather reasonable kind of person. So you might understand, yourself being an INTP, the interest of a starkly contrasting, otherwise unexplained bias.

A quote that appeared from within the matrix today:

"There are two tragedies in life: not getting what one desires, and getting what one desires." ;)

[Biff_Loman]

3. An equal (INTPs have no wish to dominate, and are crushed by
domination)

Or so I thought.

My ISFJ wife and I have been on the verge of divorce for a few weeks now. We even went to the point of announcing it to our families, etc. After some consideration, we've decided to give it another shot, see a counselor, and try to piece together this ailing relationship.

Today, I talked to one of the individuals who gave us pre-marital counseling (who, by the way, said of my wife and me: "You have issues"). Afterwards, my wife had the temerity (this is a good thing) to confront me about some of her realizations about our marriage. Both of them said the same thing.

I have been, in essence, trying to dominate/control my wife. I haven't entirely failed, either.

I never really saw it that way, but I recognize after much reflection that in over 5.5 years of dating and marriage, a large part of my focus has been to control and "fix" my wife. Ironic, because ISFJs are supposed to be the fixers. In our case, it was turned right around.

To my wife, I always represented a "teacher," full of wisdom and insight. To me, she was like a pupil: not very assertive, somewhat poor self-esteem, etc. The power gradient was skewed so heavily in my favour that it wasn't funny. Even so, I constantly practised subtle domination tactics to increase my control.

I hadn't wanted a wife. I wanted a minion; a sidekick. I came very close to making it happen, too.

[lexiphanic]

Or so I thought.

My ISFJ wife and I have been on the verge of divorce for a few weeks now. We even went to the point of announcing it to our families, etc. After some consideration, we've decided to give it another shot, see a counselor, and try to piece together this ailing relationship.

Today, I talked to one of the individuals who gave us pre-marital counseling (who, by the way, said of my wife and me: "You have issues"). Afterwards, my wife had the temerity (this is a good thing) to confront me about some of her realizations about our marriage. Both of them said the same thing.

I have been, in essence, trying to dominate/control my wife. I haven't entirely failed, either.

I never really saw it that way, but I recognize after much reflection that in over 5.5 years of dating and marriage, a large part of my focus has been to control and "fix" my wife. Ironic, because ISFJs are supposed to be the fixers. In our case, it was turned right around.

To my wife, I always represented a "teacher," full of wisdom and insight. To me, she was like a pupil: not very assertive, somewhat poor self-esteem, etc. The power gradient was skewed so heavily in my favour that it wasn't funny. Even so, I constantly practised subtle domination tactics to increase my control.

I hadn't wanted a wife. I wanted a minion; a sidekick. I came very close to making it happen, too.

That is what I did in my first relationship. You have to be very careful with the people that THINK they want advice. Often you just want to listen and let them live their own life. Your ideas might be right, but they aren't always the ideas that should be followed.

[MacGuffin]

Original link:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/intpopen/message/30556

--------------
IGANOKAMI'S GUIDE TO THE INTP HUSBAND.
(or for the INTP men - you might want to keep these in mind BEFORE
you marry your lady)

Here is what THIS INTP wants (in a perfect, uncompromising
relationship, if they exist):

(in NO particular order)

(except for #1)

1. Lots of sex (I dont think it is just me as an INTP who finds this
a very important part of a relationship and the most important
physical expression of love in a relationship - it is NOT a selfish
act for selfish physical satisfaction. but hell, it is damn
pleasing, too)

2. Moral support (it is a tough world out there for INTP guys)

3. An equal (INTPs have no wish to dominate, and are crushed by
domination)

4. Someone who is next to unoffendable. (INTPs tend to lack tact,
but also want and need to be brutally honest with thier intimate
partners - they want someone who they can playfully insult, who will
then either laugh in thier face or give it right back.)

5. Someone who can accept them for who they are and not try to
change them (INTP guys appear erratic to the casual observer in a
relationship, for example - they appear to demand solitude one
moment, sex the next. Women find this VERY hard to reconcile with
thier typical conception of "love")

6. someone who accepts the peculiar WAYS they show thier love. be
it really, really sappy hopless-romantic type drivel or passionate
physical expression, or just a touch or a simple look. The INTP way
is very hard to catch, if you blink, you miss it. Women tend to
want flowers and words, not a slow dance in a room with no radio,
not a quiet cuddle in front of the TV at the end of the day, or the
other strange and random expressions that INTP men tend to give.
This ties in with #5.

7. SPACE!!! In case it was missed, I'll mention it again: SPACE!!
INTP men need thier free time to pursue intellectual pursuits, and
CAN NOT be 1. disturbed 2. told they dont love thier partner because
they spend too much time "alone". etc. INTP men disappear for a
while, then come out swinging. this FORCES most women to think that
the INTP man only wants them for sex. This is wrong, but if the
woman is not capable of #5 and #6, they are forced to believe it.

8. comforting. this goes along with #2. The world sucks,
particularly for INTP guys. They are capable of an utterly
staggering amount of patience and responsibility, but in the long
run, without #2 and #8, the relationship will ultimately die, or the
INTP male will DIE a very real death. With #2 and #8, an INTP man
can take a spectacular amount of abuse, responsibility, and patience
in life, as long as his partner supplies #2 and #8 in sufficient
quantities.

9. an intellect. a woman who can hold her own in a debate. The
words "you always think you are right!!" are the LAST words an INTP
male wants to hear from his mate. He wants debate! He wants
intellectual stimulation! If he doesnt get it at home, #7 becomes
very very very important. if his mate can not handle #7, there will
be PROBLEMS. If she can supply #9, the INTP man will be very
happily occupied with his mate for a long, long time.

10. Someone to learn with. This goes with #9 - someone who is
interested in learning and intellectual stimulation. The INTP male
needs someone who he can learn with and enjoy the mysteries and
adventures of life with. Someone who can understand his interest in
the esoteric, show him apreciation for his interests, and even join
him in his interests, or introduce him to new ones.

11. Someone capable of self reflection and self analysis. often
the INTP male finds that he is the only one "growing" in a
relationship, the only one who can see the problems in the
relationship. This usually forces the INTP to be the one to change,
to be the one to compromise himself for his partner, because many
women (only using women here because i am talking about men) have no
true ability to self reflect. she is ALWAYS right. The INTP man
spends his life examining himself and his relationship to see what
HE needs to do to make it work. so he spends all his time critically
analyzing it, and the woman does nothing but demand that he
changes. This will eventually lead to the spiritual DEATH of the
INTP male, if not the PHYSICAL death of the INTP male. to avoid
this, the INTP male NEEDS a woman who can examine the relationship
WITH him, so they can grow TOGETHER.
--------------------

Notes:

* This is related to other threads on the topic of INTP men in relationships, but I figured it was interesting enough to deserve its own thread.

* Obviously applies to INTP women as well.

I am resurrecting this long dormant thread because I ran across this list this morning somewhere else and see a lot of myself in it.

Specifically #7 has caused a lot of problems in my marriage:


7. SPACE!!! In case it was missed, I'll mention it again: SPACE!!
INTP men need thier free time to pursue intellectual pursuits, and
CAN NOT be 1. disturbed 2. told they dont love thier partner because
they spend too much time "alone". etc. INTP men disappear for a
while, then come out swinging. this FORCES most women to think that
the INTP man only wants them for sex. This is wrong, but if the
woman is not capable of #5 and #6, they are forced to believe it.


I think Hypnos said it well:


One of the author's themes is that INTPs are less likely to show affection through gestures and words, so sex is an important channel (not just to satisfy a physical appetite).

QFT

[Delilah]

Damn, that whole list describes me far too well, sure could have used it 20 years ago.......

[cafe]

The thing about that write up is that it sounds as if the INTP's partner is the one who should do all the stretching and accommodating. I think that both partners need to flex a bit and try to meet each other's needs. If that means going out of your way to show some affection and attention outside of sex and in ways that make your partner feel loved even if it doesn't mean a lot to you, then that's what needs to be done.

[MacGuffin]

The thing about that write up is that it sounds as if the INTP's partner is the one who should do all the stretching and accommodating. I think that both partners need to flex a bit and try to meet each other's needs. If that means going out of your way to show some affection and attention outside of sex and in ways that make your partner feel loved even if it doesn't mean a lot to you, then that's what needs to be done.
That's the thing that bothered me about it, it seems one-sided. The INTP needs to be open and willing too.

[Thevenin]

I am happily married to an INFJ. Because of our marriage, I'm lucky to have become a more balanced INTP. With my wife's amazing insights (she's true to the type), she intuitively knows much of what was written in the original post. However, I wouldn't show her this list because I know she would consider it one-sided and insensitive. It would annoy her, and not just because she knows this stuff already. She has needs, too, needs that she has just as much a right to as mine. The list would be better if it also at least implied that an INTP male also needs to be giving and attuned to his partner. For example, even if an INTP male thinks his partner's romantic love of roses is ridiculous, now and then he should suppress his own perspective and indulge his partner with the pleasure of receiving roses. The pay back can be very pleasant.

[Methofelis]

Damn, that whole list describes me far too well, sure could have used it 20 years ago.......

Tell me about it. :banghead:


That's the thing that bothered me about it, it seems one-sided. The INTP needs to be open and willing too.

I've seen (three times thus far) INTP men that decided to take the chance and open it up. Be flexible.

Surely enough, two have now tested out as INxPs, the other an INFP.

Being flexible frightens me now if that is what happens to you. :ph34r:

[Cypocalypse]

Pretty much an accurate description of me.

[lbloom]

I've seen (three times thus far) INTP men that decided to take the chance and open it up. Be flexible.

Surely enough, two have now tested out as INxPs, the other an INFP.

Being flexible frightens me now if that is what happens to you. :ph34r:

I agree. From personal experience, if the SO doesn't really understand the INTP, the strength of the bond of affection combined with open-endedness creates an environment that simply cannot sustain a strong T. Those not amenable to the change will go stir crazy.

[MacGuffin]

I've seen (three times thus far) INTP men that decided to take the chance and open it up. Be flexible.

Surely enough, two have now tested out as INxPs, the other an INFP.

Being flexible frightens me now if that is what happens to you. :ph34r:

Nah, just learning to use Fe. Which will happen naturally as you age anyway (according to the theory).

[Methofelis]

I agree. From personal experience, if the SO doesn't really understand the INTP, the strength of the bond of affection combined with open-endedness creates an environment that simply cannot sustain a strong T. Those not amenable to the change will go stir crazy.

I keep watching the INTP men around me die, while I hold my T stronger than ever. So sad.


Nah, just learning to use Fe. Which will happen naturally as you age anyway (according to the theory).

... theoretically.

The way things are going, that won't apply to me, thank you.

[MacGuffin]

Die in what way?

[Sojourner]

Nah, just learning to use Fe. Which will happen naturally as you age anyway (according to the theory).

But INFPs use Fi, not Fe.

[Methofelis]

Die in what way?

When I kill them.

[MacGuffin]

But INFPs use Fi, not Fe.
That's why the fear of turning into an INFP is false.

[Sojourner]

That's why the fear of turning into an INFP is false.

"Fear" is irrational and emotional! OMG run and hide!

Ahem.

Anyway - why would they have tested as INFPs later, then? Did the format of the tests they took not discriminate between Fi and Fe, or something?

[MacGuffin]

"Fear" is irrational and emotional! OMG run and hide!

Ahem.

Anyway - why would they have tested as INFPs later, then? Did the format of the tests they took not discriminate between Fi and Fe, or something?
Who knows?

Maybe they were always INFPs. Maybe they tested wrong. Maybe they have unusually high functioning Fi for a TiNe and test as FiNe.

My bet is they were always INFPs. Probably socialized into Ts.

[Rhu]

Anyway - why would they have tested as INFPs later, then? Did the format of the tests they took not discriminate between Fi and Fe, or something?
That would represent a shift from objective to subjective rationality.

And, really... nobody's Ti is going to be wholly objective. There's going to be junk like "faith" and "belief" mixed in there to make the machine work.

[Sojourner]

That would represent a shift from objective to subjective rationality.

And, really... nobody's Ti is going to be wholly objective. There's going to be junk like "faith" and "belief" mixed in there to make the machine work.

Introversion is subjectivity, at least if you're going by Jung's canon.

[Methofelis]

Who knows?

Maybe they were always INFPs. Maybe they tested wrong. Maybe they have unusually high functioning Fi for a TiNe and test as FiNe.

My bet is they were always INFPs. Probably socialized into Ts.

Not sure about one of them. He has been known as a strong thinking type since he was a young kid -- he's now forty-three and only recently has been testing as an INFP.

[MacGuffin]

Not sure about one of them. He has been known as a strong thinking type since he was a young kid -- he's now forty-three and only recently has been testing as an INFP.
Probably some sort of mental issue, is he depressed? Stressed?

[Rhu]

Introversion is subjectivity, at least if you're going by Jung's canon.
I suppose I'm not, then. I've always taken Ti to be defined as the ability or tendency to categorize and relate objects and concepts based upon defined criteria. Fi is similar, except the criteria happen to be ethical frameworks and the categories tend to denote an ethical value.

[Sojourner]

I suppose I'm not, then. I've always taken Ti to be defined as the ability or tendency to categorize and relate objects and concepts based upon defined criteria. Fi is similar, except the criteria happen to be ethical frameworks and the categories tend to denote an ethical value.

For your reading pleasure (http://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Jung/types.htm), then. I don't think what you've said is completely different, but you'll be the judge of that.

[Methofelis]

Probably some sort of mental issue, is he depressed? Stressed?

Not especially, that I've seen. His job is going well. His girlfriend is annoying, but he's used to it.

He seems to be his usual self, even. Not really acting out of character -- but obviously something inside changed.

[Shades of Gray]

Not especially, that I've seen. His job is going well. His girlfriend is annoying, but he's used to it.

He seems to be his usual self, even. Not really acting out of character -- but obviously something inside changed.

I think something like this has been happening to me recently. I'm becoming less detached and logical motivated, and more willing to listen to and express feelings. After a bit of self analysis, I feel I've explored my T as well as I can at this point, and am now willing to work on building my F. I still prefer using my T, though.

[lbloom]

Well, good for you guys. My unintended excursion against the Ti tide was an extended nightmare that left me feeling like a ghost.

I'm glad to be T.

[Methofelis]

I think something like this has been happening to me recently. I'm becoming less detached and logical motivated, and more willing to listen to and express feelings. After a bit of self analysis, I feel I've explored my T as well as I can at this point, and am now willing to work on building my F. I still prefer using my T, though.

I've had enough of my F. Explored it, noted it, tucked it away where it can be safe and quiet.

If it works for you, that's good. :)

[V Profane]

Women tend to want flowers and words, not a slow dance in a room with no radio,
not a quiet cuddle in front of the TV at the end of the day, or the
other strange and random expressions that INTP men tend to give.

Really? Was this actually written by a woman?

The rest scans with me.

[Sojourner]

Really? Was this actually written by a woman?

The rest scans with me.

We don't count. We are INTP.

[cafe]

Really? Was this actually written by a woman?

The rest scans with me.
The author is a guy. I was on another forum with him for a couple of years.

[V Profane]

The author is a guy. I was on another forum with him for a couple of years.

Thought so, that flowers and sweet talk thing seemed 'off' to me.

[JBHunt]

Original link:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/intpopen/message/30556

--------------
IGANOKAMI'S GUIDE TO THE INTP HUSBAND.
(or for the INTP men - you might want to keep these in mind BEFORE
you marry your lady)

Here is what THIS INTP wants (in a perfect, uncompromising
relationship, if they exist):


What if two INTPs get together? Do they reach this level of perfection?

[Jasz]

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/intpopen/message/30556

IGANOKAMI'S GUIDE TO THE INTP HUSBAND.

1. Lots of sex
2. Moral support
3. An equal
4. Someone who is next to unoffendable.
5. Someone who can accept them for who they are and not try to
change them
6. someone who accepts the peculiar WAYS they show thier love.
7. SPACE!!!
8. comforting.
9. an intellect.
10. Someone to learn with.
11. Someone capable of self reflection and self analysis.

----------------------------------------------

I showed the list to my ESFJ wife.
She was pissed and now demands a similar selfish list for the ESFJ WIFE.
Anyone?

[Nighthawk]

I showed the list to my ESFJ wife.
She was pissed and now demands a similar selfish list for the ESFJ WIFE.
Anyone?

For my ISFJ wife it can be condensed rather succinctly:

1. Do the house work
2. Make dinner
3. Stick to the schedule

[zero]

i guess the list can be seen as selfish. But i think of it as a way of understanding yourself and what you're significant other may be going through. I would like to read something that is based on INTP & XXXX relationships. something very specific. I'd also like to read something on what other types want. Why use my intuition all that much when i can base theories on practical analysis?

oh and #1 FTW!

[TorrentMama]

ugghhh, to me the list is reminicent to a horrorscope.. I would think that everything on it applied to everyone.

[Karl]

I showed the list to my ESFJ wife.
She was pissed and now demands a similar selfish list for the ESFJ WIFE.
Anyone?

Tell her to make it herself. And then start blogging.

Edit: No really, it would be interesting.

[MacGuffin]

ugghhh, to me the list is reminicent to a horrorscope.. I would think that everything on it applied to everyone.
You might, but you'd be wrong.

[cafe]

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/intpopen/message/30556

IGANOKAMI'S GUIDE TO THE INTP HUSBAND.

1. Lots of sex
2. Moral support
3. An equal
4. Someone who is next to unoffendable.
5. Someone who can accept them for who they are and not try to
change them.
6. someone who accepts the peculiar WAYS they show thier love.
7. SPACE!!!
8. comforting.
9. an intellect.
10. Someone to learn with.
11. Someone capable of self reflection and self analysis.

----------------------------------------------
Here's where I see problems:

4 seems at odds with 2 and 8. You want moral support and comforting, you're probably not going to get that from someone with the hide of a rhino. Nothing wrong with wanting someone thick skinned and nothing wrong with wanting someone nurturing and supportive, but you have to have realistic expectations.

5 and 6 are asking for accommodation, but the list doesn't give you the impression that it's going to be a two way street. It isn't fair to expect someone to be sensitive to you, but insensitive to what you might say or do to them.

It is reasonable to have one's motives given the benefit of the doubt and not to be up in arms at the drop of a hat. That's not the same as being unoffendable. That's just being reasonable.

[zero]

4 seems at odds with 2 and 8. You want moral support and comforting, you're probably not going to get that from someone with the hide of a rhino. Nothing wrong with wanting someone thick skinned and nothing wrong with wanting someone nurturing and supportive, but you have to have realistic expectations.

i think that maybe unoffendable was a bad choice of words and that maybe he meant..."get's me enough to know when i'm joking" which is not at odds with someone who is comforting and willing to give moral support.




5 and 6 are asking for accommodation, but the list doesn't give you the impression that it's going to be a two way street. It isn't fair to expect someone to be sensitive to you, but insensitive to what you might say or do to them.

I'm under the impression that this was more about what an INTP wants in a relationship not really what the partner may receive as a benefit from having a relationship with an INTP. but seeing as though he would also want his equal it kind of implies to me that he would reciprocate in kind....oh and i don't mean to be rude if i sounded so

[Karl]

i think that maybe unoffendable was a bad choice of words and that maybe he meant..."get's me enough to know when i'm joking" which is not at odds with someone who is comforting and willing to give moral support.

Eh, but sometimes people get offended when I'm not joking, just because I'm too blunt with the truth. I'd like to think I can give moral support and be comforting and that I'm not easily offended. It helps to know the person though, because then you know how to manipulate them to feel better and to improve. I'd be able to manipulate another NTP more easily in general, but if you marry someone, hopefully you have time to figure out how they work.

[TorrentMama]

You might, but you'd be wrong.

you are right, I realize the fallicy in that statement. no logic applied.. but i knew that before I said it. I guess my point is that the list is a bunch of broad stroking statements that may apply to a lot of people/types not just INTP's. And as such, I don't even want to entertain the concepts of this list...

[cafe]

i think that maybe unoffendable was a bad choice of words and that maybe he meant..."get's me enough to know when i'm joking" which is not at odds with someone who is comforting and willing to give moral support.

I'm under the impression that this was more about what an INTP wants in a relationship not really what the partner may receive as a benefit from having a relationship with an INTP. but seeing as though he would also want his equal it kind of implies to me that he would reciprocate in kind....oh and i don't mean to be rude if i sounded so
You don't sound rude. I guess it's hard to see it very objectively since I have a pretty good feel for the author and I live with an INTP who is very considerate of people's feelings. Also, having an equal partner isn't the same as having a clone, if that makes sense.

[Karl]

Well, it does say it's in a "perfect, uncompromising relationship, if they exist." Which I assume means that compromising isn't necessary to get along, which is starting to sound pretty fictional, but it's still a good study specimen.