We can ask for advice? I need some...

[KentOhio]

Lol. I was going to post this and then I find that there's a similar post already started today. But, since mine is of a more specific nature, I'll keep it separate.
OK, well I was at History Club the other week, (yes it's a bunch of nerds... that's why it's so good there :D ) and this new member comes in. Anyone believe in love at first sight? She was perfect. There were refreshments there. I know it sounds funny, but she sat next to me and I got to watch her eat a slice of pizza, and it was then that I knew she was an INTP. :wub: I can't explain how, but it was a great moment. Finally, the woman from my dreams is real!
So I managed to mutter a few things to her at the following meetings. Nothing much. I always keep an MBTI test in my notebook and I let her take that. Sure enough, INTP.
I know I want to spend time with this woman. I ended up looking up her phone number and calling her last week and this week to ask her to a movie. She said she had to study, which is plausible enough. I sure hope it wasn't a blow-off. :(
But my question here is this: How does an INTP female like to be asked out?

[Birdsnest]

This is from an INTP with a 5 with balanced wings, both romantic and logical, but with SX as the preferred lead. You will have to find out what other INTP women prefer that have SP or SO as the lead, because I can only tell you my perspective.

Honestly, don't be in too much of a hurry. Just see if she would like to go to a concert with you, or see a play, or go to a movie, or to an amusement park, or a dance, something with a lot of people so she feels like its a public event not too private.

Be neutral, don't act desparate, maintain a james bond attitude, and understand that "timing is everything". Say nothing too soon, and really get in touch with how and when to say things, because its the truth, timing is everything.

Bring flowers, make her a candlelight dinner, show your talents. Again, "remember timing". Go for a nature walk and bring a picnic and blanket. Just make an impression on her on the first few dates, because she will remember you from how you approach her and what your first few dates are like. They might as well be packed with fun, romance and thrills if you want to leave her with lifelong memories, and that is what your goal is, she will always forever remember you from the first dates you give her. And they really are a gift to her soul you see.

For me, and I'm not that interested in someone, they have to ask over and over before I will warm up to them. But the way it is done, is non-intrusive, and quiet persistance. If there is a sense you make yourself a pest, forget it. Another perhaps is, if you have a friend that can act as a message giver, that can drop a hint that you would like to meet her, that might help. She can tell the friend if she is or isn't interested at that point. (But if she says she isn't, she just might be underneath, or has to warm up to the idea). So sometimes a little quiet non-intrusive persistence pays off. Try more than one way, and if you feel like she thinks of you as a pest, then give up.

Or, you could put a card under her windshield wiper with a secret admirer note. It might be better to ask her outright when she is available, or has a day off, and then go from there. Be very slow to be the first to offer a hug or kiss. Don't force yourself on her, wait for her to show you she wants you, and then...withhold just a little more, and it will drive her crazy, and she will be yours.

[Six]

you know how it often blows in your face recommending a book, a lawyer or a physician? imo same goes for dating advice :D


She said she had to study, which is plausible enough. I sure hope it wasn't a blow-off. :(
But my question here is this: How does an INTP female like to be asked out?

first: as you've already tested her being an INTP chances are not too slim that it wasn't an excuse but that she really had to study or at least thought that she had to... :ph34r:

how would you go about meeting her apart from History Club if she was a guy?

[EternalCynic]

Hmm, I agree with Birdnest on some parts,


Honestly, don't be in too much of a hurry. Just see if she would like to go to a concert with you, or see a play, or go to a movie, or to an amusement park, or a dance, something with a lot of people so she feels like its a public event not too private.

Be neutral, don't act desparate, maintain a james bond attitude, and understand that "timing is everything". Say nothing too soon, and really get in touch with how and when to say things, because its the truth, timing is everything.

That's a great strategy, always best to be sly (not underhanded or tricky, just keep it cool =P).

However, flowers and candles and secret admirer notes can be -really- intimidating, just see if she wants to do something simple, but wait a little while to ask for a date (after all, she is a T, maybe she won't like too much romance?). Just chat with her the next few meetings, find out what she likes and so on, then play it from there :)

[s]

I always liked being asked out without it sounding like an official date, because I would become anxious and nervous at the thought of being alone with someone I do not know... on a *gulp* date. The pressure of a date was daunting for me.

I would lay off of anything overtly romantic unless later she seems really interested.

Mind your personal grooming, be confident and easy going... and good luck.

[Slider]

yeah yeah, flowers and candlelight? on a first date? holy crap, no way. that would freak me out. way too serious, too much pressure. do something quick and semi-painless like coffee or something fun like a baseball game (though, not everyone would like that specific example). anyway make it light, no dressing up or fancy restaurants.

oh, and i think james bond is a humorless dork. but hey, that just seems to be me.

as for asking out just do it casually, nothing formal. if you seem shy she'll probably like that, so be yourself.

[ohnoaninfp]

Just talk to her and get to know her. Let her get to know you too. See if you guys have anything in common. I can't not tell you how an intp would like to be asked out, because that you know that I am an infp. I like a guy but I am too scared to ask him out, besides I am a little angry at him right now. Just get to know her. Take things kind of slow. Maybe that since she is an intp, she is probably very shy as well. I don't know, but good luck. I technically don't believe in love at first sight. I have issues with trusting people.
And for your information the History Club is not a bunch of nerds!!!!!!!! :P ;P

[file cabinet]

> the woman from my dreams is real!
there is a reason why she is a dream.. she is not real..
she may also not feel the same way.

I hate to sound critical.. but.. this will not end happily.
And, meeting for coffee has been the only way I've been able to test the waters. You can sit and talk face to face.. mmmm.. yeah.

[KentOhio]

> I hate to sound critical.. but.. this will not end happily.
Who asked you? You're not even a girl! ;P
haha just kidding :rofl:
Not kidding about you not being a girl... I mean about asking who asked you... :rofl:

[file cabinet]

when someone is under the delusion that they have found their 'dream girl' .. well.. I won't go any further, I don't want to argue, in fact, I don't even care, I just think you're walking on eggshells when you don't even know how this girl feels toward you. it's too early in the game, I want to know what happens within the next 6 months.. anything or nothing? trying to meet someone always seems too hit or miss(mainly miss).. I can't help that I'm a pessimist but yeah ..... hope it works out despite my doubts.
:shock:

[Strephonade]

Hm, I think I did read somewhere that INTPs can fall for people pretty hard, and sometimes rather quickly (also an NT thing, maybe?)--but it doesn't happen that often.

I actually had a list of requirements, and when I met my husband, some of those were fulfilled, and some of them weren't. Still, somehow, I didn't feel too strongly about those things that weren't (ok, this is an understatement, btw! ;) ) ...and they became even less relevant the better I got to know him. ^_^

[Six]

I've put some more thought in this... not that I wanted to but it just happened thanks to the unstoppable thoughtmachine ;)

I absolutely go with Slider...flowers and candlelight on a first date wouldn't impress me in the intended way.
on the contrary. set the case that I hadn't changed more than a few (in my eyes) casual words with the guy so far... I would feel that he couldn't possibly know me... at least not well enough to dish out the candles...

therefore I would be rather suspicious... of the guy. like... him being superficial. wondering what he saw that made him ask me out on that kind of date, knowing that he couldn't have seen anything important as we didn't know each other... :angry:

maybe I'm putting to much meaning to a few lousy candles... I know it doesn't mean that he wants me to have his children by the end of the year... but I wouldn't feel at ease... too much too quick :ph34r:

so... how has it been working out in real life since Sunday? :D

[KentOhio]

Thanks for asking. :) In actuality, my instinct tells me to go all-out romantic on her, but I can easily suppress that. It hasn't ever worked before with anyone, so I doubt it would now. I saw her yesterday, at the meeting again, but I didn't talk to her. My excuse (rationalization) is that she sat on the other side of the table. Besides that, the meeting consisted mainly of watching a movie. After the meeting was over, she started walking away and my friends, who know, practically shoved me into her to get me to talk. But I let her go. I think I'll go call her. Right now. Kepp your fingers crossed :thumbup:

[ohnoaninfp]

Kent Ohio, you need to get over your fear. I am sorry to say that. The worst that could happen is that she isn't interested in you. You still have your buddies who will always care for you and be there for you. I know I should be the one to talk, because I am too afraid to ask out a guy I like, but at least I talk to him. Go for it. Tell her you want to buy her lunch and then maybe you guys could talk about stuff that interests you both. Besides who can reject a cute little toad?

[KentOhio]

Update: I called her. We got to talk for about a minute before she said she had to go eat dinner. She didn't really offer any information unless I asked, but I think that's an INTP thing. People have to prod me too. I didn't get to tell her I like her or anything. Now I have to wait at least few days before I can call again, or else I'll be bugging her.

[file cabinet]

does she have the internet? get her screen name

[KentOhio]

I found her website from last year, and it gives a screen name. I don't know if it's still current. I could email her, but won't. Her website is neat; it's mostly her own sci-fi type illustrations.

[ohnoaninfp]

Well good luck! I hope she likes you.

[Melody]

hmmmm u could also kidnapp her lel/lol

[ohnoaninfp]

Talk to her in person. Tell her that you like her in person. Maybe do something a little romantic, like buy her a flower. Let her know that you are interested in her. Quick! Before she gets a boyfriend!

[KentOhio]

Ok, it's over. Turns out she's an INFJ. I don't like INFJ's. And no, I'm not a J.

p.s. File Cabinet, why didn't you warn me?

:rant:

[spirilis]

Go for her anyway :D

[file cabinet]

Ok, it's over. Turns out she's an INFJ. I don't like INFJ's. And no, I'm not a J.

p.s. File Cabinet, why didn't you warn me?

:rant:

my telepathic abilities do not reach to your area, sorry.

[adamaw11]

Ok, it's over. Turns out she's an INFJ. I don't like INFJ's. And no, I'm not a J.
You're making me curious as to what's wrong with INFJs. Care to explain?

I second that, what makes you not like INFJs KentOhio?

I've actually thought they would be quite interesting to get to know. There's been people that i've suspected were INFJ, but I never was sure, and strangely enough I'd thought they were INTPs at first.

[NGene]

Ok, it's over. Turns out she's an INFJ. I don't like INFJ's. And no, I'm not a J.
You're making me curious as to what's wrong with INFJs. Care to explain?

I second that, what makes you not like INFJs KentOhio?
I'll... eh... third that. What's wrong with INFJs? Or, what makes you think an INTP would be perfect for you?

I don't know the situation, so I may be horribly mistaken, but it looks like you want to date an MBTI label instead of a unique person!

[Strephonade]

Yah, what's the big deal? *mystified*

I mean, I'm not trying to push you into a relationship that you've determined for some reason won't work out, and I can respect your decision, but why put it all on INFJs? It's not as though they'd be cookie-cutter people--after all, _we_ certainly aren't! ^_^

[SensEye]

How do you know she's an INFJ? Your asessment or did she take a test and share the results.

How well do you really know her? Maybe she is borderline in some or all of her preferences. Maybe you should date her for a while until you get to know her on an individual basis (assuming she is agreeable).

[KentOhio]

Yeah, she could be borderline. She took my test and came out INTP, and took a different test the next week and came out INFJ, which she told me. Why don't I like INFJ's?

"INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right."
(Personalitypage.com)

I don't want someone who is afraid to say things just because she thinks they might be hurtful. I was friends with an INFJ for about 3 months, and then all of a sudden, when she was mad, she blew up and decided it was time to reveal that she had never liked me in the first place. Then she cut off all contact with me for the rest of her life.
Six months later, I went to a band concert where she happened to be performing and she said I ruined her whole performance by being there. She told me never to go to another band concert she'd be at.
Then, about six months after that, she decided she had gone overboard on the whole thing, and wanted to be friends again. Her explantion was that, at the time, she had "been at a funny place in her life." What does that mean?
Admittedly, INFJ's are so rare that I've only known her and this new girl, but the first one fit the description pretty well. My main complaints are that INFJ's are way too emotional, subtle, tactful, and stubborn. I want an INTP, but I can be flexible. I could also go for an ISTP or ENTP. I'm nearly 100% thinker. I want someone I can understand.

p.s. She said her rule is to not date any guys until next year, her sophomore year in college. What kind of person has a rule like that?

[Boozer]

No offense but I don't know if testing someone you just met is the best way to get romantically involved. I suppose you might have saved yourself some trouble, but I think INTP are a little too proficient at finding excuses to leave things as they are.

[Jezebel]

I'd feel weirded out if some guy I didn't know came up to me, gave me a personality test, then asked me out. I don't think I like the idea of someone dating me because I score as INTP.

[Arcael]

yeah I would really have to know someone to have enough balls to ask them to take a personality test :P

[NGene]

So. Did I get this right?


She took my test and came out INTP, and took a different test the next week and came out INFJ, which she told me.
You meet a new person. You're interested in her. Instead of getting to know her as an individual, you judge her based on uncertain test results.

Then, based on these uncertain test results, you come to the conclusion that she is exactly the same as every other person carrying the same label as she is.

Do you know what I would do if I was this girl? I'd probably kick you in the nuts. And start thinking you're an ISTJ. And stay away from you.


My main complaints are that INFJ's are way too emotional, subtle, tactful, and stubborn. I want an INTP, but I can be flexible. I could also go for an ISTP or ENTP. I'm nearly 100% thinker. I want someone I can understand.
Now, that is a valid point. (I actually know an INFJ myself... he's the most fiercely stubborn person I've ever met.) I realize you want someone you can understand. But judging a person based on their MBTI test results isn't the right way to go, simply because people can't be put into 16 boxes, and because the MBTI tests can be really inaccurate.

I'd suggest that if you meet a girl you like, you two get to know each other and figure if you get along well or not. Then you type the girl and discuss the differences between your test results. Use the MBTI as an aid to understand each other in areas where you are different.


She said her rule is to not date any guys until next year, her sophomore year in college. What kind of person has a rule like that?
Now that was a little better... judging a person based on her own words and actions, not some label. :D And I agree, that's a stupid rule. Unless she has a good reason for the rule, I'd probably stay away from her.

[purple13]

The following is my subjective opinion/rant... The "rule" sounds like an excuse. Women that go spouting out "rules" want to spare your feelings. I agree with you on the point that I'd rather a women be open and honest than be afraid to hurt my feelings. For example, I'd rather have her say "I don't think you are my type" or "Our personalities are too different" or "I'm concerned about our differences in experience" than to say "I have a rule.. I don't date guys at work" or "I really do have a boyfriend a thousand miles away and 'it works' for me." (not, "I love him"). "I'm getting married"... followed by "I'm going through a mid-life crisis" (hey, great time to make such an important decision in you life). Meanwhile all the time flirting with me.
** end of opinion/rant **

[synchronous]

If she is ruled by rules, there may be more rules to follow if you go out with her. Sounds like you may need to rule her out as a possibility. ;)

[ohnoaninfp]

I just go for who I like. I don't rely on the personality tests to find my match. Kent Ohio you should stop trying so hard and go out and meet people and see who you get along with. You might in fact be surprised on who you might fall for. I am a Catholic and I never would of thought of dating an athiest, but I fell for a guy who was a liberal and an athiest. Opposites do attract. Your opposite will give you different view points of the world, though you do not have to acept them. They will also teach you to see new things. It will work if you both have some common ground though. So ditch the test and go with your heart. The mind is too confusing it cannot be trusted. Just relax and get to know people. That is an order!!!!!!! :)

[Boozer]

If she is ruled by rules, there may be more rules to follow if you go out with her. Sounds like you may need to rule her out as a possibility. ;)

Nice. I also think the rule thing was a way of letting you off easy. I personally prefer honesty, so that in itself is probably a sign.

[SensEye]

The mind is too confusing it cannot be trusted.

BLASPHEMY!

:D

[Boozer]

The mind is too confusing it cannot be trusted.

BLASPHEMY!

:D
:rofl:

[lordog4012]

Hi! I'm a female INTP, and completely new to this board--this is my first post. I've been reading this string, and my advice is to cool it w/ the personality tests! If I met a guy (Doesn't matter how good-looking he is) who had me take a personality test right when i met him, i would be totally freaked out. I need to get to know people before I trust them enough to let them see that much about me. My advice would be to hang out and do the friendship thing for awhile before making any kind of move. Talk to her at your club meetings, and see if you guys even have anything in common.

I know that everyone has basically said the same thing, but I had to put in my two cents! I might be wrong, but it seems like you are the type of person that an INTP would run away from. Too quick to judge and pidgeonhole. Relax, and let things happen at their own pace. Whether she's a "J" or a "P" will not matter if you two end up clicking!

Lori :)

[Birdsnest]

The mind is too confusing it cannot be trusted.

Now, this is amusing to me, because to me, emotions are the culprit that are not to be trusted. Thoughts have always been the thing that saves me, while emotions have always been the thing that deceive me, or lead me down the wrong path. I definitely my trust thoughts/mind over emotions because they are calm, collected, reasonable, fair, goal oriented, competant, etc. Its my emotions that are whacky, deceiptful tricksters, ready to meddle with me. I just don't need too much, they throw me out of whack.

Also, I agree with the INFJ assessment, they are such a different creature from the INTP, that it would eventually become difficult as a couple. ISTP's too. Whether its INTP or ENTP, someone that is absolutely direct, is the best type of friend you can have.

[SensEye]

Heh.

While I found ohno's phrasing highly amusing, she is right in a roundabout way. Logic simply doesn't work very well with relationships. I believe this is at the heart of the INTP dating problem. Logic and analysis doesn't work, and without that, we are basically helpless.

While everybody (including myself) has scolded KentOhio's approach, I understand what he is doing. He is simply trying to use a logical analysis of the situtation to improve his chances of dating success. It won't work, but it is what INTP's do.

I only learned it won't work by experience. I still have no clue what will work.

Major cosmetic surgery perhaps.
:o

[KentOhio]

While everybody (including myself) has scolded KentOhio's approach, I understand what he is doing. He is simply trying to use a logical analysis of the situtation to improve his chances of dating success.

Yes. Logic is all I know. That's the problem?

From what I know from before, women do not like to be asked out based on how they look. Now they're saying they don't want to be asked out based on their personalities. What else is there? Isn't a person a body and a personality? Everything is either one or the other.

In meeting a girl, I can automatically see what she looks like. That's not a problem for anyone. But if I automatically learn her preference for, say, feeling or thinking, then I have committed something horendous? I'm a dispicable person?

Am I to ask them out based on looks or personalities? Come on now. Ngene said actions, but actions result from temperaments. Temperaments are personalities.

[SensEye]

Sounds more like a lack-of-experience problem or an introversion problem.

Guilty as charged. That I in INTP is there for a reason.

I am not clear on your point with experience. I find it hard to believe your experience has shown you using personality logic is a great dating approach. Feel free to expand.

[Jezebel]

While everybody (including myself) has scolded KentOhio's approach, I understand what he is doing. He is simply trying to use a logical analysis of the situtation to improve his chances of dating success.

Yes. Logic is all I know. That's the problem?

From what I know from before, women do not like to be asked out based on how they look. Now they're saying they don't want to be asked out based on their personalities. What else is there? Isn't a person a body and a personality? Everything is either one or the other.

In meeting a girl, I can automatically see what she looks like. That's not a problem for anyone. But if I automatically learn her preference for, say, feeling or thinking, then I have committed something horendous? I'm a dispicable person?

Am I to ask them out based on looks or personalities? Come on now. Ngene said actions, but actions result from temperaments. Temperaments are personalities.

Kent, I don't think you looking at personality is the problem, just your limited approach. I don't think the MBTI defines who I am. If someone were to give me a test, say that "oh, you're an INTP, so you're going to be like ____, _____, and ____, and that's what I'm looking for in my woman!", it would be a complete turn off. I believe the MBTI tests only a small part of what makes up a personality, and I don't like someone thinking they know who I am because they read some test results.

[SensEye]

If I met a guy (Doesn't matter how good-looking he is) who had me take a personality test right when i met him, i would be totally freaked out.


This may be a male/female thing, but if a girl approached me with a MBTI personality test I would be fascinated rather than repulsed. Mind you, if she then summarily rejected me due to my INTx results, I would be considerably less enthused. :o

Of course, I wasn't born yesterday. If I thought she was at all attractive I would insist on a one date guarantee as a precondition to taking the test. :devil:

[lordog4012]

If I met a guy (Doesn't matter how good-looking he is) who had me take a personality test right when i met him, i would be totally freaked out.


This may be a male/female thing, but if a girl approached me with a MBTI personality test I would be fascinated rather than repulsed. Mind you, if she then summarily rejected me due to my INTx results, I would be considerably less enthused. :o

Of course, I wasn't born yesterday. If I thought she was at all attractive I would insist on a one date guarantee as a precondition to taking the test. :devil:

I see where you are coming from. I would be fascinated if someone I already knew approached me with a personality test. It might be a female thing as you said, or maybe it's just me. I've been approached by enough morons, freaks, jerks, etc., that I'm a extremely skeptical about meeting new guys. Plus, the personality test thing seems like an extremely harsh and judgemental way to get to know someone. I already feel like I'm constantly being judged for how I look, and now someone who doesn't even know me is trying to judge my personality based on a test that only has 16 categories.

I prefer to have someone come up and start talking to me in a *real* way: nothing smooth or prepared or whatever. Easier said than done, I know. That's probably why I have never pursued anyone--at least, I've never pursued anyone I wasn't already friends with in the first place! :)

[flan2dave]

You can try asking some of the personality test's questions yourself and fill in the missing pieces with your *-n-*-u-*-t-*-*-n, no?

This gives me an idea: if I know somebody at school taking a psychology course, I'll goad them into letting me try out a personality quiz perhaps they have off hand (in their text?), pretend I have no pre-knowledge of personality theory (actually, not even necessary now that I think about it, if I choose not to directly state its something I've studied), and engage in an animated discussion upon every detail brought up in the quiz, thus successfully bridging the communication gap that normally stymies my efforts.

[ohnoaninfp]

I can't trust my mind because of the damn OCD. :( Sometimes relationships can seem unlogical.

[Clara]

... Too beautiful not to bump

(for any who might miss it... and, I didn't have time to finish reading, yet. ;) )

[Six]

help... what are you talking about? ;)
or... what are you reading?? must have missed something... :blink:

[ohnoaninfp]

Love sucks. Get yourself a cat, a bottle of booze, and listen to music. I am just bitter right now. Drinking is not the answer, it just makes you more depressed when the bottle is empty.

[Clara]

ohno,

Oh, my dear, I hadn't read the second half of this thread (and still haven't, but will, immediately - I only remembered that I wanted to, just now) so, I don't even know what the context is, for you (or if I will do, once I've read the other posts).

I do know that disappointment hurts, whatever the cause - and that understanding, useful in some ways, helps not at all... You're right: pet your cat, play music, rant and vent... :)

Six did ask "what was I talking about" - I think it was that I was struck by some of what I'd been reading... posting this now, though

[Biff_Loman]

If she is ruled by rules, there may be more rules to follow if you go out with her.

My experience with a close female XNFJ friend has shown me that these rules can easily be arbitrary, but are not permanent. She lives in a world full of conclusions reached through various means, and operates based on the rules generated from these conclusions. The whole thing is constantly in flux, though.

"Changing her mind" involves changing these rules. She can be fantastically rigid in the meantime, but ultimately the rules can change.

[KentOhio]

But they would probably change less than a P's rules. I do agree, though, that she'd probably change them in a flash if it were favorable to her.

[ohnoaninfp]

Maybe you're supposed to be with a guy. ;)

[Miss Anthropic]

Next time (using the history club as an example) talk to the object of your interest about something relevent to the meeting, something interesting that you read, ask her what she thinks about something specific....if the conversation goes well, ask her to have coffee with you. Forget the personality test. To have a woman interested in you, show your interest in her by asking her questions and actually listening to what she has to say. People usually like to talk about themselves and they really like the rare person who listens to what they have to say. Ordinarily conversations end up just being interspersing monologues because the talkers are thinking about what they are going to say next instead of listening to the other person. As you know, INTPs like an attentive audience. Once you get her interested, play a little bit hard to get. That always worked on me, especially when it comes to those moments like a first kiss. That takes the pressure off you as well. Good luck! Oh, and don't set such rigid expectations up for your future girlfriends. It is likely you will never find a person that will fit your template and that picky laundry list behavior will prevent you from ever having a long term relationship...that's what its all about though, if you make your requirements stringent enough, you will never have to face being intimate with someone, thereby "protecting" yourself. Really people who do that just miss out. :)

[KentOhio]

Thank you. I think knowing about personality types is a curse for meeting people, at least for me. When I meet someone new, I think to myself, "I wonder what type she is." Then I start to look for clues, like it's a game to type her. If I don't do that, I just flat out give her the test, because not knowing bugs me. Then once I know her type, she's not a mystery anymore... I can just read about her type online to find out what she's like. Then, either I lose interest or I pursue her. If I pursue her, she gets freaked out that I know so much about her. I'm doomed, I know.

[nobarcode]

Love sucks. Get yourself a cat, a bottle of booze, and listen to music.....

(excuse the butcher, the rest of it did seem relevant, but..)


That's my advice, if not that, just go for it. If you want to "go all out", candles, flowers, etc. and it turns her off as many females have mentioned (and doubt seriously); then you'll know for sure.

What woman really, INTP, JFGK, RITC, etc...... doesn't like to be given flowers?

Oh, or just tell her you've been having a relationship with her for several weeks now and you just thought she might like to know in case she wants to participate. ;)

[Biff_Loman]

Thank you. I think knowing about personality types is a curse for meeting people, at least for me. When I meet someone new, I think to myself, "I wonder what type she is." Then I start to look for clues, like it's a game to type her.

This isn't such a bad thing. Only, I suspect you've lost sight of how wide the variation can be between people of the same type. If you think that, say, you and I have any real commonality because we share a four-letter designation: I think not.

I've met some NFs who believe they can't be categorized (nonsense), but they're closer to the truth than someone who relies on the MBTI to delineate their social world. Individuals will vary in their attitudes, beliefs values; levels of exuberance/activity; self-control and discipline; family background/birth order; mental health; etc.


If I don't do that, I just flat out give her the test, because not knowing bugs me.

Stop this nonsense and put the damn tests away. The way I see it, we have two options as INTPs: we can either be charmingly eccentric or bizarre and/or threatening. Your choice.


Then once I know her type, she's not a mystery anymore... I can just read about her type online to find out what she's like.

No, you can find out what her type of person is like - but I've already addressed this.


Then, either I lose interest or I pursue her. If I pursue her, she gets freaked out that I know so much about her. I'm doomed, I know.

Good lord, you're dumb.

[songbird36]

Love sucks. Get yourself a cat, a bottle of booze, and listen to music. I am just bitter right now. Drinking is not the answer, it just makes you more depressed when the bottle is empty.

Listen to Lucinda Williams and after a couple of tracks you'll be feeling like a winner in the lottery of love...

[QrioCT]

originnaly by slider
flowers and candlelight? on a first date? holy crap, no way. that would freak me out. way too serious, too much pressure. do something quick and semi-painless like coffee or something fun like a baseball game (though, not everyone would like that specific example). anyway make it light, no dressing up or fancy restaurants.

i agree with that.

im an INTP female, and i dated a heck romantic ENFP once...all his little romantic quotes and gestures freaked me out. i think the best go is something low key and fun.

and get to know her better as friends first. i personally don't like being asked out, cuz i think strong emotions are harmful, but that's just me. it would be less scary if she knew u better.