Cleaning Up Messes

[INTrPosr]

Not literal messes, but life's little messes. I would think that this would be a J thing, but I find myself always being pulled into someone else's antics, especially my family. Do other INTPs, no matter how hard they try to remain out of life's little messes, find that they have been subtlely pulled into someone else's problem and expected to clean up the mess.

In retrospect, maybe this is our Ti working. It's not the emotional part, but the need to fix problems that arise.

[booyalab]

This has never happened to me, and it doesn't seem like it would be an intp trait because we take extreme care not to overextend ourselves. That seems like more of an NF trait.

[INTrPosr]

That's exactly what I thought Booyalab. I have often wondered whether I am truly INFJ. But after reading your reply it made me think, the cleaning up is not something done gleefully on my part. Usually, I rant and rave.

[Arioch]

I usually give advise to people that they then ignore. These days I just lie down, eat some popcorn and watch the trainwreck that happens when they do what they do best.

Shoot themsleves in the foot.

[synchronous]

... but I find myself always being pulled into someone else's antics, especially my family. Do other INTPs, no matter how hard they try to remain out of life's little messes, find that they have been subtlely pulled into someone else's problem and expected to clean up the mess.

In retrospect, maybe this is our Ti working. It's not the emotional part, but the need to fix problems that arise.

Interesting topic. I can't speak for other INTPs, but, my tendency is not to get involved, especially in family antics. Avoidance and withdrawal is the usual stance. But, I can see if you are objective (well developed Ne/Ti) with the capacity to not get engaged emotionally, you may be called into a family scenario/crisis to calmly act in the capacity of mediator or counsellor, to inform or shed light on issues. If you are recognized as a good 'counsellor' of sorts in your family, you'll most likely be called in more frequently to help settle disputes or fix family problems, further entangling you in messiness.

I've been in situations like that - I had a friend knocking on my door late at night needing some life issue sorted out. So long as my Feeling side was not engaged, I was able to help her out, and she seemd thankful that I could tease out her problems and provide solutions. But, her life issues became more complex and visits more frequent. The last time she showed up, she handed me a 15 page letter she wanted to send to her mother. It was so intense emotionally, I was almost litterally sick. I suggested she see a professional counsellor, and I promptly withdrew from the relationship. I've not seen her since.

Don't know if you can relate.

[Claverhouse]

I usually give advise to people that they then ignore. These days I just lie down, eat some popcorn and watch the trainwreck

:ph34r: :ph34r: :ph34r:

Heartbreaking when that happens, nu ? Have you got any salt for this popcorn ?



Claverhouse :ph34r:

[INTrPosr]

Avoidance and withdrawal is the usual stance. But, I can see if you are objective (well developed Ne/Ti) with the capacity to not get engaged emotionally, you may be called into a family scenario/crisis to calmly act in the capacity of mediator or counsellor, to inform or shed light on issues. If you are recognized as a good 'counsellor' of sorts in your family, you'll most likely be called in more frequently to help settle disputes or fix family problems, further entangling you in messiness.e life issue sorted out.

Thanks for clarifying synchronus, this is exactly what occurs. What was always interesting was the same people who came to me in times of crisis, were the ones calling me cold and without feelings. I always internally took it as a compliment and equated myself to Spock. B) Anymore, I remind them each time they call me to ask how to fix a problem.

[synchronous]

.... What was always interesting was the same people who came to me in times of crisis, were the ones calling me cold and without feelings. I always internally took it as a compliment and equated myself to Spock. B) Anymore, I remind them each time they call me to ask how to fix a problem.

That makes sense to me. I guess when you were younger, you were operating more from your primary function Ti - the function least available was Fe (hence the Spock analogy). The more you mature and experience life (expanding Ne) and balance your thoughts/theories with reality, the more objective you become. This opens you up to experiencing your inferior functions S and F, in middle age. If the people are approaching you now, it could be because of your objectivity, and the fact that you are more approachable (developing Fe). Your advice is more practical in nature (developing S). The result being you are very desirable for fixing problems.

Add the motivational layer (Enneagram) to the cognitive process (MBTI). If you are 5, your motivational strategy is to conserve time, space, energy - ie withdraw and avoid, minimize contact. If you are moving to integration, you are allowing yourself to be accessible to others. The temptation is to return to your old withdrawing ways when it gets too intense. You might be feeling stuck in the middle during these family crises - wanting to withdraw yet wanting to help.

Anyhow, just how I understand it all. If you wonder whether you are an INFJ, try subscribing to the infj list - google "The Dolphin's Cove" for a few weeks see if you resonate with them. Best of luck.

[spirilis]

I usually give advise to people that they then ignore. These days I just lie down, eat some popcorn and watch the trainwreck that happens when they do what they do best.

Shoot themsleves in the foot.
:rofl: That's how we know you're a true INTP... ;)

[Sam172]

I try and stay far far clear of anything that's happening.

Then watch it all unfold from the sideline, ready to comfort someone if I want to get with them ¬_¬


woop, 200th post :D

[Arioch]

I usually give advise to people that they then ignore. These days I just lie down, eat some popcorn and watch the trainwreck that happens when they do what they do best.

Shoot themsleves in the foot.
:rofl: That's how we know you're a true INTP... ;)

Ooohhh thats the sweetist thing anybody has ever said to me...
in recent memory.... which isn't really the best memory around if you know what I'm saying :nerd:

[jimkopelli]

I always get pulled in to mediate stuff. If I'm working with a group, I'm usually the one that stays neutral, and I end up being the go-between, lucky me. Those usually work out ok. If I'm part of one of the sides, though... it's not pretty.

[synchronous]

I try and stay far far clear of anything that's happening.

Then watch it all unfold from the sideline, ready to comfort someone if I want to get with them ¬_¬


Sounds like an interesting dating strategy. lol. Sharing your popcorn (and your beer) will give you bonus points.... Pop a movie in the dvd player to divert her (or his) attention and you are all set.

[Sam172]

hehe, well everyone appreciates a shoulder to cry on ;)

[synchronous]

well everyone appreciates a shoulder to cry on ;)

Absolutely :)

[jimkopelli]

I have a dent and a soggy spot in mine... oh well. I don't mind.

[INTrPosr]

I always get pulled in to mediate stuff. If I'm part of one of the sides, though... it's not pretty.

I know what you mean, but it's rare that I get pulled to oneside because I can easily see both sides of an issue. Usually, someone who thought that I should side with them "just because" is disappointed that I do not advocate on their behalf.

The Ne just makes us natural mediators.

[Boozer]

I've always been considered a pretty good listener/mediator. sO I get called in to do it a lot. Usually I don't mind, I kind of have some of that peacemaker instinct so I like to help. But once in a while I have trouble being impartial especially when it comes politics or arguments nbetween my sister and parents. My parents are overprotective of her so I tend to side with her when it comes to her freedom. But she also doesn't take school seriously enough in my book so I side with my parents on that. I just want her to find something she loves and go for it. She has a little too much of my "settling" attitude.

[Horger]

that's why I kind of try not to get deeply involved with anyone.