developing the Fe

[Braggi]

i sometimes get into problems because of my inferior extraverted feeling side, so i have decided to seek psychological help to develop it properly.

i've been having a huge setback in this endeavour though. i cannot find any psychologists in brisbane who are MBTI certified. you'd think that MBTI certification would be a prerequisite to graduating as a psychologist these days.

has anyone got any ideas as to how a person would go about developing the Fe? or links to brisbane psychologists who are mbti certified.

[psychic hygiene]

i cannot find any psychologists in brisbane who are MBTI certified. you'd think that MBTI certification would be a prerequisite to graduating as a psychologist these days.MBTI certification is not necessary, although you may find some that adhere to the Jungian analysis perspective.


has anyone got any ideas as to how a person would go about developing the Fe? or links to brisbane psychologists who are mbti certified.check here:
http://www.goodtherapy.com.au/prac_list.php

[meshou]

Yeah, go for Jungian instead of MBTI.

As an alternative, go to group therapy. It entirely involves relatingto other people. Although the people there will be just as bad as you are.

Just going to a councelor with "trouble relating to people" should also do it. You should probably let go of talking MBTI with him/ her, though. There are other tools they can employ, and it's probably most effective if you don't know their mechanisim. Plus, you're there to get fixed, not talk shop.

[Helios]

Extraverted Feeling is a function that aims to harmonize one's values with the external situation. Like introverted feeling, extraverted feeling is perfectionistic and "idealistic". But for Fe, the standards upon which perfection and ideals are measured are "objective": they have their basis in the actual world. If the times change, these standards will also tend to change. (Of course, the times and its values do not usually change quickly enough for this to be observable in one lifetime. Extraverted Feelers may even assume that the standards that they have adapted to are eternal and universal.) Extraverted Feelers are adaptable, unlike Introverted Feelers.


Fe is cake, just fake it! Fe is basically 'convention wisdom' assigned emotional value (ie purest BS). Just go with the flow of the crowd, your Ne is like a blank sheet, you can color any shade of Fe you wish, and then exchange it for another when you wish.


Now Fi is a bitch, I don't trust those things on the inside.

[Nighthawk]

If worst comes to worst, your Fe will naturally start to develop more ... in your 40's to 50's. ;)

[Braggi]

and being 22 years old, i REALLY want to wait 18-28 years to develop something in order to have a decent friendship with the F community

[Nighthawk]

and being 22 years old, i REALLY want to wait 18-28 years to develop something in order to have a decent friendship with the F community

I agree ... that sucks. I like your way better.

[Braggi]

MBTI certification is not necessary, although you may find some that adhere to the Jungian analysis perspective.

check here:
http://www.goodtherapy.com.au/prac_list.php

thank you, and meshou too.
shall search it out. oh and i have no idea how to use that site, i'll just run with the yellow pages

[attila_the_hunny]

As an alternative, go to group therapy. It entirely involves relatingto other people. Although the people there will be just as bad as you are.


Group therapy is a hit or miss. I did it [it was completely forced, so I had to "participate"] and instead of relating to other people and opening myself up with my own issues, I started to focus on others's problems in order to avoid bringing direct attention to myself. Some seem to just take to group therapy immediately, and others have to take a longer time to open up and that can be tedious.

[meshou]

I read about the best advice I've heard about how to manage Fe recently. It said something about how the most socially graceful people that author had ever met were unabashedly curious and observant, but not judgemental in any way.

IE, instead of, "I like your sweater" they say "Where did you get that sweater?" Instead of "thank you," it 1) expresses interest in the other person and 2) invites them to talk about themselves.

Make sure never to talk about yourself unless asked, and focus on them at the first opportunity. Allow aspects of your life to remind you of aspects of their life they mentioned before ("Oh, my dad is fine! Did yours get that promotion?")

Ti is a judging function, so not making definitive statements or aiming the conversation somewhere you consider useful is going to be difficult. Just think of it as apes grooming, and it's your job to insist harder you groom them. Or something.

Of course, I can barely make eye contact. But in theory! In theory!

[Sir Isaac Lime]

Well, what sort of problems?

[abathur]

Fe is cake, just fake it! Fe is basically 'convention wisdom' assigned emotional value (ie purest BS). Just go with the flow of the crowd, your Ne is like a blank sheet, you can color any shade of Fe you wish, and then exchange it for another when you wish.


Now Fi is a bitch, I don't trust those things on the inside.

My Fi is actually pretty developed, at least according to the cognitive processes test. When I took it this summer it came out just behind my Ni. When I took it a few weeks back it came out a hair above it. Fe's a laggin' behind both times though :P

[Braggi]

no specifics with problems.

when things get said to or around me, and i FEEL something immediately, and react, or feel and stew. just problems relating to people who understand their emotions as opposed to being one who doesnt unless it is one of the big three, Hate, Curiosity, or Love.

[Dolphin]

I could make a detailed response, but I am tired right now. So here is a shortcut into getting along with feelers:

“I like kittens.”

Is the proper response:
A. “Kittens are so cute and adorable, I just love them.”
B. “I had a kitten once, they are very likeable.”
C. “How do they make you feel when you are holding them?”

[Braggi]

that is nothing to do with it, i can hold a decent conversation, and i DO like kittens. but i am talking more about immediate reactions.

being soft and cuddly is not Fe, Fe is reacting emotionally to those things around you.

[Dolphin]

Agreed. But to understand and develop the Fe, you have to know how the Fe works.

How we feel about things and why we feel about things is important. In the above example, response C is the best response.

How we feel about objects or ideas is very important. You are right about cuddly things but that was a good example at getting you to understand emotions.

The way to understanding it is through basic conversations. Why they respond in a certain way will teach you a lot about someone and psychology in general.

Once you understand it, you can develop it.

Edit: Actually the response is more about Fi, but Fe is about objects outside ourselves and how we feel about them.
Edit2: Mimicking the behavior of a person with Fe is another way to learn it.
Edit3: I am so tired right now. Instead of “I” for Fi, it is “We” for Fe.

[Braggi]

i do not want to know about others either, i want to either turn off my ability to love, or understand and control my emotions

[Dolphin]

i want to either turn off my ability to love, or understand and control my emotions

I am so tired right now. I don’t understand the difference between the two. Once you understand emotions you can control it to the point in which it is turned off.

At first, it will require a lot of thinking and mind power to control your emotions. Once you understand why you feel a certain way the feeling itself becomes easier to control.

In a world where how we feel about things is more important then the actual truth, lying becomes a very important ability to have. So the shortcut answer to shutting your emotions off is:
1. Identify the emotion.
2. Identify why you are feeling that emotion.
3. Lie to yourself and create a new emotion to feel.

Example, you are in an argument with a neighbor who stole your kitten.
1. Emotion: anger.
2. Anger because the neighbor stole your kitten.
3. You don’t have to worry about the kitten right now because someone else has it. Just make sure the neighbor takes good care of it and gives it back to you. (End response might even defuse the argument).

This is just one method, there are more.

Edit: Another example: “All women care about is looks. I am so ugly, no woman would want me.”
1. Pity for oneself.
2. Cant get laid.
3. “Well, I am not interested in women who care about looks anyways. I just have to find a women who likes me for me.”

(Thanks H for providing the material for me.)

[Helios]

Shai I think you are confusing emotions and the F rational function. Emotions are just that, such as love,hate,envy,etc.

Both Fi and Fe are related, but not the same. They are just a different system to reach a conclusion, one based on assigned value, rather than analytical logic. True, F can be and is impacted by emotion, as they can alter the percieved value, but they aren't interchangable.





i want to either turn off my ability to love, or understand and control my emotions


Ummm, yeah, me too brother!

[Braggi]

1. identifying the emotion... tick
2. identify why i am feeling the emotion... no tick
3. lie to myself and create new emotion to feel... attempted this, failed.

doesnt work as easy as it used to.

and it works for all emotions bar one.

[Braggi]

so how do we destroy specific emotions then?

and no, not that, i want to understand how an why i react like i do, and implement change to that

[Dolphin]

1. Love.
2. Lost love.
3A. I don’t need love anyways.
3B. I have more important things in my life and I don’t need love to mess things up right now.
3C. I can find love again if I needed it, but right now I do not need it.

In other words the emotion “love” (the most powerful of all the emotions) must be covered up by other emotions. This is the worst one to get over, especially if it is an INTJ that decides one day that it is a good idea to cheat on you.

My best advice is to love something else, like kittens or dolphins.

You cannot fully turn off love. Nor can you expect to find love. Expectations are what cause us pain. Let the nothingness soak through your soul and become bitter and depressed. Then find your way out through the tunnel and into the light of the world.

What the hell am I typing?


so how do we destroy specific emotions then?

and no, not that, i want to understand how an why i react like i do, and implement change to that

Humans are animals. You are biologically designed to have emotions. You cannot really fight it. Which emotions do you want to get rid of? We should take it one by one. Different emotions have different reasons for existing.

Edit: In some religions the white candle represents all the other candles. Much like love represents all the other emotions.

[wildcat]

How do you expect people to help out as you like Waxwing do not give the information. The least developed function? The least developed of what? Of four? Of eight?
Or do you like Waxwing mistake eight for four?

And why do you always speak only of Fe? What is so special about Fe?
Fi is much more important. Ask the police.

[Braggi]

1.

[Sir Isaac Lime]

Well, you don't want to turn anything off. All that happens is you create a larger wall of misunderstanding, that crumbles 20 times harder when shit hits the fan.

Trying to unravel the whys of emotion is both difficult and entirely personal. There are blockages in the way that scare us into dropping the whole matter, and it's tricky. You have to analyse and work through them with total honesty and objectivity.

It's intersting though, one of the few instances in which all the walls come down, is at the face of your own death. They all seem entirely petty and you sort of kick yourself for not conquering them in life.

[Llewellyn]

Sorry for not completely relating to the topic, but is it any common to be hearing what I would call spirits inside guiding the developing Fe? As of 2007 I started hearing what seem random words (from random places, in crowded situations), but look like (mostly) negative comments (from my unconscious self it would be), revolving around distance to people. This inner discussion can go on for long, or it can be short periods, then it stays away for a while (the latter especially when I'm on my own). More recently I've been getting a highly detailed sense of the moving away from/of people. It somehow seems to be about a broken relationship, though I can't really pinpoint it. Even more recently in this inner chaos, when I break out of it, I finally can relate a little normally to anyone in the social space I have to talk to (someone at a counter e.g.). I wonder if it looks strange. But at least with this I get a sense of the interaction. Probably it has to do as well with that I am finally starting to be able to put up with others.

Edit: About the ages, in my case this has been happening from somewhere in my 28th year now continuing in my 29th.