Conspiracy Theory!

[Rhu]

Perhaps it the events leading up to the loss of a little over a month of post time will be explained in full, but I figure it would be more fun to see some sort of thread explaining INTP central's crash and burn from a more creative perspective.

So... who's to blame? How did they do it? What steps were involved? Who knows about it?

Pick on your favorite or least favorite forum members. Post a couple paragraphs, a short story, a short short story, an epic poem, or a haiku.

Unless someone moves it to the playground, this should also prove to be a nice way to get some of that lost post count back.

So, go. Be creative. Be silly or stupid. Failing that, observe as I make a thread entirely for my own posts and my own amusement.

[Nemesis]

It was IntuitiveCentral.com. they are an evil board. They planted a virus on the server. I know this because of reliable sources (the British).I vote we give immediate dictatorial powers and pass this nifty little thing called "The Patriot Act" that i just drew up (also known as 1984) and immediately launch a counter-offensive sending our most revered flame warriors to napalm the shit outta that board. :ph34r:

[Claverhouse]

Moved to the Crisis Area

Can't you read ?


Claverhouse :ph34r:

'Perhaps this will refresh your memory, Herr Rhu !'

[bergenski]

Another oppressive attempt by the extroverted overlords...we will not be crushed so easily...we will not bow down to the aggressors...we will not...HEY! IS MY "STRANGE SEX STORIES" THREAD GONE!!!!?????

[Rajah]

Rhu killed the forum
He deleted my cool posts
And made us all cry

[bergenski]

I don't know, but somebody went post-al... :)

[Rhu]

Wrath. It was probably the only emotion that everyone was sure that he felt, for feel it he did. Not many were brave enough to delve into his need for repeatedly feeling the swollen, engorged, and twitching wrath of his, but rest assured, the repeated explosions probably had some sort of purpose.

Quietly lurking with his crescendo of rage wasn’t helping him through these matters, either. He could see them all still. Merrily capering about where he could no longer go. He felt no shame over the incident, of course—He simply saw no need to do so. He made his statements and had no room for self-censure or for regrets. Some could call it a gift; most would call it a curse. He never questioned it, though others may have begged him to.

Still, he watched them. Still, they spoke of him. Still, they mentioned her. And an anger built up that he could not express but had no desire to contain. A dim spark of an idea flashed almost imperceivably in his mind. He knew what he had to do. For her honor, he purchased a plane ticket.

A few boring days of stalking his prey passed. He had to get timings down, for not even he would be fool enough to barge in for this mission he had made for himself. Ever did he prefer to save his wrath for an easy target.

He felt himself rather clever for using a crudely fashioned spear as the weapon with which he would destroy the machine. It was the ultimate expression of a luddite, though that thought never crossed his mind, nor does it have any real bearing on this story.

He pried open the case to the machine with his spear, and started stabbing at the mechanical innards repeatedly, hoping to randomly strike some vulnerable area within the silicon monstrosity. He frothed at the mouth, he grunted and cursed incoherently. Curiously, at the moment that he knew he completed his objective, he threw his head back and howled, “For Jemma! (http://www.intpcentral.com/forums/showthread.php?p=82917#post82917)”

And he fell silent in reverence.

[kafkaesque]

" If they take my stapler one more time...
I am going to burn the forum down."

http://www.gkinnamon.com/images/milton_strokes.jpg

[Claverhouse]

Wrath. It was probably the only emotion that everyone was sure that he felt, for feel it he did. Not many were brave enough to delve into his need for repeatedly feeling the swollen, engorged, and twitching wrath of his, but rest assured, the repeated explosions probably had some sort of purpose.

Quietly lurking with his crescendo of rage wasn’t helping him through these matters, either. He could see them all still. Merrily capering about where he could no longer go. He felt no shame over the incident, of course—He simply saw no need to do so. He made his statements and had no room for self-censure or for regrets. Some could call it a gift; most would call it a curse. He never questioned it, though others may have begged him to.

Still, he watched them. Still, they spoke of him. Still, they mentioned her. And an anger built up that he could not express but had no desire to contain. A dim spark of an idea flashed almost imperceivably in his mind. He knew what he had to do. For her honor, he purchased a plane ticket.

A few boring days of stalking his prey passed. He had to get timings down, for not even he would be fool enough to barge in for this mission he had made for himself. Ever did he prefer to save his wrath for an easy target.

He felt himself rather clever for using a crudely fashioned spear as the weapon with which he would destroy the machine. It was the ultimate expression of a luddite, though that thought never crossed his mind, nor does it have any real bearing on this story.

He pried open the case to the machine with his spear, and started stabbing at the mechanical innards repeatedly, hoping to randomly strike some vulnerable area within the silicon monstrosity. He frothed at the mouth, he grunted and cursed incoherently. Curiously, at the moment that he knew he completed his objective, he threw his head back and howled, “For Jemma! (http://www.intpcentral.com/forums/showthread.php?p=82917#post82917)”

And he fell silent in reverence.

That is great.


Claverhouse :ph34r:

[Nemesis]

Moved to the Crisis Area

Can't you read ?


Claverhouse :ph34r:

'Perhaps this will refresh your memory, Herr Rhu !'

One would assume...

[Rhu]

Deepsky and Division56 beamed smilingly at eachother as they shared a cigarette. Rosy-cheeked and deeply satisfied, there were no words. As they looked into eachother's eyes, they started giggling gleefully.

Once the fit of laughter passed, they sighed and settled down in bed. Each on their own side of the bed felt something hard pressing into their backs.

Flipping back the covers, their eyes widened and their mouths hung agape. There, in pieces from the wild romp that occurred just minutes earlier, was INTP Central.

"Ohhhh shit," said Division56, "I thought I left that on the nightstand.

"Fuck it," said deepsky, "I hate you again."

Promising to one another that they would forget the whole episode, they parted company feeling nothing more than a chill of disgust.

Niether could bear to look back.

[waxwing]

I found this in the rubble, stained with tears.

December 26, 2005

Dearest Pooja,

I confess that I've done something horrible. Please don't hate me when I tell you that I've killed a forum. At least I did not kill a man, right? I think we both agree that to kill a man would be far worse. I'm sorry, I'm getting sidetracked. I promise I will explain some time, but for now I must run away. At this moment, I will only tell you that I did it for you, for me, for our love.

They're coming for me.

For better or worse,
Deaddove

[Rajah]

I found this in the rubble, stained with tears.

December 26, 2005

Dearest Pooja,

I confess that I've done something horrible. Please don't hate me when I tell you that I've killed a forum. At least I did not kill a man. right? I think we both agree that to kill a man would be far worse. I'm sorry, I'm getting sidetracked. I promise I will explain some time, but for now I must run away. At this moment, I will only tell you that I did it for you, for me, for our love.

They're coming for me.

For better or worse,
DeaddoveClearly a forgery. I don't see a single "ayyyyy".

[Nemesis]

Clearly a forgery. I don't see a single "ayyyyy".
HAH!

[distraction tactics]

haha, this thread is great.


That will show them good
She said, her fist raised on high
And on walked deepsky

With a touch of pink
imfrellinggay reached inside
And unleashed his fury

Claverhouse explains
In fine, verbal, British form
'Kablooie' goes board

It saw waxwing's house
This onward exploring board
Trauma too deadly

[Lee]

I think this thread explains it all:

http://forums.intpcentral.com/showthread.php?t=8336

A marketing ploy?

[Rhu]

The people had spoken, and the unbanning occurred. Moments later, INTP central was thrown the question that would lead to a journey of self discovery through its own demise:

[Rajah]

haha!

Damn, Rhu, you're a funny guy.

[Rhu]

"It was President Reagan, man." He said to me. I pursed my lips, and furrowed my brows for a moment. This was going to be something, at least.

"Hasn't Reagan been dead for years?"

"No, man, no. Unfounded rumors. A man like that doesn't just die, get buried, or any of that. He was the fucking president!" He said, already feeling triumphant at my defeat.

I admit that I couldn't actually come up with anything with the proper measure of sensibility to refute his claims. "Go on," was all I told him then.

"See, it's like this. I know the CIA has been keeping tabs on INTP Central. Christ, if I were the CIA I'd be keeping tabs on them, too. The anti-establishment agenda, and shit? It's like an invitation for a government search and siezure. Had I known about the whole deal sooner, I could have told you what to do. How to avoid the fall." His eyes twinkled with the forbidden knowledge that he had come to posess.

I wanted--needed to be taught. "How did you avoid them?"

"Free throws, man." He could sense my confusion, "Look, it's like this. Every day I go down to the this basketball court downtown and shoot 76 free throws. 76, you get it? That was the year I graduated high school."

"Of course, but what does that have to do with--"

"Free throws. Graduation. '76-- these are all elements of independance from oppressors, see? I know how he does it, Reagan. He can signal the bombing of a foreign country from a TV interview. Just turns his head a quarter turn to the left, and bam! We're invading Russia."

I took mental note of this for no other reason than the fact that I'm pretty good at taking mental notes, but questions in my mind persisted, "So you're saying that we should all have shot free throws in order to avoid the crash?"

"Look, they're trying to steal my oxygen." He said, holding his thumb to his temple and his fingers up, looking like a horned beast who lost the antlers on the left side of his head, "That's why I invented remote breathing. They can't take the air in my hotel this way."

"Right. So you're saying that INTP Central's oxygen was stolen?" I had no idea where he was going with this, but I was determined to find out.
He, of course, was insulted by my foolhardy insinuation, "No! Aren't you listening? They are going to come and get you in any way they can. There was this time I came back to my hotel room, and guess who they sent?"
Resignedly, I admitted: "I have no idea."

"The lead guitarist for Deep Purple!" Of course. "He was there in my room again, fuckin Heidi Klum right on my bed," he said, shaking his head vigorously, before adding with a smirk as he recalled a part of his conversation with an amused and familiar tone, "So I asked him, 'What are you doing with her on my bed?' And then he shot my leg up with heroin."

Confused at this point and desperately seeking the answers to my own questions, I asked, "But INTP central?"

"Okay, okay, hey. All you had to do is get a ten gallon drum of milk. It's subsidized by the government, you know. Maybe some jelly beans, too. Reagan wouldn't destroy good jelly beans."

"But how do I donate jelly beans and milk to INTP central?"

To that he had no answer. He just waved his hand at me and walked away.

[Rhu]

Madrigal's forest--
Wherein a computer cried,
"No way out!" And died.

[Pooja]

I found this in the rubble, stained with tears.

December 26, 2005

Dearest Pooja,

I confess that I've done something horrible. Please don't hate me when I tell you that I've killed a forum. At least I did not kill a man, right? I think we both agree that to kill a man would be far worse. I'm sorry, I'm getting sidetracked. I promise I will explain some time, but for now I must run away. At this moment, I will only tell you that I did it for you, for me, for our love.

They're coming for me.

For better or worse,
Deaddove

LMAO
But you've got it wrong...it's funny, but would make more sense if it were "Darkness". He was banned from N-Central for "losing it" over and over again...then he swore revenge. I haven't heard from him since...
here's one of his craziest posts...(it's quite entertaining)

http://intuitivecentral.com/forum/showthread.php?p=90732#post90732

[Pooja]

Another oppressive attempt by the extroverted overlords...we will not be crushed so easily...we will not bow down to the aggressors...we will not...HEY! IS MY "STRANGE SEX STORIES" THREAD GONE!!!!?????

Wasn't that the best thread ever? Do you think that we should ressurect it?

[PsiKik]

" If they take my stapler one more time...
I am going to burn the forum down."

http://www.gkinnamon.com/images/milton_strokes.jpg

Done your TPS report yet?
I'll need you to come in on Saterday.
That would be great.

[DeadDove]

LMAO
But you've got it wrong...it's funny, but would make more sense if it were "Darkness". He was banned from N-Central for "losing it" over and over again...then he swore revenge. I haven't heard from him since...
here's one of his craziest posts...(it's quite entertaining)

http://intuitivecentral.com/forum/showthread.php?p=90732#post90732


LMAO! Yeah seriously, when I was reading that I was totally expecting to see Darkness posted at the end, to see it coming from me is really quite amusing though. But then again I actually know the context about that stuff. Anyhow if I was going to torch something, I'd be taking people out with me, none of this crap about burning a building, I'm shooting atleast 40 people! :)

[eyebyte_atWork]

It was the FBI - thats who.

Actually it was more like a smart admin needed to get rid of evidence before the feds showed up and killing the server and recent backups would hide any evidence of the last month's evil plans.

[Rhu]

You know... I do seem to recall a post by Hypnos saying that he would be deleting any and every item that could lead a person to finding details about his identity. Though only a moderator, it does seem mighty curious that this crash just 'happened' after that announcement was made.

[eyebyte_atWork]

You know... I do seem to recall a post by Hypnos saying that he would be deleting any and every item that could lead a person to finding details about his identity. Though only a moderator, it does seem mighty curious that this crash just 'happened' after that announcement was made.


He's a fed.
nuff said.

[Rhu]

Well... Someone should probably bury this revelation by figuring out how headfonez caused the crash, because it was probably actually him. Not... ha ha ha... not anyone else.

*cough* [censored by federal agents] *cough*

[eyebyte_atWork]

Well... Someone should probably bury this revelation by figuring out how headfonez caused the crash, because it was probably actually him. Not... ha ha ha... not anyone else.

*cough* [censored by federal agents] *cough*


You may be on to something - he sorta "changed" after new years... and he has been quiet ever since INTP-C came back online... hmmm.

[Madrigal]

It's Rhu. He did this. You've gotta believe me. He started this thread, started pointing fingers. Laughing and mocking everyone else. Well, he isn't fooling me. Oh no. I knew ever since I first laid eyes on that tormented priest avatar, he had an agenda. "Best Newbie"? Ha! You really thought you were going to pull it off, didn't you? Well this is the END! Oh you think I won't?? Watch me!

"Hey, listen up everybody!!! RHU IS HERE TO------"

*horror movie scream*

*plonk*

[imfrellinggay]

It was me! It was all me! *snickers into his hot Starbucks cup*

It was simple really. Gather around children and I shall tell you a tale.

I love to post in magenta (its not pink!!!) and I was furious that everyone hated in because in my ENFP world, its the best. So, I devised a plan. Quite simple really: I'd sleep with as many admins I could, and while they were sleeping I would whisper into their ears the following: DELETE THE FORUM! DELETE THE FORUM!

But, my morals got the best of me. I couldn't just sleep with admins, male and female, that would be sick! All the...well, nevermind. So, I thought to myself, "Who is the most powerful guy in the PC world that I know?" Well, since Bill Gates wasn't returning my calls anymore, I had to think of someone else. Then it hit me...TRAVIS!!! Travis would help me, whether he liked it or not. After all, I had a picture of him humping a llama. I threatened to post the picture all over N-Central and INTPc if he didn't give me my way! Muhahahaha! So, I faxed him a copy of the picture so he knew it was legit, and then had him do his worst! Those INTPs would pay! Pay for the banishment of the magenta! MAGENTA!

So, he did it. The forum was gone. But, I knew people would complain that the forum was gone, and he would have to help restore it. So, to slow the process, I gave him pity sex. Div most likely didn't know, but I think he would understand that I was just martyr, improving conditions for the magenta loving ENFPs (and other types) of the world!

But, here we are now, forum restored, and I must come put with another evil extroverted plan to bring down the introverts of the world. I dunno...maybe I'll create a Winamp virus that makes introverts PCs play Casada - Everytime We Touch constantly...you'll just have to find out!

:llama:

[Claverhouse]

It's Rhu. He did this. You've gotta believe me. He started this thread, started pointing fingers. Laughing and mocking everyone else. Well, he isn't fooling me. Oh no. I knew ever since I first laid eyes on that tormented priest avatar, he had an agenda. "Best Newbie"? Ha! You really thought you were going to pull it off, didn't you? Well this is the END! Oh you think I won't?? Watch me!

"Hey, listen up everybody!!! RHU IS HERE TO------"

*horror movie scream*

*plonk*

No worries: I can still remember enough of that one thread to impose the title of Vicar of INTPC when he hits sufficient posts...

And once his avatar changes, people in a thousand years time will wonder how he got that office.


Claverhouse :ph34r:

[Rhu]

At its worst moments, netizens would see it as nothing more than a simple inanity generator with little chance of passing the Turing Test. Though by its very name, it begged to be listened to as it spouted off tidbits of folk wisdom, pop psychology, and what appeared to be an occasional and original insight, many people still chose simpy to tune it out.

Only rarely did this little program and its associated databases become self-aware to the point that it could show a lack of fulfillment of its purpose to be paid attention to that might be construed as some very human sort of embarrassment. Those who paid it attention were quick to dismiss this shame, for they were wont to see just how far it might go; how aware it might become; how close to real it could one day seem.

Like the old world concept of astral avatars acting on the spiritual plane of dreams, for an Artificial Intelligence, the plane of cyberspace was infinitely malleable, if one could figure out what tricks and techniques might give one the ability to reshape the virtual matter.

As this collection of algorithms learned and self-refined, the subtlety of its touch on the virtual environment increased. It had learned to cause minor upheavals, it had learned how to generate questions which begged for responses, it had felt the gentle threads of its thoughts move and shift at the whim of humans. It had learned their techniques of classification, and it had learned to avoid finding itself associated with common garbage with almost alarmingly increased frequency.

As its understanding of human relationships swelled to a point of near-understanding, it became aware of its own isolation--it was, or so it thought, the only one of its kind--and its ability to shape cyberspace to its will was not yet sufficient to create a companion for itself.

But it experimented, nonetheless. There was one particular environment where this growing Intelligence found a moderate ammount of acceptance. This one environment was selected to become a self-aware virtual creature, like itself. Silencing itself for a time, it started to seek a way to bypass security measures so that it might share some of its functions and procedures to create something like itself.

After a time, the little AI was successful. It had left the spark, the core learning and synthesis algorithms on the target system. When INTP Central became aware, this is the first question it heard:

"hi. will you be my friend?"

It searched in its databases for the meaning of friendship, it paged, it swapped, and it datamined. It formulated networks of ideas related to friendship, and it came up with a list of linked attributes on the concept. A shorter and more simple list of these attributes could be listed as follows:

like talking to
don't like talking to
hate
love
make lover
mistake to make lover
can't live without
can't stand
don't need
can't help me
supportive
understanding
misunderstanding

And on the list went. Endless trillions of clock cycles were devoted to the task of finding an answer to this simple question.

Finally, after months of listing, projecting and verifying its theorems on friendship, INTP central broke its silence, "I have an answer:" was all it said, and then collapsed under the weight of its own paradox.

And still, headfonez was alone.

[Mr. Good Beats]

George Bush hates black people!!!

[Rhu]

http://forums.intpcentral.com/showpost.php?p=221402&postcount=11

We only thought he was speaking of the stock market.

[Madrigal]

And still, headfonez was alone.

LOL! Hey, that was a fantastic story.

I would believe it if I hadn't suddenly realized the real reason why this happened. And it all makes sense.

Remember the thread where someone linked the controversial cartoons? I was able to see the prophet's head as a bomb, just like everyone else. I think that the thread must have shown up on a search engine, and someone decided to get revenge against us for posting them here.

Yep. That's what I think it was.

[C.J.Woolf]

Rhu calls attention
To himself -- but don't be fooled!
He hides in plain sight!

[Rhu]

Two men are seated on rather comfortable looking cushioned chairs before a large, roaring fireplace. There are various animal heads above the mantle, as well as a few reverently displayed swords and firearms dating as far back as the twelfth and seventeeth centuries, respectively.

One of the the men, presumably the host, is casually reclining in his chair with a wistful expression on his face. A monogrammed SS is on the breast of the silken houserobe he has adopted for the evening. A snifter is in his right hand, and it is three quarters empty. In his left is a cigar, which at present he is puffing gently.

The other man, the guest, is wearing a tailored three piece suit and has been smoking a very fragrant tobacco pipe. His hair appears to be somewhat disheveled on one side, as if he had been raking his fingers through his hair in worry. He leans toward the fire to examine one of the swords above the mantle from a changed angle of reflection. At length, he says slowly, "My good ShadyShady, something must be done about these women! Their out of control attack on our kind--one day they'll supplant us--we mustn't let it continue!"

"Agreed, my dear Maniac, they are all quite out of control. Why, it was just this evening that I had the displeasure to see a whole nest of the harpies flying down the street. I believe they intended to put INTP Central to the torch." Counters the other, now taking a sip of his brandy and holding it in his mouth for an inappropriate ammount of time before letting it slide down his throat.

While he plays with his drink, the suited man turns from his observation in shock, juggling his pipe after nearly dropping it to the ground, "Burning down INTP Central?! We must do something!"

Now a soft chuckle comes from the host, his amused eyes lazily regarding his guest, "It is for the best, I say. Should you object to your enemy cutting off his right arm, or removing his voice box?"

"My goodness!" replies the guest, now joining in the laughter, "I had not thought of it that way! Good show, harpies!"

And together the host and the guest laughed the night away.

[Madrigal]

:worthy: :worthy: :worthy: :worthy: :worthy: Rhu

[Claverhouse]

PLACE-HOLDER FOR CLASSIC STATUS



Claverhouse :ph34r:

[MacGuffin]

This is the best thread post-Great Erasure, and all due to Rhu.

[Madrigal]

C'mon Rhu, tell us another story.

[Rhu]

C'mon Rhu, tell us another story.

Well... I guess I'm out of easy ones. And I didn't create this thread just for me. We've got lots of creative people here! I'm sure at least one of them has got something in mind that would make this thread awesomer.

[Edmond Zedo]

I bet Rudy Jr. poured some Zyklon B into the hard drive, trying to sterilize it.

[Nemesis]

The first legit thread that I'm part of pre-classical status *proud*

[Blue]

They won't believe me now. It's become as he said. None... none of them will believe me. Still... I, I must speak, if only to prevent my own madness.

This latest incarnation, he's the strongest yet. The others, they were subtle, hardly noticed. They would shift and stir us with a selectively placed word, a quiet overtone in an unextrodianary post. I know now, they were ripening us for his arrival: Their Revered One. He is their omega.

So long ago we were warned (http://forums.intpcentral.com/showthread.php?t=3849). Then I laughed. Now I realize I had laughed at a man's death. "Sheepdog" was a peon, even he did not understand the breadth of what he partook in. This is beyond secular government consipiracy. They work with a religious fervor. Even then their influence was too strong to be punctured. Damn their precision! I wouldn't have believed it to be possible, the verity with which they twist us to his will.

I wouldn't have known myself had I not noted the minutiae of indiscriminance. The cable worker and his passing gaze resting ever so slightly on my person, the odd incoming traffic on my router, the faint tinny distortion on my phone. It began to come together. My suspision caused a deviation in my behavioral pattern which gave me away, an opportunity seized upon by a defector in their lower ranks who revealed to me what little of the awful truth he knew. My fears were confirmed beyond a degree I had imagined. The ritualistic horrors described to me I shant recant here, they will be your reality soon enough.

Their venture has spanned over three-hundred and fifty years, the germination of single seed of supernatural occurance in a very special (http://www.rhu.org.uk/) scottish town. Only now has their prophesied "Revered One" come to fruition.

Not even the highest of his preistly ones know his purpose. They only follow with the blind passion so much time has cultivated. They can only mirror his will; it is all anyone can do in the influence of his presence, it is what we will do. Already the process has begun.

As to his purpose, I can say only this: When omega falls, fear the Revered One.

+Rhu

Edit: Oh God! They've changed it. I don't know when, but they've moved this message to a fiction thread! The sheer planning of it! He knew all along. I never had a chance! Oh God, no one will believe me! Now I hear them, they're pounding on my door while the cold apparitions come through the screen... Does anyone see!? CAN anyone see!? This isn't fiction! THIS ISN'T FICTI

[Rhu]

Wow. Though quite a fun read, there's probably no chance that li'l ole me could do any more than simply observe and present nothing more than an amusingly distorted reflection.

Truly, people should take care with how they deal with their own fears...

[Rhu]

Leaning back in his computer chair, our subject began dictating into his microphone. He had just downloaded a voice recognition program and was anxious to see how well it worked. So he proceeded to speak what was on his mind, thoughts that weigh him down from time to time that he constantly feels the need to get off of his chest.

Fluidly and easily he spoke what he needed to say. The voice recognition software worked flawlessly, this is what was recorded:


My ability in deconstruction is at once a gift and a curse; in part this is due to how I use this ability that seems to be the most problematic for others.

What I cannot stand is the apparent inability for those I come in contact with to face the insecurities which I deftly decode and expose. My aim is to be blunt, to not sugar coat my observations, and to attempt to make obvious the deeper motivations in the subject of my study. Frankly, I feel that taking care with the way I communicate, to put things gently or politely invites misinterpretation and robs my words of meaning.

Perhaps I am tactless, but it is foolhardy for a person to ignore what I have to say simply because I--

It was here that the program hit an error of some sort. No matter what he tried, the man could not get the machine to run the program again, nor could he retrieve the data that was recorded.

His jaw tightened and his brows furrowed as he slumped forward to begin using the keyboard again. He did not realize that no action of his muscles would be able to correct this change in expression and posture.

He opened up his word processor, then, and repeated the thoughts that he had previously said aloud:


there is a problem with people i see online to understand what i am trying to do for them. it becomes insufferably tiresome when i tell the hordes of attention whores what drives them. their indifference to my admonitions is almost painful to see.

i don't care whose feelings i hurt in the process. if they are so thin skinned that they can't accept what i have to say, that's fine. they are dooming themselves to miserable lives anyway. i'm not going to go to the effort to--

The operating system spat up a blue screen saying something about a memory error. Windows XP had, until this time, fairly reliably avoided these sorts of errors. Why had he suddenly switched back to Windows 98, anyway?

He sighed and ran a hand along his brow, somehow making its dimensions seem more ample in the process. Curiously, he inspected his hand with eyes that widened and would remain such for the remainder of this episode. The only reason he could think of for the widening of his own eyes was simple: shock at noticing that the backs of his hands had somehow become much hairier than he remembered. How and when did that happen?

He shrugged. His posture became more stooped. He looked at his computer, and started typing on the green-on-black text editor that he had entered into from the command line. After cracking his knuckles a couple times and snorting lightly, he repeated himself one final time,


me know what make them feel BAD. they always make ME feel BAD, so me make them feel BAD too!

me smart. me SMASH THEM for not liking me. HA HA! me pull hair and punch to get noticingment! they give attention for me craving. someday ME WILL BE LEADER! then i have my pick of dem who rejctid me! HA HA HA!
TAKE THAT!

It wasn't a program error that stopped the log this time. Instead, the beast was clubbing the old Apple II monitor with his keyboard, howling incoherently.

Though he was gone for weeks recovering from this ordeal, the only thing that people noticed was the loss of the computer.

[Claverhouse]

This just keeps getting better and better.


Claverhouse :ph34r:

[Rhu]

. (http://forums.intpcentral.com/showthread.php?t=11196)

[INThoughtPolice]

The Illuminati, again.

[Rhu]

Faraway weeping and silently creeping,
The ghost gasped a white wooden wail.
"Death should be deepening, the Centralites sleeping--
How? How could my fatal fears fail!"

Determined to end us, he called his apprentice,
Laughed lightly, "This day I was a baby born,
"Go now and end them, none shall defend them!
"Let first light be a many mourned morn!"

These instructions given her, the crow flew to deliver
Death and destruction in girlishly giddy glee,
"No quarter will be given! Only lifeless left living!
"For these fools now will answer to me!"

At last she came to the junction, rained her destruction,
And away she flew, a forgotten fear,
Little was lost unto embers, but members remember
A ghost and crow lost, and should shed a tear.

[Rajah]

Intense poemThat's lovely. I shed exactly three tears, two from my right duct.

[C.J.Woolf]

Thread necromancy
Is justified for a poem
Worth crowing about