So easy, yet so hard!

[Magajy]

HI All,

Has any one of you intelligent INTP's come up with a theory why and most importantly a solution to this enigmatic problem (to most introverts):

When with friends and family things to discuss never stop flooding your mind, but when at a formal dinner, and other none casual gatherings your mind just goes blank? And this happens especially when you are suppose to network/bond/form teams with the attendants.

It's so easy to do at home and yet so hard elsewhere.

[Snowflake]

Perhaps it is because you're in an atmosphere which you're not used to, and subconsciously you don't have a thought process associated with the atmosphere you place yourself in.

[Pooja]

I can definately relate to that problem. One solution is to single out 1 or perhaps, 2 approachable-looking people. Engage them in conversation, and forget that you're in the midst of a "formal dinner". Then, slowly expand your circle. Or, you can do what I used to do when I was younger, and dragged to those things by my parents: I brought a book! But that only solidified my reputation as a nerd... But at least I wasn't bored.

[CreativeChaos]

Yeah, I either single out approachable looking people, or try to look approachable. Smiling and looking around the room, like I'm really enjoying people watching.

But I think your mind goes blank, because, you don't have a background of information with them, since you don't know them, like your family. It is hard. But I use the What? How? When? method. I practice comming up with questions that start with this. Like:

"Hi, My name is Cindy, What is your's?"

"When did you move to this town?"

"How long have you been here?"

"What places do you like to go?"

Just keep those three question beginners in your mind, an wahlah! Conversation begun! :D The secret is that these are probing questions, and gets you interested or look interested in the other person. But try an BE really interested. It'll make things go smoother. What can you get to know about this person you are talking to? What makes them tick?

[Geoff]

There are a couple of "easy wins" too....

If it is a professional environment :

"How's tricks/business?"

Regardless of the environment :

"Have you managed to get away for a vacation yet this year?"

If you are in Britain :

"I see it is raining again today"
"How was the traffic, did you get stuck in the rain?"
"What do you think of the current water shortage, isnt it strange when it is currently raining?"

Other useful ones :

"Did you have far to go to get here?"

"What do you think of X? Does it affect you?" (whatever the subject of the event is)

"Do you follow (insert sporting event here)?"

Another pointer for a networking event :

Only fill your glass half full. That way if you get stuck with someone dull, you can drink up and have an excuse to get away.

-Geoff

[Stillwater]

I think trying to read the entire room is overwhelming and is taking up too much brainpower. Focus on individuals- PoojaShmooja has got it right. Seek out the one or two you can most easily relate too- feel them out with small talk/non verbal cues. Think of them not as strangers, but imagine them as old friends. Once in a comfortable mindset , the ideas will flow. Chances are your conversation will be more interesting than the din of small talk around you. Others will be drawn in naturally. Its how an introvert can be the life of a party.

Think Timothy Treadwell amongst the grizzlies. Pretend they are all your friends. On second thought, never mind that example, that didn't end very well. :shock:

[cjs55]

Heh, even when I'm with family and a decent amount of my friends, my mind is blank (when it comes to conversation topics). It's fine with me though, I prefer silence over conversation just for the sake of conversation.

[Mr Pink]

wahlah!

Bah! Bah! Bah! "Voilà"!

[chatoyer]

Bah! Bah! Bah! "Voilà"!

Merci beaucoup!!

Hearing it aloud is even more cringe-worthy. :(