Why do they always talk to me?

[lauriep]

Does this happen to other INTPs?
I'll be sitting quietly minding my own business and some loud ESF will come up to me and tell me their life story out of the blue. Whenever someone has a problem or some news, they come over to tell me every last detail like I'm supposed to care. :zzz:

I've found that for whatever reason, people seem to flock to me to tell me their big secrets, ask life advice, whatever but I certainly don't think that I'm inviting it.

[booyalab]

Does this happen to other INTPs?
I'll be sitting quietly minding my own business and some loud ESF will come up to me and tell me their life story out of the blue. Whenever someone has a problem or some news, they come over to tell me every last detail like I'm supposed to care. :zzz:

I've found that for whatever reason, people seem to flock to me to tell me their big secrets, ask life advice, whatever but I certainly don't think that I'm inviting it.

yeah this happens to me too! I think introverts are targets because we're 'good listeners', and I've been told by ESFs that they're willing to tell me more of their private lives because I won't turn around and gossip about it to others. My mom (ESFJ) is especially bad at telling people more than they want to know. One time the car broke down, we had to take a taxi, and she literally told the driver almost my entire life story...fortunately the ride was over by the time she reached my pre-adolescent years.

[HairlessBluetick]

I've had this problem. In fact at one point I had so many losers clinging to me I had to adopt a "no advice" policy. I've determined that people mistake my not giving a fuck for being "non-judgmental."

[Division56]

Does this happen to other INTPs?
I'll be sitting quietly minding my own business and some loud ESF will come up to me and tell me their life story out of the blue. Whenever someone has a problem or some news, they come over to tell me every last detail like I'm supposed to care. :zzz:

I've found that for whatever reason, people seem to flock to me to tell me their big secrets, ask life advice, whatever but I certainly don't think that I'm inviting it.

yeah this happens to me too! I think introverts are targets because we're 'good listeners', and I've been told by ESFs that they're willing to tell me more of their private lives because I won't turn around and gossip about it to others. My mom (ESFJ) is especially bad at telling people more than they want to know. One time the car broke down, we had to take a taxi, and she literally told the driver almost my entire life story...fortunately the ride was over by the time she reached my pre-adolescent years.


I went to Home Depot with my ISFJ mother last night. She told the cashier all about how the cold air was giving her dry skin for about 5 minutes. :rant: :ph34r:

[CeSoirNoir]

Most of my friends have always been E's, and that just the way it is. They love how I'm quiet and I'll listen to their problems. By the way my ESFJ mother LOVES to tell people all sorts of things, usually things that are meaningless...ugh.

[Spartan26]

I've never really known other peoples' type before but I do know drunks confesssing all their regrets to me forced me out of the bars. What happened to bartenders being shrinks??? How 'bout a little help with pest control, huh?!

My college advisor and I remained friends. She must be an ESxJ, I'm guessing. She was actually the one who first had me take the MB Test. She actually tried to pass off that she was borderline intp. There's no way. Anyway, I told her she'd make the worst spy in the world. She'd blab every secret she knew before they'd even get her in to interrogate her. When she'd say, "I told you everything." She'd really be telling the truth but they'd kill her thinking she's holding back from them.

It's like I have no idea why she tells me everybody's business. But, once it's out, it's out. At least gossip ends with me. She's burned me before so I learn that anything I say to her is essentially public domain. But then she's made her snap judgements and told people her assumptions about me as if they were true and as if I'd want other people to know. Not surprisingly, we don't talk that much any more.

I used to feel honored when people revealed their inner most thoughts. Sometimes now I feel like my boundaries have been invaded. Although, I have to admit my character development and dialog writing have been bolstered by greater human insight over the years.

[lauriep]

I used to feel honored when people revealed their inner most thoughts. Sometimes now I feel like my boundaries have been invaded.

The first times it happens, especially with new people, I sometimes feel honored. But when it happens all the time, you're right, it's like your personal space has been invaded. Especially they approach you out of the blue.

My mother-in-law will tell complete strangers everything. I just know now not to tell her anything that would make good public interest.

[lauriep]

I've had this problem. In fact at one point I had so many losers clinging to me I had to adopt a "no advice" policy. I've determined that people mistake my not giving a fuck for being "non-judgmental."

Maybe that's the problem. So how do you politely tell people that you really just don't give a fuck and would they just go away. :D

[file cabinet]

that shit doesn't happen to me. I'll consider myself lucky.

[Niflheimian]

that shit doesn't happen to me. I'll consider myself lucky.

Doesn't happen to me either. I think I subconsciously repel other people; I'm often blacklisted as a "do not approach" type. It's like I emit "warning" signals or something. Not that I'm complaining...
Besides, I hate (err...have) you guys! :D

[Hypnos]

I've had this problem. In fact at one point I had so many losers clinging to me I had to adopt a "no advice" policy. I've determined that people mistake my not giving a fuck for being "non-judgmental."

Maybe that's the problem. So how do you politely tell people that you really just don't give a fuck and would they just go away. :D
Just keep weird hours, or look scary -- both come easily to me, though my friends still track me down, and then I pretend to listen but am actually working on something else in my head.

[Vagabond]

I need to learn how to give people the "leave me alone" vibe on sight... :(

[Avengardh]

Always...always.

[INTrPosr]

I've had this problem. In fact at one point I had so many losers clinging to me I had to adopt a "no advice" policy. I've determined that people mistake my not giving a fuck for being "non-judgmental."

:rofl: Yeah like an INTP can go through a day without giving advice to someone. We are innately problem solvers. The fact that we don't give a fuck is probably the reason that we get hit with the sob stories (we give reassurance that the person is taking it all to heart).

Great! Now that song by Phil Collins and Genesis will be in my head all day. :rant:

[cjs55]

I need to learn how to give people the "leave me alone" vibe on sight...

If there is anything I do know how to do in life, it is to give off that vibe. I do it without intention and without acting mean, its just my natural state of being. I actually wish I could be better at turning it off, it really causes problems when I actually would like to meet a few new people (which I seem utterly unable to do).

[jimkopelli]

I hate hate HATE those people that come up and start talking to you, and you want them to go away without pissing them off, but you can't really do anything about it. They won't take hints, (like "I need a nap before my next class, dude") I think the people who are this problem would be immune to the vibe, you might have to aim for full blown Jedi mind trick. (You do not want to talk to me... *finger wave*)

[EternalCynic]

!@$#& This happened to me a week or two ago. It's annoying. Now this ESFJ thinks we're the best of pals.. oi. I actually gave her the test after she approached me, I'd hoped it would keep her satiated and she'd leave me be. Why won't she leave? I don't -talk- to her, I don't -approach- her. She.. doesnt really get the hint.

[nobarcode]

I seem to be the "go to" person as well. I know so many secrets....

The two questions I hate the most are:
1) How come your standing over here all by yourself.
2) What?...What are you thinking about? (as in: Will you respond to me? )

[cloakable]

I used to get this problem, but I've found that the solution is to be unsympathic. I've gone a stage or two further, and am now generally considered an asshole by a lot of the Extraverts around me. The only ones that don't, are the ones that don't try to unload their life problems on me. 'No, I don't want to know about your lovely daughter, and no, I don't care that one of your relatives are in hospital. Now go away.' It's just a matter of saying what you think. Probably a J trait, but a useful one.

[Division56]

The terrible thing is, I do say that to them. They look puzzeled for a minute, then there's about a minute of uncomfortable silence, then they go on talking.

[Laeskis]

my line for these situations...very well used in real life:

"And this affects me how?"

[Spartan26]

I used to get this problem, but I've found that the solution is to be unsympathic. I've gone a stage or two further, and am now generally considered an asshole by a lot of the Extraverts around me.

It's just a matter of saying what you think. Probably a J trait, but a useful one.
You're my hero. I only come across rude when I'm not intending to.

I'm really too patient for my own good. The times where I try to be short with people only ends up back-firing. Like someone will mistake me for a porter and start unloading their baggage on me, and depending on how many times I've drifted in & out of consciousness, when it comes to the point when they ask me a question I generally say, "I don't know."

Big mistake. Apparently nobody on this planet offers honest advice. Either that or no one will allow himself to look like anythng less than a genius in all facets of life and will speak like a sage whenever the opportunity presents itself. Regardless of how little knowledge a person may actually have on the subject.

I guess every extrovert has gotten the fortune cookie that reads "only a wise man will admit his own ignorance," because the more I say 'I don't know,' the more they pester me for information. So instead of having maybe a 30 second to two minute conversation tops, they start flooding me with more information thinking mundane trivialities will lift any clouds of uncertainty I may have.
"...so I suppose I could call the FBI about him but what if they send agents over and discover my Vicodin?"
'Yeah, I don't know."
"But, he took my car without asking. And he never paid for the insurance. Do you think my credit card company will charge me right away or if it's not on my bill next month I'll be OK?"
'I don't know."
"Maybe if I write a letter...? No one from the D.A's office ever called me back. Can I like have an independent party do my drug test? What if I'm under stress and have to get there early because I'm afraid I'll over sleep, do you think I can re-schedule or do a walk-in appointment?"
"I really don't know."

Then they just sit there, looking at you, like you're working on their problems in your head. If they say "thanks" and quietly leave then I know I've screwed up because they're just fixin' to come back with more crap later on. I've tried to be short and bark 'I don't know. I don't know' really quick, but then they start spewing more information - faster.

Worse yet is when they think their problems are incurable. Then you have to hear twice as much woisme mixed in with their life spill.

Anybody have those people who continually come up to you to dump & vent and ask for advice but never listen? Arrrggghhh! Half their new problems are a direct result from not following what you said to do the first time. Granted, nothing says customer satisfaction like being able to utter the words, "I told you so," but again you set yourself up for being the relationship guru/job counselor/resident internist of their life whenever you prove you know what you're talking about.

Makes me want to open a 976 psychic line. "You were right, Spartan. I kept sleeping with him and the finally the tests did come back positive! Do you think I have to report it to his parole officer?"
'I don't know.'
"What about that job with the county? Think that'll go through?"
'Gee, I don't know. But could you read back the expiration date on that card you just gave me?'

[gypseymothlee]

People don't want someone to solve the problem for them, they just want someone to vent to.
I've had this problem. I decided to adopt a policy of excessive honesty.
Example: "No, your problem isn't your boyfriend, it's the fact that you're an idiot that doesn't know how to shut up for the five minutes it would take to solve your arguement."
It works nicely for me.

[cloakable]

The terrible thing is, I do say that to them. They look puzzeled for a minute, then there's about a minute of uncomfortable silence, then they go on talking.

Sounds like you're surrounded by worse idiots than I am. I pity thee.
And whats terrible about being rude and offensive to idiots? I find it quite funny. :D . Try being less subtle. "Go away you thundering moron" or "I do not want to hear any of your inane babble any longer. GO AWAY" work well. Also try (if you are feeling sadistic) "I have found your problem: You have an overactive mouth and an underactive brain." See if they get it.

These are just some of my stock lines. Personally, I find them effective.
And if you are feeling really cruel, give them incorrect advice.

[jimkopelli]

The thing is... I'm too nice sometimes. I know that I'm (unfortunately) going to have continued interaction with these people, and it's easier if they don't hate your guts.

[nobarcode]

That was an awesome post Spartan. Maybe even your best so far.

[Groty]

I've had this problem. In fact at one point I had so many losers clinging to me I had to adopt a "no advice" policy. I've determined that people mistake my not giving a fuck for being "non-judgmental."

Maybe that's the problem. So how do you politely tell people that you really just don't give a fuck and would they just go away. :D

Ask them a blunt question that will A) Make them go away and think B) disgust them.

Usually works for me...

[Misty_Kye]

People don't want someone to solve the problem for them, they just want someone to vent to.
I've had this problem. I decided to adopt a policy of excessive honesty.
Example: "No, your problem isn't your boyfriend, it's the fact that you're an idiot that doesn't know how to shut up for the five minutes it would take to solve your arguement."
It works nicely for me.

:rofl:

[Arioch]

Physical treats and promises of pain work as well. Tell them that you'll rip their arm are and beat them to death with it will usually buy you some peace.

Tolerence is better though....

[booyalab]

Physical treats and promises of pain work as well. Tell them that you'll rip their arm are and beat them to death with it will usually buy you some peace.

Tolerence is better though....

I notice a lot of you on here talk about being antagonistic towards people who annoy you, but I kind of doubt that few of you actually go through with it. Personally, I find it satisfying enough to just fantasize about beating certain types of people up. I think there would be unfortunate ramifications if I was to let everyone know what I think of them all the time. (though I do give in sometimes) This is what separates INTPs from the animals..and SPs.

[MacGuffin]

Physical treats and promises of pain work as well. Tell them that you'll rip their arm are and beat them to death with it will usually buy you some peace.

Tolerence is better though....

I notice a lot of you on here talk about being antagonistic towards people who annoy you, but I kind of doubt that few of you actually go through with it. Personally, I find it satisfying enough to just fantasize about beating certain types of people up. I think there would be unfortunate ramifications if I was to let everyone know what I think of them all the time. (though I do give in sometimes) This is what separates INTPs from the animals..and SPs.

Yeah I noticed a lot of anti-social behavior spouted on here too. It is one thing to think it, another to actually say it. If people actually said these things, they'd be social pariahs. I'm about as introverted as you get, but I'd never actually say the things I read on here.

[nobarcode]

"No, your problem isn't your boyfriend, it's the fact that you're an idiot that doesn't know how to shut up for the five minutes it would take to solve your arguement." - gypseymothlee


I might have to change my sig. B)

[Misty_Kye]

I think this happens to me because people either feel sorry for me or they want to rant and since I don't tend to be rude I make a perfect target.

If they're ranting I usually offer non-committal responses and try to get away. If they are feeling sorry for me I try to explain. I very rarely have a problem. I wonder if that is because when I say these things it is not with the intent to be rude, but because I believe these are perfectly normal feelings.

It's really fun when I tell that to a closet introvert. They get this strange look in their eye's and you know they have felt that way to, but never occurred to them that it was ok.

I only remember one time where nothing worked. The person was convinced that I needed to socialize. After he babbled on for a while about how my reasons were just excuses I smiled said, "Well, you're entitled to your opinion" then turned around and went home. Later on my friends asked what happened and I explained. While they may not have understood, they accepted it and moved on.

[Fujikanaeda]

My problem is somewhat opposite. This is my first semester at college, which means meeting new people out of need (because everyone else you've known is obviously gone). So what do you do? Its very hard for me to go out of my way to meet people, especially with absolutely no good reason. (That is, I can't walk up to someone without provocation and engage them).

So how do I try to solve this? By being alone in public places. Usually the stronger E's are drawn to you, and have to ask what it is up, etc. The bad part about this is, that even though I want to meet people, I can't help but coming off a bit snobbish or like I'm telling them to go away. Its just my demeanor, intent on something (obviously reading, or some other activity, otherwise the entire illusion is broken. You can't just sit in public doing *nothing*). So this ends up turning away potential friends.

The best thing I have found so far, though, is to find a like-minded NT. Get into conversations and debates with them all the time, and other people will be drawn to the both of you. And because its a somewhat different social situation, it makes it easier to communicate with new people. Besides, since there are two of you, and the other person entered into your space, you have that added advantage on them.

Just my thoughts :P

[Spartan26]

That was an awesome post Spartan. Maybe even your best so far.

Thanks! :cheers: It came at a time when, like now, I should be working.


I notice a lot of you on here talk about being antagonistic towards people who annoy you, but I kind of doubt that few of you actually go through with it. Personally, I find it satisfying enough to just fantasize about beating certain types of people up.

Amen to that!

In all honesty, I do actually pride myself on being a good listener. I mean really catching subtlies in what a person says or doesn't say that even close confidants miss. Of course, there's the difference between letting someone vent and knowing when to offer advice or when to shed some light on the situation by offering a pov the other person hasn't considered. (Generally my favorite). I guess it's the prospects of solving a problem or puzzle that's prevented us from developing better defense mechanisms. Like, I have a pretty good get-away-from-me vibe, but I'm still wearing my walkman inside the post office standing around at Christmas time.

That said, timing is everything. I picture Clark Kent getting a phone call while undoing his belt, "Yes, I'll get your dog. But could you WAIT until I get outside the F*ING BOOTH?!"

{btw - I think Superman would use the actual contraction F*ing, just to make a point.}

[hemanthraz]

oh yeah, ive been there
People just tell you stuff and expect you to think for them.I started giving them all sort of screwed up advice, thinking it would go away, but NO, just goes on and on.
now i try laughing intheir faces[with little sucess].

I especially hate it when im alone with a drink in a party, enjoying myself and people come over and say things like "hey,you wanna meet someone" or "why do you always stand in the corner, have some fun"
and so on..

makes me want to clobber them.

[Hypnos]

I especially hate it when im alone with a drink in a party, enjoying myself and people come over and say things like "hey,you wanna meet someone" or "why do you always stand in the corner, have some fun"
and so on..

makes me want to clobber them.
Sure, but how do you get laid otherwise?

[cloakable]

Yeah I noticed a lot of anti-social behavior spouted on here too. It is one thing to think it, another to actually say it. If people actually said these things, they'd be social pariahs. I'm about as introverted as you get, but I'd never actually say the things I read on here.

While I am probably considered a social pariah by Extravert standards, I feel that my social life is perfectly good, by my standards. Most of my offline friends have the same coping strategies that I do. Also, I would think that introversion has nothing to with saying some of the things I say. It's more basic than that: I'm an arsehole, with no patience for idiots, and a no tolerance policy for the ones that try to speak to me.

[t]

it happens to me all the time... however, i will give advice to my cloest friends and they all tend to say "well, i never thought of it that way..." b/c i don't sugarcoat anything.

[Niflheimian]

And whats terrible about being rude and offensive to idiots? I find it quite funny. :D . Try being less subtle. "Go away you thundering moron" or "I do not want to hear any of your inane babble any longer. GO AWAY" work well. Also try (if you are feeling sadistic) "I have found your problem: You have an overactive mouth and an underactive brain." See if they get it.

Very, very good ideas. I'll attempt to incorporate them into my everyday confabulations (the few that I have, anyway).

[Dr. Caligari]

Does this happen to other INTPs?
I'll be sitting quietly minding my own business and some loud ESF will come up to me and tell me their life story out of the blue. Whenever someone has a problem or some news, they come over to tell me every last detail like I'm supposed to care. :zzz:

I've found that for whatever reason, people seem to flock to me to tell me their big secrets, ask life advice, whatever but I certainly don't think that I'm inviting it.

If politely telling them to leave you the hell alone and all else fails, shoot them in the eyes with pepper spray and run.