Free Psychotherapy and Advice

[gardnerj]

If I have an interview with Hollister tomorrow, should I wear Hollister-type clothes?

[Cbug]

The more I try to be logically consistent, the more my thinking moves towards moral nihilism. I'm not happy with this. Is there any advice you could give?

[joft]

If I have an interview with Hollister tomorrow, should I wear Hollister-type clothes?

What type of position are you interviewing for? If it's an entry-level retail position, I would say no, as that may increase your chances of getting said job.

[gardnerj]

What type of position are you interviewing for? If it's an entry-level retail position, I would say no, as that may increase your chances of getting said job.

yeah retail.

not wearing hollister clothes would increase chances of getting said job.

[MacGuffin]

yeah retail.

not wearing hollister clothes would increase chances of getting said job.

LOL, did you miss his sarcasm, or are you reporting you got the job?

[gardnerj]

LOL, did you miss his sarcasm, or are you reporting you got the job?

what sarcasm?

[MacGuffin]

what sarcasm?
LOL, I misread it.

[starla]

I've had a low-level stomach ache for about a month. What should I do to get rid of it. Also, am I dying?

[gardnerj]

That was a terrible idea

[joft]

That was a terrible idea

You're welcome.

[joft]

I've had a low-level stomach ache for about a month. What should I do to get rid of it. Also, am I dying?

We're all dying. Go see a gastroenterologist. Just know this- If he can't figure out what's wrong with you, he'll tell you its "irritable bowl syndrome."

[Jynweythek]

I want to ask you for advice but I can't think of anything. What should I ask you?

[Karl]

Due to short term memory and sequencing issues, I have a lot of trouble keeping track of what I have to do. Probably 2/3 of my energy is expended on things like eating, washing my clothes, trying to stop my living area from being disgusting, etc, along with academic commitments. This means that I have lot of trouble with stuff that's not "day to day," and I'm not always successful with day to day things either. I have tried things like using a planner, but that is even more confusing for me. It's just like I have yet another thing I have to try to remember and I end up forgetting things rather than remembering them.

My family is not reliable for helping me with things like this. In a way I am scared of them (rightly or wrongly they make me feel unsafe) and if I give them control over what I'm doing they will try to intimidate or force me into situations I don't want to be in. I'm not sure who else I can ask for help or how I can deal with these things on my own.

[Randall]

I want to ask you for advice but I can't think of anything. What should I ask you?

How to stop being a smartass?

[Jynweythek]

How to stop being a smartass?

I was serious :sadbanana:

[Pooja]

I was serious :sadbanana:

Ask him, "Joft, why is your head so large? And how does your neck support it all the time?" That's not really in the advice category, but it's something I want to know the answer to.

[Hermione]

Ask him, "Joft, why is your head so large? And how does your neck support it all the time?" That's not really in the advice category, but it's something I want to know the answer to.

Brilliant. Finally something worth finding an answer, too. lolz

Must remember to ask Hustle Bunny too when he gets back. We need some relevant things answered on here.

[joft]

Due to short term memory and sequencing issues, I have a lot of trouble keeping track of what I have to do. Probably 2/3 of my energy is expended on things like eating, washing my clothes, trying to stop my living area from being disgusting, etc, along with academic commitments. This means that I have lot of trouble with stuff that's not "day to day," and I'm not always successful with day to day things either. I have tried things like using a planner, but that is even more confusing for me. It's just like I have yet another thing I have to try to remember and I end up forgetting things rather than remembering them.

My family is not reliable for helping me with things like this. In a way I am scared of them (rightly or wrongly they make me feel unsafe) and if I give them control over what I'm doing they will try to intimidate or force me into situations I don't want to be in. I'm not sure who else I can ask for help or how I can deal with these things on my own.

What short term memory and sequencing issues? Without knowing the background here, I can't say much specifically. And honestly, without knowing any good reason why you might have such issues, I'm inclined to think it may be learned helplessness. Maybe you have a legitimate problem, or maybe someone "diagnosed" you and it's been an easy excuse ever since. It's not like J's have it easy staying organized and clean, they have to put a lot of work into it too. It's entirely normal for these things to require effort and energy. That said, there are ways of making it easier on yourself so that you have more energy to expend on other things you care about. Planners are one such tool, but they are rigid and narrow in their format--a format which might not work well for some people (including myself).

Here are a few methods that work for me:


Establishing routines or habits. I never need to look for my keys because I always put them in the same place. I find that it's easier for me to be productive in the morning, especially if I stand in the sunlight (it helps wake you up, get vitamin D, and regulate your sleep cycle) while eating breakfast, say. So every morning I get my sunlight, spend a while doing productive things, and read some textbooks (I also find it easier to concentrate for long periods of time on reading in the morning. My theory is that the brain defrags while sleeping)
I have a 2' by 3' dry erase board with markers, and a similar sized corkboard for hanging things up with thumb tacks. I use these to write reminders to myself; hang up receipts or coupons; etc. I also have a stack of paper trays where i put important papers and forms, mail, and things like that, on different levels of the stack depending on how important/urgent they are.
Post-it notes


The point is to find some flexible systems that are easy to use and don't require a lot of regular maintenance (so that they add little to no burden in using them). There are some easy-to-use computer programs that allow you to make reminders and notes for yourself, etc. Some are even online, like remember the milk (http://www.rememberthemilk.com/).

Aside from general organization stuff that any responsible person must put effort into, if you have some sort of disability that makes this more difficult then I doubt I can say much. Have you tried your university's counseling center?

[Karl]

And honestly, without knowing any good reason why you might have such issues, I'm inclined to think it may be learned helplessness.

No. It's something I've realized relatively recently. I used to think I was just lazy. There have been many times throughout my life that I ended up feeling sick because I hadn't been eating enough or that I've had large insects live/die (mostly die) in my room in groups, and I can say I definitely didn't like these things and had been trying to prevent them. So now I'm trying to identify what would actually cause my problems and figure out a solution.

I haven't tried things like you've suggested before, though (well besides the routines thing). I think they would be good because they would not require an ongoing memory commitment like a planner does. I will try them.


Aside from general organization stuff that any responsible person must put effort into, if you have some sort of disability that makes this more difficult then I doubt I can say much. Have you tried your university's counseling center?

Yeah, but there's someone who's supposed to talk to me who is not talking to me and that is making it hard for me to talk to other people. Also I'm switching universities, which is a source of a lot of the things I'm trying to figure out now, but that also means the people I'm supposed to talk to are switching. Which requires them to talk to me first and exchange information with each other.

[Hermione]

Ferrus wouldn't mind me telling you, so he had those exact same issues while at uni and to this day he feels that he ended with a B average instead of an A average due to these daily living issues. I know-- the GPA issue is really dumb to me, but he really did want that A average for some reason. He has mild autism and dyspraxia and the combination, even with his totally insanely high I.Q., makes maneuvering in the real world kind of difficult for him. He catches shit from other people about it too, and loses things kind of more often than usual, and all the stuff you mentioned about not remembering a schedule or being able to plan or organize.

He would help you out on it, I feel sure, if you sent him a p.m. and let him know. He is not very assertive and wouldn't bother you about it unless you contacted him first. Okay he is assertive enough, more that he is sensitive to this kind of shit and wouldn't bother you unless you ask advice. Anyway he is fully employed and almost ready to move out on his own again, so these issues will be coming up again. It would probably be a help to him also.

[mpousoulas]

Hustler i need to create passive income or become self-employed so that i can and quit my job. Please ask me the right questions so that i can figure out the right action plan i should follow.I will be as open as i can.I asked your advise in the past but i was not open enough.Now i will be open.

[mpousoulas]

your silence has been helpful, not enough though.

[Hustler]

Hustler i need to create passive income or become self-employed so that i can and quit my job. Please ask me the right questions so that i can figure out the right action plan i should follow.I will be as open as i can.I asked your advise in the past but i was not open enough.Now i will be open.

Develop apps for mobile devices.

[gardnerj]

Okay, hustler, or somebody

this chick said: "if you wanted to go have a drink or go eat, i'm available..."

i said definitely, gave her my number. she texted me hers.

do i now say where and when over text?

I'm not at the point where i can say whatever. I have to not be boring and have a point, and everything that comes to mind does not lead to conversation.

ugh. help.

[gardnerj]

oh shit, i don't have money either.

[Anonymous]

Okay, hustler, or somebody

this chick said: "if you wanted to go have a drink or go eat, i'm available..."

i said definitely, gave her my number. she texted me hers.

do i now say where and when over text?

I'm not at the point where i can say whatever. I have to not be boring and have a point, and everything that comes to mind does not lead to conversation.

ugh. help.

I'm pretty sure you can just say where and when, she doesn't expect you to be Lewis Black for setting up where you're going to have a date.

[somnium]

Jesus Christ.