INTP and their ideal MBTI match in relationships

[PsiKik]

According to a site I saw the ENTJ and ESTJ are supposedly compatible
with INTP. I wonder if anyone has any experience of this to verify if it is true?
I am considering a bold experiment where I will join a dating service and seek out ENTJ/ESTJ.
Any Ideas?

[Last Song]

ESTJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dies* noooo!!! Heck no. =)

Or, I may be wrong. ;)

[SensEye]

Go for it and report back with the results.

I have been disappointed with MBTI as far as providing guidance for relationships. I can find no consensus among references (i.e. Keirsey says ENFJ, other sites are like yours) or from preferences expressed here. My personel tastes seem to align with Keirsey, but many here lean towards fellow NT's.

[Arioch]

EEK! I hate using MBTI with dating. It was not meant to be!

Ok it was meant to be otherwise it wouldn't have happend but I sitll think it's silly.

[t]

ack, i have a major problem with S anything. my ex was an S and we clashed to the point where it got really ridiculous and he was borderline abusive (the arguments almost always stemmed from these traits). i need to be with an N who has a borderline T/F... and ideally an E &/or J because my I is the weakest out of the four & an E will give me that push i need to get out of the house and i need a J to pick up after me.

[cjs55]

Exact same as above for myself as well...my best friendship is with an ENFJ, and my better ones are with INFP and ENFP. My less...good...ones are with an ISTJ and ISTP.

I find myself relying on the ENFJ to get me to do anything, and its quite helpful to have him around. The resut of us in my circle of friends are all P's, and we never get anything done. We sit around silent trying to think of something, and although I have usually thought of something I can't say it in fear of offending the S's of the group. They don't like much of what I would suggest, but instead of just saying they dont like an ESTJ would, they keep bitterness about it inside which makes everything very uncomfortable. Damn IS's! Almost as bad as the ES variety...

[Vagabond]

Keep the ENTJs and the STs away from me. Who the hell comes up with such perverted ideas anyway...? INTs for me.

(Yet another thread on ideal INTP mates.... sigh...)

[t]

Exact same as above for myself as well...my best friendship is with an ENFJ, and my better ones are with INFP and ENFP. My less...good...ones are with an ISTJ and ISTP.

I find myself relying on the ENFJ to get me to do anything, and its quite helpful to have him around. The resut of us in my circle of friends are all P's, and we never get anything done. We sit around silent trying to think of something, and although I have usually thought of something I can't say it in fear of offending the S's of the group. They don't like much of what I would suggest, but instead of just saying they dont like an ESTJ would, they keep bitterness about it inside which makes everything very uncomfortable. Damn IS's! Almost as bad as the ES variety...

ISTP was my ex. it was a nightmare. nothing i said or did agreed with him, but he'd keep it inside and just secretly loathe me. combine that with my difficulty with saying how i feel and it was not a recipe for a healthy relationship. the only reason we were together at all was for attraction purposes. haha.

[atgc]

First of all, I'm new to this forum :-)

Some comments:
1) Like 't', I find it difficult to communicate my ideas to people with strong S.

2) In general, I like NF. Maybe I'm wrong, but for those NF with strong F, they seem to have many unrealistic dreams about relationship (and the world in general), and sometimes they are rather confused and mess up.

3) E is good as they will confront me with things that I don't feel comfortable to talk about.

4) MBTI is an important but not the only indicator for relationship, as many important aspects of your mate are not measured. For example: Is he/she a confident person? Is he/she comfortable with himself/herself?

[Jezebel]

I find it odd that I always feel like I'm in the minority on this forum in thinking so much emphasis shouldn't be placed on the mbti when it comes to relationships. Having compatible personalities is important in a relationship, but I don't think the mbti even measures the most important aspects of personality and character when it comes to what makes relationships work.

If you guys find someone you have chemistry with and have common interest/goals, and they feel the same way about you, but you find out this person isn't your "ideal type", are you really going to decide not to have a relationship with this person based on that?

[t]

my statements are more of a reflection on past experiences. i would never not date someone because their type conflicted with mine, however i find certain traits of certain types conflict with me... if that makes sense.

[Jezebel]

I think a lot of generalizations get thrown onto certain types when relationships don't work out. I'm not singling out your statement in this thread, t, but I've seen so many here say that they don't get along with a certain type, talk about their awful past relationship with this type, then cite a couple of people they knew who shared this type that they didn't get along with. I hardly think this is a fair case study of what most people of any type are going to be like.

[Boozer]

so much emphasis shouldn't be placed on the mbti when it comes to relationships.

I agree. But I do still wonder if some personalities might be easier to get along with. I'm probably just hoping to find some magic formula.

From what I've read I think NF's are supposedly good for most NT's.

[atgc]

I agree with Jezebel. MBTI generalizes people into several types, and generalization, by definition, omits certain variations within individuals. And hence we have to be careful of what have been omitted. On the other hand, I find that MBTI can be useful in 'quick reading' people. However, if you know a person long enough (say, over a month), throw away the MBTI and understand a person as he/she is!

That said, I still find MBTI useful. When looking for a date, having some general principles like "I prefer N over S" is as useful as saying "I want someone who has a sense of humor".

[cjs55]

I agree, people mature outside of MBTI and this is an extremely important factor. However, I still think personality type matters even with other factors like personal maturity added. I don't think personality type can be described exactly by using MBTI by any means, but I find to be a very useful tool, and in fact the most useful one I've found to be able analyze relationships. But its more of a 'in the head' practice rather than a real world one.

[Seraph]

I usually fantasize about stabbing myself when in the company of an ESTJ. Falling in love with them would be a stretch to say the least...

According to the immortal Keirsey, who was an INTP, every type's ideal romantic match is their complete opposite...except for the second letter, which must be the same. That would make our soulmate the ENFJ.

This makes sense to me. I like Idealists. And ENFJ's are usually smart enough to be able to hold their end of the conversation.

[SheepDog]

It's not like the MBTI is just a set of 16 boxes that we put people in and then use that for deciding who to like, who to talk to, who to be with. It's a tool for understanding. Preferences change with situations, and with time, and vary in degree. I guess that's what Jezebel et. al. are trying to say, but I consider non-rigidity of types to be a given in any of my discussions of MBTI.

I have had people tell me it's ironic for an INTP to be interested in a 'typing' system at all, because it's more Judging to categorize people. I respond by saying that as a tool, the MBTI is more like a source of illumination than a ruler. But then again, what's wrong with a little irony? ;)

Having said that, all my closest friends have iNtuitive qualities. I have to agree with Kiersey that the iNtuitive/Sensing preference is a particularly insightful preference with regard to compatability. My wife is a NF, and when I remember to consider her emotional needs, we balance each other well. For friends, they're mostly NT's.

The people that I have the hardest time relating with are almost exclusively Guardian (SJ). Artisan (SP) feelers are less antagonistic to me, but I don't relate to them much better.

[miss enthusiastic]

yeah im an NF i find that i can really talk to NT's or Rationals on a completely higher level then STs or SFs. We can talk political theory, philosophy, relgion. I can learn soo much from NTs and i appreciate this fact, i just think NT and NF are a great match. (sorry about the bad spelling)

[MySavior]

According to a site I saw the ENTJ and ESTJ are supposedly compatible
with INTP. I wonder if anyone has any experience of this to verify if it is true?
I am considering a bold experiment where I will join a dating service and seek out ENTJ/ESTJ.
Any Ideas?
From the layout and word patterns of the site that recommended that combination, I'm thinking it was more targeted at business partnerships than long-term (hell, life-term) intimate relationships. I'm a big fan of the ESFP theory, and INFJ also. I'm no longer a big fan being involved with ENFPs for anything more than friendships--too many must-be-tended-to-no-matter-what needs and silently, but unacceptably hurt feelings once the relationship starts.

[euterpenc]

ESFP all the way man. Maybe ESTP, or INFP, but most preferably ESFP. All the way.

[atypical]

ESFP. From my experience, everything in the socionics duality description is correct. There's a pretty low signal to noise ratio though. It takes some pretty rare circumstances for an ESFP to be acually interesting.

[Shai Gar]

i would prefer, INFJ, INFP, ENFP, INTJ, INTP

[meshou]

INTPs are, by and far, the most attractive type in person to me.

ENFPs are very charming, but I'd be cautious about dating another one. Or really, I'd be cautious about low-developed types in general, but a low developed ENFP seems to have the combined features of being attractive at first, able to get me to open up emotionally, needing me, and using my own emotions to make it veeeery difficult to assert any sort of emotional independance. I must be devoted to making them feel emotionally safe.

So, yeah. No more than friends.

ISTPs can be lovely, and one of the nicest girls I know is an ESFJ, who is my boyfriend's ex and currently dating another INTP. Hells yeah for highly developed ESFJs.

ENTJs can be nice, but they freak me out. I think they're going to eat me. Likewise, ENFJs are amazing to be around, but a little too damn intense.

[Shai Gar]

:( intps are amongst the hardest to flirt with though :( even attractive ones like yourself meshou

[egervari]

Yeah, I have no idea how to flirt with an INTP really. Before I learned anything about flirting, and I'm still not very good at improvising it (although I have a ton of stock things I do), I wanted no part of it before. I thought it might have possible to just be with something you really meshed with and could get down to what was important. But, unfortunately, I reframed my beliefs and realized it was necessary... but now I'm learning that I probably didn't have to, or could have done it differently.

I would really welcome and enjoy the oppurtunity to learn from a female INTP's perspective about flirting and dating... and what they expect to see and get out of the beginning of a relationship.

[Shai Gar]

i am PMing them all, i am trying to get an honest private responce so i can connect the dots without a thousand guys trying to chat and add their opinions distracting from the task at hand

[Serotonin]

i am PMing them all, i am trying to get an honest private responce so i can connect the dots without a thousand guys trying to chat and add their opinions distracting from the task at hand

You take the extremely extraverted "even though I'll freak out 99% of the people I talk to, I still will find someone who'll provide me with what I want" method. I would never do it in a million years, but I guess from a purely outcome-based perspective it's a good way to get what you want. You probably already know this, but you don't endear yourself to a lot of people that way, but evidently you really, really don't care.
You'd make a great CEO or politician.

And to the people who enthuse about ESFPs... :confused: I find them extremely flighty and impossible to hold an intelligent conversation with.

[meshou]

You take the extremely extraverted "even though I'll freak out 99% of the people I talk to, I still will find someone who'll provide me with what I want" method. That's my boyfriend's method, and I admire the hell out of him for using it. If I said or did everything that popped into my head, I'd just look bizarre. And so does he, but he looks awesome while doing it. But apparently only to the people who'd like him anyway.

[egervari]

You take the extremely extraverted "even though I'll freak out 99% of the people I talk to, I still will find someone who'll provide me with what I want" method. I would never do it in a million years, but I guess from a purely outcome-based perspective it's a good way to get what you want. You probably already know this, but you don't endear yourself to a lot of people that way, but evidently you really, really don't care.
You'd make a great CEO or politician.

And to the people who enthuse about ESFPs... :confused: I find them extremely flighty and impossible to hold an intelligent conversation with.

I do the same thing. I approach like 15 times a day

[Shai Gar]

You probably already know this, but you don't endear yourself to a lot of people that way, but evidently you really, really don't care.
You'd make a great CEO or politician.
:D, politician, like billy hughes


And to the people who enthuse about ESFPs... :confused: I find them extremely flighty and impossible to hold an intelligent conversation with.
i have an esfp mate, he is extremely creative and intelligent.

[FishOutOfWater]

Count me in as someone who doesn't like to use mbti to pick partners. I have my general ideas of what I might be attracted to, which generally I think of as being one of the iNtuitive types. However, after observing many older couples, I've seen relationships of many different mbti combinations work and not work. For example, my ISTJ dad /INTJ mom are about to divorce, but my friends' ISFJ dad /INFJ mom are madly in love after over 20 years of marriage. Additionally, my ENTJ aunt / INFP uncle have a perfect marriagen but my friends' ENFP/ENFP mom and dad had a very unhappy marriage until their divorce. I could cite many more examples, but the overall point is... go figure. You're going to fall for who you fall for, and I wouldn't rule out a potential match just because I didn't expect to develop feelings for anyone of that mbti type.

[euterpenc]

You're going to fall for who you fall for, and I wouldn't rule out a potential match just because I didn't expect to develop feelings for anyone of that mbti type.

This is true, we're saying who we'd be most likely to fall for.

Though, from my experiences, INTP girls are the worst for me. Anyone but them, they are hell. I get sent into an even more depressed state when trying to relate to them. I don't respond well to being ignored and underappreciated. I'm about to rant..

[Shai Gar]

RANT! RANT!! RANT!!! RANT!!!! RANT!!!!!

i like who i like, i use mbti to relate to them

[atypical]

The socionics intertype relations stuff isn't really about who you'll fall for--you can fall for just about anyone--it's about how a relationship will work. Under socionics, it's very easy to overlook people of the type you're best suited with.

[Shai Gar]

aye

[MaroonBells]

According to a site I saw the ENTJ and ESTJ are supposedly compatible
with INTP. I wonder if anyone has any experience of this to verify if it is true?
I am considering a bold experiment where I will join a dating service and seek out ENTJ/ESTJ.
Any Ideas?


N versus S: they never meet
P versus J: they always clash

I have no issues with the latter, in clashing there is plenty to learn. The former is tricker and harder to overcome as they can be so mutually exclusive...

[Architectonic]

I tend to prefer NF - this is an after the fact observation, rather than a before the fact prediction..

[Lee]

Potentially anyone but an xSFJ, prefer NTs and NFs mainly because I don't feel like I am speaking a different language with them (unless of course, I am actually speaking a different lannguage :blink: ). ISTJs and ESTJs are a possiblity but not a strong chance, and there are some NFs that I just can't stomach for long periods.

Dating by type is rife with problems and questions, it may help but I wouldn't go for it.

[C.J.Woolf]

You take the extremely extraverted "even though I'll freak out 99% of the people I talk to, I still will find someone who'll provide me with what I want" method. I would never do it in a million years, but I guess from a purely outcome-based perspective it's a good way to get what you want. You probably already know this, but you don't endear yourself to a lot of people that way, but evidently you really, really don't care.
You'd make a great CEO or politician.
Serotonin, I can't bring myself to do that either, even though I believe I would be happier if I did -- very uncomfortable in the short term, but happier in the end. But then I'm happily married and I don't have much need to.

It's very liberating when you stop giving a shit what other people think of you. I see two levels of it.

The first level is just being yourself, but it's not directed at anyone in particular: "This is me. Yeah, I'm weird. So what."

The second level is extroverted and directed at selected individuals: "I'm weird, and I want you."

I'm pretty good at the first, but not at the second.

[waxwing]

In my mind, I can see being attracted to an ENTJ, but in practice, well, I don't know. I had a male entj friend in college, and he was the only person I really ran away from during debate. Poli-sci major, brutal arguer. I learned a lot from him as long as he wasn't in the mood to discuss politics with me. I didn't stand a chance.

I am partial to NPs, and most likely, NTPs. I don't think a strong J could ever put up with me as fascinating as I might find him.

That said, I never really believed any of the "best matches" according to type theory. In socionics, I run into the same problem. I've just begun studying it in more depth, and find the dual relationship quite a mystery. Supposedly, an INTP (INTj socionics) would be paired up with an ESFJ or ESFP, I can't remember at the moment. *shrug* I just don't get it.

[MaroonBells]

Potentially anyone but an xSFJ

Lee, for my understanding, can you elaborate on what your concerns are with xSFJ's?

[Shai Gar]

i really really need an NF girlfriend, just so that someone can show me their emotions, an intravert so that they can respect my privacy

[pillow]

i thought N means intuitive :P

[Shai Gar]

it does, why?

[pillow]

I thought in NF, n was refering to introvert but I guess introvert comes in addition. OK, it makes sense.

[Lee]

Lee, for my understanding, can you elaborate on what your concerns are with xSFJ's?hmm... why?



Usually stupid
Even the clever ones are stupid
They learn through rote memorization, they seem to very rarely properly understand anything abstract
They display very little imagination
They are extremely conscious of what others think of them
They are tidy, too tidy... and they will demand this tidiness from others
SFJs are always fearful of what others may think of them
SFJs most important goals in life are security, family, friendships, being respected, morality, keeping traditions and rejecting all those who they feel are different or wierd for fear that it might reflect on them.
SFJs are very emotional, to the point where it seems thier emotions seem to equal truth in thier minds, total irrationality.
Never expect rational thought fron them, you only see it rarely, expect emotional outbursts.
Expect SFJs to judge you and others... all the time.
Control freaks!
*shudder*

[philonightmare]

hmm... why?



Usually stupid
Even the clever ones are stupid
They learn through rote memorization, they seem to very rarely properly understand anything abstract
They display very little imagination
They are extremely conscious of what others think of them
They are tidy, too tidy... and they will demand this tidiness from others
SFJs are always fearful of what others may think of them
SFJs most important goals in life are security, family, friendships, being respected, morality, keeping traditions and rejecting all those who they feel are different or wierd for fear that it might reflect on them.
SFJs are very emotional, to the point where it seems thier emotions seem to equal truth in thier minds, total irrationality.
Never expect rational thought fron them, you only see it rarely, expect emotional outbursts.
Expect SFJs to judge you and others... all the time.
Control freaks!
*shudder*
Good list. Sounds exactly like the SFJs in my life. A *little* rationality goes a long way when dealing with them.

(no, I'm not S-bashing; just being honest in how difficult it is to communicate with them)

[Shadow]

hmm... why?



Usually stupid
Even the clever ones are stupid
They learn through rote memorization, they seem to very rarely properly understand anything abstract
They display very little imagination
They are extremely conscious of what others think of them
They are tidy, too tidy... and they will demand this tidiness from others
SFJs are always fearful of what others may think of them
SFJs most important goals in life are security, family, friendships, being respected, morality, keeping traditions and rejecting all those who they feel are different or wierd for fear that it might reflect on them.
SFJs are very emotional, to the point where it seems thier emotions seem to equal truth in thier minds, total irrationality.
Never expect rational thought fron them, you only see it rarely, expect emotional outbursts.
Expect SFJs to judge you and others... all the time.
Control freaks!
*shudder*

Sounds like my ESTJ father. Maybe he is an ESFJ instead?

[Lee]

I mean don't get me wrong, I am sure there are some nice SFJs out there, it's just that on avarege, they just seem to be going out of thier way to irritate me.

[nonsequitur]

^ my goodness. reading Lee's list, one person in my life immediately sprung to my mind..

on topic, i don't know about my ideal mbti match, i guess it'll just be someone whom i can get along with. but i agree that in general, i get along far better with NTs and NFs than any other type. there are always exceptions to the rule, of course, like my closest friend, who's an ISTP, but generally this is true. i can talk to my intj friend for hours about anything and everything - and we just keep analysing things from different angles. i hope that my potential mate would be something like that, with a sense of humour. i personally have yet to find an SF who i can do this with. i usually run out of patience or find myself giving a lecture. i need someone who can stimulate my brain, as well as my heart.

Translation: i will probably never find a husband. ;)