bande a part
bande a part
Invest your money in Dada!
X-Men: First Class.
Thankfully, I paid no money to see this. I do, however, want my time back (from an otherwise absolutely nothing-better-to-do afternoon; I now wish I'd had an hour and a half of loud street repairs to watch and listen to, instead. Or some wet paint to watch drying, either of which would be better than this p.o.s. film/story).
No amount of halfway decent characterization and dramatic conflict can make up for the absolutely suspension-of-disbelief shattering notion of Saturday morning cartoon type, utterly wacky and implausible "powers" supervening upon "genes", however mutated and/or irradiated (or whatever the fuck thin hokum of a premise they pitched as such).
X-Men: just plain stupid, the very basis of it.
It can't be as boring or overly long as Thor or as lame as Captain America (Hayley Atwell excepted for a couple of reasons) can it?
Like I said, no characters (or performances thereof), no drama, nothing can spare the WTF hokey premise. What a waste of fucking potential, I have to admit. For the first time I wasn't eye-rolling from the first line of dialog in an X-Men movie, I could more than just abide the lead performances, I could detect a trace of attempted dramatic impact, etc, and then rolled in the "mutant genes" thing and the wacky powers supposedly supervening upon them and --- , game over. I don't care if fucking Heath Ledger's Joker popped in halfway through the movie and knocked some shit out of the park... nothing can save the X-Men but changing its absolutely goofy fucking premise.
Let's put it this way: if we're going to suspend our disbelief that far as to abide X-Men's fucked up "mutant genes" bullshit, then we should not whatsoever find it out of place if midway through the climactic battle, the movie breaks into a sweeping musical number performed by rapping anthropomorphized plants who are then exposed to be the whirl of subatomic particles constituting Professor X's next psionic act. That would not be any more of fucked up a WTF than you're already buying into with X-men as shot.
Here's the problem with X-Men.
Unlike the first-act expository hand-waving swiftly breezed over during most implausibly-powered super hero origin stories, where you either bite or eye-roll and then the rest of the movie (franchise)'s story finally goes somewhere ... in X-Men you have that dumb-ass wacky "mutant" thing crammed down your fucking throat the whole fucking time, and not just in hokey, faux-pithy dialog, not just in "WTF"-inducing scenes that shatter disbelief (so, wait: genes -- let us not forget -- give this guy that power? WOT?) -- no, its the plot's central fucking theme-complication ("mutants" vs. plebes).
I swear, its like they hoped that by bludgeoning you with "mutant" you'd finally just buy into it, but in the process only managed to pull off one giant fucking backfire of a premise.
So basically to fix X-Men, you have to make it not the X-Men anymore. Which stands to be a huge improvement.