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Thread: Everybody look busy, it's an ISFJ

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Ivy's Avatar
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    Default Everybody look busy, it's an ISFJ

    Hello! I was glad to find this forum as I am an ISFJ woman married to an INTP man (married 7 years, together 13). We just bought "Please Understand Me II" so we could.. well, understand each other better. We each knew the basics on our respective types, but we're learning so much about why we keep having the same issues (I wish he were more outward with his affection, he wishes I would shut the hell up about my feelings and crap). So, I'm eager to interact with other INTPs and I look forward to getting to know people here.

    Ivy

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    Paratrooper At Heart Array Nighthawk's Avatar
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    Welcome. I'm an INTP man who has been married to an ISFJ woman for 10 years. We've also been together for 13 years. Wouldn't trade her for the world. Having said that, Keirsey's work has helped us understand each other better and not push each other's hot buttons.

    Your "everybody look busy" intro made me laugh ... as it is exactly how my wife is. She loves it when I am busy doing something productive ... i.e. doing something 'S' rather than being on the computer.
    Nighthawk
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    75% I :: 80% N :: 75% T :: 42% P
    5 SP/SO/SX Variant

    Then gradually I began to intellectually reject some of the delusionally influenced lines of thinking which had been characteristic of my orientation. This began with the rejection of politically-oriented thinking as essentially a hopeless waste of intellectual effort.
    - John Nash

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    Senior Member Array Ivy's Avatar
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    Hello Nighthawk! So we're not the only oddly-matched couple around! Glad to hear it. Everything I've been reading seems to suggest that INTPs tend to hate the guts of ISFJs (i.e. Iganokami's Guide to the ISFJ Female, which bugged me). I really dig my INTP mate because there is absolutely no bullshit about him (can I say that here?) and I can count on everything that comes out of his mouth being 100% honest, sometimes abrasively so. And I TRY TRY TRY not to do the martyr thing. I think I manage it most of the time.

    What are some of those hot buttons you mentioned, Nighthawk?

    Ivy

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    Paratrooper At Heart Array Nighthawk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnglshIvy
    What are some of those hot buttons you mentioned, Nighthawk?
    Ivy
    Lets see. On Saturdays, I like to play before I do any work ... so she knows to leave me alone most of the day if I don't want to do anything but play. Also, I like to have one room in the house where I don't have my clutter messed with. That is my study. I respond by helping her with productive 'S' type work on Sundays ... and I try to keep the rest of the house reasonably clean and free of clutter. She freaks out when the house is a mess, so I help out there when I can. She knows that I withdraw (and can get nasty) when she pushes me too hard about J or S things.
    Nighthawk
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    75% I :: 80% N :: 75% T :: 42% P
    5 SP/SO/SX Variant

    Then gradually I began to intellectually reject some of the delusionally influenced lines of thinking which had been characteristic of my orientation. This began with the rejection of politically-oriented thinking as essentially a hopeless waste of intellectual effort.
    - John Nash

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    Member Array Trystorp's Avatar
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    I'm an INTP man married to an ESFJ woman for 9 years here. Very similar hot buttons. I leave books and papers around the house and forget they're there unless I need them. I try to keep the rest of the house uncluttered but have a refuge in the basement where I keep my library, computer, games, and am "permitted" to retreat there in the evenings when the kids have gone to bed. Being complete opposites (INTP to ESFJ) we do tend to complement each other well. I ground her and teach her to relax and she pulls me out of myself to interact with the rest of the world. I wouldn't trade her for anything!
    _______________________

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    I am Sofa King!!! Array kendoiwan's Avatar
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    Hello. Do I look busy enough?

    Good ole isfj's, I've had plenty of dealing with them, and although in the past I've sounded of about the negative, I must say as an intp that regarding isfj's once you understand where they're coming from (and therefore can see it coming) life can be good...
    "They the type of cats who pollute the whole shoreline, have it purified, then sell it, a $1.25."

  7. #7
    speculator Array sbw's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnglshIvy
    Hello Nighthawk! So we're not the only oddly-matched couple around! Glad to hear it. Everything I've been reading seems to suggest that INTPs tend to hate the guts of ISFJs (i.e. Iganokami's Guide to the ISFJ Female, which bugged me).
    no no, ivy--we hate ESFJ's. at least I do. one of my (platonic) female friends is an ISFJ, as is my mom. nice people both.

    Scott

  8. #8
    I am Sofa King!!! Array kendoiwan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbw
    no no, ivy--we hate ESFJ's. at least I do. one of my (platonic) female friends is an ISFJ, as is my mom. nice people both.

    Scott

    *hiss* esfj's *break out the the holy water* especially male esfj's...
    "They the type of cats who pollute the whole shoreline, have it purified, then sell it, a $1.25."

  9. #9
    Paratrooper At Heart Array Nighthawk's Avatar
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    ESTPs and ESFPs have been the bane of my existance. They have literally cost me tens of thousands of dollars throught their deceit, irresponsibility, and what's-your's-is-mine attitude ... not to mention years of turbulence and heart ache. My ex-wife is an ESFP and my daughter is an ESTP. Both brought me to the brink of financial ruin through forgery, fraud, stealing, and other nefarious activities. I am not on speaking terms with the former, and the latter is not allowed in my house anymore. The bastard who molested me as a child is an ESTP. I did have the pleasure of beating the holy crap out of him years later. I realize that not all SP's are like this, but I am very guarded around them until I get to know what they are like. Generally speaking, I'll take an SJ over an SP any day. Having said all this, ESTJ's and ESFJ's still usually annoy the hell out of me.
    Nighthawk
    -------------------------------------
    75% I :: 80% N :: 75% T :: 42% P
    5 SP/SO/SX Variant

    Then gradually I began to intellectually reject some of the delusionally influenced lines of thinking which had been characteristic of my orientation. This began with the rejection of politically-oriented thinking as essentially a hopeless waste of intellectual effort.
    - John Nash

  10. #10
    INTP Convert 2/2011 Array eyebyte_atWork's Avatar
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    Wow - had not realized that ESFJ's had such a bad rap. Although I was married to one and can see why. It's like raising a piranha. They are nice at first but tend to lean towards materialism and keeping up with the Jones '. When things go south they are all too good at rallying people and things against you. I thought I was the only one who had this bad taste in my mouth (so to speak).

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